“How far is this place?”
“We’re almost there, Dad.”
It was Thanksgiving morning, and it turned out even rural Montana had holiday traffic. The drive from the airport seemed to be taking forever, and Matty’s father shifted uncomfortably in the passenger seat. If his own back was hurting, then he knew his dad’s leg had to be causing him a lot of pain. In an attempt to reduce the stress in the car, he told his family all about the house.
“The plaid couch makes me want to vomit,” he said. “But the workout room is nice when it’s too snowy to get into the gym.”
“Who cares what the couch looks like?” Joey—or Joseph as he was calling himself now—asked.
Matty squeaked in outrage. “Do I even need to dignify that, Joseph?” He tried to accept the name change only because his brother had to accept so many things about Matty over the years. Which, in the scheme of things, were probably a lot more ridiculous than insisting on being called by his full given name.
The week before, Matty had gotten permission from Margaret to open the upstairs rooms for his family to use during one of her rare phone calls to check in. It seemed that traveling the world was very distracting, and Margaret trusted him so completely that she didn’t feel the need to micromanage from their current location in South Korea, which Matty appreciated.
Matty had spent the better part of three evenings dusting, vacuuming, and scrubbing the bathrooms upstairs. There wasn’t much he could do about the décor, though. It was going to be patchwork quilts and duck figurines no matter what, but he kind of thought his mom and dad might actually like it. It was more their style than his, that was for sure.
“I want to see the pond,” Donna said. “The one where you’ve been teaching your neighbor’s son. What’s his name again?”
“Ben.” A shot of adrenaline rushed through Matty. His mom was going to meet Rob and Ben. He hoped she thought they were as amazing as he did. He couldn’t imagine that she wouldn’t. Rob was smart, and kind, and funny. He was hard working, and warm. He was thoughtful. He was basically everything a mom could want for her son.
Matty cleared his throat. That was why he was so nervous. His mom would absolutely see that and she’d know what Matty no longer wanted to admit to himself—that there was no way this was going to work. At least at this point in his life. Maybe one day, if Rob could wait…oh God, when had he started to think like that?
“I bought all the stuff that we’ll need for dinner, Mama.” Matty glanced at her in the rearview mirror. “Rob’s going to supply the turkey.”
“From his ranch?” Donna asked.
“No, I think he bought this one.” His cell phone was vibrating and he glanced down to see an incoming text.
Valentina’s yours. Contract information to follow.
Matty dropped the phone, clutched his chest, and screamed. He danced in his seat, and started laughing like crazy.
“Watch it!” Joey yelled from the back seat.
Matty swerved back over the line to his side of the road, still jumping up and down, shaking the whole car. His foot was unsteady on the gas, making them lurch like the car was drunk.
“Oh my God, Mama! We got Valentina!”
Pandemonium broke out between Matty and his mother as his father took hold of the wheel.
“Son, I didn’t come to Montana to die. I came for turkey.”
They all laughed at that, and Matty finally got a hold of himself.
“He nearly killed us,” Joey said to Rob almost an hour later on the Pages’ front porch.
Matty’s father greeted Rob with his usual gruff politeness. Rob took his hand and smiled in his sweet, wide-open way, and Matty’s heart fluttered. Matty’s dad patted Rob’s arm.
“Nice to meet you, son. Now if you’ll all excuse me, I need to get settled.” He disappeared inside with Donna and Joey, who carried in their bags and waved off Rob’s offer of help.
It had been brief, but Matty felt ridiculously pleased by the interaction between Rob and his dad. “Sorry if that seemed rude. ‘Get settled’ means he has to take pain meds and rest his leg.”
“Not at all. I know they’ve had a long day of traveling. Don’t you want to show them around the house?”
Matty shrugged. “They’ll figure it out. Their bedrooms are the ones without the glittery make-up in the adjoining bathroom.” He bounced on his toes, and was about to blurt out his news when Donna and Joey returned, ready for their ranch tour.
With grand gestures, Matty pointed out the barn where Maple Syrup and Daisy were eating hay, and the direction of the Pages’ pond. His mother squinted into the setting sun, nodding and patting his arm.
“Calm down, honey. I know you’re excited, but—”
Matty threw his arms wide and twirled in a circle. “But I can’t calm down, Mama! You’re here!” Between the news about Valentina, and Rob meeting his family, he couldn’t hold still.
Joey, now taller than Matty remembered, and already charmed by Rob given how uncharacteristically chatty he was being, repeated, “He nearly killed us. I mean, he almost ran head-on into a massive truck. I would have died before getting anywhere with Reese Connelly.”
“Or anyone at all ever,” Matty noted.
“Which only makes it worse,” Joey replied, a little darkly.
Matty rolled his eyes and waved his hand, indicating that Joey was being a drama queen, which was rather hilarious.
Rob nodded and winked at Matty before asking Joey, “So, what was the excitement that led to this near-death experience?”
“He got Valentina.” Joey pushed his fine dark hair behind his ears. He’d grown it out long enough to look like a scruffy ’70s throwback. Matty wondered if he could convince his brother to go to the barber in town with him before he left. Did barbers even work the day after Thanksgiving?
Joey went on. “He finally landed the girl of his dreams.” Joey wiped a fake tear from his cheek. “A Russian girl. That’s my brother. So proud.”
Rob’s eyebrows lifted. “A Russian girl?”
“A coach. She’ll kick him into shape, I bet. And he’ll like it.”
Matty sighed and walked up to the porch. “You’re telling this all wrong, my little Joey-monster. This is how it goes: ‘Once upon a time, Princess Matty was looking for the right person to mold him into something better than he could achieve on his own. Someone who could inspire him, whip him into submission—”
“I thought you weren’t going to give me details about your sex life anymore,” Joey said.
“Joey!” Donna scolded uselessly, but she was laughing too.
Matty smirked. “Touché, Joseph.” He gave up on his story and turned to Rob. “Valentina Chapayeva is a Ukrainian coach. She’s coached four Olympic gold medalists in her time, and now…” He paused for dramatic flair. “Now she’s going to coach me!”
“It’s a dream come true,” Donna added. “Matty needs someone like her. His last coach had a hard time making him focus.”
Rob grinned, and Matty’s heart flipped from the cuteness. Rob put his arm around him and shook him a little. “That’s fantastic!”
“It is! It means everything will change for me.”
When Rob let go, Matty jumped up and down, spastic and unable to stop until Donna came over and grabbed him in a hug.
Rob chuckled. “I know you’ve talked about a new coach, but I guess I didn’t understand how important this was to you.”
“It’s the only way to get medals. I can’t do it on my own or with coaches that can’t keep me in line.” Matty cleared his throat. “I can be a little hard to control.”
He couldn’t help but look at Rob, as though pulled to acknowledge him and the fact that Rob knew what Matty was talking about in a very intimate way. The look that passed between them brought a rush of heat into his cheeks, and Joey made a strangled sound.
“I’m going inside,” Joey said. “It’s getting gross out here.”
But Matty noticed that Joey stayed put.
Donna rolled her eyes and put her arm around Matty’s waist, tipping her head to his shoulder. Matty pressed his head to hers, overcome by happiness that she was there, and that he had a future in skating still, and this was going to be a great Thanksgiving after all. He threw his arms around Donna again, and when he squealed with happiness, she did too.
“I’ve missed you, Mama,” Matty murmured.
“Missed you too.”
She kissed his ear, and then whispered, “He’s very handsome.”
“Isn’t he?” Matty agreed, sotto voce, glancing over to where Rob was talking more with Joey about Matty’s questionable driving skills, which was very annoying because Matty was a gifted driver. Okay, so he was terrible, but Joey needed to shut up about it. “I can’t get enough of him.”
Matty could feel Donna’s evaluating gaze, but he kept his focus on Rob.
She let go of Matty. “Let’s head inside and see what you’ve bought. God help you, we’d better not be eating lettuce for Thanksgiving.”
***
“Like a canon shot, or something,” Rob said. “After all that pushing and pushing and pushing, he just—boom—shot out all at once. It was amazing. Kind of shocking. Anja cried. I almost did. Partly because I was afraid she’d broken my hand after gripping it for ten hours.”
Donna chuckled as she rolled the pie dough flat. “The miracle of birth. Although Matty didn’t take long at all. Couldn’t wait to get out in the world and start squawking.”
“I’m going to stop you right there, Mother. No baby stories. Or kid stories. No stories of any kind.” Matty cut pecans into tiny pieces for the filling. “How many more?”
She glanced over. “That’s enough. Start on the apples for the stuffing now. Cut up six of them.”
“Are you sure I can’t help?” Rob asked.
“You’ll just get in the way. If you’re sure you don’t want to go watch football with Joey and Randy, just keep talking. I like to have something to listen to while I cook. I suppose a ranch doesn’t just stop for a holiday. Did you have to put in some work this morning?”
“A little. I gave the men the day off. I fed the goats, horses, and working dogs, and spread hay for the cattle. Luckily there weren’t any surprises today, and it all went smoothly. Day-to-day on a ranch, you never know just what you’re going to get.”
“Oh my God, knock on wood,” Matty exclaimed, rapping his fist on a cabinet. “There will be no escaped cows on Thanksgiving! The tsarina has spoken, and so it shall be!”
Rob smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”
Donna asked, “When’s Ben getting here?”
Rob looked at his watch. “Not for a few hours. He’s probably having a blast with his cousins and Anja’s family.”
“Not that we aren’t happy for your company, and not to be nosy—”
“Uh-oh,” Matty said. “She’s about to be spectacularly nosy.”
“Shh. I’m just wondering if you normally share Thanksgiving with Ben’s mother’s family? Has your invitation to eat with us interrupted your usual activities?”
“No, I’m always invited, but I never go. Something about sitting at a table with the man who’s never apologized for calling me ‘the faggot who ruined my daughter’s life,’ or for trying to convince Anja to have an abortion because ‘it might turn out like him’ has never really appealed to me. I generally try to avoid him.”
“I can see why,” Donna said. “That’s terrible.”
“In fact, I usually spend Thanksgiving with the Pages since my folks died. So this feels a lot like the same old, same old.” He shot a look at Matty. “Don’t tell George or Margaret I said this, but the company is better this year.”
“Isn’t he cute, Mama?”
“Yes, very cute. Now where did I put the condensed milk?”
Matty shoved it her way. “Donna, you would lose your butt if it wasn’t attached.”
“Now it’s my turn to be nosy,” Rob said. “What’s with the Donna thing? Sometimes it’s Donna, sometimes it’s Mama. I always called my mother ‘Mom’ and was done with it.”
Matty put his arm around his mother’s shoulders. “I call her Donna when she’s Donna, Mama when she’s Mama, and Mother when I’m being a brat.”
“And Mom when he’s distracted,” Donna said.
“So the thing about losing her butt…that wasn’t being a brat?” Rob asked.
Matty snorted. “No. That’s me being a stand-up comedian.”
“There’s a huge difference.” Donna rolled her eyes.
“Keep your day job, sweetheart.” Rob laughed.
Matty thrilled at the use of the endearment Rob used mainly in intimate moments, and he felt his mother go still underneath his arm. He moved away from her, and started chopping the celery for the stuffing.
“I intend to,” Matty said. “In fact, practice has been going great. It’s almost to the point that I can’t go much further alone now. My stamina is back up, and my strength is good. I need a professional.”
“That’s what Valentina will do for you,” his mother said, stirring the pecan pie filling in a big mixing bowl. “Luckily for us one of her skaters is retiring at the end of the season and she’ll have an open slot.”
“Oh my God, Anton should have retired forever ago. He’s like, almost thirty.”
“That old, huh?” Rob whistled. “Surprised he can still walk, let alone skate.”
“Ha, ha. You know what I mean. Skating isn’t like real life. Almost thirty is ancient in singles. He’s only hanging on because Worlds is in his hometown this year. St. Petersburg. Such an amazing city.” Matty swallowed down the petulant flare of resentment that he wouldn’t be there.
“Do you know where you’ll have to go to work with the new coach?” Rob asked.
Matty swallowed and glanced at Rob, who was watching him chop. “Her training center’s in New York City.” He looked down at the apples, unable to meet Rob’s gaze. “Mama, rumor is Julien’s even considering working with her.”
“Julien Alban? You’ve always liked him. That’ll be a good match for you on the ice. He’s a real doll.”
“Uh-huh.” He forced himself to look at Rob, and Matty’s heart dropped into his stomach.
Rob took a deep breath and stood up. “I think I’ll go see what the score is.”
Matty’s gut tightened, and he bit his lip. This wasn’t what he’d wanted. Not in a million years. The look of hurt in Rob’s eyes made him feel sick, and he sat the knife down on the cutting block, pressing the back of his hand against his mouth.
“He took it pretty well, don’t you think?”
“What?” Matty asked, softly.
“You leaving. He took it well.”
“He’s known that I’m leaving. He’s always known.” Matty’s throat ached.
“Well, that’s good. You’re both on the same page.”
Matty looked at her, and Donna’s face softened. She pushed the bowl aside. “Oh, honey.” She wrapped her arms around him. “You’re in love with him.”
Matty nodded against her shoulder, tears coming to his eyes. He snuffled a little against her neck before taking a long, cleansing breath. He pulled away and looked at the ceiling, batting away the tears so they wouldn’t mess his make-up.
He could feel Donna’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t look at her now. He turned back to the chopping board and started in on the celery. “I knew better. It just happened. I guess I’ll survive it somehow. I always do.”
Donna sighed behind him, and he kept his eyes on the celery, obliterating it into tiny pieces. Much smaller than necessary, but he didn’t care. It made him feel better.
***
Ben showed up right after the longest dinner of Matty’s life. At least Donna and Joey had kept up a constant patter of conversation, and Rob, Randy, and Matty had only had to nod and murmur. Matty needed to get Rob alone to talk, but right now he was glad for the distraction of Ben, who threw his arms around his dad, and then hugged Matty too.
“I brought my skates. If you have time tomorrow.”
Matty grinned. “How about tonight?”
“An impromptu ice show?” Donna asked. “For us?”
“Why not?” Though he felt so full from eating his feelings at dinner that he wasn’t sure he could lift himself off the ice for even the easiest jump. He hadn’t eaten so much in months. Regardless, he wanted to show Ben off, and let Donna see what a special kid he was, and how he was doing under Matty’s tutelage.
The night was clear, and everyone, including Randy, bundled up to come out and watch. Matty whispered to Ben as they walked, using his arms to demonstrate. “Do you think you can do it like that?” Matty asked.
“Sure,” Ben said, grabbing Matty’s arm and holding on tight with a grin on his face. “I can totally do that.”
The pond had a dusting of snow on it and Joey was helpful in his own way. He threw himself on the ice, pretending to be a human snowplow as he used his body, arms, and legs to push off the snow.
“I told you that he didn’t need a third glass of wine,” Matty said as they all laughed.
The pond was jittery and rough, but Ben grinned from ear to ear as he threw himself into it with his usual fire. Matty positioned himself on the other side of the pond and counted off a beat. On four they began to move, both of them doing small modified jumps in the little routine Matty was working out for Ben.
Claps and whoops filled the frosty air, and then Matty left the ice to Ben. His face aching from smiling so hard, he watched the boy land two double toe loops in a row. Matty clapped as Ben pumped the air with his fist.
“Yeah!” Ben yelled. It echoed in the night air, bouncing off the hills.
“Yuliya Yasneyeva will be sorry she missed that!” Matty called.
Ben cracked up, which made him fall on his Lutz. He sprawled there on the ice, laughing. “You are such a freak! I love you!”
Matty skated out and pulled him up to hug him. Whispering in Ben’s ear, Matty suggested they try a death spiral with Ben as the girl. They both cracked up when they failed miserably, and Ben fell on his head.
“Good thing George isn’t here, or he’d be warning you not to sue, Rob!” Matty laughed.
Rob smiled genuinely. “Good thing.”
Ben was tough and he was up again immediately, racing around the pond, zooming at Matty and swerving at the last minute in game of ice skating chicken. Matty chased him a bit, picking up some speed for a spin. The world blurred and whirled, and when he pulled out of it, he saw Ben skating around him in the opposite direction.
He felt like the cog of a gear, the center that pulled this together. Ben, his family, Rob, Montana, New York City, Valentina, skating, the Olympics, the world—he just didn’t know how to make it all keep moving without his career aspirations gumming up the works.
Ben skated alone while Matty stood on the side of the pond and issued commands in Russian. Matty nodded when he landed a jump well, and his chest swelled with joy and pride when a glance toward his mother proved she was impressed and excited by Ben’s performance too. Matty grinned. That was his kid out there, and he adored him.
After the audience patted them both on the back, Matty stood in front of Rob, smiling up at him. “Do you think Yuliya Yasneyeva’s done a good job with him?”
Rob’s mouth was set in a strange, sad line, and Matty’s heart fluttered down from the heights to which it had risen. Rob visibly shook himself, and pulled Matty into a hug.
“Thanks for taking the time with him. You’re amazing.”
“He’s pretty amazing too.”
“Yeah, he is.”
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
Smiling, Rob brushed their noses together, and Matty felt the lingering tension between them lift.
***
Later, Ben fell asleep on the bear rug in front of the fire listening to Matty and Donna talk about the time they’d spent in Russia together for various competitions. Joey and Randy had gone to bed earlier, citing exhaustion, which Matty believed when it came to his dad. But he suspected Joey felt a little sick after drinking another half a bottle of wine. He’d need to check on him later.
On the couch, Matty listened to his mom talk with Rob beside him as he watched Ben sleep on the rug. He looked so small there, his face relaxed and innocent. Matty was really going to miss him. Who’d have thought he’d ever get so attached to a kid? Not to mention the kid’s dad.
“You look sad,” Donna said.
Matty shook himself out of his reverie and lied, “Oh, just thinking about quads and the likelihood that I’ll ever consistently land them.”
Donna looked unconvinced but she left it, and turned her attention to talking Rob into allowing Ben to stay the night. “We’ll send him over tomorrow after breakfast. Don’t disturb him. Growing kids need a lot of sleep.”
“Funny, she didn’t take that line when she was waking me up at three in the morning to get to the rink on time when I was only a little older than him.”
“You would have killed me if I hadn’t.” Donna ruffled Matty’s hair.
Matty followed Rob out to the front porch after Rob said goodbye to Donna. Matty pulled on a coat, but he was still cold. He rubbed his hands over his arms. “Thanks for coming over tonight. I wanted my family to meet you, and they all think you’re great. I can tell.”
Rob drew Matty into his warm arms and held on tightly, his face in Matty’s hair, unsteady breath against his scalp. Matty pulled back. “What’s wrong?”
Rob shook his head. “I love your family. They’re all great. I love you with your family.”
“And…?”
Rob sighed. “It’s going to be hard to let you go, that’s all.”
Matty’s stomach twisted. “Yeah. It’s going to be hard to go.”
“No it won’t. You’ll be back where you want to be. Where you belong. You’ll skate and you’ll win, and you’ll remember this time with a fondness, maybe. That’s all I expect.”
“Well, that’s shitty.” Matty punched Rob’s arm kind of hard. “Don’t you know that I’ve fallen in love with you?”
Rob stared down at him, his arms tightening to prevent Matty from succeeding in his half-hearted struggle to get away. “I love you too. It doesn’t change things.”
Matty couldn’t breathe. He’d avoided this conversation for so long that he didn’t know how to hold back his emotions now that Rob was just having it. He rubbed his face against Rob’s coat, wiping away the surprise tears.
“You’ll go train with this Valentina and you’ll win. And I’ll always love you. But we’ll move on. That’s how it works. That’s the way things go. I’m a grown-up, Matty. Don’t think I ever had any illusions about how this ends.”
Matty grabbed Rob’s coat and clung tightly, his face buried against Rob’s chest. He stood there for a long time, warm in Rob’s arms in the cold November night.
***
At the airport Sunday morning, after the hustle and bustle of getting his father checked in and assisted, and Joey being freakishly affectionate in his goodbye, Matty clung to his mother. “I’m not gonna let you go home.”
“I’ve got to work, Matty. I haven’t won the Power Ball yet.”
“I want to be your Power Ball. I want to make it so you won’t have to work anymore.”
“I’m the parent here, Matty. It’s my responsibility to take care of you, not the other way around.”
Matty nodded, and thought about the lost money from the shows and competitions he’d missed. No matter what she said, the money was important. He had a responsibility to them and Joey, and he wasn’t going to let them down. He’d do his best to make all the years they gave up worth it. Reluctantly, Matty released her.
She brushed his hair out of his eyes. “I love Rob. We all do. And Ben is terrific.” She studied Matty’s face. “If he’s the one, honey, it will work out. Believe me.”
Matty swallowed hard and put on his best smile for her. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Donna grabbed her carry-on bag and set off toward the security check, looking back a few times and waving. Matty waited until she was taking off her shoes and putting them in a bin.
He only cried for ten minutes on the way back, and he wasn’t sure what the tears were about—his family leaving for home, or Rob and their lack of future. He thought it was more the latter, but he couldn’t think about it anymore. Thinking about it made him start to shake.
That night on Rob’s bed, swaddled tightly in the blankets again with his arms trapped against his chest, Matty’s knees were by his ears and his ass was spread open by Rob’s big hands. He jerked as Rob’s tongue flicked his asshole and pushed against Rob’s shoulder with one foot, shoving away from how good it was.
Rob grabbed Matty’s hips and pulled him back to the center of the bed. Matty’s head bumped over the mattress limply, and his breath came in a mix of whimpers and small cries as Rob pushed his legs up again and went back to his ass. Matty had lost track of time and his sanity. It seemed like it had gone on for hours, but he didn’t know anymore. It was so good—so overwhelming that it could have been days for all he knew.
He hadn’t been rimmed too often in the past, and most of the time it’d been done tentatively. But this was strong, fast, and hard, and he went higher and higher, landing only when he managed to get a foot onto Rob’s shoulder and push him away. It was too good, so fucking good, that he wanted to crawl out of his own skin before he just couldn’t take it anymore.
When Rob gave him a break, Matty panted, his eyes fluttering as he tried to get his bearings. He blinked at the ceiling, the little plaster spatter-stars making swirling patterns, and then, oh, oh God, Rob was back, biting small, maddening nips to the skin around Matty’s anus, his finger slipping teasingly over it, making Matty arch and beg.
It was so much more intense when he couldn’t move like this, when he couldn’t help but give in to Rob’s mouth and hands. Matty’s thighs shook and he clenched his fists against his chest, wishing the sheets weren’t wrapped so tightly he couldn’t reach his own nipples. But he didn’t have room to think about it, not when Rob’s tongue was pressing into him, his teeth were scraping against him, and Matty was so hard it hurt. His tender cock rubbed against the soft blanket holding him securely.
Rob lifted up, met Matty’s eyes and then chills rushed through Matty, prickling at his skin as his ass stretched to accommodate Rob’s cock. “God, God, oh…fuck, yeah. I…please…” Matty whispered in a ragged staccato rhythm as Rob pushed and held. Matty’s ass opened and tensed, pulling Rob in slowly—too slowly. Matty begged. “Just fuck me.”
Rob rubbed his hands along Matty’s legs and kissed his feet, holding Matty’s gaze but not saying anything. Controlled, so in control, and Matty’s face twisted up. He felt his body go slack, and then like that, just like that Rob was in. So fucking in, and hard, and Matty wanted to grab his own cock. But he was trapped at Rob’s mercy, and he closed his eyes, cursing under his breath and aching for Rob to move. So close to begging for it again, and then—
Fuck.
The noise Matty made was loud, and it was long, and he couldn’t stop it from coming out of his mouth. The way Rob was fucking him—so fast, hard, and without any breaks, just strong, continuous motion that rocked him back and forth, his cock jerking with every thrust—was so fucking amazing, so intense and crazy, that he couldn’t keep quiet if he tried.
Matty’s teeth banged against each other, and he clenched his jaw. Sweat prickled on his forehead, and a combination of lube and sweat ran down his ass crack, so each of Rob’s thrusts resounded with a wet smack. It was dirty and hot, and somehow fucking sweet because Rob was so present, showing how important this was with his body, with the care he took to make it good, and the way he was giving Matty everything he had now.
Just like in the corn maze, he had to give up and take it. He had to feel things, real things and not just sex things, as Rob plowed him. His emotions were wild when he was vulnerable like this, and he was shocked by the harsh flow of them, more intense than the fuck. Some were absolutely terrifying to him. His heart clenched with sorrow, and he rode through the stomach-dropping sensation of fear. His chest ached as Matty grappled to hold on to the last vestiges of the deepest emotions he always tried to hide.
Then it broke, and he was aching, bursting, coming apart at the seams. Rob’s gentle touch on his cheek wiped a tear away, and Matty moved his face to kiss Rob’s palm, whimpers and half-sobs all he could get out.
“Let it all go. That’s good.”
Matty closed his eyes again, and he was so close, so fucking close. He needed a hand on his cock, because he had to come. His body and heart couldn’t take much more without release. Rob seemed to understand, and he pulled out of Matty’s ass, leaving Matty groaning. Then he shoved back in, hard, and jerked Matty’s cock.
Matty thought he levitated, and the bed had given way beneath him because he was gone, gone, gone—coming so hard he couldn’t see. He was nothing but a ball of jerking pleasure, and then he slammed down again into his still-convulsing body. He was freaked out because he was crying, fucking crying, and that was too weird, and Rob hadn’t come yet.
Rob rocked into him quickly, kissing Matty’s mouth, whispering things that Matty couldn’t process. Then Rob’s body stiffened and his cock throbbed in Matty’s ass. Rob muffled his cry against the wad of blankets wrapped over Matty’s chest.
Matty wanted to wipe off his face, but his hands were trapped by the blankets and Rob’s weight. He was still shaking, and he could even feel his feet trembling. He was completely tapped of all emotion and strength, like he’d just landed fifty quads in a row and he had absolutely nothing left to give.
Rob pulled out of him, unswaddled the blankets, and turned away to pull his condom off. Matty wiped his hot hands over his face and shivered. Rob pulled Matty close, and tucked his head under his chin. Listening to Rob’s heartbeat, his mind was like a snowy television screen until he fell asleep.
***
“Oh fuck!” He sat bolt upright. “I forgot the horses. I have to go.”
Rob pulled him down again. “Shh. It’s the middle of the night. I took care of them while you were taking your folks to the airport.”
Matty sank down into the warmth and kissed Rob’s neck. He whispered, “How are you so amazing?”
“I’m not. You kind of make me want to be, though.”
“Oh my God, I think that might be one of the sweetest things anyone’s ever said to me, even if it is complete and utter bullshit.”
“I’m not bullshitting you, but you already know that.”
Matty knew it all too well, and it scared the crap out of him. Where on Earth was he going to ever find this again? Someone who made him feel this way—accepted, loved, appreciated, admired—and could also fuck him blind, and knew just what to do to blow his defenses up completely like carefully laid mines along his boundaries.
He still felt shaken by the sex they’d had earlier, like Rob had reached inside and rearranged his soul. It wasn’t anything he’d ever experienced before, and it felt so precious. He didn’t know what to say, or what to do. Fuck, he couldn’t even tell Elliot about this because Elliot would never understand. Or if he did, he’d pity him, and this was too sacred for that. How could Matty explain anyway? It was all too personal and intimate to break it into words.
Rob wrapped his arm around Matty, holding him close, and whispered, “Did it scare you away?”
Matty turned his face into the curve of Rob’s neck, kissing softly. “It scared me, but I’m still here.”
“Good. Because I’m not ready for you to go yet.”
Matty swallowed hard, crawled on top of Rob, and held on tight. He was suddenly acutely aware that he wasn’t sure either of them would ever be ready for that. Yet what choice did he have? Skating was his life, and so many people depended on him. It wasn’t just about what he wanted. He wasn’t sure it ever had been.