‘Gawd! Do you think the Legion of Mary will report us to the nuns?’ worried Dilly Nugent, biting her lip then examining her little finger, biting that, too.
‘Oh gawd, we’ll really be in for it,’ moaned Pasty-face, staring with her beady eyes stretching outa her face. For once ye could actually see the colour of them. They’re muddy grey.
‘What will we say if they do, girls? Say it was one of the altar boys that come in to serve Mass in our place?’ croaked the Jane Mary one, flicking her lovely long blonde hair back from her shoulders and throwing a look over te see if the fellas standing outside the Gresham Hotel hoping te pick themself up a young one were maybe giving her the eye.
‘Look at him! He’s a fine thing,’ she muttered te the others, hoarse from all the laughing and shouting at what the gobshite good-for-nothing eejit young fellas were saying.
She has no sense. Otherwise she wouldn’t even look at them wasters, I thought te meself, giving a look back and seeing the bus coming just as we passed the Gresham Hotel. ‘Come on girls, run!’ I said, flying past, hearing them say, ‘No! We won’t catch that, it’s going too fast.’
‘Come on! Run! We’re nearly at the bus stop!’ I shouted back, flying for the bus, seeing it pass me and hearing the young ones laughing.
Just as I got te the bus stop, it took off, and I dropped me head, steaming out me chest, throwing me shoulders back and taking off after the bus, running like the wind. The conductor watched me from the platform, seeing I was not going te give up, and belted the bell just as I lunged out te grab hold of the bar. The driver thought he meant they were off, and took up speed. I could hear the young ones going hysterical, laughing their guts out. I couldn’t afford te let go now. I grabbed the bar, trying te settle meself te get me right leg up, but the bus went faster. I held onta the bar, hopping up and down, running on thin air now, me legs flying, hardly hitting the ground. Then he gave another four hard bongs and the bus spluttered and screeched and slowed down so suddenly I shot inta the bar, winding me. But I wouldn’t let go. I was still running at the full speed and leapt onta the bus, flying across the platform. I couldn’t stop meself running, and smacked against the end seat, and the bus stopped with a jerk, and I was flying back down the bus again te land sprawled at the feet of the conductor, with me head hanging off the platform.
‘Jaysus! I dreamed about tha happenin te me! Havin women land at me feet. Were ye that excited te see me?’ he breathed, looking down at me knees covered in blood and me white socks ripped and filthy. ‘But ye didn’t have te put life and limb at risk,’ he said, bending down te put me standing on me feet. ‘It’s nice ye were so anxious te see me, but not this way!’ he said, looking down at me and seeing the young ones wrapped around each other trying te stop themself from collapsing with all their laughing and seeing the conductor looking at the state a me.
‘Here! Are ye all right?’ he said, lifting me leg te get a look at me knees, looking at me lovely white socks covered in blood and dirt. He took a white hanky outa his pocket and started spitting on it, wiping me knees, while I held me leg up, holding onta the bars.
‘Jaysus, you young ones are always in a hurry,’ he muttered. I watched the gang getting closer and wished he’d bang the bell, not wanting te half kill meself for nothing.
‘Hey, Conductor, wait for us,’ they shouted just as the conductor let me leg drop, telling me te go inside and take it easy. Then he banged the bell and we were off, leaving the others stranded.
I limped off down te sit at the back of the bus, not wanting people staring at me after making a holy show of meself.
I walked up the avenue in the pitch black, listening te the trees whispering in the wind and thought they were people hiding in the bushes. I stopped te listen, holding me breath. No! It’s only the wind, I said te meself slowly, letting go of me breath and moving meself off. I hurried up the avenue, giving a shiver passing the old graveyard that’s over beyond the high wall with ivy growing on it. The monks who had this place over two hundred years ago are buried in there. Once they came through them gates they never saw the world again and were locked up for good. Ye could only visit them by passing gifts in through a little grill in the door, and ring the bell first, te let them know someone was leaving something. Or ye could speak te them through a grill if ye got a special appointment, and that was only te the Abbot. I read about that in a book in the convent library. Me chest leapt with the jump me heart gave thinking about it. Now of all times. Jaysus! Some of them could be on the prowl! Who says the dead don’t come back? I started running, working meself inta a terrible sweat by the time I banged on the back door.
‘Yes! Who is that?’ whispered Sister Eleanor.
‘It’s me! Martha! Let me in, Sister Eleanor,’ I squealed, not wanting te be left out here in the dark with all them trees and bushes around, the January cold wind blowing around me legs.
‘Where are the others?’ she whispered, looking around behind me.
‘They’re not here, Sister.’
‘What! Where are they?’
‘In O’Connell Street,’ I said, flying past her inta the light and the heat in the room.
She closed the door quietly, looking very annoyed. ‘Why did they not come back with you?’
‘Because I saw the bus coming and ran for it.’
‘Well, really! How dare they?’
‘But, Sister, I ran fast!’
‘Exactly! And they could have done the same,’ she snorted, getting very annoyed and picking up her sewing, getting back te her embroidery, saying, ‘When they come back here, I will certainly have words with them.’
‘Yeah! And they drove the poor Legion of Mary wom . . . Sisters mad!’
‘What? What do you mean?’ she said, her eyes narrowing, looking te the door te see if anyone was going te appear, then leaning inta me, giving me all her attention.
‘Well,’ I said, sitting back in me armchair, making meself comfortable and covering me knees, ‘the Sisters were going te telephone the Reverend Mother!’
‘What?’ She nearly lost her mind. ‘What were they doing?’ she asked, gasping, hardly able te get a breath.
I took in a deep breath, staring back at her, shaking me head thinking of the shocking behaviour of the lot of them, then let it out slowly through me nose, hearing the sound of it, and took in another breath while she waited, holding hers and trying te be patient. ‘They were gadding about, Sister, with men!’
‘Gadding about?’
‘Yes!’ Using the word she always uses. ‘Chasing men! A big gang of them came around the club te mess with the girls, and the girls were hanging outa them and . . . that’s all I can say, Sister! The Legion of Mary Sisters were in fear; they said that something dreadful might happen te the girls’ virtue. There was mention of what happened te Maria Goretti, the saint who was murdered!’
Sister Eleanor’s eyes were turning in her head as she listened, and the colour of her face went from red te purple te grey, and she was up on her feet and opening the door and saying, ‘Come quickly, Martha. We must find them.’ Then she lifted up her rosary beads and started te pray. ‘Oh, Divine Jesus, protect them and keep them from all harm,’ she prayed, turning her head te the stars.
I trotted beside her, delighted te be walking in the dark with her all te meself, having her give me all the attention. ‘We will walk down to the gate to see if there is any sign of them,’ she said, looking inta the distance, hoping against hope they would appear.
I knew the gobshites were all well and fine – it’s hard te kill a bad thing – but Sister Eleanor worries and fusses about nothing. ‘No! Not a sign of them,’ she said, looking down along the high wall of the convent, trying te picture them walking back from the village. ‘Come on! We will have to go back to the convent. If only they had come back with you.’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, staring at her in the dark, making the same face as her.
We shook our heads up and down, then she started te lose the rag again. ‘When they come back, I will have something to say to them!’ she vowed, grinding her teeth and shaking her head, working herself inta a fit. Then she marched off, heading back te the convent, leaving me looking at thin air.
‘Wait, Sister Eleanor, take it easy,’ I shouted in a whisper, not wanting her te start getting so annoyed she’d end up giving out te me, and that would be the end of all the attention I’m getting.
We sat back down in the comfort of the chairs and the warm room, with me giving an exact picture of what went on in the club, with me the only one of the convent girls saying the rosary, the others all enjoying themselves no end outside on the street. Sister Eleanor sat listening te every word, narrowing her eyes when we got te the juicy bit where Dilly Nugent was hanging outa the fella with the long greasy hair. ‘And he was very, very common, Sister! Very rough altogether! It was shocking te watch their behaviour. And I thought it was a very bad example te me, as I am younger than them and was banned for a whole year for less! But I couldn’t possibly tell ye what else they were doing with the fellas, because, well, it wasn’t very nice at all. I don’t think they will be welcome in the club again, because the Legion of Mary were terribly shocked! They never saw the like of it in their life from the previous generation of convent girls, that’s what they said. So I can’t say any more, Sister! They would know it was me . . . and, it’s not for me te say, Sister. Ye better ask them. No! I better keep outa it,’ I said, looking at her, me face as shocked as hers.
We heard footsteps, then laughing. Sister Eleanor was on her feet, dropping her sewing, and she whipped open the door before they got near it.
‘Sister Eleanor! Oh gawd, wait until you hear what that Martha Long one did. It was a scream! We never laughed so much!’ ‘How dare you come back here at this time?’
‘Wha . . .’
‘Get in!’ barked Sister Eleanor.
‘What are you talking about? We just got off the bus now!’
‘Yes! And why were you not back with this child? She’s been sitting here with me for the last hour and a half!’
They looked at me, confused, trying te make out what the nun was talking about. Then it hit them. ‘Oh, yeah! Wait till we tell you what she did running for the bus!’
‘Yes! She got the bus, you lot didn’t, and I’m left sitting here in the cold late at night when I could be in my bed. But no! You choose to come waltzing back in here just when it suits you lot! Now, get up to your beds at once! And there will be no more gallivanting for any of you for some time to come. You are all grounded!’
‘What? You can’t do that! We did nothing! What did we do?’
‘I am not going to argue with you! Now please get moving at once, or if you try my patience for one more time you will all sorely regret it!’
‘We didn’t miss the bus!’ they all screamed, trying te figure out what was really happening and looking at me te see if I could throw any light on all the confusion.
I stood with me arms folded and me eyebrows raised, waiting like Sister Eleanor for the explanation as te why they were not on the bus with me.
‘Tell her, Martha Long! Did you tell her you ran for the bus?’
‘Of course I did,’ I said, in a quiet whisper, sounding like Sister Eleanor. ‘I warned you girls the bus was coming, remember?’
‘Yeah, but . . .’
‘Yes! She certainly did!’ barked Sister Eleanor. ‘And you lot should have done the same. If that child could catch the bus, then why were you not on it?’
‘But how could we?’ they said, giving out, muttering, looking at each other, wondering where they went wrong.
‘That bloody Long is a noticebox!’ Dilly Nugent shouted, glaring at me, seeing me sitting here with Sister Eleanor, in the goody-goody books, and her not being able te figure out how it all went wrong.
‘Yeah,’ they all bleated, sounding like sheep. ‘She got here first te get all the attention.’
‘How dare you?’ barked Sister Eleanor, giving them a clatter.
‘Aaah! I hate you! I hate this place! Bloody rotten dirty filthy noticebox Long!’ screamed Nugent, rubbing her ear.
‘Gawd, Ellie! You’re an awful bully,’ wailed Blondie, moving herself quick outa harm’s way, giving a nervous-dog look outa the corner of her eye.
‘How dare you treat me with such disrespect? You girls are going to be severely punished for this. Now get moving,’ and she started heaving them up the passage, clattering them when she could land her hand, and I kept me nose in the air, trailing behind Sister as she looked around at me shocked, muttering, ‘The audacity of these girls! The cheek of them to behave in this fashion!’
‘Tut, tut! Shocking, Sister!’ I agreed, shaking me head sadly, with me goody-goody face on.
‘You’re a big old noticebox,’ screamed Dilly, looking back at me, rubbing her back where she got another clatter.
I raised me eyebrows, crossing me eyes and sticking out me tongue.
‘Look at what she’s doing, Sister Eleanor!’ screamed Nugent, going red in the face with the rage on her. ‘She’s making faces behind your back.’
‘I most certainly am not!’ I breathed, outa breath at the idea of doing such a thing, listening te meself sounding exactly like Sister Eleanor.
‘That is enough auld guff out of you,’ barked Sister Eleanor, herding them along the passage, mumbling she should be in her bed, and wrapping her hands under her cloak, looking frostbitten. ‘I will attend to you girls in the morning.’
Yeah, and I have more surprises up me sleeve for you lot! Ye’re not going te know what hit ye’s! I told meself.
‘Out! And you and you,’ Sister Eleanor snorted, herding the lot of them outa the refectory, grabbing the eggs off them. ‘You are not getting that for your breakfast,’ she said, grabbing Dilly Nugent’s eggcup with the egg sitting in it.
‘What? What’s going on? Leave me alone,’ screamed Nugent, as Eleanor grabbed her and pushed her inta Blondie, grabbing the rest of them.
‘I am now taking action for last night’s capers. You are all out of the group,’ she snorted, putting a snout on her, making her nose go longer and her eyes look like a bloodhound, red and sad. Then she was back, shutting the door on the screams, leaving them te look in the glass panels on the side passage trying te scream in at her. The sound was deadened with the thick walls and we could only see their mouths going up and down, and their faces looking like mustard and mortal sin, as Sister Eleanor calls it. They saw me looking out at them, eating me egg slowly, and sucking on me cheeks, and giving them an awful look, raising me eyebrows and looking away, finding them not quite up te me standards.
‘Blah, blah . . . goin to get this, Long!’ I heard as they waved their fists at me.
I gave a quick cross-eyed look, flicking me head around, saying, ‘Sister, they’re threatening te throttle me! Do ye hear them?’ I said, pointing at them, letting them see I was reporting them.
They stopped belly-aching for a minute, not believing their eyes. I was actually on the nun’s side! Fraternising with the nuns! The enemy! In broad daylight and in front of everyone! That can’t happen. If ye do cosy up te the nuns, it has te be in total secret!
‘Sister, what did I do that was so wrong? The girls are out for me guts! Did I do the wrong thing? Why are they threatening me?’
‘Who’s threatening you?’
‘They are! Did ye not hear them?’ I said, pointing me finger at them, watching their faces hang down te their belly buttons wondering what I was saying about them. And seeing their mouths in action again, glaring at each other, twisting their mouths and squinting their eyes and pointing back at me.
Sister Eleanor flew out at them, pushing them up the passage, telling them they would be punished even more severely. ‘I will go straight to the convent and bring the Reverend Mother here at once if you don’t move up that passage, and if I hear a whisper out of any of you about that child in there you will all have me to reckon with.’
‘What happened?’ everyone shouted, looking over at me.
I shrugged me shoulders.
‘Go on! Tell us! What did they do?’ asked a big one, Johanna Henley, her brown eyes flashing with the excitement of getting te hear something terrible.
‘Honestly, Johanna, I wish I knew what was going on. They went te the club . . .’
‘Yeah, go on! Tell us!’ then the big ones were over in a flash, leaning on me chair, pushing each other outa the way, trying te get a good spot te read me face.
‘Well, the bus came. I got on it . . . and they didn’t. So Eleanor went mad and now they’re all in the doghouse! And they blame me.’
‘For what?’
‘Ask them!’ I said, looking as puzzled as them.
‘There must be more than that,’ mumbled the head girl, Clarissa Seabert, sucking on her thumb, thinking about it.
The big ones all grouped around her, asking, ‘What do you think they were up to, Clarissa?’
I watched, seeing her look back at me, thinking. She’s very, very brainy, the only one who could go on te the university if she wanted te. I shook me head at her, making meself look thoughtful. ‘Don’t know what’s going on, Clarissa,’ I said, chewing on me bread, trying te make it out. ‘Talk to them!’
‘Yeah! Don’t worry about that. We will!’ said Johanna Henley, making it sound like a threat, disappointed she was no wiser.
I wandered down te the back door, knowing it would be locked this hour of the night, but hoping it might be open, even though it was pitch-black out, eight o’clock on a January night. I still wanted te ramble outside and get a bit of fresh air after working all day in the convent. I tried the handle. Locked. I looked down the empty dark passage, feeling empty meself. Work, bed. Nothing in between. I would love te have a bit of a laugh, someone te have a laugh with. But there’s no one here I’d bother me arse with. They go around in gangs, keeping te themself, and their idea of fun is te laugh at people. They all have their own cronies. Anyway! They don’t interest me. I’m the street kid te them and they’re the culchie gobshites te me. Still, there is the brainy one who goes te the secondary school, Ruthie, but she’s probably doing her homework. Wonder if there’s anyone in the other groups? Nah, too young.
I wandered back down the passage, seeing the light on in our refectory. Then stopped just before I got there, hearing voices. I stopped te listen when I heard the whiny moaney voice of Dilly Nugent. ‘Yeah, and I’ll bring me bell-bottoms. One of you can hide them under the trees on the avenue.’
‘Good idea, and I’ll wear my trousers as well,’ shouted Blondie in a whisper.
‘Now, have we got that? You all know the plan, yeah? After lights out, we . . .’
‘OK! We know what to do,’ breathed Nugent, moving her chair, getting ready te leave. ‘Come on! We’ll miss the start of The Virginian.’
‘No, Ellie said we’re punished. We can’t go into the television room to watch it.’
‘Huh! That one is not going to stop me! We’ll sneak in after she switches the television on and make sure she’s gone to the convent first. Hannah! You keep watch. Hide around the corner in the toilets.’
‘No! What if she catches me? Then I’ll be in worse trouble!’
‘Don’t be so stupid, you gom! You’re entitled to go to the toilet, aren’t you?’
‘Yeah, suppose so,’ dopey Hannah said, afraid of her life of upsetting back-of-a-bus-face Nugent.
‘Right, Dilly! You go ahead with yer plans, and I’m off te make short work of them,’ I muttered. Shit! They’re coming! I ducked around the corner, waiting behind the pillar until they came outa the refectory, then dived across inta the laundry passage, closing the door quietly behind me. I heard their footsteps heading up the passage making for the television room, counted te twenty, then another ten for good measure, and put me head up and down the passage. Nobody around! Right!
I made me way slowly up the passage and stood on the stairs, watching Hannah making her way down te the toilets while the others sat in the playroom waiting. With not even the radio te listen te, because they were banned from that, too!
Yep! I’m having a great time! I sniggered te meself, remembering how they got me inta trouble any which way they could, treating me like a leper. Fuckers! See how ye like getting a taste of yer own medicine. Ha! Ye’s won’t get the better of me! I’m going te enjoy meself no end!
I waited until I heard the rustle of habit and the jangling of rosary beads and flew around the corner, hiding in the cloakroom toilet. When I heard Eleanor flying down the passage with a herd of young ones roaring and hanging outa her, I crept back, waiting and watching, putting me head around the corner. Then I heard the music for The Virginian and flew back te me toilet, letting her pass. When she went through the door, heading down the convent passage, I flew out again, listening.
‘Dilly! Girls!’
‘What? Is she gone?’
‘Yeah! Come on, quick! It’s starting!’
I heard them flying up the passage and took off like the wind, racing for the convent, trying te catch Sister Eleanor before she buried herself in the chapel. I tore along the chapel passage on tiptoes, used te flying along that way without making a sound, and caught her just as the chapel door hissed closed. I grabbed the door, seeing her genuflect, making for her prie-dieu.
‘Sister Eleanor!’ I tiptoed in, letting her see me, and she creased her face inta a cry, moaning, ‘What is it? Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph give me patience!’ she muttered, looking up at the ceiling before genuflecting and coming out.
‘I think ye should know, Sister Eleanor, Dilly and her lot are gone in te watch The Virginian. They think it is a great laugh ye punished them and have no idea you are wasting yer time!’
‘WHAT? Do you mean to tell me they are disobeying my strict instructions to them they are not allowed to watch television?’
‘Yes, Sister! They’re down there right now having the time of their life. It’s even more enjoyable te them because they’re punished.’
‘Get out of my way!’ She grabbed up her habit with both fists and took off like a bat flying outa hell, with me flying behind her!
I parted company with her when we hit the passage, and I took off inta me toilet, waiting for the explosion.
‘Get up to that dormitory!’
‘Gawd! I hate you!’
Slap! ‘Don’t you dare speak to me like that!’
‘YOU THINK YE’RE GOD!’
That’s Dilly! I thought, cocking me ear te the door, having the best time of me life!
‘You are all banned from watching television for the next month! Up those stairs.’
‘GERROFF!’
Slap, wallop! ‘Don’t you dare shout at me!’
‘How did you know we were watching the television in the first place?’ screamed Dilly. ‘You must have your spies out!’
‘Yeah! She has her spies watching us!’ shouted Blondie.
‘Yeah! You can’t stand us, you can’t! You really hate us!’ screeched Hannah.
‘Don’t push me, you bully!’ – Dilly! Ha!
‘Get up those stairs to the dormitory this minute, or I am off to get the Reverend Mother!’
‘I don’t care!’
Slap, wallop! ‘AAAHHH!’
The noise died down as they hit the dormitory. Right, Dilly! I’m saving the best bit for later! Yep! There sure is more than one way te skin a cat, Dilly Nugent!
I wandered outa the playroom, looking for something interesting, or someone! The eejits in there were having a party, slapping each other around on the sofa. I turned up te the stairs and stopped on the landing, hearing voices coming from the toilet, and I could smell smoke. I looked down, seeing it wisp out from under the door and listened. DILLY AND HER GANG! Gawd! This is too much te miss! Thank gawd I gave up the smoking for the last six months. Once Sister Eleanor stopped belting me, and threatening me, and of course blaming me for starting the whole lot of them on the smokes. ‘You are the ringleader!’ she was screeching at me.
‘No! They were smoking leaves from the trees rolled up and setting fire te it. I was only smoking the real thing. So ye can’t say it was all my fault!’
I started on Jackser’s Woodbine butts that he used te leave on the mantlepiece. I would wait for him te go up and have his hard-earned rest during the day and light the butt from the fire and blow it up the chimney. I thought it would make me grow up faster! He used te think he was going mad! ‘Where’s me fuckin butt I left lyin there on the bleedin mantelpiece?’ he used te roar at me, then blame the ma, who never put a Woodbine or a drop of alcohol te her lips in her life!
‘I didn’t touch yer fuckin Woodbines!’ me ma screamed back at him.
Then his eyes peeled te Charlie, standin shakin in the short trousers hangin down like curtains, lettin his little matchstick legs stick out.
‘No one touched yer butts, Jackser! Remember? Ye smoked it just before ye went up for yer rest!’ I reminded him.
‘Fuck me! I was sure I’d left a butt sittin on tha mantlepiece!’
Yeah, it was hard going. I was making meself sick as a parrot! But it didn’t take me long te get used te them. Then when I got here I used te squeeze meself out through the big letterbox up at the front door and drop head-first, always managing te land on me hands and roll onta me back. Tricks I learned managing te avoid getting a mashing from Jackser’s hobnailed boots! There’s some good te be had in everything! Yeah, so when Sister Eleanor took me te one side and told me in a very kind and gentle way she was worried the house would go up in fire, and if I set an example, the rest would follow – well, I don’t know about them following my example, but I gave up the Woodbines te please her. Now Dilly is definitely not following my example!
Right! Where’s Sister Eleanor? . . . I flew like a blue-arse fly, making straight for the convent, tiptoeing like a ballerina along the chapel passage, feeling like air in me excitement te bend Sister’s ear with the terrible news.
I flew back with Sister flying behind me. ‘Can ye smell it, Sister?’ I breathed, whispering in shocked tones before we hit the children’s landing. I whipped open the door for her, letting her fly through, and pointed te the toilet before whipping meself down the stairs and making for me hideaway.
‘Come out of there at once!’
Silence.
‘Who is in there, please?’
Silence.
‘Dilly Nugent! I know you are in there! Come out at once!’
Silence.
I crept up, seeing the smoke pouring out from under the door and seeing Sister Eleanor with her face turning purple.
‘That is it! I am giving you one minute to come out. If you refuse, then I am going to the convent to get the Reverend Mother!’
Silence.
‘That is it!’ Then she took off heading for the convent.
I flew inta the playroom. ‘Girls! Trouble! Quick!’ I shouted te the shocked three young ones trying te strangle each other on the couch.
‘What? What’s happening?’ Olivia Ryan puffed, lifting her head, loosening her grip on Vanessa Andrewson’s neck.
‘I just heard Sister Eleanor is gone over te the convent te get the Reverend Mother because there’s girls smoking in the toilet!’
Who?’
‘Dunno.’
‘Gawd! Quick! Let’s go!’ She was off the couch, slapping Andrewson in the kisser with her feet, and Sylvia Peters toppled head-first te the floor.
‘Wait! Wait for me!’ they shouted, trying te get themselves moving.
I was up on the landing with the other ones tearing up behind me. Now we can all gawk without me coming under suspicion!
‘Who is in there? Sister Eleanor is gone for the Reverend Mother. Quick, come out!’
‘Wait! Don’t go out there,’ whispered Nugent.
‘Oh gawd! What am I going to do?’ they moaned.
‘Is she out there?’ asked Dilly through the keyhole.
‘No! Come on, girls!’
‘No! Are ye sure?’
‘No, wait! Someone’s coming.’
‘Oooh, aaahh! Is it the Reverend Mother?’
We said nothing, waiting for the convent passage door te open. Then the Reverend Mother peeled in with Sister Eleanor creeping in behind her all red-faced.
‘Is the Reverend Mother coming?’ squeaked Dilly Nugent through the keyhole.
I looked at the Mother’s eyes bulging behind her milk-bottle glasses, and wriggling her head, trying te loosen the collar wrapped around her neck, then she exploded. ‘COME OUT OF THERE AT ONCE!’
‘Who’s that?’ squeaked Dilly.
‘How dare you? This is the Reverend Mother.’
The door opened without another word and they all crept out with their heads hanging te their belly buttons.
‘Line up there, please.’ She pointed te the wall under the window. ‘Sister, would you take these girls away, please.’
We crept off, heading down the stairs, taking our time and looking back, not wanting te miss a thing.
‘Go to your playroom, please,’ Sister Eleanor said, herding us down te the playroom.
‘I need te go te the toilet, Sister,’ I said, pushing past her.
‘Get into that playroom,’ she said.
‘But I’m jigging te go,’ I said, wrapping me legs around each other.
‘Get into the playroom now! Or you will all be punished!’
‘What about me?’ I shouted te the door shutting in me face.
They all milled around the door, trying te hear the ructions upstairs.
‘Shush!’ I turned the handle very quietly. ‘We’ll sneak out and listen at the bottom of the stairs.’
‘Yeah!’ they tittered, watching the door opening quietly.
I put me head out the door and waved te the others. ‘Come on! Quick. Shush! Don’t make a sound.’
We crept along the passage, hearing the Reverend Mother tell them, ‘There will be major consequences for your actions. I intend dealing with this serious matter by . . .’
‘GET BACK INTO THAT PLAYROOM. YOU ARE ALL VERY BOLD FOR DISOBEYING ME!’ Sister Eleanor whispered in a roar, running at us.
Aaah! We got such a fright, not expecting her te put her head around the stairs, and took off back te the playroom, not wanting te be in trouble like the Nugent one.
I roared laughing, and the others got an awful fright. ‘Jaysus! That was great gas,’ I laughed, thinking I’m not finished with Nugent yet! This is going te be the worst week of her life.
‘Gawd! They could all be sent to the reformatory in the country,’ said Olivia Ryan. ‘That’s what happened to loads of the girls who gave trouble.’
‘Yeah, I know,’ I said, thinking of the Reverend Mother sending me inta the Department of Education, trying te get them te send me away. She never got over the shock of being stuck with me and would still love te see the back of me. But I put a spoke in her wheel by playing them at their own game. Yeah! I work like a demon, go te Mass every morning, always be polite te them and helpful, and try te keep outa trouble. That is difficult, especially with the likes of the Dilly one and her ilk! But I’m going te grind her down! I waited long enough, getting hell on earth from the nuns and the kids. Now I’m the greatest thing since sliced pan with Mother Pius. I keep outa the way with the kids and put fuck-face Nugent in her place. She thinks she can bully everyone and is the leader of the gang . . . me arse! That one has been fucking around with me long enough, trying te get the better of me. So now it’s war! Right! Just wait until Tuesday, Dilly dear, more shocks in store for you! Ha! Nobody gets the better of me!
‘No! I am allowing no one out to the club tonight,’ Sister Eleanor said te Loretta, stretching her face in disgust at even the mention of it.
‘Why? Ah, fuck you!’ muttered Loretta, making her way out the refectory door, not giving a damn if Sister Eleanor heard her or not. She was not really interested in Sister Eleanor anyway, because she got on very well with Sister Mercy in the kitchen, God help us!
It takes all sorts te make a world, I thought te meself, heading out the back door before they locked it. I flew off past the convent, hoping Matron Millington or one of the nuns wasn’t looking out the window. I could always say I was looking for one of the nuns te give her a message. In the dark? Out in the grounds? Well, I’ll think of something if I’m caught. Now! Where did the fuckers hide them trousers? I looked carefully around the bushes in the first oak tree. Then moved back, seeing a bit of grey sticking out. Ha! Here we are, four pairs of trousers, and all definitely forbidden. Oh, poor Dilly! You are all going te get it this time.
I put them back in their hiding place and took off flying past the convent and in the back door, looking for Sister Eleanor. Nope! Not in the refectory. I took off down the passage and inta our playroom.
‘Sister! The priest was saying we should be learning about the facts of life and learning all about boys.’
‘Who said that?’ asked Sister Eleanor, getting all het-up and red in the face at the mention of the word, the facts of life!
‘Well, we should, shouldn’t we?’ said Vanessa Andrewson, knowing full well, with the others all tittering around her, she was embarrassing poor aul Eleanor.
Sister Eleanor chewed on the needle she held between her teeth and dropped her head inta the sewing machine, pedalling like mad, making the needle fly across the white line.
‘Yeah, the priest at the tech school talks to us about all sorts of things.’
‘Is that right now?’ she said, keeping her head down, chewing like mad on the needle. ‘And what sort of things would he talk about?’
‘Oh, what the fellas might get up to,’ Andrewson said, waving her arms in the air, enjoying herself no end, shocking the life outa Sister Eleanor.
‘WHAT? What did you say?’ Eleanor spluttered, nearly swallowing the needle and losing her place, making a crooked line in the sheet, her foot slipping off the pedal. ‘Oh, really!’ she said. ‘Now look what I have just done,’ crying at the sewing machine and scratching under her veil, trying te get at her hair under the white linen bonnet, forgetting we were watching.
‘Do you shave your head, Sister Eleanor?’ said Olivia Ryan, changing the subject.
‘What?’ roared Sister Eleanor, not really listening, looking very distracted, wondering if she should rip the stitches out.
‘Sister Eleanor!’ I said.
‘Yes, what?’
‘You are wanted.’
‘Where? Who wants me?’
‘You better go, Sister, it’s urgent.’
‘Who?’
‘Come on, Sister!’
‘Is it the phone this hour of the night? Sure, the phone is switched off!’
I kept walking and she followed me, not really with it, thinking about the mess she made with the sheet.
‘Sister, I have something terribly important te tell you,’ I said.
‘What? What do you want to say to me? Is someone in the convent asking for me?’
‘No, Sister. It’s Dilly Nugent and the others again! They are going te get themself inta terrible trouble,’ I said, looking at her straight in the eyes.
‘Oh divine Mother of Jesus,’ she said, putting her hand over her mouth and grabbing me, pushing me down te the cloakroom for a bit more privacy.
‘Yes,’ I said, swallowing me spit, taking me time, coughing and wanting te clear me throat.
‘Out with it,’ she punched me in the arm, getting herself all worked up with the fright of the mention of the name Dilly Nugent.
‘Well, I heard them discussing in the refectory a few nights ago . . .’
‘Yes! Go on!’
‘Well, I heard them mention . . .’
‘Get on with it!’
‘Yes! I’m getting there, give me time! It was a terrible shock te me, ye know, when I heard what they were up te!’ I snorted, full of indignation at having me story interrupted every few seconds.
‘Well? Yes?’ "
I looked at her, hating when people say that, it ruins me concentration.
‘They plan te do a bunk tonight,’ I said, losing me place in the whole sorry mess.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Oh, right! Well, if you let me start at the beginning, I will be able te tell you the full story.’
‘Jesus give me patience with these children,’ she said, dropping her head in her hands then looking up at the ceiling like one of them saints getting themselves crucified.
‘Well . . .’ I said.
‘Martha, if you say that word one more time . . . Will you please just get to the point!’
‘Yeah, OK. They’re planning te scarper out the dormitory window when the lights are out. After you go te bed. And shinny down the drainpipe and land on the television room roof, and shinny down the drainpipe on that one. And collect their TROUSERS hidden behind the trees on the avenue, and meet the fellas they met outside the Legion a Mary club the last night they went. And it’s not the altar boys this time, it’s the ratbags from the city centre with the long greasy hair,’ I said, all in one breath.
Sister Eleanor stopped breathing. Her face was turning purple and her eyes were swimming in shock. ‘Come on, I’ll show you,’ I said, ‘where they have their trousers hidden behind the trees.’
‘Jesus wept!’ she said when she got her voice back. Then took off like someone had set fire te her arse.
‘Where are you going, Sister?’ I roared.
‘Come with me,’ she shouted, heading for the convent.
‘But what about going out the back way, the back door?’ I shouted.
‘No! If they see you, they will know you were spying on them.’
‘I was?’ I said, getting a shock. I knew I was keeping an eye on them . . . but now I’m a spy! It doesn’t sound nice coming outa her mouth! Makes me feel a bit . . .
‘Come on! Show me where you found these trousers,’ she said.
We dashed down the convent stairs, me marvelling at how fast she could run, even with the long habit tripping her up. No bother! She whipped it up, showing black cotton ankles and sensible laced-up leather shoes. We flew out the back convent door and shot past the convent kitchen. And I whizzed past her, not wanting te be outrun in the race te get our hands on the evidence. I left behind a black-and-white blur with hands holding up the habit and landed at the tree, scratching around in the bush, and lifted up the trousers, waving them at Sister Eleanor.
‘So,’ she said, ‘it’s true! They were planning to escape down the drainpipes and take off into the city to meet God knows who! Where on earth were they going to get the money for the bus fare?’ she asked me, not able to take the whole thing in.
‘Ah, they have money left from the Christmas, Sister. They didn’t hand it all up for you te mind.’
‘That’s true,’ she said, thinking about it. ‘Well, this is the last they will see of these,’ she said, shaking the trousers at me. ‘Now, I am going to confront them,’ she said, marching back up the avenue.
Oh, Dilly Dilly gum drops! You’ll be fifty before you see the light of day, I cackled te meself.
I sat in me little waiting room, listening for the door or phone te ring, and read all about being a nun in an enclosed order and what you should do. I looked at the cover – fading brown leather – with the pages going yellow and ready te fall te pieces. Jaysus! It was written hundreds of years ago, I thought, examining the date when it was published. I borrowed it outa the nun’s library. Well, they would say robbed or stole, but I’ll put it back. Me robbing days are well gone.
I coughed and shook meself, getting ready, settling meself down for a good read. These days I’m mad about religion. Especially now as I’m thinking of joining the nuns and becoming a nun meself. I don’t suppose they’d take me here; they know me too well. And I haven’t got the education, but I’m getting there. I looked at the name of the book, The Imitation of Christ. It’s written in very old-fashioned language. But I’ll work it out.
‘A nun must sleep with her arms folded in a cross lying on her chest,’ it said. I tried te picture that. Hm! I think I could manage that with a bit of practice.
‘The nun must keep custody of the eyes at all times, lest it lead one into the ways of sin.’ Custody! Ahh! Don’t be looking at yourself in the mirror! Right!
‘A nun must wear a grey linen shift when taking a bath, lest the sight lead one into impure thoughts.’ Right! No looking at yourself naked. Or ye might start mauling yourself. Got that.
‘A nun must flagellate one’s body with a birch made from rushes. But only under the direction of the Spiritual Director or the Mother Abbess! In case it cause one to lose their soul to the devil by indulging in ecstasy.’ I looked at the picture of the nun, her back dripping in blood, her eyes twisted te heaven looking like she was there already. Hm! Don’t like the sound of that. I could give meself little taps of the whip, I suppose, if I had te. Maybe I could ask Sister Eleanor about this. On the other hand, she’ll only fuss about me borrowing the book from the nuns’ library. No! Definitely not her. Right! Work that one out later!
On the other hand, this book is very old; maybe they don’t do this sort of thing any more. Yeah! I can’t imagine Sister Eleanor having a go at herself with one a them things. No, this is very old-fashioned; they definitely don’t go in for that stuff any more. Jaysus! I’m glad a that. But what about me not having gone te school? I wonder if they would still take me. I could enter when I’m sixteen.
I had the picture of meself going around in a black habit. I hope I grow a lot taller; I’m still a bit small. But then so is Duck Egg. She looks tiny, wandering around in the black habit. I could be like Sister Eleanor. Praying all the time, flying down te look after the children: I’d like that. Yeah! Looking after children, I understand them, and they listen te me. I don’t have te shout at them like some people. Small children know when ye like them. They just want ye te talk te them, and if ye are kind they will be very obliging and do what ye ask. I noticed that in the nursery. They only dig in their heels if ye roar at them. And the older ones go behind yer back and do what they like anyway, just for the devilment, because they want te get the better of ye. But if ye’re kind, and ye put them on their trust, then, yeah, they want te please ye.
I suppose we are still like that. I would do anything for Sister Eleanor, providing she is nice te me, but if she acts like she doesn’t like me, and has no time for me, then she gets the full lash. I had the picture of her once when she put me outa the group, and when she came in the morning te call us up for breakfast I lay on in the bed and she went mad, slapping the arse off me for all she was worth. It didn’t work, and I lay on me side, not moving an inch. She grabbed the bedclothes and went off taking them with her, leaving me lying on the spring without even the mattress. I stayed put, freezing with the cold and shivering on the spring, with everyone looking and laughing, but I wouldn’t give in. She came back for one more try, slapping away at me until the hand nearly fell offa her. Then the Reverend Mother arrived down, and I sat up and glared at her. ‘Stand out, please.’
I stood by the side of the bed, not giving a fart about her. I felt cold inside, because they treated me like dirt, and the kids thought I was a great joke. They would call me names and hit me, then stand back and watch the fight. I got tired of that, and wanted Sister Eleanor te like me, but she didn’t. She blamed me for all the trouble with the kids and me always fighting, and, anyway, they were expecting trouble from me right from the beginning, so it was a merry-go-round of me defending meself against the kids and fighting the nuns who had no time for me. That made me feel very lonely and someone who didn’t belong. Like a leper. Yeah! Like the street kid who was dirt and a nuisance te everyone. Something that should be put down. I didn’t know what te do. But when I stared inta that Reverend Mother’s eyes, and saw the glint, her sizing me up and down, her mind flying, delighted te get her hands on me, I knew she thought I was only dirt. The holy nun was no different from anyone else. I saw no sign of the good God in them eyes.
‘Are you not happy here?’ she asked me, like she couldn’t care less but was only getting around te saying what she really meant.
I stared at her, saying nothing.
‘Maybe you would be better suited to a convent in the country. You were never suited to this convent.’
‘I’m very happy here, Mother,’ I said, seeing where she was leading. Down te a fucking reformatory, and now I had given her the excuse she needed.
‘Yes, well, we shall have to see,’ she said, looking at me with that glint again, saying, ‘Get dressed, please, and if you give Sister Eleanor more trouble we will not be having this conversation. You will be leaving us a lot sooner.’
So I looked around, thinking. Then I saw the nun’s pet, creeping past like a little mouse. Hoping te get by without the cat noticing, giving me a sideways look like she would hate te be like me.
‘Good girl! How are you getting on in secondary school?’ asked the Reverend Mother, standing out on the landing talking te her.
‘Oh, very well, Mother!’ I heard her gasp. ‘I love it!’
‘Yes, of course you would. A clever child like you would have no trouble with your studies,’ I heard her say.
Right! I know exactly what I’m going te do. Mousey has given me an idea. I was outa the bed at the crack of dawn and flying down te the chapel for Mass, leaving the rest of the creeps sleeping the sleep of the dead, while I shuffled in, hearing the rustle of habits and the yawns stop halfway in shock while I pushed Mousey up in the bench te make room for me. She had the whole chapel te herself and sat herself right on the edge. I wanted te make us a matching pair. The two goody-goodies! She was raging, moving herself miles away from me down te the far end of the bench, letting the nuns know, watching from the back in their prie-dieux, she was certainly not associated with the likes of me!
So here I am, now thinking of becoming a nun. I could go on the missions. Just like in the film The Nun’s Story. Dressed in a white habit, with little black babies swarming all around me, and me carrying one in each arm, and getting the rest of them te follow me, hanging on te me habit like some of them do here with Sister Eleanor. She moans all the time, but she really likes being a nun, rushing up te get her prayers and singing the office. I sit listening te them sometimes at night when I have te work late, and hear them chanting the vespers. I know it off by heart. So that’s a start.
‘What are you up to, Martha?’
‘Aah! Ye gave me an awful fright, Matron!’ I roared, looking up at her creeping inta the room. For some reason, she always creeps on her toes; I suppose it’s because of living with the nuns so long, you always have te be quiet, not disturb them in their prayers.
‘What’s that ye’re reading?’ she said, squinting down at me book. ‘Where did you get that?’
‘From the convent library,’ I whispered.
‘Oohh! Don’t let them catch you with that. They’ll have your guts for garters. What are ye reading that old tripe for?’
‘Ah well, I don’t know, it’s about nuns.’
‘So, don’t you see enough of them without having to read about them as well?’ she laughed.
‘Yeah, but maybe I might be interested in finding out all about them.’
‘Why? Aah, would you go on outa that.’ She nudged me, digging me with her elbow. ‘I hope you’re not thinking of joining them, are you?’
‘Well . . .’
‘Aah, you wouldn’t last two minutes with the like a them. They would drive ye crazy! Put that nonsense outa your head. You’re full a life. Go out into the world and enjoy yourself. Are you listening to me?’ she said, belting me arm.
‘Yeah!’ I was thinking about what she just said. ‘But what has being full of life got te do with being a nun? Does it mean I couldn’t become a nun if I wanted te?’
‘That’s not the point. You would end up in the funny farm after spending a bit a time with them aul nuns. They drive each other crazy. Back-biting about each other, ignoring one another. No, no! It’s not the life for you, Martha. You were never meant to live this kind of life. Now, promise me you will put it out of your head. Will you promise me that?’ she said, bending down and looking inta me eyes.
‘I still don’t understand,’ I said, shaking me head. ‘What about Sister Eleanor? All the kids love her, and she’s a great nun!’
‘Ahh, she’s different. Her father is a big shot in the medical world. Sure, she even has two sisters surgeons, and a brother a top medical professor in one of the big hospitals in London, and the rest of them are all doctors, too, even her mother was a doctor. They live in a big mansion down in the heart of the country. No, she’s one of the few who was cut out to be a nun. But the rest of them! Listen, Martha. I have lived with these nuns now for more years than I can count. They go very peculiar after a while. That is, if they’re not peculiar to begin with! It’s the life they lead. Shut up in here, nowhere for them to escape. Living with each other day after day, looking at the same faces, they end up losing their health a lot of them. No! Say nothing to anyone, and don’t go telling that chaplain! God knows where it might lead you. Even the young ones who come and try it out have a hard time getting back to themselves. So make plans that get you as far away from these people as you can get. No good would come of it. You must mark my words. If I had my time over again, I would never darken their doorstep,’ she said, looking faraway, the light going outa her tired eyes.
Poor Matron! It looks like she has wasted her life, she thinks. I don’t want that te happen te me. ‘Maybe you’re right, Matron,’ I said slowly, thinking about it.
‘I am,’ she said. ‘A lovely young girl like you should grab everything life has to offer you.’
‘Why did you stay, Matron?’ I asked her quietly, moving over te the windowsill and sitting down beside her.
‘I wish to God I knew!’ she said, dropping her shoulders, giving a big sigh. ‘To be honest, I came in for a rest. I had seen too much, and I thought working here for a while would give me a breathing space. It took me a long time to lick my wounds.’
I could see the pain in her eyes; it still hurts, whatever she went through, even after all this time. That must be over forty years. I stayed quiet, listening te her.
‘Life was short, so cheap! Out there it meant nothing. It was kill or be killed! The men suffered! Oh, many is the dark night I sat in this place picturing those young men; like the walking dead they were, Martha,’ she said, looking at me. ‘Life meant nothing. I suppose to be truthful to myself, I gave up on life after that. I stayed on here, dead inside myself. Going through the motions, happy enough with the routine and order, that’s really what kept me going. The quiet routine, nothing to disturb the weak balance of my mind. The aul nuns and their crabby ways didn’t bother me. I hardly noticed them half of the time; I was so locked up in my own world. Some of them acted like they had the world on their shoulders, and that would make me laugh. The contrast of how they lived their lives and what went on in the real world, or what happened in Belgium, anyway, was beyond most people. You couldn’t talk to anyone; they didn’t want to know, and they wouldn’t have understood anyway. There was a lot of suffering and poverty in them days, Martha. A lot of things have changed for the better with the social welfare and housing. Most of the slums, the aul tenement houses are demolished. Yeah, things have changed all right. For a lot of people, anyway. But underneath, nothing changes. I see the helpless children coming in here, some of them half dead.’
‘Yeah,’ I murmured, remembering some of them. ‘Matron, do you remember the little baby girl who went straight inta hospital when Doctor Blightman took one look at her? She never came back.’
‘No, she died in the children’s hospital,’ the Matron said, shaking her head, thinking about it.
There were other children, too. Scabs in their shaved heads, skin and bone, brought straight from the city centre. The other kids staring at them like they were outa a zoo. Laughing at the idea of the little girls, two sisters they were. ‘Do we have te share them sausages or do we do wha wit them?’ they asked the other kids. I knew straight away what they were going through. Somehow it was like looking at meself at their age, and I knew then what I must have looked like. They didn’t stay here no more than a few nights. Then they were gone again. ‘Yeah, I know what you are talking about, Matron,’ I said.
‘So that’s the way it goes,’ she said, shaking her head slowly, thinking back on her life. ‘So here I am. I wake up one day and find I’m nearly at the end of my days. It was short yet very long,’ she said, miles away in herself.
I sat looking at her sitting on the deep windowsill, her white frilly linen cap sitting on top of her head, with the grey wisps of hair hanging out around her face, and I knew she tied it up in a bun on top; her white face falling in folds hanging under her cheeks, and her faded-blue eyes with veins in the whites, still lit up with the kind of life ye only see in a very young child who gets the idea of doing something great gas but very bold. She has more life in her eyes than a lot of the kids here have, and the nuns never had it. Most of the time their eyes are like stone. Dead!
We sat in silence, her swinging her legs with the thick woollen stockings falling down in rolls inta her black-laced soft-leather high-heel boots. With her long, white, heavy linen uniform covering her legs, and letting her white wrinkly hands rest in her lap while she stared at them.
I lifted me head slowly, resting me eyes on the bare trees, with the fruit rotting on the wet grass and everything dead now in the orchard, having had their time, and waiting for the spring te come and the new life will start over again. I suppose that’s somehow like life. Matron Mona has had her time, and it starts all over again with a new generation. I’m one of the lucky ones who was born and have a chance te have a go at making something outa me life, I thought, looking back te Matron Mona, who lifted her head, giving me a smile – full of contentment the two of us. Like there was no age difference between us. She understands me and I understand her, and we are easy in each other’s company. She’s me one real friend here.