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Brother Martin scowled deeply at Manny from across the table. The early afternoon hour meant that Purgatory had not ascended to peak insanity yet. Though still crowded and buzzing with an electric air of barely restrained frenzy, the two could still make conversation without shouting. Manny felt the mania building around their booth, a strange boiling pressure intensifying with each passing minute. It made the skin of his cheeks tingle and sent butterflies thrashing about in his guts. He hoped he and Martin could finish before the crucible achieved critical mass and everything went haywire once more.
“What you are asking is not exactly a little thing, you know.”
Manny held up his hands in surrender. “I know. We just want to complete our business and leave, Friar. This is the best way. Grimes is a dangerous assassin and killer—”
“And you are what exactly?”
Manny winced. “Not a whole lot better than him, sometimes. I suppose that is a fair point. But we fix problems, not cause them. That is what we are trying to do here. There is a corporate war brewing, and Grimes stole something that might prevent it from happening. We just want it back. We don’t even care about Grimes, if I’m being honest.”
“You fix things? Really? Do you have any idea at all what you have done? What it is you have brought to my home?”
“In our defense, sir, we did not bring anything. Grimes stole something and tried to hide here.”
“Not that. I’m talking about a different disaster, one that has nothing to do with corporate profit margins.”
“I’m lost,” Manny said.
“That is literally ninety percent of your problem,” muttered the friar. Louder, he said, “The people here live on a razor’s edge, kid. Never more than a few bad moments away from going nuts and...” His voice trailed off, and he shook his head. “Doing something stupid. Do you understand what your big friend is putting in their heads?”
Manny tilted his head and nodded. “The Knights represent the Church, and the Church is no friend of theirs. Roland makes the Knights look vulnerable. The big scary Knights are not so scary anymore.”
“Should have expected a Venusian to pick up on that pretty quick. Well done. Now all anyone can talk about is the new guy who slaps Knights around. There is way too much dangerous chatter going on. A lot of people are going to get hurt. That’s what I’m worried about. So yeah. Getting you guys out the door is very high on my list of things to do. Tell me about this thing Grimes stole. What is so important that OmniCorp and Gateways are willing to destroy a whole city over it?”
Manny chewed a lip. Then he rolled the dice. “Friar, what Grimes has is the last earthly remains of a good man. It’s the memory core of a powerful cyborg that was imprisoned by the Prospectors. It’s a repository of all the crimes committed by them and OmniCorp.”
Martin gave Manny a look equal parts horror and confusion. “It’s a human brain?”
“Yes. Well, no. It’s the parts of a human brain that weren’t destroyed by a rogue AI. Its last act of defiance before they murdered him was to steal all the evidence necessary to bury his torturers. What is inside that thing could destroy OmniCorp and expose a great evil.”
“And I am supposed to just believe all that?”
“It is the truth. Take it on faith, if you like.”
“Faith?” Martin laughed out loud. “That’s rich! Let me tell you something about faith, kid.” Martin rubbed his face with both hands. “Years ago, my mother had a picture on her wall of a bird sitting in somebody’s hand. Some random songbird, right? Just a stupid bird staring at the palm, which held a bunch of seeds or whatever. Underneath it said, ‘Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservations.’ As a kid that stupid picture made me crazy. Pure circular thinking, impervious to any sort of logical counterpoint. At ten years old, I knew it was total bullshit.” Martin shook his head. “Then March Hare happened. I learned something about faith there. There was a moment, kid. A moment when I no longer believed in anything. I trusted nothing. I saw such things as to destroy all the little stupid lies that keep us all sane and getting out of bed in the morning. I was completely lost. Do you know what I thought about in that moment?”
Manny said nothing. He waited.
“I thought about that stupid picture of that stupid bird.” Martin smiled. “Can you believe it? That is when I knew I had faith. That God had given me everything I needed to get through my moment. I did not have to trust or believe. I just had to do. God did not need to command me or hold me up. I already was where and when I was supposed to be. Faith is the acceptance of something profoundly unacceptable. Like, say, learning to live in each moment, no matter how awful or wonderful, simply because that is where and when you are.” Martin waved a hand around his head. “It’s not the robes, or the hierarchy, or the performing of complex rites. It’s not obedience to archaic dogma. None of that is faith. That’s theater.”
“And what is faith, then?”
Martin flashed his teeth in a wide smile. “You don’t want the whole sermon? Fine, I’ll skip the gory details and give you the big reveal up front. Faith is neither belief nor trust. Faith is a life preserver. Faith is what you are left with when you are all out of everything else. Faith is the last place inside you to give up when the rest of you is broken. It’s stronger than trust, or belief, or even truth.”
“Sounds like desperation to me.”
“Close. I bet it’s pretty indistinguishable most of the time. For a lot of folks, God is invisible right up until the moment you think you’re going to meet him. The point is that I did not discover my faith until there was nothing left but my faith. God was always there, you see. He’s just subtle sometimes. His ways are mysterious and all that jazz. He didn’t need me to prance around in a purple robe wearing a sanctimonious look on my face to serve.” The friar’s face wilted a little. “He needed me to save as many young spacers’ lives as I could before I bled to death from a ruptured liver.” He looked back up to Manny. “So that’s what I did. It was not as many as I would have liked, but I have total faith that it was as many as I could.”
“That does not sound like a benevolent God to me.” Manny said it before he realized how rude he sounded. “Sorry.”
“The universe is a big, complex place, kid. I can only do what I can where I am. The parts we humans play are small because we are small. I do the best I can and take the rest on faith. Which brings us back to your story, which you have asked me to take on faith. You do understand that telling fantastic stories and countering all criticism with ‘take it on faith’ is exactly what the Church Elders, do, right? That ain’t how faith works. Or at least it’s not supposed to work that way.”
Manny winced. “Ouch. I see your point. I’m sorry I phrased it like that.”
“Do you have faith?” Martin asked.
“Can’t say as I do. Not the way you describe it, at least.”
“Why not?”
“I suppose I did have it once, in a way. I was raised to serve a cause, you know. Taught the rites and rituals of my people from birth, same as people here. Well, nothing like what you do here, actually. But I can see the parallels. I was taught that doing the things they commanded made me righteous. A piece of something greater.”
“Sounds familiar,” said Martin, his eyes sparkling.
“I was a terrorist, Friar. I helped kill a lot of innocent people.”
Martin lost his smile. “Wow. I’m sorry. Venus. Right. Should have picked up on that. What happened?”
“I lost my faith. Because I saw the lie of it.”
“I see,” said Martin. “But what about now? You came to me describing your cause as righteous. Righteousness is a feeling, not something you can quantify. It can only be taken on faith. But here you sit, telling me you have no faith? How can both be true?”
This made Manny pause. The man had a strange kind of point. “I suppose, at the end of the day, I want to feel like I’m making things better, not worse. I’ve done horrible things, and I guess I just want to pay the universe back for some of it.”
“You truly believe that what you are doing is ever going to wipe your conscience clean?”
The question hurt. “No. I’m not sure anything can ever do that.”
“Will you keep trying, then?”
Manny had to think about that too. “Yes. I think I have to.”
The friar’s face split into an enormous grin. “That sounds like a young man clinging to a life preserver to me!”
“What?” Manny was completely lost.
Martin placed a hand on his shoulder. “All of what you were. Everything you did. It’s done. The debt cannot be paid back. But you are going to keep working off what you owe anyway, because you have faith that this is what you must do. You don’t believe it’s actually necessary, because you already know that all your actions are a choice. You don’t trust it because it’s an entirely untrustworthy motivation. It’s pure, stupid, illogical, blind, beautiful faith that’s pushing you. It’s wonderful.”
“I still don’t believe in any God.”
“Manuel, you are on an impossible quest, fighting infinite enemies, while looking for something that does not exist. Faith is the only thing you have, kid. The question comes down to this: what exactly do you have faith in?”
For a moment, Manny did not know how to respond. Then a small smile turned the corners of his mouth. “All evil needs to triumph is for good people to do nothing. I have faith that by doing good now, I can make the future better for a lot of kids just like me. I don’t need a god, or a mysterious plan, or a near-death experience to know that I want to be part of the solution, not the problem.”
Martin rolled his eyes. “You know Edmund Burke believed in God, right?”
“Who is Edmund Burke?”
“The guy you just quoted.”
“Good for him, then. I’m not going to any church.”
“Well, if God exists, I’m sure he doesn’t mind. Trust me.”
“If?” Manny raised both eyebrows.
“Nobody knows the hereafter, kid. I certainly believe he exists. But what the hell do I know? I got faith, though.”
“You are a very strange Friar, Martin.”
“Why? Because I don’t preach at you in flowery platitudes? Because I don’t walk around as if I am some special conduit for heaven’s wisdom?” He blew a raspberry. “I know what I believe, and I know what I don’t know. I live the way I do out of faith. I could be stark raving mad, though. I’m happy to let you decide for yourself what you do and do not believe. It’s why I’m a friar and not a priest.”
Manny held up his hands in surrender. “I came here trying to get your help with my job, now I’m wondering what to think about the whole universe.”
“Told you they put stuff in the drinks, here,” Martin said. “Even the water.”
“Will you help us?”
“Of course. I was already doing that when you came looking for me. This assassin is bad news.”
Manny threw up his hands. “Then why the lecture? Why all the questions?”
“I have moral imperative that drives me to give unsolicited sermons to all confused off-worlders whenever I can sneak one in. It’s part of my calling.”
Manny laughed. “I guess you got me, then. Do you know where Grimes is?”
“Yeah, the Inquisitors have him.”
“What?” Manny’s eyes went wide.
“There’s more,” Martin said. “I have it on good authority that Elder Polito has taken special interest in this situation. I can’t figure out his angle, but he’s real serious. Sending a Teuton down and everything.”
Manny dropped his head into his hands. “This is bad.”
“What?” Martin sounded concerned. “What do you know?”
“It’s Mindy. She was supposed to be one of his wives or something. It’s why she left this planet as teenager.”
“The blond?” Martin wagged a finger. “That is... bad. Polito is powerful, and he doesn’t like not getting his way.”
“What will he do?”
Martin ran fingers through his hair and tried to look calm. “I don’t know. He might want to kill her, but that’s a big step even for him. The scandal would ruin him if he got caught. He might try...” Martin trailed off.
“What?” Manny pried.
“I mean, he could bring her in, right? Remove her biotech, re-educate her, force her to marry him. Basically, turn his big embarrassing loss into a win.”
Manny sneered “She would rather die. Or, more likely, she would rather kill him.”
Martin sneered back. “You don’t know how re-education works here, kid. They’ll pump her so full of drugs she’ll do whatever he wants.”
“Your Church is disgusting,” Manny whispered.
“Not mine,” said the friar. “Now you know why I stay down here to do God’s work.”
“Do you really think he would try to kidnap her?”
Martin shrugged. “I’m not sure what else he would do. She’s not a criminal, per se. But he does have rights to her if they really were betrothed.”
“Rights?”
“Kid,” Martin said with a heavy sigh. “If the deacons decided that Mindy was going to marry Polito, then he has rights to her. She’s good-looking, so that means he probably made a hell of a donation to the Church to secure that arrangement.” He leveled a heavy-browed gaze at Manny. “You get me?”
Manny choked on the words, so thick was his disgust. “Money changed hands. I get it.”
Martin bobbed his head. “Exactly. Money and influence. Her family probably lost a lot of clout when she ran, and Polito lost a ton of money.”
“Oh, hell,” Manny breathed. “We do not need this right now.”
Martin slapped the table. “Let me work on this. Give me four hours and keep that blond out of sight. Your crew is popular down here so I think we have some angles we can work on. Can we get some kind of distraction? I need the Inquisition to give me a little breathing room.”
“Would a bunch of ugly fights with Sword Brothers work?”
“Can your guy avoid killing them? These are not evil men. Stupid. Zealous. Often brutish. But not evil.”
“So they never steal from folks, accept bribes, or employ excessive force, then?”
Martin winced. “Okay, fine. Most of them are pretty bad. But that does not mean they deserve death. Also, killing them will only provoke a higher level of response from the other orders. Brawling is one thing. The Sword Brothers actually love a good scrap. But if your guy starts stacking bodies, this gets worse, not better.”
Manny titled his head. “He will try very hard not to kill anyone, I promise. Will they return the favor?”
“Probably not. This is what makes us better than them.”
Manny nodded. “Good enough, I guess.”
Martin heaved an enormous sigh. “It will have to be good enough. Else none of this matters.”
“Remember, all we need is that memory core,” Manny said. “Once we have it, we’re gone.”
“It’s what you’ll leave behind that makes me nervous,” said the friar.