sixteen

“After our ziplining adventure, we plan to stop at a roadside café for lunch before heading back to the cabins.” Exulting in our fourth straight day of brilliant sunshine and temps in the seventies, Etienne made his announcement as we pulled onto the road the next morning, leaving the press vehicles that had arrived before breakfast in the parking lot. I’d wasted my breath on them last night. They were staying put until they got a story, so there was only one sure way to outmaneuver them.

Leave.

“By my estimate, we should arrive back here around one o’clock,” Etienne continued, “which is about the time I expect our friend Lieutenant Kitchen to join us to conduct another round of questioning.”

Groans. Whines. Jeers.

“He’s traveling all the way up here to ask us more questions?” puzzled George. “Why?”

“Because he’s looking for more information. Their investigation has uncovered evidence that indicates Delpha died at the hands of someone who acted intentionally, so they’re ruling her death a homicide, which means they need to shine more light on details they might have initially overlooked.”

“So…it wasn’t an accident?” asked Florence in a tremulous voice. “Someone killed her?”

“Regrettably, Mrs. Thorsen, that’s the consensus.”

“Do they have any suspects?” questioned Grover.

Etienne shook his head. “If they do, they haven’t shared that information yet.”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” protested Mom. “But why do they want to question us? They should be questioning Bigfoot.”

“Really, Margaret,” admonished Tilly. “Even if the creature exists, his lack of verbal skills would be problematic, so questioning him would be a complete waste of police time.”

“Maybe he knows sign language,” Margi tossed out.

“Why would he know sign language?” countered Lucille. “Is he deaf?”

“Is Lieutenant Kitchen planning to question us again because he thinks one of us killed Delpha?” asked Ennis. “Someone on this tour? One of her friends?”

Talk of Bigfoot ceased dramatically as an uncomfortable silence settled over the bus.

“The lieutenant has more questions,” Etienne explained without fanfare. “I think we should leave it at that for now.”

But Ennis’s question obviously gave rise to a period of soul- searching, self-reflection, and internet surfing because the bus was unnaturally quiet for the half hour it took us to reach our ziplining venue.

At an indistinct break in the trees on a nondescript part of the highway, Steele turned off-road, driving the bus down a short gravel lane where a couple of muddy vehicles that resembled modified jeeps were parked. Two twentysomething young men in hiking pants and hoodies hopped out of the vehicles to direct us to the preferred parking spot, and when we’d come to a full stop, they climbed aboard to greet us. I shook their hands, introduced myself, told them how excited we were to be here, then stood back as they took over the show.

“Hey, everyone! Welcome! I’m Morgan and this is Josh, and we’re the dudes who’ll be driving you to the site today”—he gestured toward the jeeps—“in those two outstanding vehicles.”

“They’re awfully muddy,” Margi observed with some distaste. “Is there a car wash nearby?”

“We had a lot of torrential rain last week that’s turned our access road to slop,” lamented Morgan, “so we’re getting showered with mud. But that’s what makes our vehicles so outstanding. They can plow through just about anything. Mire. Mud. Sludge.” He thrust his hand at the dividing line where the gravel ended and the road into the forest began. “It’s three miles to the site and the ride’s pretty bumpy, so I’ve gotta ask now before we take off: Does anyone here suffer from knee pain, hip pain, joint pain, back pain, neck pain, heart problems, asthma, or have a detached retina?”

Everyone’s hand went up.

“Oh man.” Morgan’s features collapsed in horror. “Uh…” He exchanged a glance with Josh, who whispered something in his ear. “Okay then. No worries. We’ll drive slow.”

“This place you’re taking us to won’t unnerve someone with a slight aversion to germs, will it?” asked Margi.

“No, ma’am.” Morgan gave his head a vigorous shake. “It’s a bit muddy on the way in, but it’s clean mud.”

“Clean mud.” Tilly laughed. “That’s an oxymoron, young man.”

“I don’t know what that is, ma’am.”

“It’s a self-contradiction in terms. Like…jumbo shrimp? Living dead?”

His eyes lit up. “Oh, yes, ma’am. Zombie flicks are my favorite movies. So here’s how this is gonna work. Josh and me can take eight passengers apiece in our vehicles, so we’ll make one run with sixteen of you, then I’ll come back to pick up who’s left. I’ll let Mrs. Miceli decide who gets to go on the first leg, so once you figure that out, mosey on over to the jeeps and we’ll strap you in. See you in a minute.”

After dumping the selection process in my hands, the two guys made a quick exit, leaving me to wrestle with the usual headache of who should go first and whether they should line up by age, height, or social security number. But I had no intention of dithering. I was going to be strong and decisive and simply lay down the law, and if someone complained, I’d be uncharacteristically forceful and…and…

Someone always complained and I never did anything about it, so who was I kidding? But on the upside, this couldn’t have worked out any better. By manipulating the roster, I’d get a chance to do something I’d wanted to do since yesterday.

“So here’s the scoop.” Accessing the list of guest names on my phone, I made a few quick calculations. “Alison and Etienne will ride along with the first two groups and I’ll stay behind with the remaining guests. So when I call your name, you can head out. First group goes with Alison.”

I read off seven names and waited until they were safely off the bus and hustling across the gravel with her.

“Second group goes with Etienne.” I read off seven more names and watched them go, then did my best to ignore the peeved looks being directed at me from the six guests who remained.

“How come we got picked to go last?” taunted Thor as he eyed the book clubbers still on the bus. “Nothing smacks of favoritism more than showing partiality to your regular travelers. I hope you have the decency to be embarrassed.”

“The reason you guys are going last is because you’re not my regular travelers,” I explained in the most tactful fib I could think of. “You’ve seen the gang in action. They go bonkers if they’re not first out of the starting gate. I chose you to go last because I know you’re more patient than they are, so I figured you wouldn’t mind.”

“What a nice thing to say,” gushed Goldie Kristiansen. “I’m not sure the ‘patience’ moniker applies to all of us”—she slanted a look at Thor—“but I’ll accept the compliment.”

“So will I,” Florence chimed in. “I pride myself on my patience. So you called that right, Emily. I don’t mind waiting at all.”

“You wouldn’t,” snarled Thor. “Miss Goody Two-shoes.”

“You shouldn’t knock my patience,” Florence retorted in a slow, even tone. “It’s the only thing that’s allowed me to stomach you all these years.”

“Zing!” hooted Grover. “Truth hurt much, sparky?”

Thor unfolded himself from his seat and stepped into the aisle, pausing only long enough to skewer his detractors with a menacing look. “I’m waiting outside where the air’s not so foul.”

“Good!” Grover called after him. He ranged a look around the near-empty bus. “It was too crowded in here anyway.”

“What about mosquitoes?” questioned Orphie as Thor stormed out the exit. “Does he risk being eaten alive if he stands out there?”

“What do you care?” asked Grover.

“Well, if he gets bitten and dies from one of the diseases Tilly warned us about, we won’t be able to needle him at our next meeting for not reading the book. Watching him make up excuses is the best part of the entire evening.”

“I’m not seeing any mosquitoes,” Steele sang out helpfully. “In years when they’re bad, you can usually see ’em swarming around the front windshield, but I’m not seeing anything today. Not a one.”

Goldie smiled. “Oh, good. I have to agree with Orphie. As much as I dislike Thor, book club is much less boring when he’s there.”

I nodded toward the group. “Would the five of you like to stay in here until we get picked up? Steele, would you have any problem with that?”

“They can stay if they want. I’m not going anywhere. Gonna sit here, drink some coffee, and read my book.”

“You’re a reader?” Florence called out. “How wonderful.”

“What are you reading?” asked Goldie, deserting Grover to head to the front of the bus.

“Lemme dig it out.”

“Is it anything we’ve read?” inquired Orphie, popping into the aisle excitedly and pulling Florence out of her seat to investigate with her.

I smiled at the trio gathered around the steering wheel, then peered down the aisle at Grover and Ennis.

Perfect.

“This news about Delpha is terrible.” Ennis shook his head as I approached. “I could understand an accident, but this? This is beyond belief.”

“Hard to believe no one saw anything, isn’t it?” I commiserated. “You guys were in the museum. Was the hiking trail visible from there?”

The two men exchanged blank stares. “It might have been,” said Grover, “but I didn’t really notice.” He swiveled toward Ennis. “Did you?”

Ennis shook his head. “Nope. I don’t even know if the place had windows.”

“It was bright inside,” Grover recalled, “but to be honest, I can’t remember if the source was from overhead lighting or natural light. It’s getting harder to figure out what’s real and what’s fake anymore, especially with the new LED color temperature bulbs.”

Ennis shot him a droll look. “You probably could have figured it out if you’d stayed longer.”

“I stayed long enough.”

“Yeah, right. Until Alison left. If your goal is to stalk the girl, you’re doing an upstanding job of it.”

“For your information, I was not stalking Alison. My diuretic had just kicked into overdrive, so I needed to use the restroom.”

“Which one did you use?” I asked. “The one in the restaurant or the more public one by the express take-out place?”

He stiffened, spooling out his answer with some hesitation. “I’m…I’m pretty sure it was the one in the restaurant.”

“Well, you must have sneaked right by me because I was sitting in the restaurant foyer for about forty-five minutes and I never saw you.”

“You must have been distracted,” he shot back, his expression growing irritated. “Or, who knows? I could have come and gone before you got there. Or maybe I’m just not remembering correctly. Maybe I used the public restroom after visiting the museum and the one in the restaurant during dinner. I bet I’m just mixing them up.”

I smiled. And maybe the dog ate his homework.

“That hole in your alibi is so big, I could walk through it,” taunted Ennis. “Better think about lawyering up, Grove. Kitchen will have a field day with you otherwise.”

“Why should the lieutenant care about my bathroom habits? Delpha was alive when all of us went in to dinner, remember? So what I did or didn’t do after I left the museum is of no consequence, is it?”

Ennis lifted his brows. “It might be of consequence to Alison. Maybe she’ll decide to file a restraining order against you when Kitchen arrives.”

“That’s low.”

“I call ’em like I see ’em.”

“So what about your alibi?” bristled Grover, pivoting like a savvy political hack practicing avoidance tactics. “How much time did you spend looking at those old pictures in the museum?”

Ennis shrugged. “It had to have been a good long while because I remember looking at every exhibit. Must have been at least a half hour. Maybe longer.”

“Actually,” I said, hoping not to sound like a prosecuting attorney, “Osmond happened to mention that he saw you and Thor leave just a few minutes after Grover.”

“You left right after me?” hooted Grover. “Well, well, well. Looked at every exhibit, did you? I bet. For a nanosecond maybe.”

Ennis paused. “Osmond might have seen Thor and me leave, but he sure as hell didn’t see us leave together. Exiting at the same time is entirely different than leaving together.”

Sure it is. Like…having words come out of your mouth is entirely different than talking.

“You and Thorsen hooked up after the museum?” accused Grover. “Why would you want to go anywhere with him?”

“I didn’t go anywhere with him. Once we were out the door, he went his way and I went mine.”

“And where was that?” I prodded.

“Where did I go?” repeated Ennis. “Just…around. Explored the grounds. Wandered around the deck. Watched the fog roll in.”

“And you thought my alibi had a hole in it?” mocked Grover. “You better think about hiring your own lawyer.”

“I don’t think so.” He fixed Grover with a piercing look. “You said it yourself: Delpha was still alive when we sat down to dinner, so what difference does it make where I went?”

For two men who supposedly had nothing to hide, they sure seemed to be taking great pains to avoid transparency.

“Grover!” Goldie called from the front of the bus. “Come see what Steele’s reading. You’ll never guess, not in a million years. Hurry up. I’m dying for you to see.”

Grover executed a major eye roll before dragging himself out of his seat. “Coming, dear.” Then, to Ennis: “See what you’re missing by not having Lorraine on the trip with you? A word to the wise. Enjoy your freedom while it lasts.”

Which seemed like a pretty insensitive thing for Grover to say considering how upset Ennis was about his wife’s disappearance, but maybe Grover Kristiansen was a lot more self-centered than I realized.

Ennis glared at Grover’s retreating back. “Putz.”

“So. I’m not sure how much longer we have to wait to get picked up, but I want to pop outside and speak to Thor before we leave.”

Ennis gave me a nod. “Better you than me.” He waved his phone. “I’ll be checking for news back home.”

Thor was standing at the edge of the woods chucking stones at the ground cover when I came up behind him. “Are you aiming for anything in particular?”

“Mosquitoes.”

“You can actually see them?”

“I can’t see ’em, but I might be crippling a few inadvertently.” He picked up another handful of rocks from the ground and launched one into the forest. “Did you want something?”

“Yeah. I was wondering what your thoughts were about the exhibits in the Roundhouse Museum. Osmond and George really enjoyed the displays, so I’m canvassing the rest of you to see if you agree. I’m trying to do a little advance planning for future brochures.”

“I wasn’t impressed. I’ve seen old black-and-white pictures before. These were nothing special. And you had to read way too much junk.”

“Don’t say that too loudly. You’ll offend the avid readers in your book club.”

“In that case, I should yell it out. Nothing makes me happier than to upset those little prigs.” He skipped another stone into the trees.

“Did you take the time to read everything?”

“I told you—there was too much, so I left. Iversen followed me out. I think he was trying to spy on me, but I lost him quick enough.”

“Why would Ennis want to spy on you?”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed that they don’t like me. They’re trying to find ways to oust me from the group, gathering any dirt they can find anywhere they can find it. And the more dirt they have, the easier they think it’ll be for Florence to file for divorce. It’s a conspiracy. They’re all in on it. But they’re in for a big disappointment because I’m not going anywhere.”

“So how were you able to lose Ennis?”

“I—” He paused mid-throw to stare at me. “Why do you want to know?”

“No reason. I—”

“Oh, I get it. You wouldn’t be on a fishing expedition to see if I happened to follow Delpha down that hiking trail, would you? What do you think I did to her? Rough her up? Kill her?”

“That’s not why I—”

“Tell you the truth, Emily, I don’t recall where I went. I kind of lost track of time. But here’s the thing: since you’re not the police, you don’t get to ask the questions.” He narrowed his eyes to hostile slits. “You’ve drunk the Kool-Aid, haven’t you? Decided to join the conspiracy against me. They’re always looking to recruit new members, and it looks like they’ve succeeded. Well, bully for them. Now do me a favor and get out of my sight.” He side-armed the remainder of his rocks into the air with an angry slice. Ping! Thunk. Ding!

“You bet.” As I scurried back to the bus, I bemoaned the fact that I still didn’t know where the guys had actually gone after they left the museum, but their responses sent up a red flag that could have life-threatening implications. If their vague recollections of their surroundings were typical of the entire group, it left me to draw one very troubling conclusion.

Half the time they were walking around, they didn’t have a clue where they were.