Noah Could Never

For once, the house was empty. No Eric, no Dad, no Mother … just Mick, sitting on the sofa like it was his sofa, painting his nails, feet in a portable electric foot spa and a mobile phone crooked between his shoulder and neck. “Babes, that is such amazeballs news!” Mick was saying, confusingly using Bambi’s voice.

Mick released the phone and it dropped on to the sofa. He hadn’t even pressed the “end call” button – relying on the other person to make sure they had ended the call. Selfish, Noah considered. Making others do everything. Relying on their charity and hard work.

“Good news, babe!” Mick said. “Bambi’s show in the big smoke is already nearly half sold out!”

“And now my flyers have arrived, that number’s only gonna go up.” He extended his arms, like some sort of showgirl. “London, babe! Bambi’s doin’ what she does best – headin’ south!”

Noah wrinkled his nose. Was that some sort of attempt at innuendo? “Well. Congratulations.”

“Yeah,” Noah said, severely doubting it. “Look, when exactly are you going?”

“Well, maybe that’s because when I first met you, as a tender and innocent thirteen-year-old, we were eye to gigantic breasts. It scarred me, and the legacy lives on.”

“Not fun!” Noah said. “And I also don’t appreciate how everything you say and do is laced with sexual references and innuendo. It’s tiresome.”

Mick stepped out of the foot spa, wet feet directly on to the carpet, not a towel in sight. “Well, I’ll be out of your hair soon. If Bambi can make the show tomorrow a hit, then there might be more, thanks to my old pals Milly Feuille and Cherry Macaroon! They’ve got an in with one of the top promoters, see? I’m gonna be the talk of Soho!” He draped a pashmina around his shoulders, whisking out of the room.

Mick turned back at the door, eyes full of tragedy. “You know, I tried with you, Noah.” And he swept out of the room.

Noah lit a few tea lights and decanted a grab bag of Skittles into a soup bowl. He wanted things to be nice for Harry. They would talk, and Noah would explain, with full and total honesty, what had been happening in his head over the last week, and how this had accidentally culminated in Pierre kissing him, a trip to the shed to spy, and running into some mysterious agents/police/gangsters because something BAD and WEIRD was happening in Little Fobbing that probably involved MURDER and STABBING and GOVERNMENT COVER-UPS AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL.

“I just want to put something out there,” Harry said, leaning back against one of the sofa cushions and throwing a handful of Skittles in his mouth. He chewed for a bit. “If you’re thinking we might play 3D Cluedo, I’m not sure I’ve got the stamina for it.”

“We’ll just have a relaxed evening,” Noah said. If you can call revealing to your boyfriend you’ve accidentally kissed another boy “relaxing”.

“Chill, chill, chill. So…” Noah said, immediately trailing off, because despite having planned this next bit, he was now beset with doubts about it. This was actually very tricky when the person concerned was sitting right next to you. There didn’t seem to be any good-sounding method of delivery. Example:

1)“Harry, Pierre kissed me.” (Sounded like it was a surprise, but not unwelcome.)

2)“Harry, there was a kiss with Pierre that I was not expecting, and I didn’t participate as such, my lips were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.” (And yet, I didn’t stop him! Why not?)

3)“Harry, I had consumed a glass of red wine and some cheese and was so ‘wasted’ that before I knew what was happening, Pierre had kissed me.” (Sounds too romantic in the lead-up to the kiss and that I would kiss anyone if plied with any sort of food and drink.)

Arse. He really needed to think more quickly, so he could get in there first with stuff. “OK, fine,” Noah said.

“Yeah! But, I mean – he tried to kiss you? When?” Noah swallowed back the sour taste in his mouth. Harry and Pierre. Were his fears justified after all? He crossed his arms over his stomach and looked down at the floor – if Harry was about to tell him something bad, he hoped he would just say it quickly.

“At the cinema,” Harry said. “He started leaning into me and getting, you know, a bit too close? And I could just tell, you know, like you can, that he was going to try and kiss me. Could just … feel it in the air, right?”

“So, totally honest, before he did, I just turned to him and said, ‘You know I’m with Noah, right?’”

“Yes, of course I did!” Harry said. “What did you think I was going to do? Let him kiss me? That’s not really how this whole boyfriend thing works, Noah. Anyway, he made out like he was all surprised, but I knew he wasn’t. You gotta watch him, that’s for sure. I wasn’t sure whether to tell you, ’cause nothing actually happened and I knew you’d freak out a bit, but then when you started acting weird I wondered if someone had told you something … like, maybe someone saw us at the cinema?”

“Sure,” Harry said, rolling his eyes. “’Course she did. And bigged it up no end to you, I’ll bet.”

“So, anyway, that’s the truth and you’ve got nothing to be jealous of because I would never do that to you.” Harry kissed Noah on the cheek. “So he tried it on with you too, huh?”

“Um, you know, when he came round last night, you know, to apologize to me, with the picnic.”

“I mean, essentially, that’s what we were dealing with. Some … old bread, you know … a bit of dry cheese … maybe a platter of cured meats, I can’t really remember.”

“I mean, I assumed it was just his way of apologizing to me for that stuff about my quiz night. That’s what I assumed. I would not have gone otherwise. No way. I’ve got his number too, Haz. You gotta watch him.”

Harry sighed. “God. You really have. So, some bread, some cheese, a platter of cured meats… What happened next?”

“Um, well … let me think now…” Noah said, blinking rapidly. “So, there was some talking about stuff, blah, blah … bit of food, nibble, nibble, and then he … he…”

Noah nodded. “Told him, yes. He was … sad … but happy that … our relationship was so strong that things like that, like errant kissing with random boys, just wouldn’t happen.”

“So, so sneaky,” Noah agreed, trying to breathe normally. Shit, shit, shitty, shit. Now he’d gone and lied. No, not lied as such. Omitted a detail. A … crucial detail. How had this happened? Was it because Harry was a trustworthy, reliable, entirely sorted type of person who never did the wrong thing, and Noah was a weak, pathetic, jealous liar who was two-faced and horrible? Oh God, it was!

“Look, hey,” Harry said, putting his hand on Noah’s leg again. “Don’t feel bad about it. I know you only went on the picnic to be polite and wouldn’t have been expecting him to pull a stunt like this.”

“There’s always gonna be people who have their eye on you,” Harry said, leaning in and kissing Noah softly. “I’m a lucky guy. You’re a catch.”

Noah felt the tingle still on his lips. “Haz, don’t be silly. I’m not a catch. You’re the catch. I seriously thought…” Noah put his head down. “I did actually think you liked Pierre.”

“He’s a player. And there’s something about him that… I dunno, there’s just something. And I don’t want that. I want someone I can trust. Someone I can properly fall in love with. Someone I have fallen in love with.”

Harry leaned closer in and kissed Noah again. “You’re so sweet. And look, something else too. There’s no rush for us to do stuff, like… Well, you know what I mean. It’s not about that. You know? It happens when it happens.”

Harry chuckled. “You don’t have to thank me. And, I mean, I do want to. Sometime. When it’s right. I want… I just want to be close to you, Noah. In whatever way that you’re happy with, but in a way that isn’t like what you have with anyone else. It doesn’t have to mean sex. It can mean like now. Just this. Sitting here, cuddling. I don’t mind. Why are you crying?”

He was. He wiped away the stupid tears that were part happiness, part guilt, part sadness that Harry was everything Noah wasn’t, and Noah wasn’t remotely worthy of this beautiful, kind, adorable boy’s love. “I love you,” Noah managed to mutter, completely choked up.

Harry smiled. “I love you too.” He kissed Noah again and wiped the last little tear away with his thumb. “Now cheer up because everything’s good and pretty much perfect, so there’s nothing to be sad about.”

Noah smiled, while his heart sank into his stomach. Why couldn’t he enjoy a single, pure moment of happiness? Maybe if he hadn’t been such an idiot, he would have.

He had planned to say more about Pierre. He had been going to tell Harry about the overheard conversation in the toilets, the spying mission to the shed, and Pierre’s strange and secret meeting with Ms O’Malley, all of it. But he didn’t want to now. He couldn’t. Harry would see how little Noah trusted him.

And he didn’t want to spend another moment thinking about, or talking about, bloody Pierre. He just wanted him gone and forgotten. And then Noah and Harry could get on with their lives and maybe, just maybe, everything really would be OK.

“Do you want to watch some telly?” Noah suggested. “I recorded an episode the other day. It’s a good one.”

“Is Jessica invited to see an old friend whilst on a book tour, and then encounters a murder that the police bizarrely can’t solve?” Harry asked.

“Probably one of the minor characters who doesn’t get much screen time initially.”

“Stop. Spoiling. Murder, She Wrote,” Noah said, jabbing Harry in the thigh with his index finger.

Harry smiled, put his arm around him, and pulled Noah towards him, so they were nestled into one another.

“Ooh, look,” Noah said. “Some bad guys are meeting in a shadowy alleyway! I wonder what’s happening!”

Noah flicked his eyes to the side to look at Harry and then back at the TV again. Then to the side again. “Why are you … look at the TV, Harry, not at me, you’ll miss vital clues!”

“Yes, but look! See?! That character has literally just threatened to kill the other man! He’s as good as admitted it!”

Harry kissed the side of Noah’s neck and worked his hand up underneath Noah’s hoodie and T-shirt. “Oh, goodness!” Noah said. “In front of Jessica, though?”

“Nothing’s happening, Noah. All I’m doing is stroking your little tummy.”

“Uh-huh,” Noah muttered, feeling like he might explode with every exquisite touch and stroke of Harry’s fingers, his stomach muscles twitching in little spasms of pleasure. He hoped Harry wouldn’t be put off by his obvious lack of abs. “Um … oh gosh… There’s a … on the screen now… Jessica is meeting her friend and…” Noah swallowed as Harry nuzzled into Noah’s neck again and then put his other hand behind Noah’s head and pulled him into a kiss which was TOTALLY CRAZY right in front of Mrs F, but Harry was probably right, she wouldn’t mind and would probably fully approve. And this was nice. So nice. Somehow, now that Harry had said it didn’t matter if they actually did anything or not, the usual sense of panic hadn’t appeared. “Oh God, I really like you, Harry.” Noah pulled away, breathless. “You make me very happy in all sorts of wonderful places.”

Harry fixed Noah with a stare. There it was. You could totally tell when something was going to happen with another person. And it totally was now. Words weren’t necessary. Noah stared back, swallowed. He wanted to. And he also didn’t want to. He didn’t know why he was suddenly scared, but he was. What was there to be afraid of? It was Harry. And he loved Harry. Harry had said it was OK to wait – fine. But he would want to do stuff at some point. It couldn’t be avoided for ever. The clock was ticking. A timer. Counting down to a … great, big … sex bomb.