Constellations

Marianne Do you know why it’s impossible to lick the tips of your elbows? They hold the secret to immortality, so if you could lick them, there’s a chance you’d be able to live forever. But if everyone did it, if everyone could actually lick the tips of their elbows, then there’d be chaos. Because you can’t just go on living and living and living.

Marianne attempts to lick her elbows, demonstrating the difficulty. Roland, initially hesitant, also attempts to lick his elbows.

Marianne Oh, right, Christ, no. I was just walking past and I saw a load of free booze and sausages. I’m joking.

Marianne whispers the following into Roland’s ear: ‘I like Tesco. The really dirty stuff, the prison stripe stuff.’

Marianne So – And I mean don’t take this the wrong way, but, I mean, are you –

Roland After a while though, decided I wanted to go into business on my own. But my, my girlfriend – ex-girlfriend –

Roland Yeah, no, so, she, my ex, she wanted to move to London. So we got this one-bed place in Tower Hamlets.

Marianne No wonder you broke up with her, fuck me. I’d’ve broken up with her if she’d made me leave Wiltshire for fucking Tower Hamlets.

Roland One day I was up on the roof and I realised it was perfect. So I tidied it up a bit and I got my first hive.

Roland Went from one to two from two to four. We, we went away. Me and Laura. We went away to Spain and when we got back, we found that the flat had been raided.

Roland I used to keep the honey in bin bags. You know those black, plastic bin liners –

Roland Didn’t have a lotta money, at the time, so the bin bags were just a cheap alternative. When we were away though, one of the neighbours called the police. Thought I was brewing up smack or something. They properly went for it. The police. They kicked the front door in, turned the flat upside down and they confiscated all these bin bags filled with the most amazing honey and honeycomb.

Marianne I know I know, but now I’ve changed my mind. I’m allowed to change my mind, aren’t I?

Marianne I’m just going through some things. At the moment. And you’re right, we’ve had a lovely evening and you’re right it was my idea to come back here, but, I just, as soon as we stepped inside, I started thinking – I mean I just started thinking –

Marianne You could – I mean you could – Not in a like ‘welcome to my lair’ way or anything, but – If you wanted, you could. Stay.

Marianne Sofa just folds out. You wouldn’t have to stay in my bed. Stop talking, Marianne.

Marianne I know, but now I’ve changed my mind. I’m allowed to change my mind, aren’t I? I just – I’d just rather not get into it.

Roland I went on another date a couple of weeks ago. Almost exactly the same thing happened. So I’m more than happy to leave you to it, but if it is me –

Marianne Okay, look, I just. I’m just going through some things. At the moment. My, my mother. She’s been ill for a really long time. And. I can’t tell whether I want you to stay because I want you to stay or whether I just don’t want to go to sleep on my own.

Roland Friend of mine said to me when I told him that I was going on a date, he said, ‘What does she do?’ –

Roland I said I don’t really know but I think it’s something to do with space. And when we were talking about your job earlier on I was nodding along pretty much the entire time but when we stepped through your front door I realised I hadn’t really understood a single thing you’d said.

Marianne On nuclear and atomic scales, gravity is pretty much insignificant. But in terms of General Relativity, it’s vital.

Marianne So you’ve these two theories that are completely at odds with one another. Relativity covers the sun, the moon, the stars, while quantum mechanics takes care of molecules, quarks, atoms – that sort of thing. We’ve effectively asked the same question twice and come up with two completely different answers.

Roland I had a really amazing time tonight and I’d really like to spend the night.

Marianne But now we’ve got string theory. Or, to be a bit more specific, we’ve got lots of different string theories –

Marianne And the exciting thing about string theory is that it potentially bridges the gap between relativity and –

Marianne A by-product of every single one of these theories – almost entirely by accident – is the possibility that we’re part of a multiverse.

Despite our best efforts, there are certain microscopic observations that just cannot be predicted absolutely. Now, potentially, one way of explaining this is to draw the conclusion that, at any given moment, several outcomes can co-exist simultaneously.

Marianne In the quantum multiverse, every choice, every decision you’ve ever and never made exists in an unimaginably vast ensemble of parallel universes.

Marianne Everything you’ve ever and never done. We should try and keep our voices down, my housemate –

Roland But if everything I’m ever gonna do already exists, then what’s the point in me –

Marianne No, totally, but – Let’s say that ours really is the only universe that exists. There’s only one unique me and one unique you. If that were true, then there could only ever really be one choice. But if every possible future exists, then the decisions we do and don’t make will determine which of these futures we actually end up experiencing. Imagine rolling a dice six thousand times.

Marianne Everything you’ve ever and never done. We should try and keep our voices down, my housemate –

Roland But if everything I’m ever gonna do already exists, then what’s the point in me –

Marianne In none of our equations do we see any sign whatsoever of any evidence of free will.

Marianne You, me, everyone, we might think that we have some say in – We might think that the choices we make will have some say in the –

Marianne We’re just particles governed by a series of very particular laws being knocked the fuck around all over the place.

Marianne Most of my time is spent sitting in front of a computer typing in numbers. It’s not really very interesting.

Marianne I haven’t really made up my mind, though, whether or not I’d like you to stay. I just – I’ve got quite a bit on at the moment and we were having a really lovely time and I thought it would be really nice to invite you back. But I just want to be clear that I’m not massively interested in sleeping with you.

Marianne I’d just sort of rather get into bed and go to sleep. But I’m completely happy to go and get you a sleeping bag and a couple of towels.

Marianne But – I mean, just to be clear, I’m not being coy. I’m not sort of saying no to sex but yes to all the other stuff. We’re going to go to sleep, separately, and then we’re going to wake up and then we’re going to have some toast. Or, I mean, whatever. You don’t have to have toast.

Marianne Mum wasn’t scared of dying, she was scared of being kept alive. You know?

Marianne Reading. I’m having trouble – Numbers, words, on the page. I don’t know how to explain it. Typing. Typing, as well.

Marianne I know the word. I know the word I’m trying to type. But I don’t know the letters. None of the letters seem right. Rea

Roland You’re right I was being polite because I don’t want you to wear yourself out.

Roland I was playing tennis. I was playing tennis with Tony and then we went to the pub. What’s wrong? I’m sorry. What is it, what’s wrong?

Roland Spread out? Were the six or seven times you had sex spread out over a particular period of time?

Roland I was playing tennis. I was playing tennis with Tony and then we went to the pub. What’s wrong? I’m sorry. What is it, what’s wrong?

Roland Were the six or seven times you had sex spread out over a particular period of time?

Roland Are you together, then, d’you wanna be together? Mary, do the two of you –

Roland That doesn’t make it better, y’know. If you’d said yes, if you’d said yes, it’s because we don’t talk about space enough, it might have made a bit more sense. I’d kick myself for not making more of an effort, but at least it’d make a bit more sense.

Marianne Why are you being so tetchy? I was at work and I missed the seven thirty-seven and then the eight oh-four didn’t turn up. What’s wrong, what’s the matter?

Roland Mary I’m really sorry but I had sex with Alison O’Connor Tuesday the week before last.

Marianne She’s going bald, Roland, she’s going fucking bald. Well how many times? How many times did you have sex with her, Roland?

Marianne If it were up to me, Roland, you wouldn’t have fucked fucking Alison O’Connor.

Roland This is the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me, I’m serious.

Marianne Of course it’s not. I just meant that you’ve got lots – There’s lots you can do.

Roland Mary, come on, I’m telling you because I regret it, not because I want us to –

Roland I was playing tennis. I was playing tennis with Tony and then we went to the pub. What’s wrong? I’m sorry. What is it, what’s wrong?

Marianne They asked me to leave. I went back the next day and she was starting to look like a ghost. It takes an enormous amount of strength. When you’re like that. To keep going. I’m not sure I have it.

Marianne Mum wasn’t scared of dying, she was scared of being kept alive. You know?

Marianne I said to the girl on the till, I said I used to know the man who made this honey.

Marianne Delicious. It was completely delicious. Are you, are you here for the ballroom class?

Roland Right, no, I see. They called it a day. New bloke’s a something-or-other for the Office for National Statistics.

Marianne I said to the girl on the till, I said I used to know the man who made this honey.

Roland Yeah, you have to – Y’scrape it off the legs of the bees and then you ground it down. Really good for you apparently.

Marianne Just trying to lose a bit of weight. Too many late-night digestive binges. I blame the subdwarfs. The stars – The, the paper you read –

Roland Right, no, I see. They called it a day. New bloke’s a something-or-other for the DVLA.

Marianne No, God, can you imagine. I’m being a very diligent bridesmaid. We’re having some kind of mass Viennese waltz. I’m not sure I fully understand it as yet.

Marianne Well done on the comfortable trouser front. I came straight from work. Last week. Crotch was like a fucking furnace by the time I got home.

Marianne Well done on the comfortable trouser front. I came straight from work. Last week. Crotch was like a fucking inferno by the time I got home.

Marianne Well done on the comfortable trouser front. I came straight from work. Last week. Crotch was like a fucking sauna by the time I got home.

Marianne Let’s go for a drink. I don’t know what I’m doing here anyway. One drink. And if you never want to see me again you never have to see me again.

Marianne Why don’t we go for a drink? I don’t know what I’m doing here anyway. One drink. And if you never want to see me again you never have to see me again.

Marianne One drink. And if you never want to see me again you never have to see me again.

Marianne I think it was something like two-thirds. Safety net. For a lot of people.

Roland folds up the piece of paper, puts it back in his pocket and – from another pocket – takes out a small black box. He kneels and opens the small black box.

Roland Marianne Aubele, will you marry me?

Marianne Roland, I’ve got a tutorial. You can’t just turn up like this. I mean. It’s the middle of the day, there’s a lot going on. I need to think about it. I’m sorry. I just. I just really need some space.

Roland stands and returns the small black box to his pocket.

* * *

Marianne This is a surprise.

Roland Is it?

Marianne It’s the middle of the afternoon.

Roland Are you busy?

Marianne Are you – Is everything –

Roland There’s something I’d like to say. To you.

Roland takes a piece of A4 paper from a pocket and reads.

There are three different kinds of bees. The drones, the workers and a single, solitary queen. The workers are all women. Their job is to forage for honey, pollen, etcetera. Their lifespan is potentially anywhere between five weeks and six months. And then they die. Drones exist solely to have sex with the queen. Each hive tends to have around a hundred drones. Once they’ve deposited their sperm, their penis gets ripped off and they die. Honeybees have an unfailing clarity of purpose. Their lives are often intensely short. But in a strange sort of way, I’m jealous of the humble honeybee and their quiet elegance. If only our existence were that simple. If only we could understand why it is that we’re here and what it is that we’re meant to spend our lives doing. I am uncertain when it comes to a great many things. But there is now one thing I am defiantly certain of.

Roland folds up the piece of paper, puts it back in his pocket and – from another pocket – takes out a small black box.

Marianne Roland, please.

Roland kneels and opens the small black box.

Roland, get up, come on.

Roland Marianne Aubele, will you marry me?

Beat.

Marianne Roland, we talked about this. Come on.

Roland stands and returns the small black box to his pocket.

* * *

Marianne This is a surprise.

Roland Is it?

Marianne It’s the middle of the afternoon.

Roland There’s something I’d like to say to you.

Roland reaches into a pocket, but there is nothing there.

Shit.

Marianne What is it?

Roland checks his other pockets.

Roland I’ve left it at home.

Marianne Left what at home? Roland.

Beat.

Roland, is everything all right?

Roland Okay I’m gonna just – I’m gonna just own up: I came down here because I wanted to – I had this whole speech written out. Took me a fucking age. And it’s – It’s just thrown me a bit.

Marianne Roland you’re sweating.

* * *

Roland There’s something I’d like to say. To you.

Roland readies himself to speak.

Um, so, as you know, well, maybe, maybe you know, there are, there are three different kinds of bees. There’s the drones, there’s the workers and there’s the queen. And the, the drones are all women. Sorry, the, the workers, the workers are all women. The drones have sex with the queen. But then once they’ve, once they’ve ejaculated, they, er, they die. Shoulda written this down.

Marianne Roland –

Roland What I’m tryina say is that bees have a really short life. They have an incredibly short life and then that’s it. Possibly the bit about the life span shoulda come at the start and then I coulda moved on to the –

Marianne Is there something –

Roland Do you remember when we first met?

Marianne Yes.

Roland You do?

Marianne Yes.

Roland At that wedding.

Marianne What?

Roland John and Ruth’s wedding.

Marianne We met at a barbecue.

* * *

Roland takes a piece of A4 paper from a pocket and reads.

Roland There are three different kinds of bees. The drones, the workers and a single, solitary queen. The workers are all women. Their job is to forage for honey, pollen, etcetera. Their lifespan is potentially anywhere between five weeks and six months. And then they die. Drones exist solely to have sex with the queen. Each hive tends to have around a hundred drones. Once they’ve deposited their sperm, their penis gets ripped off and they die. Honeybees have an unfailing clarity of purpose. Their lives are often intensely short. But in a strange sort of way, I’m jealous of the humble honeybee and their quiet elegance. If only our existence were that simple. If only we could understand why it is that we’re here and what it is that we’re meant to spend our lives doing. I am uncertain when it comes to a great many things. But there is now one thing I am defiantly certain of.

Roland folds up the piece of paper, puts it back in his pocket and – from another pocket – takes out a small black box. He kneels and opens the small black box.

Roland Marianne Aubele, will you marry me?

Marianne Okay.

Roland Really?

Marianne Yeah, really.

Marianne kisses Roland. Roland slides the engagement ring on to the appropriate finger. Marianne kisses Roland.

Where was that speech from? Was it from a book? It was, wasn’t it? Was it the Ted Hooper? It was, wasn’t it?

Roland Bits.

Marianne laughs and then kisses Roland.

Marianne I’ve got to do a fucking tutorial.

Roland I’ll see you at home.

Marianne Is that okay?

Roland Of course.

Marianne Thank you.

Marianne kisses Roland.

* * *

Marianne If you’re serious you write to them.

Roland Meaning what?

Marianne Outline why they ought to be taking you seriously.

Roland And if they do?

Marianne You meet someone.

Roland Out there or here?

Marianne Out there. You

You

You have to meet them a couple of times.

Roland Always out there?

Marianne I think so.

Roland Then what?

Marianne Then it’s up to you.

Roland How do they do it, how does it work?

Marianne They use something called a Bar

Abar

Roland It’s okay.

Marianne They mix it with water.

Roland I don’t really know what to say.

Marianne You don’t have to say anything.

Roland No I know but I want to; I want to know what to say to you.

Marianne A lot of people apparently never go through with it.

Roland How do you mean?

Marianne A lot of people, once they’ve been given the green night

Night

Once they’ve A lot of

Roland It’s okay.

Marianne They’re, they’re happy enough knowing it’s there.

* * *

Roland How bad is it? Mary –

Marianne It’s pretty bad.

Roland How bad is pretty bad?

Marianne They said being under forty might help, but –

Roland Mary, how bad is pretty bad?

Marianne I’m not sure I want to talk about it right away.

Roland Mary I’ve been waiting around on tenterhooks.

Marianne I’m not sure I can talk about it right away.

Roland Do you want something to drink, do you want some water?

Marianne No thank you.

Roland Do you want some booze, I mean –

Marianne I’m just after a moment’s silence and then I’ll tell you anything you want.

Beat.

He said, I think, something like a third, a third of people live for a year.

Roland What about the other two?

Marianne What?

Roland What about the other two-thirds, how long do they –

Marianne I don’t know, Roland, I don’t know.

Roland What did they tell you, what did the –

Marianne I don’t – I don’t know. I can’t remember. They gave me some leaflets. I mean fuck me, why does it matter what happens to the other two-thirds?

Roland Why does it matter?

Marianne Yes.

Roland It matters because presumably we don’t know which third you’re going to be?

Marianne Why are you being arsey with me –

Roland I’m not being –

Marianne Yes you are, you’re being arsey. You’re getting mad at me for not remembering this number or that number – I mean who gives a fuck –

Roland All right –

Marianne I’ll go upstairs and get my fucking handbag and you can rifle through the plethora of leaflets if it bothers you that fucking –

Roland All right. All right. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Did he talk about treatment?

Marianne He said they can operate. Try and remove it, remove as much of it as they can. Then they said radiotherapy but if I’m too weak for radiotherapy, they said chemo. Shitload of chemo. It’s right at the front.

Roland The front?

Marianne It’s all over the frontal lobe.

Roland I don’t know what that means.

Marianne He said I might have trouble selecting words. Selecting the right words. He said I should expect seizures.

Roland Jesus Christ.

Marianne It’s palliative. Whatever they do. It’s not – They can’t.

Roland Okay.

Marianne They said this is it.

Roland Okay.

Marianne This is it, they said.

Roland Okay. Okay.

* * *

Marianne Why don’t you sit down?

Roland I need to sit down, do I?

Marianne Maybe. I mean. No, standing is fine.

Roland I would have come with you if you’d told me, you know.

Marianne I know.

Roland I would’ve cancelled –

Marianne I know. I wanted to go alone.

Roland I’m a bit angry actually, Mary.

Marianne Angry?

Roland I’m saying so that you know.

Marianne You’re angry?

Roland I’m saying so that you know because I don’t want to have an argument.

Marianne Glad to fucking hear it.

Roland All right.

Marianne I’m sorry you missed out on the sheer joy that was collecting the results of my biopsy, Roland.

Roland All right.

Marianne But, forgive me, I didn’t feel like inviting along a fucking entourage of onlookers.

Roland All right! Christ. I’m telling you so I can get it off my chest because I want to be as honest with you as I possibly can. Because I don’t know what you’re about to say but it’s clearly bad news and I want to be able to listen and not be thinking I wonder what she did with herself once she heard?

Marianne The reason –

Roland I wonder why she didn’t call me straight away?

Marianne I knew that you were –

Roland Because I would have dropped absolutely anything and everything and I wonder if she knows that?

* * *

Marianne So I got my biopsy results.

Roland Today?

Marianne They called me and asked me to come in.

Roland Who did you see?

Marianne Dr Thorne.

Roland What did he say?

Marianne He said it’s benign.

Roland What?

Marianne He said that it’s a grade one and he said that it’s benign.

Roland Wait, he said that –

Marianne He said that, ordinarily, with a grade one he would expect to see a full recovery.

Roland Did he use the phrase ‘full recovery’?

Marianne Exact quote.

Roland He said –

Marianne Ordinarily we would expect to see a full recovery.

Roland Fucking hell.

Marianne Yeah.

Roland What happens now?

Marianne They need to operate.

Roland But he definitely used the phrase ‘full recovery’?

Marianne He did.

Beat.

Roland Are you all right?

Marianne Yeah.

Roland Are you sure?

Marianne Yeah.

Roland Are you hungry, do you want some bolognaise? Home-made.

Marianne Have we got any of the nice spaghetti?

Roland I love you.

* * *

Marianne It’s called a glioblastoma multiforme.

Roland Right.

Marianne It’s a grade four.

Roland Right.

Marianne It’s at the front.

Roland Okay.

Marianne Which is why I’ve been having trouble –

Roland Speaking.

Marianne He said he thinks they should operate.

Roland Great.

Marianne He said he thinks that’s what they should start with.

Roland Great.

Marianne And then he suggested radiotherapy.

Roland Okay.

Marianne But he said that if I’m too weak for radiotherapy –

Roland Too weak?

Marianne Yes.

Roland Okay, sorry.

Marianne He said that if I’m too weak for radiotherapy then chemo is probably better.

Roland Okay.

Marianne He … he said that …

Roland We can stop.

Marianne No, I’m okay.

Roland We could eat.

Marianne No, I’m fine.

Roland Honestly, we can stop, we can eat.

Marianne Think I’d rather. Think I’d rather just get –

Roland No, you’re right –

Marianne Think I’d rather just get through it.

Roland Absolutely.

Marianne It’s a year.

Roland A year?

Marianne Probably less.

Roland It’s probably less than a year?

Marianne He didn’t say that, but.

Roland They didn’t say that?

Marianne I went online.

Roland But they didn’t tell you that?

Marianne They said we should talk about all of that when we next meet, but when I got back to campus –

Roland Mary –

Marianne I know, I know. It’s stupid. I shouldn’t have done it. I went on a forum.

Roland A forum?

Marianne People had left all these dedications to all these people they had known that had died. There were pages and pages of them. Most of them were really wet and drippy. I got really fucking angry.

Roland Angry?

Marianne There’s so much bullshit.

Roland You mean on the –

Marianne When someone dies.

Roland Right.

Marianne There’s so much bullshit. ‘When your time’s up your time’s up.’

Roland Right.

Marianne ‘Time’, I mean what on earth are they even talking about?

Roland Why don’t we –

Marianne ‘She was a real fighter.’ Was she? Well, she obviously didn’t do a very good fucking job, did she?

Roland All right.

Marianne Some of them had uploaded photos.

Roland We should eat.

Marianne There was a photograph of a woman with God knows how many tubes hanging out of her and she was surrounded by these garish fucking balloons.

Roland Some people like to give people balloons.

Marianne If you give me a balloon, I will fucking garotte you.

Roland Note to self.

Marianne And if you put a photo of me on a fucking forum, I will haunt the shit out of you.

Roland No forums.

Marianne goes to cry, but stops herself.

Okay. Let’s eat. We should eat.

* * *

Marianne and Roland use sign language for the following lines.

Marianne It’s a kind of cancer. A kind of tumour.

Roland Okay.

Marianne It’s at the front.

Roland Okay.

Marianne It’s the reason I’ve been having trouble typing.

Roland I understand.

Marianne The doctor thinks they should operate.

Roland Good.

Marianne Operation to start with.

Roland Great.

Marianne Then he suggested radiotherapy.

Roland Okay.

Marianne But he said that if I’m too weak for radiotherapy then chemo is probably better. It’s a year.

Roland A year?

Marianne Might be less.

Roland Less than a year?

Marianne Yes.

Roland Less than one year of your life to live?

Marianne Wasn’t specific.

Roland What did the doctor say?

Marianne I went online.

Roland Who said less than one year?

Marianne They said we should talk about all of that when we next meet, but when I got back to campus, I went on a forum.

Roland A forum?

Marianne Yes.

Roland Why did you go on to a forum?

Marianne People had left all these dedications to all these people they had known that had died. There were pages and pages of them. Most of them were really wet and drippy. I got really angry.

Roland Angry?

Marianne There’s so much crap.

Roland What do you mean?

Marianne When someone dies.

Roland Right.

Marianne There’s so much crap. ‘When your time’s up your time’s up.’

Roland Right.

Marianne ‘She was a real fighter.’ Was she? Well, she obviously didn’t do a very good fucking job, did she?

Roland All right.

Marianne Some of them had uploaded photos.

Roland We should have something to eat.

Marianne There was a photograph of a woman with God knows how many tubes hanging out of her and she was surrounded by these garish fucking balloons.

Roland Some people like to give people balloons.

Marianne If you give me a balloon, I will fucking garotte you.

Roland Note to self.

Marianne And if you put a photo of me on a fucking forum, I will haunt the shit out of you.

Roland No forums.

Marianne goes to cry, but stops herself.

Why don’t we have something to eat?

* * *

Marianne I think I’d like to go abroad.

Roland What do you mean?

Marianne I’m not. I’m not sure how much of a difference the chemo is really making.

Roland D’you mean you’re not sure or they’re not sure?

Marianne I mean me. I mean I’m not sure.

Roland Why? What aren’t you sure about, why aren’t you sure?

Marianne It’s ganging

It’s

I was coming home. I was on the train and I was c-coming home. A group of men got on. A group of thirty-year-old men. They were pissed. I was sat at a table and I had my laptop out. They sat at my table and the table opposite. They started, they started winding me up. I put my laptop in my bag and I tried to move to a different seat. But they blocked me, they wouldn’t let me past. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t find the right words and they started laughing. They howled with laughter. I started to cry and finally one of them said that’s enough.

Roland You should have said, you should have told me.

Marianne I went on to campus.

Roland What do you mean, what for?

Marianne To have lunch with Melisa. I had a seizure.

Roland What? When? Mary.

Marianne A couple of weeks ago.

Roland A couple of weeks ago?

Marianne Yes.

Roland Why didn’t you tell me?

Marianne It’s the words, Roland. It’s exhibit

It’s ex

It’s becoming more and more tiring.

Roland You mean speaking to me, the two of us, is tiring, or you mean everything?

Marianne I mean everything.

Roland I didn’t realise.

Marianne I know.

Roland I’m sorry.

Marianne I know.

Roland I don’t know what to do.

Marianne You don’t have to do anything.

Roland I want to help.

Marianne You are.

Roland So when you say abroad, you mean abroad and not come back?

Marianne Potentially yes.

Roland How does it work?

Marianne You become a member.

Roland A member?

Marianne Pay some money.

Roland How much?

Marianne I don’t know what it is in pounds.

Roland Then what?

Marianne If you’re serious you write to them.

Roland Meaning what?

Marianne Outline why they ought to be taking you seriously.

Roland And if they do?

Marianne You meet someone.

Roland Out there or here?

Marianne Out there. You

You

You have to meet them a couple of times.

Roland Always out there?

Marianne I think so.

Roland Then what?

Marianne Then it’s up to you.

Roland How do they do it, how does it work?

Marianne They use something called a Bar

Abar

Roland It’s okay.

Marianne They mix it with water.

Roland I don’t really know what to say.

Marianne You don’t have to say anything.

Roland No I know but I want to; I want to know what to say to you.

Marianne A lot of people apparently never go through with it.

Roland How do you mean?

Marianne A lot of people, once they’ve been given the green night

Night

Once they’ve A lot of

Roland It’s okay.

Marianne They’re, they’re happy enough knowing it’s there.

Roland How do you know that?

Marianne It’s on the website.

Roland When you say a lot how many are we talking?

Marianne I think it was something like two-thirds. Safety net. For a lot of people.

Roland And is that how you’re feeling about it?

Marianne I don’t know.

Roland Would I be able to come with you?

Marianne I’m going to speak to Martin. Would you want to? Come with me.

Roland Would you want me to come with you?

Marianne nods. Beat.

Marianne I keep thinking of Mum.

Roland In what way?

Marianne Before she died.

Roland Right.

Marianne When she said she didn’t want any more food.

Roland Yeah.

Marianne Do you remember?

Roland I’m not sure we ever really talked about it?

Marianne I thought we did?

Roland Bits and pieces maybe.

Marianne Well she said she wanted them to stop the IV, did we talk about that?

Roland I think maybe we did yeah.

Roland You don’t know. You don’t know that.

Marianne Sinking feeling.

Roland Mary listen to me –

Marianne I’m so tired. I’m so tired, Roland. Before people had face

Before they had face

Face before they

FUCK.

Roland Okay.

Marianne God.

Roland God?

Marianne People’s lives were their own. Before it became skin

Skin, it became

Skin

Roland Skin?

Marianne Mum wasn’t scared of dying, she was scared of being kept alive. You know?

Roland Yes.

Marianne That wasn’t what scared her.

Roland I understand.

Marianne It’s not just the speaking.

Roland Okay now I don’t understand?

Marianne Reading. I’m having trouble – Numbers, words, on the page. I don’t know how to explain it. Typing. Typing, as well.

Roland In what way?

Marianne I know the word. I know the word I’m trying to type. But I don’t know the letters. None of the letters seem right. Rea

Rea

Roland You don’t need to finish.

Marianne I want to.

Roland I think I know what you’re trying to say.

Marianne How How can you know what I’m trying to say?

Mmm Most of the time I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.

Roland You’re right I was being polite because I don’t want you to wear yourself out.

Marianne Maybe we should get me a notepad to hang around my neck?

Roland What?

Marianne Kidding.

Roland Mary fucking hell.

Marianne Roland I don’t think that I can go back to work.

Roland Have they told you that?

Marianne They’re great.

Roland You’ve told them then?

Marianne Not yet.

Roland But you’re going to.

Marianne I think so.

Roland But you haven’t said any of this to them?

Marianne They’ve said whatever I want.

Roland So what about part-time?

Marianne I don’t know the point.

Roland You mean the point of going part-time?

Marianne Either I’m walking or I’m

Either I’m walker

I either do it or I don’t. Scares me.

Roland Work?

Marianne Stopping.

Roland Stopping work scares you?

Marianne What will I do?

Roland We’ll go away. We can do whatever we want.

Marianne I don’t –

Roland I’m being serious.

Marianne I don’t –

Roland I mean it.

Marianne I I don’t

We can’t. I have to have to make a

I have to have a choice.

Control.

* * *

Roland Taxi’s booked for nine.

Marianne I know.

Roland Gives us an extra half an hour.

Marianne It does.

Roland Are you tired?

Marianne A bit.

Roland Would you like to go to sleep?

Marianne What time is it?

Roland Are you cold?

Marianne No.

Roland I could turn the air conditioning off?

Marianne I’m fine.

* * *

Roland Taxi’s booked for nine.

Marianne I know.

Roland Gives us an extra half an hour.

Marianne It does.

Roland Are you tired?

Marianne A bit.

Roland Would you like to go to sleep?

Marianne What time is it?

Roland Are you cold?

Marianne No.

Roland I could turn the air conditioning off?

Marianne I’m fine.

* * *

Roland Taxi’s booked for nine.

Marianne I know.

Roland Gives us an extra half an hour.

Marianne It does.

Roland Are you tired?

Marianne A bit.

Roland Would you like to go to sleep?

Marianne What time is it?

Roland Are you cold?

Marianne No.

Roland I could turn the air conditioning off?

Marianne I’m fine.

Roland Do you want to put the telly on?

Marianne No thank you.

Roland Are you hungry?

Marianne Full.

Roland I’ve. I’ve had a really wonderful day.

Marianne Same.

Roland Really?

Marianne Yes.

Roland Can I be honest with you?

Marianne No.

She’s joking. They perhaps smile a little.

Roland There are, there are times when I look at you and I absolutely understand why you’re doing this. But there are times when I absolutely don’t. And I’m not, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be calling it a day. But I s’pose I am starting to wonder if now is the right time. Because if it were me and I were you I think that I would want as much time as possible. And if you think you’ve got another couple of months in you, God I would love to give that a go.

Marianne Yes.

Roland What?

Marianne (beat) Yes. Let’s go home.

* * *

Roland Because if it were me and I were you I think that I would want as much time as possible. And if you think you’ve got another couple of weeks in you, God I would love to give that a go.

Marianne What what do you mean by time?

Roland Time, I mean time, I’d want more time. With you.

Marianne I’m not sure that

You and I, we might, we think that

But that, that

There’s an arrow from p-past to present.

Roland Mary –

Marianne But that’s really all we can say. Asymmetrical.

Roland Mary –

Marianne But nobody knows why.

Roland Okay.

Marianne L-listen to me, please.

Roland Let’s not talk about this now.

Marianne Please.

Roland I shouldn’t have brought it up.

Marianne L-listen to me, please. The basic laws of physics – The b-b-basic laws of physics don’t have a past and a present. Time is irrelevant at the level of a-atoms and molecules. It’s symmetrical.

We have all the time we’ve always had.

You’ll still have all our time.

Once I

Once

There’s not going to be any more or less of it.

Once I’m gone.

* * *

Roland Hello, Marianne.

Marianne Roland. Wow, hi – Hello. How are you?

Roland Yeah, I’m fine, thanks.

Marianne Oh good. Good, that’s really good.

Roland How about y’self?

Marianne I bought some of your honey.

Roland Oh really.

Marianne From the Budgens in Crouch End.

Roland Yeah, right. They’re really great.

Marianne I said to the girl on the till, I said I used to know the man who made this honey.

Roland What did she say?

Marianne She just stared at me.

Roland I read one of your papers.

Marianne You did not?

Roland I did. I downloaded it.

Marianne That’s really amazing, Roland.

Roland What did you think of the honey?

Marianne Delicious. It was completely delicious. Are you, are you here for the ballroom class?

Roland Yeah, no, yeah, I am, yeah.

Marianne Really.

Roland Heather’s getting married in a couple of months, so.

Marianne The PE teacher?

Roland That’s right, yeah. Good memory. I’ve been ordered to sort out my two left feet or else. How about you?

Marianne Similar, really. Wedding.

Roland Your own or –

Marianne No, God, can you imagine. I’m being a very diligent bridesmaid. We’re having some kind of mass Viennese waltz. I’m not sure I fully understand it as yet.

Roland So is this your first? Lesson.

Marianne No, second. You?

Roland First, yeah.

Marianne Well done on the comfortable trouser front. I came straight from work. Last week. Crotch was like a fucking hothouse by the time I got home.

Beat.

Roland We should – Afterwards – If you – If we’re not both completely exhausted. There’s a nice place not that far. We could – We could try going for a drink? But if we get there, if we’re there, if we’re there and you, you change your mind, if you change your mind and you wanna call it a day, then we’ll just call it a day. We’ll just call it a day and you’ll never have to see me again.

Roland There are three different kinds of bees. The drones, the workers and a single, solitary queen. The workers are all women. Their job is to forage for honey, pollen, etcetera. Their lifespan is potentially anywhere between five weeks and six months. And then they die. Drones exist solely to have sex with the queen. Each hive tends to have around a hundred drones. Once they’ve deposited their sperm, their penis gets ripped off and
they die. Honeybees have an	Marianne Roland –
unfailing clarity of purpose. Their lives are often intensely short. But in a strange sort of way, I’m jealous of the humble
honeybee and their quiet	Marianne Roland any moment a –
elegance. If only our existence
were that simple. If only we could understand why it is	Marianne Any moment a –
that we’re here and what it is that we’re meant to spend our lives doing. I am uncertain when it comes to a great many things. But there is now one thing I am defiantly certain of.