Food Jokes
General Jokes - Part 1
Why do the French like to eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food!
Why shouldn’t you buy exploding alphabetti spaghetti?
If it goes off it could spell disaster!
Why shouldn’t you tell an egg a joke?
Because it might crack up!
What is green and sings?
Elvis Parsley!
How do you make a walnut laugh?
Crack it up!
What Italian food do ghosts eat?
Pasta a-fraid-o!
What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs!
What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships!
What did the mayonnaise say when someone opened the refrigerator?
Close the door, I’m dressing!
Where do tough chickens come from?
Hard-boiled eggs!
Cheese
What’s the best cheese to hide a horse?
Mascarpone!
What’s orange and doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses?
R’n’Brie
What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?
Halloumi.
What’s a Pirate’s favourite cheese?
Chedd-Arrrrrrr!
What cheese do you use to lure a bear down a mountain?
Camembert!
How do you approach an angry welsh cheese?
Caerphilly!
What hotel do mice stay in?
The Stilton
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?
All that was left was de brie.
A child threw a block of mild cheese through my window today.
I ran after him and shouted “Well that’s not very mature...”
Fruit & Veg - Part 1
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
Why didn’t the fig go to the prom?
He couldn’t get a date!
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well!
What are twins’ favorite fruit?
Pears!
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make?
Slippers!
What is square and green?
A lemon in disguise!
How do you make an artichoke?
Strangle it!
What’s the fastest vegetable?
A runner bean!
What is small, round and giggles a lot?
A tickled onion!
What’s the strongest vegetable?
A muscle sprout!
Waiter, Waiter!
Waiter, waiter! What’s this fly doing in my soup?
I think it’s the backstroke, sir!
Waiter, waiter! This chicken only has one leg.
Perhaps its been in a fight, sir.
In that case bring me the winner!
Waiter, waiter! There’s a twig in my soup.
Hold on sir, I’ll get the branch manager!
Waiter, waiter! This egg is bad.
It’s not my fault sir, I only laid the table!
Waiter, waiter! I can’t eat this terrible food.
Well it’s no good complaining to me - I won’t eat it either!
Waiter, Waiter! There’s no chicken in the chicken soup.
That’s alright, sir. There’s no horse in the horseradish either!
Waiter, waiter, This coffee tastes like mud!
I’m not surprised sir, it was ground this morning!
Waiter, Waiter! This fish is very rude.
Yes sir, it doesn’t know its plaice.
Waiter, Waiter, do you serve lobster?
Bring him in sir, we’re not fussy who we serve here!
Waiter, Waiter there’s a crocodile in my soup.
Well sir, you told me to make it snappy!
Snacks and Suchlike
Why did the biscuit cry?
Because his dad been a wafer so long!
Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter?
I’m not telling you. You might spread it!
What do you call candy that was stolen?
Hot chocolate!
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop?
What did the nut say when it sneezed?
Cashew!
Why was the cucumber mad?
Because it was in a pickle!
Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
She was bored with the hole business!
What’s a pilot’s favourite crisp flavour?
Plane!
What’s a frog’s favourite crisp?
Croaky bacon!
Two peanuts walk into a really rough bar. Unfortunately, one was a salted!
The Worst Jokes
Where does the lettuce go to have a few drinks?
The salad bar!
Why did the orange stop running?
It ran out of juice!
Jack asked Jimmy “If you have four onions and I ask you for one, how many do you have left?”
Jimmy said “If it’s you that asked, four!”
What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me!
Knock knock... Who’s there... Turnip... Turnip who?
Turnip for school on time or you’ll be expelled!
Why couldn’t the toadstool fit in the pie?
Because there wasn’t mush room!
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers!
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple!
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Footprints in the cheesecake!
What is green and goes to a summer camp?
A Brussels scout!
General Jokes - Part 2
What does Doctor Who eat with his pizza?
Dalek bread!
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
Where do burgers like to dance?
At a meat ball!
What did the hungry computer eat?
Chips, one byte at a time!
What do you give to a sick lemon?
Lemon aid!
What’s the worst thing you’re likely to find in the school cafeteria?
The food!
What day do potatoes hate the most?
Fry-day!
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Straw-berries!
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta way!
Desserts and Drinks
What do you call someone with jelly in one ear and custard in the other?
A trifle deaf!
How do you make an apple turnover?
Push it down a hill!
What’s the fastest cake in the world?
Scone!
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake!
What is an elf’s favorite kind of treat?
Shortcake!
In which school do you learn to make ice cream?
Sundae School!
How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
In floats!
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little whine!
How do you make a milk shake?
Give it a good scare!
What do you get when you cross a frog and a ice lolly?
A hopsicle!
Fruit & Veg - Part 2
Why were the apple and the orange all alone?
Because the banana split!
Where do baby gorillas sleep?
Ape-ricots!
What key do you use to open a banana?
A monkey!
Why did the people dance to the vegetable band?
Because it had a good beet!
How did the farmer fix his jeans?
With a cabbage patch!
What vegetable might you find in your basement?
Cellar-y!
What does corn get when you leave it in the barn too long?
Cob-webs!
Which vegetable can’t you take on a boat?
Leeks!
What did the salad say to the dressing?
Lettuce be friends!
Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
He couldn’t concentrate!
The Best Jokes
What did the angry customer at the Italian restaurant give the chef?
A pizza of his mind!
What can you make from onions and baked beans?
Tear gas!
How do you make a gold soup?
Add twenty-four carrots!
Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a cucumber in my ear, an apple up my nose and a parsnip in my armpit.
You need to eat more sensibly!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
What vegetables do librarians like?
Quiet peas!
What did a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
Why was the mushroom invited to the party?
Because he’s a fun-guy!
What is small, red and whispers?
A hoarse radish!
A man was drowned eating his muesli the other day. He was pulled in by a strong currant!