Wednesday, the following week...
FIRST DAY BACK from leave and Lindsey went in to work early.
She hadn’t seen Dan since the storm but now she was back in town...the prospect of seeing him every day curved a smile around her lips, a flood of desire pooled into a warm ache inside her. It was a rainy, dreary morning yet she felt she was standing beneath a sunbeam.
It was good to catch up with her team, Lindsey thought as she stowed her bag and finger-waved around the staff lounge. Making a coffee, she joined Vanessa at one of the corner tables that looked out onto a rock garden. This morning the big succulent plants were dewy with raindrops.
‘Well, aren’t you the chirpy one?’ Vanessa said. ‘I take it you had a nice break?’
‘Fantastic.’ Lindsey’s hands spanned her coffee mug. ‘But it’s good to be back all the same.’
Vanessa gave an eye-roll. ‘You must be on a high.’
Lindsey laughed good-naturedly. ‘How’re things with Andrew?’
‘I think cautious must be his middle name,’ Vanessa said darkly.
‘Well, he’s at a crucial stage of his training,’ Lindsey pointed out gently. ‘Perhaps he’s not into making commitments just yet.’
‘Oh, yawn.’
Lindsey gave her contemporary a quick dry look. ‘If you think he’s worth waiting for, Van, cut him a bit of slack.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘Who’s been the charge on nights?’
‘Brooke Bartholomew.’
Lindsey’s full lower lip pursed. Brooke was relatively new to the casualty department. She’d seemed nice enough during the casual encounters Lindsey had had with her.
‘I don’t get her,’ Vanessa said frankly. ‘She’s not on for a chat when things are quiet—well, only with Dan. She kept bringing him cups of tea!’
‘Well, that’s not a crime.’ Lindsey felt a lick of unease she couldn’t explain, her pool of happiness shrinking ever so slightly. ‘How come you were on nights anyway?’
‘Anita Rayburn’s little boy was sick. She asked me to swap a couple of shifts.’
Lindsey didn’t wait to hear any more. She finished her coffee quickly and stood to her feet. ‘I guess I may as well get a jump-start and take handover.’
‘OK.’ Vanessa helped herself to one of the mini-muffins someone had brought in. ‘I’ll rouse the team shortly and see you out there.’
* * *
‘Oh, Lindsey.’ Brooke Bartholomew looked up startled from the computer and blinked a bit. ‘You’re early.’
‘I’ll take handover, if you like,’ Lindsey offered. ‘Then you can get off. Are you OK?’ She frowned as she looked at the other woman. ‘You look a bit rocky.’
‘Night shifts...’ Brook’s nostrils pinched as she breathed in. ‘I hate them.’
‘Have you been busy?’
‘Swamped.’
‘Right, who’s still waiting for triage?’ Lindsey’s trained eye flew over the list. One name sprang out and rang warning bells. Mia Roche. She turned urgently to Brooke. ‘Where is this child now?’
‘I was about to get to her. We’d had an MVA and a gunshot wound...’
‘Mia Roche is registered at the asthma clinic.’ Lindsey was on her feet. ‘You should have flagged it.’
‘I know. She would have been next. I’ll get to her now.’
‘No.’ Lindsey was definite. ‘Page the registrar to Paeds Resus. And, please, Brooke, sign yourself off but don’t go anywhere until I’ve sorted this.’ Lindsey’s request left no room for argument as she took off at speed to the waiting area. ‘Erin!’ She located the mother of the sick child and held out her arms for the toddler. ‘How long have you been here?’
‘A while...I tried to give Mia a drink but she vomited. She’s so ill...’
Lindsey could tell that. Mia’s little body was radiating heat through her cotton pyjamas. She pressed the back of her hand to the child’s forehead, long experience telling her Mia’s temperature was far too high for safety. ‘Come with me,’ she instructed, tight-lipped. With relief she saw her team assembling at the station. ‘Vanessa, you’re in charge. Jess and Gail, I’ll need you both in Paeds Resus.’
Newly graduated, Jess bit her lip. ‘I haven’t done much paeds.’
‘You’ll be fine.’ Lindsey hardly slowed her stride. ‘Gail, you know what to do.’ Gail Smith was one of their mature assistants in nursing, an absolute gem in this kind of situation.
The nurses all knew Erin from her attendance at the asthma clinic. Gail placed a guiding arm around the distraught young mother. ‘It’s OK, sweetheart. Mia’s in good hands now.’
Lindsey quickly placed the toddler on the resus trolley. ‘Erin, go with Gail now,’ she said kindly. ‘We’ll take great care of Mia.’
‘But...’ Erin hesitated, her mouth trembling out of shape. ‘Shouldn’t I...?’
‘Best if we leave it to the doctor and nurses now,’ Gail said. ‘You must be exhausted. Have you been up all night with the bub?’
Lindsey let out a relieved breath as Gail led the young mother from the room. She turned to Jess. ‘Get me a Hudson mask, stat. We need Mia on a hundred per cent oxygen. Move!’
Jess moved. ‘She’s burning up, Lindsey.’
And they were running out of time. They could only hope the little one didn’t start fitting. And where was the damned doctor when you needed him? ‘Help me hold her, Jess.’ Lindsey’s calm request held nothing of her inner disquiet. ‘I need to get some readings here. Come on, baby, hold still for me,’ she pleaded. ‘OK, all done... Thanks, Jess.’
‘So, we’ll give paracetamol next?’ Jess had begun to step up into her role.
‘Yes.’ Lindsey placed what looked like a small piece of dissolvable paper under the little girl’s tongue. ‘Let’s hope it’ll start getting her temp down.’
* * *
Dan moved at speed through the casualty department. He’d barely pulled into the doctors’ car park when he’d been bleeped. And by rights he shouldn’t be here at all, but with Martin going home sick he was back on take for the early shift and straight into an emergency.
He pushed through the doors to Paeds Resus. ‘What do we have?’
Lindsey spun her head up, expecting to see Martin Lorimer, and went perfectly still for a beat. ‘Dan!’ She tamped down a slather of mixed emotions.
He gave a perfunctory nod. ‘What do we have?’ he repeated.
‘Mia Roche, eighteen months old,’ Lindsey relayed. ‘Ongoing patient at the asthma clinic. Temperature forty-three, oxygen sats seventy-eight, pulse one-seventy. I’ve given oral paracetamol.’
Deep concern catapulted into Dan’s eyes. One glance told him the child was rapidly becoming cyanosed. They’d need to move fast. ‘Let’s get an IV up and running. Smallest cannula, please, Lindsey. I’ll need to crack a vein in Mia’s foot.’
They sprang into action, Jess restraining the distressed toddler as best she could while Lindsey assisted Dan.
‘Left foot, I think,’ he said tersely, gloving quickly. ‘I see a vein that might work for us.’
Lindsey’s heart twisted. Tiny child, tiny veins. She prayed Dan’s skill would be enough. ‘I have a cut-down tray ready just in case.’
‘We’re short on time so let’s hope not.’ Dan’s fingers were deft and sure. He secured the cannula on the first attempt, slapping down a dressing he’d stuck on the back of his left hand in readiness.
‘Nice work,’ Lindsey murmured, moving in to secure the site with a paediatric bandage.
Dan’s expression lightened fractionally. ‘Let’s run five hundred normal saline and adrenaline five, please. We need Mia on a Ventolin nebuliser. And, Jess, keep checking the sats, please.’
‘Yes, Doctor.’ After a few minutes the junior reported, ‘Sats up to eighty.’ Jess looked up hopefully. ‘That’s a good indication we’ve got her in time, isn’t it?’
Dan looked at the tiny, perfect fingertips. They were beginning to lose their blueness. ‘A way to go yet but looking hopeful.’ He flicked up his stethoscope. ‘I’ll have a listen to her chest now. See what that tells us. Left lobe a bit suspect,’ he said finally, straightening Mia’s little pyjama top. ‘She’s not allergic to anything, is she?’
‘No,’ Lindsey confirmed.
‘Then we’ll start with benzyl penicillin.’ He picked up Mia’s chart and began scribbling the dosage. ‘Plus Maxolon to keep things settled down. Both delivered IV.’
Lindsey prepared the medication, relieved beyond words Mia would pull through this episode and that it had been Dan who had been around to treat this special little girl. Even if he wasn’t aware of it, he had a natural affinity with kids. The thought made her happy.
‘You did really well,’ Lindsey said as she and Jess tidied up. ‘Want to debrief later?’
‘Thanks, Lindsey. That’d be awesome. Should I get back to the ward now?’
‘Yes. Van will have need of you, I’m sure.’
‘Excellent work, Jess.’ Dan added his congratulations. ‘Thanks for your help.’
Jess slipped out.
‘I’ll hang around until we can safely transfer Mia to Paeds ICU.’ Dan pulled up a stool and parked himself beside the bed. ‘Parents here?’
‘Mum is—Erin,’ Lindsey said.
Dan’s eyebrows twitched into a query. ‘Left it a bit late to bring the child in, didn’t she?’
‘No, she didn’t.’ Lindsey felt nettled. ‘Erin is extremely up to speed regarding Mia’s health. Very unfortunately, triage protocols were not followed here. Mia was kept waiting. I took over as soon as I got in. But I’m going to have to report it to the DON.’
Dan eyed her sharply. ‘Who was the nurse on triage?’
‘Brooke Bartholomew.’
Dan went very still, all his energies reined in. This could have dire consequences for the department if he didn’t speak up. ‘Brooke is battling with some personal issues.’
Lindsey felt wrong-footed. ‘How well do you know her?’
Dan hesitated briefly. ‘We were thrown together on night shift. She needed to talk so I listened.’
Suddenly the air was taut with tension. ‘So, what are you not saying, Dan?’
Dan was quietly monitoring his small patient. ‘Brooke spoke to me in confidence, Lindsey. I advised her to ask for a transfer to another department urgently.’
Lindsey frowned. ‘If she’s not fit to work, she shouldn’t be here.’
‘You’re right.’ Dan’s look was cool. ‘But Brooke was competent on the shifts I worked with her. So what could I do except counsel her to act in her own best interests? Unfortunately, it appears she hasn’t. I would have spoken to you about it but you were on leave. So do what you have to do.’
Lindsey shook her head in dismay. She hated having to report another nurse. ‘Will you speak with Erin now?’
Dan didn’t look up. Instead, he dragged in a weary breath and let it go. ‘Yes, of course.’
* * *
With Mia finally transferred, Lindsey went back to the station. ‘Everything OK here?’ she asked Vanessa.
‘Everything’s under control,’ Vanessa said shortly. ‘How’s Mia?’
‘She’ll be fine—eventually.’ Lindsey paused, swallowing back the swell of emotion that rose in her chest. This was so unlike her. Normally, at work she was clinical and objective. But the thought that things could have just as easily gone drastically wrong for Mia... ‘Keep covering for me, please, Van. I need to speak with Brooke.’
‘Good luck with that,’ Vanessa huffed. ‘Don’t get me wrong. I feel sorry for her. But the hospital’s good reputation could have been put at risk. We all work too hard for that to happen.’
Lindsey’s mouth tightened. She’d begun the day with such happiness in her heart. Now she was stuck with Brooke’s mess to clean up. She looked at Vanessa. ‘I asked Brooke to wait for me. Do you know where she is?’
‘She disappeared pretty fast.’ Vanessa picked up the phone as it rang. ‘Staffroom perhaps?’
Lindsey decided she’d go there first. She just hoped Brooke hadn’t cut and run. If only she knew the woman better. And why was Dan suddenly in the mix? she fretted as she pushed open the door to the staffroom. ‘Brooke...’ Lindsey took a steadying breath. She’d play this by the book. ‘Thanks for waiting.’
Brooke took off the black-framed spectacles she’d been wearing and closed the magazine she’d been reading. ‘How is the child?’
‘She’ll recover.’ Lindsey pulled out a chair and sat down. ‘You know I’ll have to report this to the Director of Nursing, don’t you?’
‘Am I going to lose my job?’
‘If there are mitigating circumstances, you won’t lose your job. But it’s not up to me, Brooke.’ During the awkward silence that followed, Lindsey took stock of her contemporary. Brooke had changed out of her uniform into denim overalls and a simple white T-shirt. Her fair hair was out of its knot and flowing freely around her shoulders. She looked curiously vulnerable. ‘Is there anything you want to tell me?’
Brooke’s chin came up defensively. ‘About what?’
‘Did you feel ill during your shift? Headache—anything that would have clouded your judgement?’
Brooke worked her bottom lip as if searching for words. Words that wouldn’t come.
Lindsey sighed audibly. ‘Look, I’ll do everything I can to advocate for you. But I’m in the dark here.’
‘I was seconds away from getting to Mia.’ Brooke tried to justify her actions. ‘We were swamped.’
Lindsey kept her cool. ‘You were on triage, Brooke. It means you’re the first contact. You follow very set protocols.’
‘Don’t you think I know that, Lindsey?’
‘OK.’ Lindsey pulled back in her chair and said quietly, ‘I’d urge you to be completely upfront with Clarissa. You’ll be supported, Brooke, but sadly there may have to be an inquiry.’
Brooke pressed a hand to her temple.
‘No one is ganging up on you here,’ Lindsey said. ‘But we have to follow the rules. Otherwise there’d be chaos throughout the hospital.’
The nurse didn’t reply, yet somehow her silence was deafening. ‘Are we done now?’
‘Yes, we’re done.’ Lindsey got to her feet. ‘Clarissa will be in touch.’
‘I’m on days off.’
‘But you’ll be available on your mobile?’
‘Yes.’ Brooke stood abruptly. Snapping up her shoulder bag from the back of the chair, she walked out.
* * *
Lindsey’s mind was churning as she made her way back to the station. As the song said, some days were stones. And today she felt like chucking her job and going to work in the scented serenity of a florist shop. ‘Van, a word, please?’
Her friend nodded and came over. ‘What happened?’ she asked curiously.
Lindsey tsked. ‘You know I can’t talk about that, Vanessa. But I need some air. Can you keep holding the fort for a while longer?’
Lindsey left the hospital by the rear staff entrance. The rain had cleared and the sun was strafing pools of light and warmth across the car park. Leaning against the brick wall, she tipped her head back, breathing in the pure, crisp air. Ah, that felt better. Then she lowered her head and levelled her gaze.
And that’s when she saw them.
Dan and Brooke standing beside a silver sports car—obviously Brooke’s—their heads very close together, one so dark, one so fair, absorbed in conversation. At least Dan was the one doing the talking while Brooke seemed drawn towards him, her hand on his arm, listening as though her very life depended on it.
Lindsey felt the drum-heavy beat in her chest align with the sudden recoil in her stomach. She dragged in a shallow breath, hurt and anger in equal parts clogging her throat. Not again!
Sick with uncertainty, she spun on her heel and dashed back through the doorway.
Dan found her in the staffroom barely seconds later. ‘Lindsey!’
Go away! she felt like screaming as she filled a paper cup at the sink. She took a gulp of water and then turned to face him.
He moved forward, wanting to take her by the shoulders, but caution held him back. Something in her face, her eyes. ‘Don’t go reading anything into what you just saw in the car park,’ he attempted.
Lindsey shook her head. She wouldn’t dignify any of this with a response. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about, Dan.’
‘Look.’ Dan spread his hands in a plea. ‘It’s complicated.’
Lindsey’s mouth felt stiff as she took another sip of water. ‘What is?’
He frowned. ‘Don’t pretend you didn’t see me with Brooke.’
Lindsey threw professional caution to the winds. ‘Don’t treat me like a fool, Dan. What the hell are you playing at?’
‘I told you before, Brooke is dealing with some personal stuff,’ he said, censure in the coolness of his tone. ‘She needed a friend.’
‘How touching.’ Lindsey actually managed a jagged laugh. ‘Dan the go-to man!’
A muscle at the corner of Dan’s mouth pulled tight and flickered. ‘This is all a bit juvenile, isn’t it?’
‘Let’s get professional, then.’ Lindsey swung round, tossing her paper cup into the bin. ‘Are you protecting Brooke?’
‘Oh, for God’s sake.’ In a gesture of a man almost at the end of his tether Dan jabbed his hands to the side of his head and hung on.
‘Why can’t you give me a straight answer?’ Two spots of colour glazed Lindsey’s cheeks.
‘Oh—hey guys...’ Vanessa popped her head around the door, her smile fading as she picked up on the thick tension in the room. ‘I was just looking for... Is everything OK?’
‘Everything is...fine.’ Dan was the first to gather himself.
‘Which one of us do you need, Van?’ Lindsey swallowed, her throat aching from the brutal exchange with Dan.
‘Well, Dan, actually,’ Vanessa said carefully. ‘We’ve a two-year-old with an inhaled foreign body. It looks a bit tricky. Andrew would like some guidance. If you wouldn’t mind?’
‘Where the hell are the paeds people when you need them?’ Dan growled.
‘Well, we’ve only one on staff and she’s on her honeymoon. There are a couple of others in town but they’re in private practice,’ Vanessa supplied helpfully. ‘No one is conducting a clinic here today. They usually do Monday and Thursday.’
Oh, Van, your timing is appalling, Lindsey gritted silently. Please, just stop the inane chatter and go away.
‘Give me a minute,’ Dan said. ‘Tell Andrew not to do anything until I get there.’
With Vanessa gone, the tense atmosphere heightened again. Lindsey and Dan were left scoping each other. Dan was the first to speak. ‘Are you saying I haven’t been upfront with you, Lindsey?’
Lindsey felt sick to her stomach. The thought that he might have divided loyalties only increased her unease. ‘You work it out, Dan.’
Tension crackled between them as brittle as spun sugar.
Dan felt his heart surge to a sickening rhythm. God, he didn’t want any of this. He felt racked with fatigue, having been dragged back on duty when he should have been on days off. Days he’d been looking forward to when he could spend some quality time with Lindsey after her shifts. Now it was all out the door like the garbage collection. But he had to try to salvage something. ‘Look.’ He pressed a hand to the back of his neck. ‘If this needs to be sorted, let’s sort it. But not here and not now. If I can get out of here at a decent hour, I’ll come over to your place. And we’ll talk.’
Lindsey lifted a shoulder indifferently. She didn’t want to be patted down like some kind of recalcitrant child if that’s what he was offering. Either they were equals or they were nothing. And right at the moment, she’d put her money on nothing. ‘Please yourself.’ She walked to the door and turned. She gave a sad little shake of her head. ‘I thought I could trust you.’
For a second Dan felt poleaxed. ‘You can,’ he said. But his words were lost in the vacuum of her leaving.
* * *
Working alongside someone you had a personal relationship with was the pits when it all went wrong. Lindsey’s throat constricted as she made her way back to the station. Or maybe she was just rubbish at relationships. She looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. It was still hours until the end of her shift.
* * *
Dan felt like ramming his fist through the wall. Being at odds with Lindsey felt as bad as having a cartload of gravel dumped into his guts. He swished back the curtains on the paeds treatment room, vowing he would sort things, whatever it took.
* * *
The day wore on and Lindsey couldn’t believe how bad it felt to be offside with Dan. But there was no going back and she couldn’t see a way forward. ‘What is it, Jess?’ Lindsey looked up sharply as the junior nurse approached the counter.
‘Eighty-year-old male, Lewis Gaines,’ Jess, who was gaining experience on triage, said. ‘He’s very frail, seems quite dehydrated and his pulse is thready. I’ve given him water and told him to keep drinking. But I think he needs to be seen.’
‘Let’s see what we can do, then.’ Lindsey scooted down the list to see where she could juggle patients. ‘Is someone with Mr Gaines, a relative?’
‘No. He’s on his own. He had to come to the hospital on the bus!’ Jess was mildly outraged. ‘Someone should have cared enough to be with him, Lindsey.’
‘In an ideal world, you’d hope so. Right...grab Michelle. She’s just back from lunch.’
‘Oh. OK.’ Jess hesitated.
A jaded sigh left Lindsey’s mouth. She knew what this was about. Unfortunately, Michelle had a habit of being offhand with the junior nurses. It left them feeling unsure of their role and devalued as a result. Lindsey realised it was a personality thing with Michelle but they were supposed to be a team. ‘Take your patient along to cube one, please, Jess, and wait with him. I’ll ask Michelle to attend.’
As she made her way through to the cubicles, Lindsey let her pent-up breath go in a stream. It was turning out to be the shift from hell.
* * *
It was almost the end of the shift.
‘Hey, Lins, want to come for a drink after work?’ Vanessa came back to the station and propped herself at the counter.
‘Sorry, not today.’ Lindsey threw her pen aside and stretched. ‘I just want to get home and have a long, long shower.’
‘How did your meeting with the DON go?’
‘Clarissa took her usual laid-back approach. If Brooke speaks up for herself, it will all probably blow over. I couldn’t do anything more than tell it as I found it.’
‘You’re always scrupulously fair,’ Vanessa declared supportively.
‘I just want today over,’ Lindsey said with feeling. And she still had to deal with Dan this evening. That’s if he even showed up.
‘Rotten first day back for you,’ Vanessa commiserated. ‘Why don’t I do handover? Then you can take off and get that shower.’
‘Oh, cheers!’ Lindsey let her shoulders drop as if sloughing off a huge weight. ‘That’s the best offer I’ve had all day.’
* * *
Sweet God, how had all this happened? Slumped at his desk, Dan shaded his eyes with his hands. He had to fix things with Lindsey. She was keeping out of his way, delegating the other nurses to assist him.
He was still considering a plan of action when his mobile rang. Sitting back in his chair, he activated the call and then sat bolt upright as he listened.
‘You’ve done what?’
* * *
Lindsey’s thoughts were deeply focused as she made her way from the station to the staffroom.
‘Lindsey...’ Dan appeared out of nowhere and closed in beside her.
‘Oh!’ Lindsey drew to an abrupt halt. She brought her head up in question.
‘Martin is back on deck.’ Dan got straight to the point. ‘He’ll be in a bit later. I’ll be off duty. We can talk. I’ll come to you or we can meet somewhere neutral if you’d prefer.’
There was a wavering in her eyes, a sign of hesitation. Finally, ‘My place is fine. Come when you get off.’
Dan felt relief course through him. ‘I should be out of here by six. Could I bring a takeaway?’
Lindsey looked up and saw the sheen of appeal in his eyes. ‘Thanks, but no need. I’ll fix us something. Just one thing, Dan.’
His brow rose briefly. ‘Name it.’
‘We sort this. Truthfully. No double-talk.’
A tiny pulse flickered in Dan’s cheek. His eyes softened, taking in the brave set of her head, the soft curve of her cheek, the sweet, very sweet fullness of her mouth. ‘You’ve got it.’
‘Do you have the address?’ she asked, almost formally.
‘You gave it to me on Sunday night. Remember?’
She did. Soft heat flooded her cheeks. She’d told him when they’d been snuggled up in bed during the storm and she’d foolishly thought that nothing or no one could touch their newfound happiness. Now they were both hurting and she hated it. In a gesture of fence-mending she put out her hand and he took it loosely. ‘See you later, then.’
‘As soon as I can make it.’
* * *
Lindsey couldn’t keep still. When would Dan get here? She just hoped he hadn’t had an emergency at the last minute. She had her stir-fry ready to just throw in the wok and she’d cooked rice to go with it. Taking a deep breath, she let it go. It felt like a first date all over again. She spun round from the kitchen bench, a little tumble in her stomach as the doorbell pealed.
Dan waited for Lindsey to open the door. Mentally, he was wiped. Today in Casualty had been one that took years from a health professional’s life. Add the stress of that to the personal stuff that had gone down...the thought of that made him go cold. Everything between them had so nearly run off the rails today.
Lindsey opened the door. ‘Hi...’ She met his gaze almost hungrily. ‘Come in, Dan.’
He nodded and stepped inside, realising he’d crack wide open if he didn’t hold her. Properly. With no agenda. And she had that gleam in her eyes. The one that could send a sweep of sensation down to his toes, igniting all the parts of his body in between. He held out his arms and she melted into them, wrapping herself tightly around him, feeling his chest rise and fall in a broken sigh. ‘God, I thought I’d lost you. Lost us.’
She reached up to bracket his face with her hands, her heart in her gaze. ‘I hated what happened today.’
‘Don’t go back there.’ Suddenly he looked uncertain. ‘Tell me I’m not dreaming. I am actually holding you?’
‘You’re not dreaming, Dan.’ Slowly she became aware of his palm resting warmly at her nape, the tips of his fingers playing gently with the strands of her hair.
‘Could we delay talking and just go to bed?’ he asked throatily. ‘I need to put things right.’