As Christmas approached, Ronnie called in more and more frequently. Sometimes he brought food to help with the rations, but mostly he came just to laugh and chat with Mum in the front room. Brian made himself scarce on these occasions and Joan went up to her attic studio. But it was so cold up there that she could not do much drawing. The romantic idea of freezing to death in a garret for art’s sake was, she decided, very overrated, even if the alternative was having to listen to Ronnie’s conversation.
Audrey was spending a lot of time with her friend Pat and loyally writing letters to Dai that she knew might never reach him. There had been none from him for some weeks, but that was not unusual when he was at sea. He was not a great letter writer at the best of times. When they did arrive, they came in batches, and were lovingly read by Audrey over and over again.
One evening, after tea, when the whole family was gathered together in the back room, Mum turned off the radio and faced them rather self-consciously.
“There’s something important I want to tell you. As we’re all at home and the air-raid siren hasn’t gone yet, this seems like a good time to do it. The thing is… Well, I don’t suppose it’ll come as much of a surprise…” She paused for a second and cleared her throat. “The thing is, Ronnie has asked me to marry him.”
There was a long, strained silence. On one level this was clearly not a surprise, but on another, it was a bombshell.
“It won’t be for a while yet,” said Mum, talking rather more rapidly than usual. “We want to give you plenty of time to get used to the idea, of course.”
“Will this mean he’ll be coming to live here?” said Audrey.
“Well, no. Not yet, anyway. He’s a serving officer, don’t forget, so he will still be based at the Catering Corps headquarters. So nothing will change much for the time being, though naturally he’ll want to spend as much time here as possible.”
Judy, at least, was pleased. “Oh, goody! Will you have a white dress and a veil and flowers? Will I be a bridesmaid? Where will he sleep? Will he share with Brian? P’raps he’ll drive me to school sometimes in his army car!”
The others said nothing. Audrey bent over her unfinished air letter, doodling around the edge with her pen. Joan tried to think of something to say and failed. Brian simply got up and left the room.
After the door had closed behind him, Mum said, “I know how hard it is for you to accept this all at once, and I don’t expect you to. We’ve managed here on our own for so long now, all of us, missing Dad terribly – and you’ve been brave and wonderful.
“And I know Ronnie hasn’t shown up very well in your eyes recently,” Mum went on. “He’s well aware of how upset you all were by the whole Lukasz affair – but he was only doing his duty as an officer. And that whole business has been resolved happily now, thank goodness. The thing is, he’s much more nervous of you lot, when he comes over here, than you realize. He tends to cover up the fact that he’s keen for you to like him with too much chat. But he has many good qualities you don’t know about – his generosity, for one thing—”
“If he thinks he can bribe his way into our good books by bringing us all this off-ration foodstuff, he’s on the wrong track,” Joan cut in. “I know it’s great having it. But I’m beginning to think I’d rather put up with rationing like everyone else.”
Mum got up. “I know just how all of you feel about this. I’m only too well aware of your feelings. But you’ve got to try and understand how I feel too. How tired I am. How sick of trying to keep everything going on my own. I heard someone down at the Home Office propaganda section going on about everyone trying to ‘keep calm and carry on’, or something like that. Well, I’m trying to. I do so want someone who will put me first – who loves me enough to look after me, and keep me company. I’m just asking you to give him a chance, at least. To try to—”
At that moment, her words were cut short by the familiar sound of the air-raid siren beginning its menacing nightly wail.
It was a mercifully short raid for once, and afterwards the family discussion was not resumed. Mum was upstairs reading to Judy, Audrey had returned to her letter writing, and Brian was at the kitchen sink, grimly doing the washing up. It was not a task he usually did without being asked. Joan picked up the drying-up cloth, and they worked together for a while in silence.
Then Brian muttered savagely, “I just won’t be able to stand it!”
“Stand what?” said Joan, although she knew very well what he meant.
“That chap. That Ronnie actually living here. Married to Mum! How can she bear the thought of it?”
“She told us why – you just left before she could explain,” said Joan. “About how lonely she is and stuff.”
“But he’s a creep! It’s bad enough having him dropping in all the time, hogging the fire in the front room and boring everyone stiff with his awful conversation. Imagine what it’ll be like if he actually moves in!”
Joan could imagine, all too clearly.
“I know one thing,” said Brian. “If Mum goes through with this, I’m moving out. I’m going. I’m not living under the same roof as him!”
“But you can’t, Brian. Where would you go?”
“I dunno. I haven’t thought yet. But I’ll find somewhere. Perhaps if I offer to help look after refugees or evacuees, they’ll let me live in some kind of hostel or something.”
“But what about your school work? Your exams?”
“I’ll manage. Anyway, I’m going to join the Merchant Navy as soon as they’ll take me.”
Joan went on silently drying the dishes. There seemed to be nothing left to say.