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KHYLA
After climbing two dark and narrow stairs, we walk a long corridor with a green carpet completely covering the parquet floor. We finally reach our bedroom where we find a tray on the pavement outside the door, with some sandwiches, a bottle of beer and a Fanta on it.
«Wow! What a service! » I say with an ironic smile.
«Don’t complain. Have you seen what carefulness they used? No beer for you. You’re pregnant. »
Matthew bents to pick up the tray while I open the door. Getting into hell would have been less impressive. The carpet on the floor, once light blue, was now nearly black with a lot of spots of different kinds. The bedroom is very small. Just enough for a bed with cotton well-aged sheets and a small table with a lamp on it, on the left, plus a one-door wardrobe on the right. I see the bathroom’s door and open it, taking a big breath of satisfaction. I was expecting to find a small bath tub where I would have to curl up to refresh me, instead there is a beautiful and comfortable shower. They probably started renovating the motel from baths and then they runned out of money.
My belly is moaning, so I remember that I have another priority before washing, and I walk toward the bed where Matthew already began to eat a sandwich. He took off the lentils and turned to be the ice-eyed man. I would do anything to have him looking always and only at me. I take an hot dog and eat it voraciously. He recovers from the dullness he was fallen in due to fatigue and tension, and starts mocking at me.
«It seems you haven’t eaten for a week...»
«Of course, Carl. I’m pregnant. I have to eat for two; otherwise Clarissa will be kicking the whole night. »
We both laugh and I couldn’t be happier. He approaches and slightly touches the foam rubber filling, pretending to be an attentive father caressing the coming baby.
«Would you like to become a mother, Khyla? »
«Why not? The problem is that I have to find somebody to do it with. True love is not for one night and go. This is why I take pills since I was sixteen. I certainly don’t want to grow up a baby all by myself. »
He moves his hand aside and I take it to bring it to my lips.
«What are you thinking about, Matthew? Is there something worrying you? »
«I’m thinking that because of thoughtlessness I’ve lost everything. Freedom, love and my son. »
«Do you know anything about him? »
I’m just a masochist! This need to know is leading me to investigate about issues too much thorny for my heart. Him, the man that I love with all my strength, not only doesn’t return my feelings and pour them in another woman, but he also has a son with Tracy. A perpetual bond that nothing could scratch away.
Matthew answers solicitous.
«No, I didn’t know that she was pregnant, before the trial. During the first year in jail I always begged the lawyer to have news about Tracy and the baby, but he never answered. Maybe I didn’t deserve any consolation. Everybody thinks that I’m a bastard pedophile, a man without God and without dignity. »
«Who do you think you are, instead? » I ask knowing that in my heart I already have the answer. Whatever sin he has committed in the past, I have forgiven him long time ago.
«I don’t know. I’ve always been calm, the first of the class. I grew up in Compton between gangs of thugs, but I never mixed up with criminals. My father was my role model and Bart was my only friend. »
«What did your father do? »
«He was a policeman. He was killed by two criminals he was trying to stop from doing a robbery. I was only fourteen. »
«I’m sorry...» I whisper. It’s not easy to say the right words in the case of such a tragedy.
He continues to tell his story. «My mother was destroyed. She was falling in a great depression form and I didn’t know how to help her. Then she luckily found a work as a secretary in George’s office. He’s Tracy’s father. He had just divorced and needed help in his Los Angeles office. At first they hated each other, and then hate turned to be respect and respect to love. After two years George asked her to marry him and she accepted. We moved to Bel Air and there I met Tracy. She was only a little girl, then. She was ten. A pretty little girl with curled blond hair, heart shaped mouth and an incredible grace. She seemed dancing every step. I loved her since the first time I saw her. As a brother in the beginning, but when she became a young woman I started thinking about her with desire and passion. Yet I’m not a criminal. I ensure you that I would have never touched her if the feeling wasn’t mutual. To tell you the truth it was she who kissed me first, one night our parents went to theatre. It was she who, despite my feeble protests, reclaimed my daring caresses. We loved each other, Khyla, even though everything was against us. »
“Like Romeo and Juliet...” I think remembering he had a copy of the book in jail. If I think again about my stupidity when he gave me the book... I thought it represented a love declaration; instead his heart is completely in Tracy’s hands.
Now that Matthew wants to talk about himself, I could ask him other questions that are buzzing in my mind since I met him. But I don’t want to break his defence. And above that, I’m really tired... I should stop investigating his past, the more I know, the more I get corroded with jealousy.
He’s got the head in his hands. I kiss him on the cheek and go to the bathroom. I take off wig, lentils and foam rubber fillings. I look at my image in the mirror so I can look at me as I really am. So why do I feel more empty than before? The truth is that I’m not allowed to forget that he isn’t mine and never will be. After all these years and all that he had to overcome, he still lives in his past and has no intention to build a future with me. Maybe water can help to rinse away the pain.
As soon as the water reaches the right temperature, I get in the shower. I’m feeling oppressed by delusion and sadness. I let the drops to mix with the tears in a silent cry without sobbing. Then I perceive a shadow. Is it the police? Very frightened I’m about to turn, when I’m embraced by strong arms and an erection is pressing my back.
Matthew... I could recognize his smell between a thousand... the soft lips leaves little trails of saliva along the neck. I lean against the shower’s wall and he covers my body with his hands. I should stop all this, push him away once and for all, but to each caress I feel I’m giving in and slide slowly into a gulf of pleasure that I know for sure will only bring me some more pain.
He teases the nipples; he bent down and leans his head on my back while his fingers enter alternatively in the anus or in the vulva. I keep my breath, trying to draw the attention from the things he’s doing to me. I shouldn’t allow him to enchant me. I’ve just heard the love proclamations he has for Tracy. I’m not his woman. I’m only his accomplice. Yet I can’t help doing it... My resistance is zero, annihilated by this little attention he is paying to me. I silent my conscience telling me: “Well? What’s wrong in having this, at least?”
I turn the water off, holding him by the chin, I pull him up then I start kissing his mouth with the determined look of those who want to take control of the game. With a finger a push him backward. He immediately enters in the part, adapting to my will. Fells on the bed leaving on the coverlet the damp trace of his body. I kiss his organ looking at him and noticing him spasming with pleasure because of my lusciuous attacks. I play with mouth and hand to make him reach the pinnacle of desire.
Then, as soon as I realize I have him in the fist, I cross his body with my leg and begin to slide slowly. As I feel our humors mixing together I arch my back caught by a wave of passion. I’d like to let myself go and reach the burning point together, but this wouldn’t be right. I want to enjoy this intercourse slowly. It’s the first time since I know Matthew that I can last longer without fear to be caught. The door is locked and no one is suspecting about us. The police is expecting us to expatriate in Mexico. They can’t imagine that we are a few kilometers away from San Francisco. So I slide little by little while he stays still with eyes closed and short breath. The more I push down, the more our moans become louder. Even though I don’t want to burn too fast, we’re almost coming. At this point he stops and turns both me and the situation, so that now is my long hair to be spread over the cover. He firmly enters into my body and penetrates me several times, untill I reach the peak. I would like to stop and cuddle him, but he goes over my orgasm and takes me again and again, untill he calms down and falls asleep on my breast.
Before closing my eyes, I think that I did well following him in his mad plan. Because only when I’m with him I feel unique and special. I know I’m crazy, but I’d give my life to feel the weight of his head on me.
