3 Observation: “Elementary, My Dear Watson”

The common eye sees only the
outside of things, and judges by that,
but the seeing eye pierces through and
reads the heart and the soul, finding
there capacities which the outside didn’t
indicate or promise, and which the
other kind couldn’t detect.

—Mark Twain

You see, but you do not observe.

—Sherlock Holmes

Helpful Hint: Carefully observing your Aspie’s behavior can be one of your most effective tools for helping him. Put on your Sherlock Holmes detective cap and observe. This is particularly important if you are to help the Aspie keep his anxiety from getting out of hand. Look, listen, sense, learn. Open your eyes and ears as you do your heart.

I offered this same advice recently to a mom I’d met at a charity fundraising event. Her twenty-year-old son, a college student, had just moved back home. She was upset because he seemed to be languishing. I asked what his interests were. Mom didn’t have a clue. I asked what he was studying in school, still trying to get a handle on what he was passionate about. She replied, “We are forcing him to go to college. He doesn’t want to go.”

After I explained the Sherlock Holmes and observation theory, I saw the lightbulb go off in her head as she blurted, “You’re my savior!”

No, I’m not. I’m just here to say that with a little understanding and patience, we can help nurture brains that are just a little bit different, and often very misunderstood, to achieve success.

In Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s timeless stories about Sherlock Holmes, the greatest fictional detective of all time, Dr. Watson would frequently tell Holmes how brilliant he was. Holmes would brush aside the compliment by telling his sidekick that all he did was observe.

“A Scandal in Bohemia” begins with Holmes receiving a visit from Watson, whom he has not seen for two months.11

11 In the timeline assembled by Sherlock Holmes scholar Brad Keefauver, “A Scandal in Bohemia” transpires in March 1888, some two and a half months after the previous Holmes adventure, “The Valley of Fear.” It is during this interval that Watson gets married and goes on a honeymoon.

Holmes notices details about his friend and quickly deduces nearly everything Watson has done for the past eight weeks. After Holmes explains to the astonished doctor how he made these deductions, Watson says it seems so logical that he should be able to do it himself. After all, his eyesight is as good as his friend’s.

Holmes replies, “You see, but you do not observe. . . . For example, you have frequently seen the steps which lead up from the hall to this room?”

Watson says he has climbed the stairs hundreds of times. Holmes asks how many steps there are. When Watson says he doesn’t know, Holmes says, “Quite so! You have not observed. And yet you have seen. . . . Now, I know that there are seventeen steps, because I have both seen and observed.”

So open your eyes and start observing your Aspie, in proper Holmesian fashion, for signs of anxiety, sensory overload, and other issues. As the great detective might say, you need to do more than simply see; you need to study him and observe.

Let me tell you a story that underscores the distinction between simply seeing and diligent observation. Several years ago I wrote, directed, and produced the full-length movie The Square Root of 2,
which was fiction inspired by the true story of a young woman with learning disabilities fighting an unfair higher educational system. The woman who inspired the story was my daughter, Rebecca, in the movie played by Darby Stanchfield (you may know her as Abby Whelan on the TV show Scandal), who is not only a very talented actress but also a highly observant one. In preparation for the filming of The Square Root of 2, she never stopped studying Rebecca. And in the movie, in addition to the many nuances she practiced, she exhibits some of Rebecca’s repetitive hand motions.

For years I had thought that my daughter’s repetitive, idiosyncratic hand motions had a neurological basis. After all, Rebecca has twenty-three vascular brain tumors and has had two major brain surgeries, although you’d never guess this from talking to her.12 Not until a few years later did I learn of Rebecca’s Asperger’s, the role that anxiety plays for most Aspies, and the things that produce anxiety in her. I now know that her hand motions are a sign of anxiety. When we’re together, I look for those signs of anxiety, try to figure out what is adding to her stress and anxiety levels, and then try to help defuse the situation. Back then I didn’t know to do that. Now I do.

12 I’ll never forget the intense experience of the surgery waiting room at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, praying and making every kind of deal with God I could, as Rebecca underwent the pioneering stereotactic surgery that saved her life against great odds. As part of that deal, I returned to boxing at age thirty-seven and ultimately to the ten-round, main event, professional heavyweight boxing ranks, donating my purses to children’s charities . . .
while continuing to practice orthopedic surgery. But that’s a story for another day.

Many scenes in The Square Root of 2 in general illustrate classic Aspie scenarios, which I did not realize at the time of production. Darby Stanchfield’s amazing, nuanced portrayal of an Aspie occurred despite the ignorance of this clueless dad filmmaker. Why? Because Darby studied and observed Rebecca directly.

ACTION PLAN: You can’t solve a problem if you don’t recognize the problem’s manifestations. Studied observation should be one of the key tools in your Asperger’s toolkit. Use it to watch for the symptoms of anxiety, or for indications that the Aspie’s hypersenses are being forced to process too many stimuli, or to determine which rewards to use to reinforce positive behavior, or to recognize signs that your Aspie is being overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed leads to the cataclysm we’re about to encounter—the meltdown.