The day after Ada’s engagement dawned, and the sun came up. And though she’d always imagined such a day would seem extraordinary and full of anticipation for the future, with this morning came confusion, desperation, and even anger.
She was engaged to a wonderful man, but she resented it.
She was in love with an injured, unresponsive man who might not be in love with her, a man who lived and worked in a world set apart from her own.
Ada felt as if she were walking on a rope stretched across a cavern. One false move and she would fall into nothingness, with no hope of surviving unscathed. Yet to stay the course and make it to the other side … What waited for her there?
Sadie helped her get dressed, but breakfast was difficult as Mother insisted on talking about the wedding. Invitations, dinner menus, flowers …
“And your dress should be covered in Belgian lace. Perhaps we could have Worth in Paris design it.”
“Sounds expensive,” her father said.
“Of course it does,” Mother said. “Of course it is. Ada is our only daughter. We only get to do this once.”
Nana looked directly at Ada. “Indeed. You only get to do this once.”
Once. I only get to marry once. I must make the right choice.
“I suppose you’ll be wanting a European tour for your honeymoon?” Father asked.
Mother answered for her. “I’ll miss having you gone six months, but it is a must.”
And there it was. The tipping point, the one comment that made everything fall into place.
A European honeymoon …
The idea of being away from Samuel for six months was unbearable. She couldn’t marry Owen and leave. Not when her heart belonged to Samuel.
Ada dropped her fork against the plate and scooted her chair back. “I’m sorry. If you’ll excuse me?”
“Excuse you?” Mother said. “We’re in the middle of a discussion about your wedding.”
She wanted to tell them of her revelation, but she had someone else to tell first. Whether Samuel awakened or not, whether he could hear her or not, she had to declare her love to him.
As Ada moved to the doorway of the dining room, Nana asked, “So the tea is brewed and hot, child?”
Ada paused and nodded. “The tea is steaming and full of flavor.”
As she hurried up the stairs, she heard Nana’s laughter.
“Tea?” her mother said. “What’s all this talk about tea?”
Ada burst into Samuel’s room and set the nurse free to get her own breakfast.
She rushed to Samuel’s side, took his hand, and gave the words release. “I love you, Samuel. I don’t know if you love me, but I have never stopped loving you, and—”
He moaned.
Ada leaned close and stroked his cheek. “Samuel? It’s Ada. Come on now. Open your eyes. Wake up. All the way now. Talk to me, Samuel.”
As if her wish was his command, Samuel’s eyelids fluttered, then opened. He looked at Ada, blinked slowly, then looked again. “Ada? It is you.”
Ada began to cry. “It is me.”
The world was right and good again.
Thank You, God! Thank You!
She’d made her choice not to marry Owen without knowing how Samuel felt—an all-or-nothing decision. But now, since he was awake, what if he …
Ada shook away the thought. The fact was, whether Samuel still loved her or not, her own feelings wouldn’t change.
The tea was brewed, and her heart was warm with love.
Neither could be undone.
Samuel couldn’t take his eyes off her. Ada was more beautiful than he remembered. He could only guess at the extent of the pain he’d caused her during the past year. Yet her smile still had the ability to melt his heart.
He was content to let her explain how he happened to be at the Wallaces’. He had little memory of the accident and certainly had no memory of all that had come after but for seeing her face and saying her name, once, before falling into the abyss of his injuries.
Yet he had seen her before that. “I saw you,” he said, after she explained the accident. “I saw you on the street.”
“I didn’t see you,” she said. “Or rather, I saw a man save a little boy but didn’t know it was you until you were in the carriage.”
“I’d prayed for the chance to see you again,” he said.
Her eyes widened. “I prayed to see you, too, on that very outing.”
He squeezed her hand, relishing the softness of her skin and the elegant length of her fingers. “It seems clear that God brought us together again.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and she cupped his face in her palm.
“He did, didn’t He?”
Their reunion was interrupted when the door opened and Samuel’s grandfather walked in. “Good morning, Ada. How’s our patient do—?”
He pulled up short.
“Morning, Grandfather.”
The old man rushed toward him, fluttering and flubbering his greetings. Samuel was surprised at his tears and extinguished one as it slid down his grandfather’s cheek. “I’m so glad to see you.”
“Oh, Samuel, my boy, you’ll never know how glad I am to see you.”
Ada relinquished her place. “I’ll leave you to your celebration. I must spread the good news.”
Samuel was reluctant to see her go but took solace in knowing she would return.
If he had his way, they would never be separated again.
Ada caught up with her parents in the entry foyer as Wilson helped her father don his coat to go to work. She rushed down the stairs.
“He’s awake!” she said. “Samuel’s fully awake!”
They all froze for a moment, her father with his arm halfway in the coat’s sleeve. Then he said, “Well, good for him. It shows he’s on the mend.”
Mother’s head shook back and forth as if trying to let the news percolate through the soil of her brain. “Yes, good. He can go home now.”
Ada felt her jaw drop. “Mother!”
Father adjusted the coat at his shoulders as Wilson stood by with his hat, gloves, and walking stick. “Winifred, really.”
Mother reddened but did not change her stance. “I don’t mean this very minute, but since he’s awake, I’m sure he’d rather go back to his home. After all, Christmas is just a few days away and—”
Her mother’s brash words gave Ada the courage to share her own. “I’m not going to marry Owen. I want to marry Samuel.”
Father bobbled his hat, and it was recovered by the butler. “You just became engaged to Owen.”
“But I’ve never stopped loving Samuel, and now that he’s fully back—”
“He is not back,” Mother said. “He is here only because of his injuries. He still lives in some hovel down in the slums. He is still penniless.”
Father cocked his head. “I wouldn’t count on that anymore, Winifred. From what I’ve seen of Nathaniel, the fences between grandfather and grandson have been mended.”
“Be that as it may,” Mother said, “we will not have you shame this family again, daughter. It’s bad enough to have one man reject you, but to break it off with yet another man who is actually your fiancé? Our reputation cannot endure it.”
Ada turned to her father for support, but he said, “Your mother’s right, Ada. Do you honestly want to put your family through another year like the last?”
No, but …
“And this time there may not be an Owen Reed to pull you out of it,” Mother said. “Owen is your last chance in society.”
“But what if I don’t want to be in society anymore?”
Her parents looked as though she’d announced she wanted to die. Father’s voice became stern. “You’ve made a commitment to Owen in front of friends and family. You must follow through. You will follow through.”
“But I didn’t make the commitment—Mother did!”
Father looked from his daughter to his wife, then clinched the entire conversation by putting on his gloves. “You are engaged to Owen Reed. I do business with his father. His family and ours will be bound through your union. Samuel Alcott is a man from your past. Do not confuse sympathy and empathy for love.”
“But I do love him.”
Father tapped the top of his hat with the brass tip of his walking stick. “I will hear no more of it, Ada. We’ve done our duty by Samuel. He is awake, and when able, he should return to his life and leave you to yours.”
“But Father—”
He left the house, the situation sealed with the closing of the door.
“You see, your father agrees with me,” Mother said. “You see, I’m right.”
Ada swept past her and ran up the stairs to Samuel.
To her Samuel.
As she passed her grandmother’s room, Nana was coming out. “My, my, what’s wrong, child?”
Ada burst into tears and let Nana usher her inside.
Samuel reveled in the company of his grandfather. Gone was the gruff man who’d raised him, the man who rarely uttered a kind or encouraging word. The man before him wore his heart on his sleeve, and his heart revealed his love for his grandson. Samuel mourned the deeper wrinkles in his grandfather’s face and knew he was their cause. But the glint in the old man’s eyes made up for the extra creases and furrows, revealing a light and life that Samuel had never seen before.
Their reunion was interrupted by the entrance of Mrs. Wallace.
Grandfather stood. “Do you see, Winifred? The dead have come back to life!”
“I see,” she said, though her face showed no joy in the fact. “If you don’t mind, Mr. Alcott, I would like a few words with your grandson—in private.”
Grandfather hesitated and looked to Samuel, who said, “Go on. Perhaps you could see if I might have something to eat. I’m feeling hungry.”
His grandfather jumped at the chance to help and left Samuel alone with Ada’s mother.
Samuel was glad for the chance to offer his appreciation. “I’m glad to talk with you, Mrs. Wallace. I want to thank you for taking me in and looking after me while I—”
She stood a goodly length away from the bed, her hands clasped in front of her. “I want you gone, Mr. Alcott.”
“What?”
“You’ve hurt our family once, and you will not hurt us again. I’m glad you’re all right, but now it’s time to leave. Go away, Samuel Alcott. You must, for Ada’s sake. Because she’s engaged.”
“Engaged?”
“To Owen Reed, a fine, upstanding man of breeding and society, who will love her, cherish her, and care for her in a way you cannot.”
“I … I didn’t know.”
“Well, now you do.”
With that, she made her exit.
Samuel was left speechless. The joy that had filled him to overflowing at seeing Ada and his grandfather was dashed. But why hadn’t Ada said something? Her attentiveness and smile had given him every indication she still loved him as much as he loved her.
For he did still love her. Had never stopped loving her.
The past year had been excruciating for him. Although he felt satisfaction in helping the children, he often wondered at the price he’d paid. Had he misread God’s leading when he thought God had said “Wait” in regard to their engagement?
His own heartache had tested his decision, and when his grandfather had cut him off and they’d become estranged … How could so much heartache be God’s will? He wasn’t the only person who could work with the children—he was never so arrogant as to think that. So had he given up everything for a calling that was not his own? And why hadn’t he given Ada the chance to join him in his work? She’d offered, but he’d judged her offer as impulsive and unfeasible. He’d virtually deemed her willingness to sacrifice her lifestyle for a life together as insincere.
Who was he to judge her in such a way? To limit her?
But by the time he’d realized the arrogance of his mistake, he’d seen the society pages in a newspaper that mentioned Ada attending a dinner at the Vanderbilts’ with Owen Reed—of the Reed shipping fortune.
He’d let her go, and she had moved on without him. And now she was to be Mrs. Owen Reed.
It was too late. He’d experienced true love but had tossed it aside, unmindful of its value. “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” Samuel had found such a woman but had not been willing to pay the price to keep her.
He stared into the fire, letting the flicker of the flames take his mind back to the days before the accident. Ada had been on his mind more than usual. As he’d gone about his work, trying to make some wooden toys for the children for Christmas, trying to keep the foundling home supplied with firewood and food, his thoughts had returned to Ada. They always returned to Ada. Her face. Her smile. Her loving eyes. Her soft skin, and the completeness he felt when she was in his arms.
And when he’d seen her alight from the carriage in Five Points, it was as if an angel had touched down in a dark world—his dark world. The children, the horse, the screams, the pain … he would suffer them all again if it would bring her back into his life.
But to have found her, only to lose her?
His thoughts burned away in the flames, leaving the images of Ada in the ashes.
After telling Nana about all that had transpired, Ada let her grandmother’s arms enfold her. “You always know how to comfort me, Nana.”
“It’s my job, child.”
Ada sat upright. “So what should I do? I chose Samuel, and now he’s awake. But Father says—”
“You are to honor your parents.”
It was not what Ada wanted to hear. “Even if they’re wrong?”
“They are not wrong. Owen is a wonderful man, and in spite of your feelings, your father has laid down his decision.”
“What about brewing tea? What about coming to my own life-changing decision?”
“Ultimately, whether you like it or not, you are under your father’s authority.”
Ada stood, her frustration requiring movement. “If I have no power, then why did you urge me to make my own choice?”
Nana put a hand to her forehead, rubbing the space between her eyes. “Perhaps I was wrong to offer you an option where there was none. Perhaps I was caught up in the fantasy of true love and happy endings.”
“Fantasy? So my feelings aren’t real? And it doesn’t matter what I choose?”
“In the end, probably not.”
“But that’s not fair!” Ada knew she sounded like a petulant child but didn’t care.
“Life isn’t fair, child. Was it fair that Nathaniel and I lost track of each other and were directed to marry others? I think not.”
Ada was surprised by her grandmother’s admission. “So you regret marrying Grandfather?”
“‘ ’Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.’” That said, Nana shook her head. “Regrets have sharp teeth, child. And I did grow to love your grandfather.” She put her hand beneath Ada’s chin. “Without him I would not have you.”
“But what if …?”
Nana shook her head. “A life can drown in what-ifs. After seeking God’s counsel and guidance, we must make the best decisions we can amid the barriers that exist around us. Beyond that, we must look forward instead of back.”
“But you’ve found Mr. Alcott again. You’re getting a second chance.”
Decades fell from Nana’s face. “God is good—all the time. And He’s often full of surprises.”
“If God brought Mr. Alcott back into your life to love, doesn’t it follow that He brought Samuel back into my life to love?”
“Time will tell.”
But time was the problem. Her mother would see to it that Samuel left as soon as possible. Time was running out. Or was the hourglass already empty?
By the time Ada returned to Samuel’s room, he was sitting up and his grandfather was feeding him some soup.
“Look, Ada. He’s eating,” Mr. Alcott said.
“I told him I could do it myself, but he insists.”
Ada’s smile seemed wistful. Almost distant. Had something happened to upset her?
“You’ve grown weak,” she said. “We fed you when we could, but you were asleep more than awake, and often delirious.”
“Until this morning when I awakened and saw you.” He smiled, then looked away. He had to be careful not to be too familiar. She was not his anymore. “I’m going home tomorrow.”
Ada hesitated, her face tormented. Then she nodded. “I’m sure they’re worried about you. I would have sent word, but I never knew exactly where you were.”
He’d kept the location and name of the foundling home a secret from her—and his grandfather. It had seemed right at the time. He hadn’t wanted either to seek him out and make his decision harder, but now he thought of Eliza and the children. What must they be thinking since he hadn’t returned?
Mr. Alcott handed Samuel a napkin to wipe his chin. “I think leaving tomorrow is being hasty, Samuel. Dr. Wallace hasn’t even seen you yet. He may say you can’t go.”
Samuel found Ada’s eyes and held her gaze. “I must go.”
Her forehead furrowed. Samuel wasn’t sure if Ada was aware that he knew of her engagement. His visit from Mrs. Wallace had seemed clandestine, as if Ada’s mother had wanted him to know Ada was promised to another—because she guessed Ada wouldn’t tell him herself. He wished Ada would tell him. For until he heard the words from her mouth, he would always cling to a glimmer of hope. And until he heard the words, he could not declare his love.
His need for the air to be cleared took over. “Is there something you’d like to tell me, Ada?”
He watched her eyes flicker, as if matching the fire of her thoughts.
Tell me. If you love another, set me free. If not … tell me you love me and let me soar.
She finally said, “I’m going to miss you, Samuel. It was so wonderful seeing you again.”
Samuel dissected her words. Did her omission of the facts mean she didn’t consider herself truly engaged? Or perhaps she was trying to be kind, thinking that her betrothal would hurt him.
“This going-home business,” Grandfather said. “If anything, you should come home with me. You need more care. And I—”
Samuel put a hand on his grandfather’s, stopping his words. “I need to return to the place where I belong.”
“But I just got you back. You can’t leave me again.”
“I must.” Samuel’s throat tightened. He would have liked nothing better than to stay in the company of these people he loved. But he’d strayed beyond the boundaries of his domain, and it was time to return to it.
Lord, please help me do this.