He’ll stay, Charlie told herself as she stood in the warm, dim barn, but only because he has to. He’d have left today if he could have, and after seeing his father he’ll probably be watching for a chance to run. The thought caused an ache in Charlie that she would not have believed possible. It also started her tears.
As a child it had become familiar to hurt inside, knowing that her grandfather would often have liked to rid himself of her. With Sean it was much more than just hurt, it was . . .
The thought hung on like a bad headache, and Charlie’s arms went around her middle, as though the pain was centered there. It wasn’t. The pain was higher and squeezed around the region of her heart like a cruel fist.
She wondered during one brief moment of near insanity what Sean would do if she went back into the house and told him she was in love with him. He might go down on his knee and declare his own love and then take her in his arms. After all, he did care some; she was sure of that. And then she knew it would never happen.
“He’d laugh in your face, Charlie, and you know it.”
Sean was so surprised to hear his wife’s voice that it halted his progress through the back door. He had stayed in the house until he could no longer stand it. It had never occurred to him that she wasn’t alone in the livery. Maybe someone was trying to hurt her. It was this thought that propelled him forward, his face a mask of worry.
“Charlotte?” Sean blurted as soon as he spotted her in one of the stalls, instantly feeling contrite over the way he had startled her.
Charlie had come away from the wall of the stall where she was leaning and was now kneeling on the ground. She frowned when she realized she hadn’t brought her gun. After all, it could have been anyone.
Sean didn’t like that frown, but he came forward anyway. Charlie watched as he lowered himself to the ground and leaned against the wall of the stall, as she had been doing. He just stared at her as she sat back on her heels, her knees just inches from his outstretched legs. The window above them lit the stall, casting a soft light around Charlie’s red hair.
“I hope that frown isn’t for me.”
“It’s not,” Charlie answered and then looked away, knowing no matter how kind he was, she mustn’t let herself get more attached to this man than she already was.
“Are you all right?”
“Why wouldn’t I be all right?” Charlie’s tone was suspicious.
“Since you’re the one who’s been crying, you’ll need to tell me.” Sean’s voice was soft, and Charlie turned her head slowly back to look at him. Her look was filled with surprise, and Sean had to speculate for only a moment on what she might be thinking.
“How did you know I’d been crying?”
Sean smiled; he couldn’t help it. “Charlotte.” Again his voice was very low. “Haven’t you ever looked in the mirror after you’ve cried?” Sean raised one finger and tenderly touched one corner of Charlie’s red-rimmed eyes.
The act was too much for the confused redhead. Her eyes filled with tears once again and before she could even draw a breath, Sean gathered her to himself.
Charlie told herself to pull away, but his arms felt so good, and he smelled wonderful. She suddenly remembered the regret on her husband’s face when he realized that he had missed his father by six weeks. Knowing that he was never even supposed to be here, and that he would never really be hers, was enough to make her cry all the harder.
“Charlotte, Charlotte, please try to stop. You’re going to make yourself sick.” Sean stroked her hair with his free hand and thought his heart would break. If only she would confide in him. Theirs had become a strange relationship all over again. Husband and wife, but not lovers. Housemates, but just barely friends.
Charlie, in an attempt to stop her tears, drew in a shuddering breath and tipped her head back to look at her husband. She told herself to thank him and move out of his arms, but no words would come. She watched Sean’s gaze drop from her eyes to her mouth, and still she couldn’t move. Not even when she watched his head lower and felt his hand holding the back of her head, was she able to put any space between them.
The kiss was like nothing Sean had ever dreamed of. He honestly believed he was going slowly, but when Charlie whimpered he knew he was crushing her in his arms. He loosened his hold without breaking the kiss, shifting his wife onto his lap as he did. She was kissing him back now, and Sean felt as lightheaded as a man who had gone for days with an empty stomach.
Empty. That word perfectly described Sean’s arms a moment later when Charlie suddenly pushed away from him and stood a few yards away. Sean took several deep breaths and had to clear his throat before he spoke.
“I’m not going to apologize for that, Charlotte, because saying I’m sorry would be a lie. I like kissing you, and I hope someday you’ll enjoy it too.”
“I enjoyed it.” Charlie could have pulled her own tongue out.
“Then why are you way over there looking terrified?”
“I don’t know. There’s so much between us, and I think if we had continued it would have complicated things further.” The words were stilted, and Sean wished with all his might that he knew what she was talking about. Complicate what things?
“Charlotte, I’m not sure I understand.”
“And I’m not sure I can explain.”
Sean realized he would have to be satisfied with that. He stood, determined not to press her, but equally determined not to leave her in the barn alone.
“Why don’t we head inside now. Maybe we can talk some more tomorrow.”
Charlie seemed relieved by his understanding and went willingly with him to the house.
“While you’re here I want to get a lot of this done. Everything is pretty small, and I guess that’s why it has been sitting for so long. They are just the jobs I never seem to get started.”
Sean listened silently as Charlie spoke over lunch. She was communicating with him now, but all was strictly business. She had also insinuated often in the last three days that Sean was going somewhere. It was always subtle, but Sean never missed it. To his surprise Charlie had been eager to resume her reading lessons. At first it made no sense, but as Sean listened to his wife, he realized she wanted him to teach her before he left.
Well she’s going to be in for a surprise, Sean thought to himself, because I’m not going anywhere.
In fact, he was going to be beside her even more, as much as it was in his power to do so, and his plan of attack was going to begin that very evening.
As had become their routine since the day after Patrick left, Charlie quickly cleared the kitchen table and retrieved the primer. She turned the lantern high and waited for Sean to join her.
“Why don’t we study in the living room tonight?” Sean suggested as he picked up the lantern and pulled out his wife’s chair. She looked surprised, but preceded Sean into the other room, primer in hand.
Sean sat very close to Charlie on the sofa and took the book from her grasp. He opened to the page where he wanted her to start and stayed close as she read. She was doing exceptionally well, and Sean uttered only a few corrections as she read the simple story. She stumbled over the word “ear” and Sean helped her, but before she could read on, he interrupted.
“You have very nice ears,” he said softly. “I wonder why I’ve never noticed them before.”
Charlie’s hand came up. She touched her ear self-consciously, turning slightly to look at her husband. He was nearly touching her with the way he was leaning to read over her shoulder, and as soon as her eyes caught his, he winked at her.
Charlie nearly dropped the book, and Sean smiled as she cleared her throat and tried once again to read. But Sean could tell she wasn’t concentrating. She stumbled over words she had never had any difficulty with, and after a few moments Sean took pity on her.
“Could we skip the reading lesson tonight, Charlotte?”
“Skip it?” Charlie’s voice was several octaves higher than normal, and she looked ready to panic at the way Sean shifted even closer.
“Yes, skip it. I want to ask you something. Do you like children?”
Charlie did drop the book then. Her head turned at a nearly impossible angle to look at the man beside her. What in the world had gotten into him? Charlie wasn’t really sure she wanted to know.
“I think maybe I’d like a bath tonight.” Charlie’s voice was breathless as she moved to get up, but Sean leaned so close that his nose was brushing her temple. She froze in her place.
“You don’t need a bath. You smell wonderful.”
Charlie could only gawk at her spouse.
“What happened, Charlotte?” Sean entreated softly, his face close to hers. “What happened after the last time we sat on this couch together and acted like husband and wife?”
Charlie knew exactly the evening to which he referred. It was the night Sean had been about to kiss her, and they had been interrupted by his father. She answered without looking at him.
“I’m not sure what happened, Sean, but I know your father’s interrupting us was for the best.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because it’s true. You don’t belong with a girl like me. You belong with someone beautiful and feminine like your sisters. I can only guess at how much you miss them. I was a fool to think you’d ever really be mine.”
Sean’s hand gently grasped her face and turned her gaze back to his.
“Charlotte, you’re my wife!” Sean’s voice was urgent. “It’s true that I miss my family, and it was hard to see my father leave, but this is where I belong, here with you.”
“But you wish you could be elsewhere.”
“Not without you,” he told her simply. “Whenever I think about visiting my family, or even going to see my father in Hawaii, you’re with me. The idea of leaving you behind or leaving you at all is inconceivable to me.”
Charlie searched his face and learned in an instant that she had been blind to Sean’s true feelings about her.
“Charlotte, will you please ask me the question that you wanted to ask me days ago?”
Charlie didn’t know how he knew about that, but neither did she care. “Sean, how do you feel about sharing my room?”
Sean’s smile was so tender that Charlie’s breath left her in a rush. They leaned toward each other at the same time, and Sean suddenly understood the silly look Kate always had on her face after Rigg kissed her—he would have sworn he was floating.
He also knew that he could now tell Charlie he loved her, but he knew he had time—all the time in the world.