CHAPTER TWENTY

Stuck Pig

 

THE TOYOTA HISSES. Above it, a whisper of steam from under the hood. Below it, a spreading pool of neon green—like the blood spilled from a gut-shot alien.

Alison sobs.

She had just passed Dayton, Ohio, headed toward the Indiana border, when all this happened. The car overheated. Needle into the red. All the vehicle warning lights going off at once—moments later, the engine started to gutter. And now, here she sits. The Toyota just a lump of dead metal on the side of the highway.

So, she cries.

A hard, heavy cry, like rain on a metal roof, like hail against the side of a house. She misses her son. She feels the hole in her mind. Everything seems impossible and out of control—a windmill spinning faster and faster until the slats and blades start to squeak and complain and break off, falling toward the earth. Her hands grip the wheel. Her forehead presses against her knuckles.

She hits the dashboard with the heel of her hand. Once, twice, thrice. A tiny childish hope inside her that she, like the Fonz, has the ability to make things work just by hitting them. It used to work on Nintendos and VCRs.

It does not work on the Toyota.

She keeps crying.

Eventually, the sobbing tapers. The tears dry up. She blows her nose.

Then she calls Triple-A.

 

 

THE MECHANIC LEANS over the desk. The minty tobacco stink of chaw rises up off him, mixes with his cheap cologne, does little to settle Alison’s already agitated stomach.

“Distributor’s busted,” he says.

She knows that. The other mechanic two hours ago said as much.

“How long?” she asks.

“That’s the thing. We don’t carry the part.”

“It’s not an uncommon car.”

“No, but it is four years old and that part...” He licks along the inside of his gums. “It breaks a lot.”

“So you should have ordered a lot.”

“Lady, we did,” he says, starting to look irritated. “But the part’s back-ordered. That’s not us, you understand. That’s them. The manufacturer.”

“Fine.” It’s not fine. “How long?”

“A day. Maybe two. We checked with the local dealers, with a couple other garages and—no go. But we got a guy out in Scottsdale who has the part, so he’ll send it up. Just depends on if UPS plays nice or not, getting it here.”

“Arizona? That’ll take…” Forever. “I can’t be here. I have somewhere to be.” Somewhere insane. Somewhere that doesn’t make any sense. An address in the middle of Kansas.

“Well, you’re not getting there in your car. Not today, at least.” He looks out the window, points. “There’s a Red Roof Inn across the highway. I can have one of my guys drive you over there.”

“But...” Her voice trails off. She doesn’t have the energy for it. “Fine. That’ll be fine.” Suddenly she remembers her manners. “Thank you.”

 

 

THE RED ROOF Inn. Night. The room is loud. Ice maker in the hallway humming. The susurration of traffic from the highway nearby. Through the wall, a couple yelling at one another, then screwing hard against the wall, then yelling at one another again.

Doesn’t matter. Alison can’t sleep. Doesn’t even bother trying.

She paces the room like an agitated zoo panther.

This is all a mistake.

She should be back at the hospital. With her son. Everything that happened has been a delusion. Alison is sure of that, now. She’s suffered a... what’s it called? A psychotic break. A couple days where she and reality are broken apart like a boat drifting away from the dock, but now she’s feeling like it’s time to drop anchor, throw rope, go back to shore.

What was she thinking? Out here on this crazy trip. Following the words of... some tiny little madman? Probably some homeless guy, wandering in off the street. Spins for her a tale and shoves an address in her hand...

She pulls the address out again. Just to see if it’s real.

It’s real. The paper slip crinkled. The edges sharp enough to cut.

The address: 5456 E. Atlas. Russell, Kansas. No zipcode.

The GPS knew where to take her. Twenty-some hour trip west.

Until the car died. Until the part was back-ordered. Until here: the motel. Or hotel. Or whatever it is that marks the difference between the two.

She picks up the remote control, thinks to turn it on, doesn’t. Tosses it back on the pillow, where it kicks up dust. Wonderful. Another good reason not to sleep.

“I need a cigarette,” she says to nobody.

Hasn’t smoked since before Barney was born.

Hasn’t been away from Barney since then, either.

Her heart twists in her chest like a fish on the line.

 

 

CIGARETTE MACHINE. SHE didn’t even know they still had those, but they do, at least here at the Red Roof Inn just outside Dayton, Ohio. She puts her money in—so much money, smoking is more expensive now than ever—and a pack of Parliaments drops into the tray with a clunk and a bang.

She taps the pack against the heel of her hand.

Pulls a cigarette out with trembling fingers.

In between her lips. The taste—old, familiar, shameful, wonderful.

She pats her pockets, an old habit that will now go unfulfilled.

Lighter. She doesn’t have a lighter.

Hasn’t carried a lighter in years.

Crap crap crap.

And it’s again that the seawall that protects her crumbles down and she thinks to turn around, sit on the curb, and cry. Because she’s spent up. Run ragged. E for Empty.

But then a hand taps her gently on the shoulder.

She turns, and finds that the hand is holding a Zippo lighter.

And the hand is attached to a tall, lanky man. Dusky skinned. Latino, maybe, or Native American. Long dark hair pulled back in a pony tail. Nose like a falcon’s beak.

The thumb strikes a flame.

Hesitantly, Alison lets him light the cigarette. Her lungs fill with nicotine. Smoothest poison on the planet. It brings a sudden bloom of clarity as the stress retreats once more out to sea.

“You look like you needed that,” he says. Mouth a flat line, but eyes smiling.

“I did. I do.” Again, her manners. “Thank you.”

“A pleasure. You traveling?”

“No. Well. Yes, in the sense that we’re all traveling. But right now... stuck here.”

“We all get stuck sometimes.”

“I guess. Doesn’t make it any less frustrating.”

He leans back against a post. Pulls out his own smoke—a small cigarillo. Swisher Sweets, cherry-tip. Fire at the end, a plume of pungent, scented smoke as he takes it in, puffs it out. Watching her like a fox the whole time.

“Where you headed?” he asks.

She thinks, where I was headed and where I am headed aren’t necessarily the same thing. And so her answer is: “Home. Pennsylvania. Philly-area.”

“Thought you might’ve been heading West.”

A grin tugs at the corners of his mouth.

“Why?”

“You just have that look. The West has power the East does not. It has a... gravity. That’s why men and women have been compelled to go that direction. They begin in the East and move to the West. You can see it in the sun—the way it’s pulled across the sky, born in the East, dragged to the West, until it slides behind the horizon and”—he blows a trio of smoke rings—“then it’s gone. Light to dark. Life and death. East to West. You looked like someone making that trip.”

She takes another drag. Then a step back. The little hairs on her arms and neck tingle and stand. “Thanks for the light. I better be going.”

“To Philadelphia.”

“To my room. I’m stuck.”

“You don’t have to be stuck.”

She takes another step backward.

Just as he takes a step forward.

“I don’t... know...”

He pulls a key fob from his shirt pocket, jangles the keys. “I’ve a horse to ride just over there.” She doesn’t know what he means—a horse?—but then she sees a cherry-red Mustang at the end of the row. “If you’re up for the trip.”

“I don’t know you.”

“What does that matter? I don’t know you either. Nobody knows anybody.” He laughs around the little cigar. “We barely even know ourselves.”

“I have things in my room.”

“You have your purse here.”

“I have luggage.”

“Luggage is just baggage. I say we get rid of all baggage.”

Another drag. Each puff keeping her from freaking out and bolting like a spooked nag. “I have maps.”

“We don’t need maps. I know where we’re going.”

She swallows. “Do you?”

“We’re going to Kansas.”

That’s it. Done. No way. She hears herself gasp, and before he can say anything else, she’s turning tail, flicking the cigarette to the ground, and hurrying away. Back toward the lobby entrance, hand fishing around her pocket for the room key—

The doors ahead of her open. Double doors. Automatic.

And the man with the cigarillo steps out of them.

He was behind her.

Now he’s ahead of her.

Again he dangles the keys.

“Last chance. I’m told you need a ride.”

She folds her arms in a defensive posture. Feeling suddenly cold, too.

He continues: “Life is a series of choices, Alison. We don’t change our lives by making safe choices; we change our lives by making the crazy choices. By taking risks. By throwing ourselves off cliffs. Learn to love the fall. Fall with me. Drive with me. To Kansas. If not for you, then for your son.”

His hand jerks. The keys fling toward her and she catches them in her cupped hands—her palms sting from the hit.

Again he tilts his head toward the parking lot. “I’ll let you drive. Let’s go.”

Alison makes her choice.

Her teeth bite the inside of her cheek as she follows after the man, wreathed in serpents of cherry-touched cigar smoke.