| |
KHYLA
«Hello, how are you?» asks Alan with high-pitched voice. At the sound of his voice I pull down the big plastic length of cloth.
«It’s all... right... John is really better. The surgical points you’ve stitched on, have already been absorbed. There is just one to be removed. Can you give it a look?»
«Look, you know that there’s no problem to me. But I think your brother can’t even been touched without sedation. And I didn’t bring it today.» he says giggling.
I barely smile and go toward the wood stack with a jute bag that I begin to fill. He approaches proposing to help.
«No, thank you. I can do it by myself.»
Alan raises the sack, saying: «Maybe you didn’t understand. I have to help you. I had John’s permission to reach you here in the woodshed just because of this. If I enter the house without the wood, he could shoot me down.»
«Very well, then» I respond, amused by his worried tone. «But, if that of helping me is just an excuse you invented, I would like to know the real reason you are here for.»
«Well, to say the truth, the real reason is that...» he says hesitant, «...I wish you had dinner with me tonight.» he says in just one breath. «The storm is over and I would like to show you the clinic.»
I stay astonished for a few seconds, then start to keep thoughts moving in my brain. Should I accept or not, his invitation? I have to decide quickly, considering the sudden blush of his face. If I offend him, I would never forgive myself. On one hand I know it’s a risk. Even though I deny the evidence when I talk to Matthew, it’s obvious that Alan likes me. If I gave him the opportunity to show me his feelings, I might not be able to handle his reaction as a result of my rejection. On the other hand it picks at me the idea of provoking Matthew. At this point, I need to know. Perhaps, taking not for granted my feelings, I will understand once and for all what he’s feeling for me.
«Ok, I’ll come.»
He looks at me full of joy and wonder.
«I’ll see you tonight, then. Is it ok at seven?»
«Yes, that’s perfect.»
Alan puts on his shoulder the sack of wood. As soon as he gets out of the woodshed, I raise the length of cloth and control once more. I could have expected anything but this. It’s good for us. It could be useful now that the storm is over.
I open wide the door and while I’m getting in, Alan repeats our date. I smile, but can’t help but look at Matthew, so I can suddenly perceive an unexpected tension. He and Alan are looking at each other very badly. I don’t understand why Matthew keeps on hating Alan so much. He really looks like a possessive brother. And he doesn’t have any reason to be like that. I know that Alan feels a strong simpathy for me, but he shows it very kindly and with a sweet smile. I admit that I like to spend some time with him, he is really handsome and reassurant. But Matthew should know that I only have eyes for him. If Alan is fresh water on my wounds, Matthew is the fire that burns and blows inside me. If Alan is the dawn that lighten the eyes and the heart with gentle tones, Matthew is the darkness of the night in which I would like to drown. Can’t he understand how much I love him? Can’t he distinguish between the friendship I feel for Alan from the erupting passion that he provokes in me?
Matthew and I are alone, now. I would like to tell him what I discovered, but his gaze is dull and he closed himself in a silence difficult to break.
I move nervously through the house to clean up. I adjust the bed, sweep the floor and dust the furniture. While I’m doing all this he sits looking at me.
It disturbs me a lot to be controlled like this, so I finally burst out: «What are you looking me like that for. Find yourself something to do. Maybe you can read a book. There are two shelves full of them.»
He gets up and goes to the library starting to leaf through the first book, pretending to do as I said, but actually his attention is still concentrated on me.
«Matthew, what’s the matter with you? You look so angry...» I say nervously.
«Why are you asking me? Tonight you’ll go to dinner with Alan.»
«And so what? What’s the problem? Since we are here, he often stopped to have lunch or breakfast with us.»
Matthew throws the book on the bed and slowly joins me.
«This is not the problem.» he says. «The fact is that I don’t want you to stay alone with him. You don’t know what could happen to you.»
I laugh and my laugh has the bitter taste of this one-way love, he only feels possession and consequent jealousy for me.
«You’re a fool. Do you really think that I’d give up to dinner with Alan because you’re asking me?»
«It usually works like that, when two persons experience what we are experiencing.»
«Are you talking about bed experiences? Because, if it’s not already clear to you, fucking as if there was no future doesn’t give the right to any privilege, when it’s not accompanied by feelings. And you, my dear Matthew, told me in all languages that you just consider me a plaything. So, in these terms, you haven’t got the right to tell me what I can or can’t do.»
He tries to grab my arm.
«Khyla, please, don’t go. I just want to protect you from people that could be dangerous. I would never forgive me, if something bad happened to you.»
I move my arm away not to be touched, and then say: «Believe me, now it’s too late. The worst knowledge I could have done, was in jail, some months ago. No one will be able to break my heart as you did. »
Hearing determination in my words, Matthew stops trying. He goes back to take the book and starts reading it silently, without looking at me anymore. I decide to repay him with the same coin. I refuse to have lunch with him. I open a can of tuna while continuing to clean the house compulsively. Dusting a piece of furniture, I find a DVD in a drawer. A romantic comedy of the Nineties. In the afternoon, while Matthew is pretending to sleep, I put the DVD in the reader and sit to look at the film with eyes full with tears and broken heart. Fortunately Matthew is concentrated in showing me that he’s offended, to realize that my hysterical laughter is, in fact, masked sobs.
When the movie ends, I get ready to go to Alan.
«Bye, Matthew. I’m going. When you’ll be hungry, remember that there’s still some soup in the fridge.»
He doesn’t answer and, after getting well bundled, I leave home slamming the door with all my strength. Now that fresh air is coming to my face, I’m feeling better. Maybe I just need a bit of normality and I believe that Alan, with his natural cheer, is the right person to resume my lost serenity.
FRED
I’m looking at the Yosemite Park by the webcam and with a great joy I realize that the storm is ending over. So, finally, will be over also the media torture that is grinding my balls.
I don’t know how, but instead of looking as the two pervert that avoided the justice to make their own pleasure, the public opinion transformed Matthew and Khyla in victims of a wrong justice system.
Damned media... Don’t they understand that I’m the good and they’re the evil? Or, better to say, they were evil, because now it’s clear that, after all these days, they became food for wild animals.
I’m looking forward to pull them out of their snow-tomb. As soon as we have found their bodies, Raven and I, will have just to undergo the utmost clutter of journalist. Then they will soon forget us and we can return to our old lives. That’s why I contacted the best specialized policemen. I also alerted the canine units, hoping that dogs can smell their corps immediately. The sooner we find them, the better it is.
While on front of a mirror I’m training to show the best contrite face to communicate their untimely death, Raven touches my shoulder and tells me that voice contact it’s been restored.
«Good» I comment satisfied. I go to the radio, put on the headphones and start to communicate.
«Am I talking to Doctor Greenwater? Oh... Ok. I’ll call you Alan.»
