19

 

Nick parked his truck in front of Good Shepherd Church and turned off the engine. Despite his apprehension over the upcoming confrontation with Ted, Nick allowed himself a brief moment of happiness. Lily had come to church again this morning, without him even asking. Could this mean she was beginning to feel a tiny spark of faith? He hoped so—with everything in him.

Because although he loved Lily just as she was, he couldn’t marry her unless she allowed God to be an integral part of their marriage—of their lives. Even if they weren’t meant to be together, if God had other plans for their lives, it would be a comfort to know Lily had come to develop a trust in God which would sustain her in the future. At least the seeds had been planted. Now they needed time to grow.

Nick kept this idea in the forefront of his thoughts as he approached the church office. He stood for a moment in the silent hallway, inhaling the familiar scents of pine soap and candle wax that drifted as far back as the office area. Once he felt focused, he knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

Ted stood with his back to the door, staring out the large picture window. “Sit down, Nicholas.”

The familiar dread returned. Nick had prayed long and hard that morning for God’s help with his constant battle to control his temper. Now he took a seat, determined to keep calm.

Ted turned and sat down in his chair across the desk from Nick. Shadows underlined his faded blue eyes. The hollows in his cheeks seemed more pronounced today. A pang of guilt spiked through Nick at his less-than-charitable thoughts of late. Did Ted suffer from ill health? Could that be the real reason for his retirement? Nick straightened on his chair, vowing to keep an open mind to whatever Ted was about to say.

The older man removed his glasses, set them on the desk, rubbed a hand over his eyes, and then looked at Nick. “Thank you for coming. I’m sorry if I’ve come down rather hard on you lately, son, but believe me; it’s for your own good.”

“I understand. You only want the best for the parish you’re leaving behind.”

Ted gave a wan smile. “Exactly. Which is why I want to talk to you in more detail about the realities of being a minister.”

He spent the next ten minutes describing the pitfalls of life as a clergy member, focusing on the importance of a spotless reputation, to be above reproach in every area of his life. Ted stressed the need for a supportive wife and helpmate, one who understood the rigorous demands of a pastor’s career and who could, in a best case scenario, contribute her own gifts to the ministry.

Nick congratulated himself on his patience as he listened.

“The reality is that as pastor you are under a constant microscope by your parishioners. You cannot afford one misstep or you will lose their trust and respect. This goes for any potential spouse as well.”

Nick squirmed on the hard chair and pulled his tie loose an inch. “I agree. As ministers we are role models of Christian behavior.”

Ted hooked his glasses over his ears. “I’m glad you see the gravity of the position. It will make it easier to understand what I’m about to say, and why I feel it necessary to do so.”

The uncomfortable sensation returned to Nick’s stomach. “What is it, Ted?”

“The board of church elders have met with me to discuss your situation, and we are unanimous in our decision. I’m afraid if you continue to see this Draper woman, I cannot, in good conscience, recommend you, nor will the elders accept you, as my replacement.”

Nick sat in stunned silence for a moment, reeling with the implications. Resentment settled in his chest like a stone, lodging his reply in his throat.

“If you truly believe God is calling you to this vocation as pastor of Good Shepherd Church, you must stop seeing Miss Draper. Immediately.”

Nick clenched his jaw together so hard his back molars ached and counted to ten to keep his anger in check. His immediate reaction was to tell Ted exactly what he could do with his job. Yet he wasn’t ready to throw away his career on a whim of temper. He needed time. Time to discern God’s will for his life, to make sure his powerful feelings for Lily fit with God’s plan.

When Nick felt he could speak in a civil manner, he released a slow breath. “This isn’t a decision I can make on the spot. I’ll need time for serious consideration and prayer.

Ted stared at him for a good thirty seconds before responding. “Fair enough. But I’d like your answer as soon as possible. If God is leading you elsewhere, the parishioners need to know so they can seek the person God has in mind for them.”

Nick got to his feet. “I understand.”

Ted stood as well. “I hope you know this isn’t personal, Nicholas. I have the larger picture to consider.”

Not personal? How could it not be personal when the man he’d looked up to for years now seemed more adversary than friend? Any type of acceptable response escaped him. Nick gave a curt nod and left the room in silence.

When he reached his truck, the fury he’d pushed back now coursed its way through him until he thought he’d explode. He slammed his fist onto the hood of his truck. Pain radiated up his arm and into his shoulder.

How could his mentor, a man he admired and trusted, issue such a harsh ultimatum? Ask him to make this type of sacrifice?

Nick got in the truck and bowed his head over the steering wheel, recalling the day he’d made the decision to become a minister. All the pieces of the puzzle had clicked into place, filling his soul with joy and contentment. At last he was on the right path, the path God wanted him to follow.

Then why had Lily come into his life? To test the strength of his commitment? Did God really want him to sacrifice his relationship with her in order to prove his worth? Or was that only Ted’s doing?

Nick rubbed his chest, trying to loosen the pressure building there to the point of pain. The thought of having to choose between two of the things he cared most about in his life proved unbearable.

How would he—how could he—ever make that choice?

 

****

 

On Wednesday afternoon, Lily approached the Martin residence with nervous perspiration dampening her palms. She did not have a good feeling about this meeting, and Nick’s odd behavior of late only made matters worse. He’d barely spoken to her since she saw him at church on Sunday. Nothing had seemed amiss then. In fact, he’d been pleased to see her. She’d gone, not only because it would make Nick happy, but because she sincerely wished to share that part of his life with him. Once again she’d been surprised to find comfort in the scripture readings.

One particular verse had stayed with her. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Could it really be that easy? Just confess your evil deeds and be made clean in God’s eyes?

She’d wanted to discuss it with Nick, but he’d been busy all afternoon, which was understandable. She hoped he would call or come by after dinner at his aunt’s, but he never did. By Monday afternoon, she broke down and called him. He’d been abrupt on the phone, given her a lame excuse why he couldn’t talk, and hadn’t called since.

Now, two days later, Nick’s silence was deafening. Was he angry with her for some reason? Worse yet, had Mike dug up some dirt on her, and now Nick wanted nothing to do with her?

As she mounted the steps to the Martin house, she shook her head to clear the negative thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the front door. Mrs. Martin pulled it open almost immediately, as though she’d been waiting in the entrance for her. Dressed in a loose dress and slippers, and wearing the ever-present oxygen tube, Mrs. Martin bade her enter.

“I hope I’m not late,” Lily said.

“Not at all. Let’s sit in the parlor.”

She followed the frail woman into a sparsely furnished living room. Though the furnishings were worn, the room itself was spotless. Lily took a seat on the sofa and waited while Mrs. Martin settled into a brown velvet armchair.

“Can I get you a drink?”

“No, thank you.” Lily would’ve loved a glass of cold water to ease her parched throat, but didn’t want her to have to get up again.

Mrs. Martin continued to study her, and Lily grew more self-conscious by the moment.

“If this is about Chloe’s grades...”

“This has nothing to do with school,” Mrs. Martin said. “I want to know where you got that necklace.”

Lily’s mouth fell open. She searched for an acceptable reply, but nothing but the truth came to mind. She swallowed. “From my mother.”

Sonia Martin’s eyes narrowed. She thumped her cane on the hardwood floor. “That is a lie.”

Lily pressed her lips together to hold back a denial. What could she say, other than admit Margaret Strickland was her mother? Lily clutched her hands together on her lap, wishing she could rush out of the house before the proverbial mouse trap snapped around her neck.

Sonia perched on the edge of the chair and pointed a bony finger at Lily. “I’ve seen that necklace before. It belonged to my good friend, Margaret Strickland.”

Lily held her breath, paralyzed. She bit her bottom lip and said nothing.

“I’m going to ask you a question straight out, young lady, and I’ll know if you’re lying. Are you Adelaide Strickland?”

Lily gasped. How had Mrs. Martin figured that out unless she knew Adelaide hadn’t died? She twisted her fingers around her purse strap, torn between keeping her promise to Nick and wanting desperately to confide in this woman. When she finally looked into Sonia Martin’s eyes, she just couldn’t lie to her.

“Yes,” she whispered at last. “I am.”