Dear Vim,
You’re a hard guy to get a hold of these days so I thought I’d drop you a line to say hello and tell you some of the things I’ve been thinking about since I was out there in May. First I want to say how proud I am of you and how proud I was to be at your graduation. It meant a lot to be there and to see you take that Big Walk. You’ve grown into quite a guy (your mother will deny it but a lot of it must be those good Sweeney genes!).
Second I want to tell you I’m sorry. There is no other word for it, just sorry. I’m sorry because I know I was not there for you in a lot of ways growing up and I know I was not the best father. If I am being honest with myself—and I should also be honest with you—I must admit I was pretty bad at it actually.
But there are many ways in which a father can be “bad.” My own father who of course died long before you were born was so cold and distant it was like living in the house with a stranger. I could not wait to leave home. And very early on I saw, shortly after you were born, some of his behaviors repeating themselves in me—or about to start repeating themselves—so I decided to leave before that could happen.
These are not excuses. I am only trying to be honest. I wanted to say some of this to you when I saw you but maybe it’s easier to write it. We’ve never had a relationship but I want to have one. I know you don’t know Meredith but she’s a great person and she’s been great for me, helping me realize many things. She’s on your side. She misses you and would like to see more of you. We both would.
You are always welcome here. There is plenty of room for three.
Now that I’ve said this I hope you’ll let me know what you think.
Also, I hope you’ll excuse the following bit of “fatherly” advice (insert ominous music here), but your mother tells me you quit your job recently (and she is obviously the one who gave me your uncle’s address) and that you have no plans to get another one. She told me she doesn’t know if you’re doing anything at all “productive” with your time up north.
Here goes:
Vim, I believe that by quitting your job you have wasted a good opportunity to get a head start on your future. College is hard and you have to be responsible. Not only in class but in how you pay for it. Meredith and I will try to contribute but at this point I don’t know how much and I’m not sure you’ve demonstrated the right level of commitment. I’m sure your mother (and Ed) have already told you this.
The world does not meet people halfway.
A little bit of hard-earned wisdom (trust me!).
Again, it was great seeing you graduate. It always happens that too much time passes before we see each other—I know this has often been my fault but I am trying to be better in the future—so let’s not have that happen again.
We miss you, Vim.
Love,
Dad