Justin woke near dawn; at least he thought it was close to morning. It was hard to tell, with the rain pouring down so hard that the rooftop seemed to be drumming a symphony. The light was still dim, and the air smelled fresh and damp. He loved a hearty English rain. It washed away all the soot a London street could harvest.
He adjusted his shoulders, feeling the painful aftereffects of his nocturnal activities. Despite the fact that his body ached liked the dickens, nothing could eclipse the budding joy in his heart. Evelyn still had feelings for him. He wanted to shout to the hilltops with happiness.
Despite her harsh words, she had to care for him to make love to him with such ardor, to nurse him with such tender dedication. Given that kernel of hope, he intended to fan the flames of that tiny ember into a conflagration that would bind her to him forever. He had taken her innocence, she had saved his life; he owed her that much. He owed that much to himself. He would do everything in his power to make things right with her.
He had to find a way to repair the damage he’d wrought with his recent chicanery. No matter that his role was unwitting, he had played her cruelly, and this he could not forgive. He must free her from all treachery, restore her funds, and save her and her innocent loved ones. The problem was, he could not tell the guilty from the blameless, given his lack of information and mobility.
As soon as his body healed, he would remedy Evelyn’s situation. He only prayed that before then he had the chance to bond her heart with his. Now that he had tasted the intoxicating fires of her passion, he recognized how bereft his life had been. In the quiet of the dawn, the memories washed over him. With them came emotions pounding his heart like an anvil hammering a suit of armor that refused to take shape. Duty had always driven him; he had known nothing else. In his family it was the most cherished success. Now he understood there was much more to life than fulfilling others’ expectations.
Awareness of his mortality overwhelmed him. He could no longer afford to be the specter of the man he wished to be. There was too little time; life was too precious. He would make the most of his imperfect existence. It was time for him to lay claim to his life based on his needs—not his mother’s, Wheaton’s, Society’s, or anybody bloody else’s.
Evelyn was the key to his metamorphosis. She’d shown him that thoughtfully challenging others could be a healthy thing, driven by a strong sense of self. She knew who she was and what she wanted in life. He could not have admired her more. Evelyn never pretended to be anything other than what she was—strong, independent, intelligent, and kind. And she did not let anyone knock her self-worth, a trait he longed to emulate.
“Oh, you’re awake.” Nervously brushing her hand across her fair hair, the lovely lady pervading his thoughts glided into the room. “Would you like something to eat?” She carried a small candle, encircling her in a golden halo.
He smiled. Despite the drab gown and shadows under her eyes, she looked radiant. He decided when this mess was over he’d buy her a hundred gowns, in dazzling rainbow colors. No more black for Evelyn Amherst. “Actually, I’m feeling quite content this morning.”
With her eyes never meeting his, she set the candle on the side table. Keeping her head averted, she drew the broom from the corner and frenetically swept the room in hasty brush strokes. The clattering downpour barely covered the swoosh of the broom.
“I don’t believe the floor needs cleaning right now. Why, you can barely see.”
She shrugged, not answering or meeting his eyes.
“Is something bothering you, Evelyn?”
The broom abruptly stopped midstroke, the straw bowing as she pressed her weight onto it. “I, we need to talk about…well…” Her cheeks blushed an enchanting rose, and she seemed at a loss.
“Evelyn, have you slept at all this night?”
She shook her head in the negative. “I couldn’t. I kept thinking about what I, well, what we…” Her blue gaze met his. “I can’t believe my behavior. I’m mortified…” Wringing her hands on the broom handle, she murmured, “By what I said, what we did…”
He could not keep the corners of his lips from quirking, just thinking about her wild side. “I certainly did not mind.”
Dropping the broom into the corner, she replied, “Well, I did.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I’m not proud of the things I said last night—”
“Oh, about my mother hating me?” He waved her off. “I know she doesn’t. She drives me to distraction with her attempts to manipulate my life, but she really does care. Nothing anyone can say will change that.”
Evelyn peeked at him out of the corner of her eye. “So, you didn’t believe me?”
“The same way I didn’t believe it when you said you hated me.”
She scowled. “I certainly find myself horrifically angry with you—”
“You didn’t seem so angry when you pushed me onto the table,” he interrupted.
“Shh,” she chided, glaring at the open doorway. “Shah might hear you!”
“The woman must sleep like the dead, not to have heard us last night.” Extending his arm, he beckoned, “Come here.”
She shuffled closer with obvious hesitation.
He grasped her hand in the circle of his palms and squeezed it gently. “I have no explanation for what’s happening between us.” It was not precisely the truth, but it wasn’t exactly a lie either. “But don’t ever think there’s anything sordid or shameful regarding how we feel about each other.”
“That’s just it,” she countered, her blue gaze shimmering with misery. “I don’t know how I feel about you. It was easy when I hated you. Black and white. But then you saved me.” Shaking her head, she frowned. “And now you tease me and kiss me and well…you never did tell me why you saved me that night at your brother’s.”
A hearty laugh erupted from his throat, and he kissed her palm. How he loved her scent. “I couldn’t let you go and die after all of my convoluted attempts to ensnare you!”
“Ensnare?”
“I wanted you to like me. Enough to share your secrets with me. But you never did. Instead I found myself liking you very, very much.”
“There’s the rub; I didn’t tell you anything because I didn’t want to involve you. It’s bad enough that I have to live in the shadow of my father’s world. I wanted to save you from it.” She pulled her hand from his grasp. “When all along you were mixed up in the nefarious games.”
“I regret many things, Evelyn. But I will not apologize for fulfilling my duty to my country.”
A wistful smile flashed across her features. “That’s what Father used to say.”
The rain pounded down the roof, reminding Justin of marching soldiers. “Stopping Napoleon is our most urgent responsibility. I will do whatever it takes to help make that happen. I was under the belief you were aiding the enemy. It was all a bit muddled at the time. But my intentions were true, although, I must admit, grossly misguided.”
She met his gaze. “I seem to be the one confused where you are concerned, Justin. But emotions have no place in this nasty business. They can play no part in saving Sully.”
“I used to think that emotions were a liability when it came to the spy trade, Evelyn. I don’t feel that way any longer. If I hadn’t grown to care for you—”
“I’d be dead,” she finished for him.
He grasped her hand and pulled her back to the bed.
Licking her lips, she ventured, “But I wonder where these feelings can take us. When this is over, pray we all make it out of this mess alive, I want my freedom. I never want to deal with subterfuge, lies, or government chicanery again. I want a secure future, on my own.” She shook her head. “I intend to leave these shores, Justin, never to come back to England.”
That was very bad news indeed. She was a strong-minded woman, unused to changing her mind.
“This is too much contemplation before breakfast,” he chided gently, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and drawing her to his chest. She went willingly enough. Her luscious body molded against him, and a small sigh escaped her lips. He pressed his lips to her silky tresses. “We will do the best we can, for the moment.” He tilted her chin, and he brushed his mouth across hers. “And for the moment, the best thing I can think to do is kiss all thoughts of spies and treachery from your mind.”
He nibbled on her lips, and they parted. He kissed her tenderly, savoring her sweetness.
Pots clattered in the kitchen. Was it his imagination, or were they exceedingly loud? Shah was no fool; he just prayed she was on his side in this skirmish to win Evelyn’s heart.
Evelyn slowly extricated herself from his embrace. “I’ll go help Shah with breakfast.”
Watching her glide from the room, he could only thank the heavens for this opportunity to be closeted away in the country with Evelyn. In his condition he could not do much to help untangle the espionage mess, so he might as well take advantage of this time to change the tide of her feelings regarding England and regarding him. For if she left him in the end, all he’d have would be his duty, and that wasn’t near enough at all.