| |
KHYLA
I’m following Tracy from a certain distance. I could run and let her find me sitting on the park bench near Matthew, so to show her that now he has me and doesn’t feel anything for her. But if I did it, there would be too many questions. I must start from a certainty. He must really understand who, among the two of us, is more important to him.
She walks fast toward the park to meet Matthew. Following her I notice a big slide at the playground, behind which I could hide to observe without being seen. I go there and look at the bench, but it’s empty. Where is he? Even Tracy looks around desperately, perhaps she is thinking to be the victim of a bad joke. Then he comes out from the playground and she runs to embrace him affectionately, perhaps too much for my heart sick with love. It hurts me to see them so tight, but I don’t have the strength to go away right now. I know that in this moment I’m masochist. Witnessing them embraced causes me an inner tsunami that cracks me, but I must be strong and listen to their conversation. I have the right to know about my future.
«Matthew, I can’t believe you’re here! I thought you were dead!» she says embracing him.
At first he stays still, then, after a moment of shock, embraces her back and bent to kiss her golden hair.
«Come on, let’s sit on the bench and tell me everything. I was informed by the media about your escaping and I was afraid. I knew you were coming here, my father told me, but I didn’t know if you ever succeeded in your intent. I dreamed day and night the moment I would have re-embraced you. But that snow slide frightened me so much!»
«I’m sorry you did worry about me. There have been a number of mishaps, but now I’m here with you.»
I imagine he continues saying “I’m not going to leave you anymore.”, instead he doesn’t and I still allow myself to hope.
They squeeze their hands and looks in each other’s eyes. I’ve never seen Matthew so tender, since I know him.
«I want to tell you, Tracy, that I didn’t intent to shoot your father. The gun was empty.»
«Yes, I know you’re a good guy. You just wouldn’t be able to hurt a fly. You couldn’t even imagine how I felt knowing that you were in jail because of me. I did everything to explain to my father that I wanted to defend you, but he objected that I was too young to understand, that you raped me, made me pregnant and ruined my life.»
«I know what he thought and still thinks, he reaffirmed it to me in San Francisco» He answers melancholically. «What I’m really sorry for, is that because of him I left you alone just in the time of need. We’ve been naïve, this is for sure. We didn’t think about the consequences. And now, of what we have been, nothing left. Your father told me that our son is born dead. It should have been very difficult for you to finish pregnancy this way.»
Tracy stands up and start crying with anger: «What did he say? What a coward!»
Matthew embraces her, trying to calm her down. While she’s crying, he caresses her saying that it’s all right. With me he has never been so tender and protective. It’s clear that I deceived myself.
«My father told you a colossal lie. Our son isn’t dead.»
«Really? I would really like to meet him» Matthew exclaims hopefully.
«I can’t help you. He forced me to put him into adoption soon after birth. I didn’t want, those few hours we spent together had made me so happy. He looked like you very much! I also think he had grey eyes like yours. I know it’s difficult to distinguish the color just after birth, but I saw the same light.»
«So he’s alive but doesn’t live with you. Do you know where he lives?»
«No, my father was wise then I expected. He managed to give him away and there was nothing that I could do to get informations about. He took advantage on the fact that, after Mattie’s birth, I was ill because of a bad infection. When I recovered, he was already far away, with a new family.»
«Did you call him Mattie?»
«Yes, I wanted a name that could remember, at least in the sound, his father’s. I intended to give him a sign explaining that you wasn’t there not because you didn’t want to, but because you couldn’t. I wanted to take care of him alone, while waiting for you to come back, instead the events prevented me from playing my role as a mother.»
My eyes are full of tears so that I can’t look clearly. I’m so pained that I can’t focus my eyesight. Matthew and Tracy are hugging, their heads are very close. They are probably kissing, in the attempt to recover the lost time.
And what about me? I’m an intrusion. I collapse onto the ground, trying to hold back the sobs not to be heard by the two lovers. All right, they found themselves and won’t leave anymore. But what about me? I’m so desperate, that I get up and start running. With the tears that blind my eyes it’s difficult to avoid obstacles, yet I manage to get out from the park and go on the street. Matthew chose Tracy and I don’t know yet what to do with my life without him.
––––––––
MATTHEW
Tracy is in my arms. It was years, since the police separated me from her, that I wanted our happy ending. I’m finally here, with her touching my rough cheek with her soft pink skin, almost porcelain. In the end I miss nothing. She’s here by my side, my son isn’t dead. It could be enough to ask her to follow me and maybe, one step at a time, we would be able to pick up the pieces of our story and to recompose them in a perfect picture. But why am I so troubled? Why can’t I enjoy this oasis of normality?
«Matthew, is everything all right?» she asks, getting away from me.
«Yes» I say blethering, but actually I know that it’s a barren answer, without meaning. To be with her doesn’t mean the serenity that I always dreamed.
«As if I didn’t know you... I can see it by the way you move or speak. You are here with your body, but your mind is somewhere else. I want to know the truth, Matthew.»
I try to hide my anxiety showing a sureness that I don’t feel.
«There’s nothing to know. I’m here to ask you to run away with me. We’ll look for Mattie and then...»
Tracy sigh and takes a few steps away.
«And then what? Will we go to another nation and become a perfect family? Is this your proposal?»
«Obviously. I came to Hawthorne because of this. Why? Isn’t that what you want too?»
«Listen, I like your plan, considering that I love you as and more I did then. I lived the last three years remembering you as beautiful and sensitive, that used to embrace me with love and desire. Why are you offering me this opportunity? Why do you want to hurt yourself again? Do you know what I learnt during our separation? That even when we want that everything stays as it is, life force us to grow up, so, at a certain point, you begin to see reality with different eyes. When I was fifteen I could never imagine that you could love another woman in the future. But now that I’m a woman, it is evident that I could never make you happy. It is my fault if you were unjustly imprisoned.. If I accepted to escape with you, every minute spent together would bring us back to our drama of the past. We would live in the nightmare of losing our son. This is why you should go on without me.»
I look stunned at her, as if it was impossible that I really heard those words.
«You are speaking as if my opinion wasn’t important.»
«It isn’t true. The fact is that I know you very well. I can see it by the way you look at me, that something changed. Yes, you probably still feel very affectionate to me, but nothing more. I can’t escape with a person that doesn’t love me as I’d like to be loved.»
«Do you realize what you are saying? I loved you for years. Closed in jail, I didn’t lose myself just because I hoped to meet you again, sooner or later. I hoped to start where we were interrupted.» I say, but without conviction.
«Exactly, you did love me. But now? If you really love me, say that looking in my eyes, and I’ll believe you»
My head remains bent, I’m watching my shoes.
«You see? You’ve always been sincere. I know that you’d do what is right, nevertheless I’m not going to ask you for this sacrifice. We really loved each other and, in the name of our son, we’ll be linked for the rest of our lives, but it doesn’t make sense to stay anchored in the past.»
«So, according to you, what should I do?»
«Don’t ask to me. Ask to Khyla, hoping it’s not too late.»
«How do you know about Khyla?» I ask astonished.
«Everybody knows about you two. Did you think the media stayed with their arms folded? They didn’t reach me just because my father defended my privacy with all his strength. The journalists checked your life in all details. During your flight, they interviewed a lot of people. They all said that you seemed in love. So I understood that you weren’t pretending. Today I saw her and I must admit that I like her. A clever girl. The idea of giving me an appointment here writing it on a flyer it’s been genial. And until a few minute ago I could observe her expression while we were talking. She was hiding behind the slide at your shoulder.»
«Was Khyla really here?»
«Yes, she looked at the scene and ran away when she saw us embracing. If I was you, I would run to look for her.»
I’m beginning to tremble anxiously. She ran away, maybe misunderstanding my feelings. What if I couldn’t find her? What if she climbed on someone car and was far from Hawthorne, who knows where? I was just a crap. To chase the dream of the past, I lost the only woman who really matters to me. I admit that talking to Tracy helped me to open my eyes once and for all. I love Khyla! I want to stay with her, to get asleep in her arms and wake up with her hair on my face. What am I doing here, blocked by fear?
Tracy seems to read in my mind. She touches my shoulder and whispers: «What are you doing here? Go to look for her!»
«And what are you going to do?»
«Don’t worry about me. You can’t take other’s problem and try to solve them. You must take care of yourself. Now that we both have put a point in our story, I think I can manage. There’s a guy who has been courting me for some time, but I always refused because of the respect I owe you. I just think I’m going to give him an opportunity, now. I have the right to live my fairy tale. And now move on. I can’t stop you now that you find your freedom in Khyla’s eyes.»
Hearing these words, I feel reassured. I kiss her cheek and run away from the park, in search of the woman I love.
