It’s almost time.
My train is minutes away from St Pancras. I don’t know if it will be busy, but it doesn’t matter. None of my questions do. The only thing I care about is that Sam will be waiting for me.
My Sam.
I’ve thought about what I’ll say when I see him. Like the postcards we sent, I feel like the words I greet him with should be memorable. I want him to remember me as the person he fell in love with and then spent a year getting to know. I hope it will always be a memory that warms his heart.
My heart feels like it might not last the journey. What will Sam think? What will his reaction be?
I hope his journey back to London is a good one. I know he’s changing trains twice on the way and praying he makes both connections. Between us I think we’ve had enough delays to last us a lifetime. Although maybe we should be grateful: a delay is responsible for us even having this date to meet.
Will he be tired from his journey? Does Sam get grumpy when he’s tired? Or is he like Osh, who just becomes cute and sleepy? Or Meg, who suddenly disappears to bed without saying a word? I know Sam isn’t an early bird, but is he bright when he does wake? Gabe isn’t the best at getting up, but once he decides to face the day he’s completely committed to it. The full megawatt smile and one hundred per cent energy switches on and that’s him for the rest of the day. All of these tiny, everyday details I don’t know about Sam yet. A million and one unknown things that make up the man I’m in love with. What does his face look like when he’s sleeping? When the first rays of daylight pass over his skin? What would it feel like to wake beside him? What would I see if Sam were my first sight in the morning?
I know that I love him. But in so many ways he’s still a stranger. He’s made decisions I didn’t understand and I’ve said things he couldn’t deal with. All the certainties wait by the Betjeman statue. Nothing will be the same after today.
I glance at my watch.
10.50 a.m.
By the time the train halts it will be 10.55 a.m. Five minutes till the time we agreed to meet.
And then…?