CHAPTER
THIRTY-THREE

Noah was completely agog. There were cars, trucks and lorries everywhere. There were people everywhere. London, in all its chaotic, dirty, loud, manic glory, was everywhere. It pulsed. It was alive, vibrant, exciting. Mopeds zigzagged between the slowly moving vehicles, as an old guy in a pinstriped suit and a trilby played the saxophone on the street corner, and some prick with a beard and dungarees rode an actual unicycle along the actual pavement.

“Where is this?” Eva asked.

“Camden,” Bambi said.

“Let me out here,” Eva said, reaching back to grab her guitar case with her extendable arms. “Camden is great for me.”

Bambi shook her head and clicked the central locking. “No can do,” she said. “Not having any accidents on my watch.”

Eva scowled at her. “I’ll find you later, at the club. I don’t need to come along for this diamonds shit anyway.”

“Honey,” Bambi said, “I’m not being held responsible if you get yourself in any trouble. Do as Bambi says. You don’t wanna get on the wrong side of Bambi, believe me.”

“Cool,” Eva huffed, refolding her limbs back into the confined space of the seat.

“This place is crazy!” Harry cooed, checking the view out of every window, as a middle-aged woman zipped past on a child’s scooter. “All these people, like, who are they all? And the shops! And they’re all open!” He craned his neck to look out of the back window. “Ha! That place is called ‘Buy Curious’!”

“Funny,” Noah agreed, knowing damn well that if such a shop opened in Little Fobbing, it would be quickly surrounded by indignant, pitchfork-wielding locals.

“Seems to sell stuffed animals, old hospital equipment and ancient relics that look like they might be cursed, if the window display’s anything to go by,” Harry said.

Noah checked his watch. Ten o’clock. They only had an hour to find where Dad and Eric were and save the diamonds.

Pierre took a picture of a red phone box. “Classic!” he smiled. “Also, I would like to see the Queen.”

“You’ll be seeing plenty of queens later on, hun,” Bambi said.

“Haha! Queens!” Pierre turned his head back to Noah. “I am excited for the gay club!”

“How will we get in, though?” Noah said. “Surely security will ask for ID?”

“Actually,” Bambi interrupted, “Bambi can probably get you in the back way, oo-er, since you’re technically my entourage.”

“Going in the back way sounds fun!” Pierre said.

“Thank you, Pierre. But Bambi, won’t you get in trouble if they find out?”

“It’ll be fine,” Bambi sniffed, inching the van forward a metre. “I’ll just say you’re with Bambi and get you all some backstage passes. The rest of the staff will just assume you’re old enough. The power of a lanyard, huns. Access All Areas.”

“We like to Access All Areas, right, boys?!” Pierre grinned, turning round to wink at Noah and Harry.

“OK, look, Pierre,” Harry said, lurching forward in his seat. “Maybe you’re just joking, but all of your little comments are getting a bit … annoying.”

“I say something wrong?” Pierre said, face a picture of innocence. “I just say it is nice to be able to access all areas – like a film star, no?”

“No, that’s not…” Harry chewed his lip for a moment. “OK, fine.”

“OK?” Pierre said.

Harry sat back in his seat again.

“So are you lot coming to the club or not?” Bambi asked.

“I just worry we’re asking for trouble,” Noah said. “And we all need to think about how an arrest would look on our UCAS applications.”

“Ah, come on, Noah!” Harry said. “It’ll be ace.”

“Well, I’m not sure, I’ve got a bad feeling about it, to be honest. A foreboding. If this were a book, there would be dark clouds right now, and a thunderstorm. Maybe a raven or something.”

“Noah!” Harry said, placing an arm across his shoulders and pulling him towards him. “We’re in London. We’re young. We should have a good time! You gotta grab life by the horns!”

“Yes, grab the horn, Noah!”

“Shut up, Pierre!”

Pierre held his hands out, palms up. “Now what? You just say you like to grab horns!”

“You only live once, after all!” Harry said, ignoring Pierre now and resting his head on Noah’s shoulder.

Noah swallowed. He loved the way Harry’s hair smelt of rose petals. “Very well, then,” he muttered.

“Was that a yes?!” Harry grinned, sitting upright again.

“It’s a yes if I get the diamonds back.”

“YEESSS!” Harry said, giving Noah a kiss on the cheek.

“Well, OK,” Noah said. “I’m sure it’ll be a pleasant evening. Is there a dress code, Bambi?”

“It’s just casual. Unless you want to go into the BDSM room?”

“The what now?”

Bambi glanced at Noah’s puzzled face in the rear-view mirror. “Nothing, mate. Don’t worry about it. Casual is fine.”

“Good, well, I brought some slacks with me, so I expect I’ll—” Noah’s mobile rang. “Oh goodness, it’s Eric. Eric’s on the line! It’s him. This could be it!”

“Answer it, then!” Bambi shouted.

“OK! OK, everyone silent! He mustn’t think we’re on to him. He mustn’t know we’re in London! OK…” Noah accepted the call. “Noah Grimes speaking, who is this, please?”

“Dickhead,” came the reply.

“Hello, Eric. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“You ain’t found us yet.”

“That because I’m not looking.”

“Sure, sure,” Eric said. “Dad and I are just here waiting. Arrived ahead of schedule, just killing time.”

“Oh yes, doing what?”

“Oh, Noah. Why would I tell you that? If I told you that, it might give you a clue as to where we were, and then you might come and find us!” Eric chuckled.

“What are you laughing at?” Noah demanded.

“Nothing. Just looking at something. Heh, heh! Too cute.”

In the background, Noah heard a strange sound. A sort of hooo whoooop! Hooooop! type of noise. “Eric? What is that?”

“Time’s not on your side, Noah! Less than sixty minutes now. Wonder if Noah Grimes can crack the mystery or if he’s all talk?”

The phone went dead. “Well?” Bambi said.

“He didn’t give anything away,” Noah said. “But I did hear something in the background – something he was looking at.” Noah cleared his throat. “Hooo whoooop! Hooooop!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Bambi said.

“That was the noise! That’s what I heard! Hooo whoooop! Hooooop!”

“Gibbons,” Pierre muttered.

“Those monkey things?” Noah said.

“Yes, those monkey things. Their calls are very distinctive.”

“Well, why is Eric looking at gibbons?”

Mick suddenly slammed the van into a breakneck three-point turn. “Because he’s at London Zoo.”