I hung from a hook that the chain of my handcuffs was draped over. My back was on fire, and every muscle in my body screamed in agony. I yelled at the last kiss of the whip against my back.
“Ten, thank you, sir.” I counted as he requested and closed my eyes at the sting of sweat. I deserved my punishment. I hadn't trusted him to know what was best.
Just as my legs were about to go out, his arms were around me, and he was pressed flush to my back. I leaned my head back on his shoulder, and he soothed me—grounded me as my head went light.
“You made me so proud, boy.”
With his arms around me, he helped me lift high enough to remove my tether to the hook. He walked me to the bathroom and sat me on the closed toilet seat. I kept my hands on him as he filled the tub, my head pressed to his ribs. I brushed a kiss to the deep valleyed scar where flesh was missing and another to the knife wound that had pierced his ribs. He'd gotten it as he had tried to save me when his old boss used me as leverage.
I'd spent days at his bedside as he'd turned repeatedly feverish. It was a reminder of how close I came to losing him. In the back of my brain, I still questioned sometimes why I stayed—why I didn't run as fast as possible.
He removed the cuffs, tugged me to my feet, and helped me into the tub. I hissed a bit as the warm water touched the stripes on my ass and lower back.
“Sh, I'll get you all cleaned up and then put your medicine on.” He calmed me as he used a cup to wet my hair.
I sighed in pleasure as he worked shampoo through my hair and scored my scalp with his blunt nails.
“You still happy with me, sir?”
“Always, if not I'll find a beautiful place to spread your ashes.”
I snorted as he said that with a straight face, but his gorgeous eyes brightened a bit. After a year, his joke delivery still needed some work. When I'd awakened in his basement clueless as to why and who had me, hell, even before, I'd never thought I'd be here.
The outside world would think something was wrong with my feelings for him and his for me. They didn't matter. I was truly happy for the first time in my life, and I wouldn't give it up for anything. I still spent nights and days alone as he took care of his new jobs. He required the killing to keep him grounded, and I wouldn't take that from him.
If anything, his routine was the hardest to adapt to—he was a creature of extreme habit. The only things he adjusted for were when he went on jobs. I'd learned a lot about him and the subtly of his surprise when he returned, and I was still there, broke me. As if I would leave him, I was addicted to and lost without him. Before him, my panic attacks were often, but since him, I rarely had them. They returned after Cristo had taken me. Although, it hadn’t lasted long because he’d focused completely on me to give me my safety back.
That's what today's punishment was about. I hadn't come to him when the anxiety had taken over, and I'd attempted to suffer alone. He'd taken me in hand and given me the pain I needed to ground me, then cared for me as always. I hadn't understood what I needed until I'd met him. He'd shown me that I didn't need to be in control of everything—that he was there to always give me what I required.
He tilted my head back to strip the lather from my hair, and I watched him as he did. His cheek bore a new scar that heightened the harsh angles of his face. He wasn't beautiful or soft, and his expression never changed. Occasionally a smile would cause the tiniest tilt to one corner of his thin mouth.
I pouted my lips, and he gave me a quick kiss, then continued with his task of cleaning me from head to toe. His single-mindedness was extraordinary, and when we were together, it was always trained on me. I was his focal point, the place he didn't have to be on guard.
I stared at the cuff bracelet he'd given me months before, and I never removed it, sometimes he would grab my wrist at work. He’s squeezed until the metal cut into my flesh. Just a bite of pain to remind me that he owned my pleasure, and more importantly, my pain.
“Do you love me, boy?”
“Yes, sir.”
He roughly jerked my head back to stare into my eyes. “Say it, boy.”
“I love you, sir.”
I smiled up at him as the stiffness of his body eased, and his touch gentled. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Cowen was possessive, insane, unyielding, and homicidal, but I wouldn't have my crazy assassin any other way.
THE END