CHAPTER
FORTY-SIX

Noah stared straight ahead at the wall opposite him, painted in a pale hospital blue. An A4 sign instructed him what to do in the event of an emergency. He doubted “boyfriend splitting up with you” was one of the ones it advised on.

Harry was, of course, right. As usual. Why should some self-appointed knob get to define what “looks good”? Who is “hot” and who is … not. Everyone likes different things. Why couldn’t Noah sort his head out? Why was he so stupidly insecure? The gym, the protein shakes, how he looked… NONE OF IT MATTERED. It was all just crap. Meaningless. If he didn’t have Harry, if he wasn’t with Harry, then he had nothing. And all the supposed good looks and money and right clothes wouldn’t ever make up for the gnawing emptiness.

Tears streamed down his face.

Why had he been such an idiot?

Why, when he had it all, had he gone and lost it?

“Bingo!” Eric said, pushing through the door with Dad behind.

“It’s over, Noah,” his dad said. “I want them back. Oh, and how are you, by the way? Hear you’ve had some sort of accident?”

Noah urgently wiped the tears away and stared at them both. He was in no mood for this. “You both disgust me. Stealing from Gran.”

Before Dad could issue any sort of rebuttal, Mick was in the door, holding a plastic carrier bag. “Right, I’m done,” he said. “Your dad’s here now, he can deal with you. I’ve got bigger fish to fry. Got a career to get back on track. Stoke Drag Awards, 2008,” Mick said, pointing to himself. “Done it once, I can damn well do it again. If they want eleganza, they’re damn well gonna get it!”

“What’s in that carrier?” Noah asked.

Mick cocked his head and smiled. “It’s a bag of shit, Noah. A bag of shit.” He dumped it on the end of the bed. “Spent the last forty minutes clearing out the van. The goose has flown off – if the diamonds aren’t in there, you ain’t ever getting them back, Sunshine.”

Dad’s eyes lit up. “The diamonds? In there?” He snatched up the bag and looked at Eric, the cogs in their heads obviously turning, as they tried to work out what the hell could have happened.

“Oh, good one, thanks, Mick,” Noah said. Oh, what was the point? He’d done his best. Dad had still got the diamonds, and all he’d ended up with was being trailed by a surveillance team, pickpocketed, suspended from school, burning his bollocks and … losing Harry.

The rest, he could take. But not Harry.

Never Harry.

He started crying again. “Just go,” he told Mick.

Mick turned to Noah’s father. “Well, good luck with this carnival of fuckuppery!” he said, before walking back to the door. He paused in the doorway, then shook his head. “You know, Noah, after everything last night, I was ready to throw the towel in. But then I got to thinking – who am I? Who really am I? Not a quitter, that’s for sure. And when the going gets tough, only thing you can do is buckle up and ride that motherfucker till you get to calmer waters. So ask yourself this: who is Noah Grimes?” Mick raised his eyebrows, stared at Noah, and walked out.

Noah rolled his eyes. A dickhead, that’s who.

He looked at Dad and Eric. “I don’t care. I tried. What you’re doing is wrong because Gran needs the money from those diamonds. We could get her in a better home, and keep her with us – really with us – for longer. But I did what I could. You do what you want.”

“Take ’em, Dad,” Eric said. “I’ll stay here and make sure he doesn’t come after you.”

Noah shook his head. “Like I could anyway? I’m in a hospital gown. I don’t even have any underpants on.”

Dad plucked the carrier bag up. “Nice one. And good thinking, Eric. Noah – I’m sorry, yeah? I don’t mean any harm. And I hope, one day, you’ll see that. Maybe when you’re old enough to take our Mazda for a spin?” He nodded at Eric and walked out with the bag.

There the diamonds went. Taking Gran’s chances with them. Gone.

He sobbed silently, engulfed in tears. Who was Noah Grimes? He was a disaster area, that’s what. He was a messed-up idiot of a boy who had gone and lost it all.

“Cheer up, mate,” Eric said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Sod off, Eric.”

Eric smiled and handed Noah a tissue. “Dad hasn’t got the diamonds, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“You have,” Eric said.

“I’m not interested in any more of your games, Eric,” Noah said. “Just go.”

“You think you hate me, and I get that,” Eric said. “But you need to hear me out here.”

Noah shrugged. He didn’t care. He just wanted to get out of here and sort things out with Harry. He had to save the situation.

“OK,” Eric said. “So, Dad told me about his plan with Gran’s diamonds a week ago, after he saw that Antiques Roadshow episode with a similar tiara. Believe it or not – and I know you’re firmly in the ‘not’ category right now – but still, believe it or not, I knew the plan was wrong. I wasn’t gonna let Gran get screwed over like this.”

Noah waved the words away. “Please, continue with your lies. Very interesting, I’m sure.”

Eric ignored him. “So, I visited her and I swapped the diamonds in the tiara, replacing the real ones with some fakes, while she was rehearsing with her band. That meant that when Dad paid her a visit the next day and nicked it, he nicked a tiara with fake diamonds in it. So far so good, right?”

“Yeah, just great, Eric. If you like LIES!”

Eric shook his head, sighed and persevered. “The plan was simple: Dad was gonna meet up with his contact in London, and try and sell what he thought were real diamonds. And obviously his contact’s gonna take one look at ’em and tell him they’re worthless. Dad will be disappointed, sure, but will just put it down to tough luck. And Gran gets to safely keep the real diamonds ’cause Dad thinks that old tiara ain’t worth anything.”

Noah looked at him. “So why did you want me to find you? I could have stopped your plan – I did, in fact!”

Eric shrugged. “I have to admit, I kinda underestimated your chances of success. See, as a little bonus, I saw this as a chance to prove to your mum what sort of crook Dad really is. A few months ago I was all set on being Dad’s apprentice – work on some business schemes together, you know?”

“Sure, whatever, Eric.”

“But, turns out the old man’s not as clued up as the son! Turns out he’s a chancer who’s flat out of chances. And everyone round Little Fobbing knows his game anyway, so it’s like, why am I wasting my time? I needed to cut him loose and get rid of him somehow. Also, you know I can’t stand their new ‘ain’t love wonderful’ vibe, and man, you must have heard them shagging at night? Kid can’t get his shut-eye, right?”

Noah grimaced.

“Plus,” Eric continued, “with your mum playing all happy families, she’s all up in my business the whole time, poking her snout in, when I need to be left alone, right? I got stuff to take care of. Big stuff.”

“And how does me coming after you achieve that?”

Eric smiled. “’Cause she’s not gonna believe you when you tell her what Dad’s done. But I recorded the whole confrontation in the Reptile House on my phone. I’m gonna send the file from an anonymous account to your mum. When she’s opens it – boom! She’ll hear the whole thing. Hopefully, it’ll be enough to prove to her Dad’s not changed, and she’ll say bye-bye. And no one will know it came from me, so I don’t make an enemy of Dad. Things’ll go back to normal and I’ll be a one-man band again, left to me own devices.”

Noah nodded. “Assuming this is true, which time will tell, then I … suppose I congratulate you.”

“Eric saves the day again!”

“Don’t get too cocky,” Noah said. “Where did you put the real diamonds?”

“They’re safe!” Eric chirped.

“Where are they?”

“Safe where nobody will think of looking,” Eric said. “In the gravel at the bottom of your fish tank.”

Noah’s face froze. A fish tank that was now at Harry’s house. Harry who had just broken up with him. Harry, who, regardless of the diamonds, he really needed to sort things out with. “We need to get back to Little Fobbing,” Noah said. “Now.”

“No sweat,” Eric said. “We’ll get a couple of train tickets. First class. I’m treating you, ’cause I do feel a bit bad for you, truth be told.”

“First class? Where d’you get that sort of cash, Eric?”

“See!” Eric said. “This is what I mean! All up in my business. Know when to keep your nose out, Noah! Let’s just say, if things keep going the way they’re going, I’m gonna get us all out of the financial pit we’re in.”

“Legally?”

“I mean, whatever ‘legal’ means.”

“It means in accordance with the laws of England and Wales, Eric.”

Eric threw Noah a pile of clothes from his bag. “You worry too much.”