“HOW LONG HAS she been like this?” I demanded.
“Not more than half an hour,” Kella said. “It happened after firstmeal.”
I felt sick. “A coma. I don’t understand. How could it just happen like that for no reason?”
From the corner of my eye, I noticed Kella open her mouth and then close it again.
“What is it?”
The healer bit her lip. “It’s possible that you … damaged the blocked part of her mind when you forced your way past her mindshield to—”
“Are you saying I caused the coma?”
“You go too far and too fast,” Kella said, the softness of her tone a protest at my stridency. I resisted an urge to shout at her that it did not matter how loudly I talked—Dragon would not hear it. Kella pulled the covers around the empath-coercer’s neck and gestured for me to follow as she left the room.
In the kitchen, the scent of food cooking only served to heighten my feeling of unreality. A fire blazed on the hearth, but it was some moments before my mind registered that Brydda was sitting in a chair before it.
He rose to greet me.
“I had gone out to the market to get some milk and then bumped into Brydda downstairs,” Kella explained. “We were coming up together when we heard them arguing. When we came into the kitchen, Dragon was lying on the ground.”
“I struck too hard,” I said.
The healer sighed. “There is no certainty of that. Damage to a blocked memory is not uncommon. Sometimes an eruption occurs spontaneously, and once disturbed, the memory inside will develop and shift until the block is shattered. Often that is the best thing, but Dragon’s memory block is very deep-seated. The chances of her mind being able to deal with a flood of unresolved memories is slim. The whole healthy mind would typically be sucked into a sort of mental whirlpool revolving around whatever has been repressed. Eventually, all normal thought would be absorbed, and there would be nothing left in her mind but that single matter replaying itself again and again.”
My skin prickled with horror as the meaning of her words sank in. “You mean she will be defective when she wakens?”
Kella held up her hands. “I said that would have happened, but Dragon’s mind retreated, which is the best thing that could have happened under the circumstances.”
“You call a coma the best outcome?”
“Everything is relative,” the healer said firmly. “At some level, Dragon obviously sensed the block was damaged and likely to break open, and she willed herself inside it. This means that, right now, she is caught up in a loop of blocked memories: reliving over and over what she has repressed as she tries to resolve whatever caused her to block it out in the first place.”
“Then she’ll come out of it when she has sorted herself out?” Brydda asked, struggling with unfamiliar concepts.
Kella shook her head helplessly. “That is what we must hope. But there is no predicting how long it will take. It could take a year or a day or a minute.”
I stared into the healer’s face, seeing only my own culpability. With a flash of despair, I thought of Jik and Cameo and wondered if it would always be my fate to lead those around me to destruction.
“Elspeth, you blame yourself too much,” Kella chided.
I glared at her. “Too much? How much should I blame myself, then? And who will take the rest of the blame? Dragon?”
“Perhaps,” the healer said quietly. “It maybe that this is indeed her own doing.”
“It is my fault she’s in a coma,” Matthew said, hearing the last as he entered the kitchen.
Kella gave him a weary look. “I wish the pair of you would stop fighting over who is to blame and listen when I say the coma might be a natural development.”
“Natural?” he murmured.
She nodded vigorously. “Exactly. This would have happened sooner or later, because Dragon never intended to forget her past. She didn’t push her unwanted memory into her subconscious, the way the gypsy woman tried to do. Instead, she encysted it in her conscious mind—forgotten, yet not forgotten. She stored it as if whatever she has suppressed contained both something unbearable and something precious.”
I tried to decide if her words offered hope or absolution, but my weariness had returned with redoubled force. I felt numbed.
“I have to get some sleep,” I mumbled, but did not move.
“I am sorry for what has happened to Dragon. Truly I am,” Brydda said, shifting forward to look into my face. “But life rarely permits us time to regroup or to mourn. I have come here because I need your help, and sad as this is, it does not change my need.”
“Again?” I asked bleakly. “I could not help you last time. And I have been out all night.…”
The rebel shook his head. “I do not need you until tonight. You can sleep until then.”
“What then?”
Brydda’s expression hardened. “Daffyd has not come, and I am supposed to take the slaves to the warehouse for the slaver’s people tonight. I mean to deliver them as agreed so that I can track them back to Salamander. Eventually, they will have to come to him. I cannot have them followed, because Salamander will certainly have someone watching. He would be a fool if he did not. But you could use your mind to track the slaves safely.”
“I could,” I said. “If they are not shielded and if they are not taken over tainted ground or water. And if a thousand other things that could go wrong don’t.”
Brydda looked taken aback at my fierceness.
I tried to explain. “It is difficult enough to farseek a Talented and a known mind in a city streaked with impenetrable tainted areas and among all these other mind patterns, let alone someone who is both unTalented and unknown.”
Matthew sat forward, a flare of eagerness driving away the despairing guilt of moments before. “Th’ slave you use as a marker need not be unknown or unTalented.”
I stared at him, uncomprehending.
“I could take th’ place of one of th’ slaves,” Matthew said.
I only stared at him.
“Ye’d have no trouble keepin’ a probe on me. Ye could do it from here.”
“No,” I said. “The blind spots … I could lose contact with you—”
“Nowt fer long, if ye follow physically as well,” Matthew interrupted. “Farther back than anyone would bother with but close enough to feel where I am, even if ye can’t farseek me. I’d have my mind open to ye all th’ time.”
“It’s out of the question,” I said.
“Very well,” Brydda said firmly, stopping Matthew’s protest before it was uttered. “But you will trace the slaves?”
“If I lose them, they will be condemned to live as slaves.”
The rebel’s face hardened. “As they would have done had I not intercepted them. Perhaps they would think it fair odds, since I am trying to stop this foul trade altogether.”
“The end justifies the means?” I asked cynically. “Have you given them a choice?”
The rebel frowned. “As far as they know, they are still captives held by slavers. They are resigned to their fates. This is the real world, Elspeth, and I am doing the best I can. I will not lose this chance,” he said harshly.
I sighed. “I will track them. But I’ll have to come to the warehouse so that I can get a fix on one of their minds.”
Brydda rose and took a scrap of paper from his pocket. “Here is a map showing where it is. The slaver said he would send his people to pick up the slaves before dawn, so I suggest you arrive well before that. I will be waiting for you.”
“He also told you to get rid of me, so it will be better if I do not come inside.”
Brydda frowned. “I doubt he will come in person, but perhaps you are right. We should not take the chance. You will have to get into position somewhere outside. Will that be close enough?”
I nodded and committed the route and warehouse location to memory before handing the paper back.
“You should assume you are being watched as soon as you get into the area.”
“Am I nowt to come, then?” Matthew asked, caught between pleading and demanding.
Brydda looked at me.
“You had better come with me,” I decided. “When we arrive, you will go inside the warehouse with Brydda and pretend to be his assistant. With different clothes and in the darkness, you can pass yourself as a seaman’s lad. The skin stain has faded enough. With you inside, I can use your eyes to see what is going on there and communicate with Brydda even as I track the slaves.”
The rebel nodded. “When you let us know where they have been taken, we will ride after them.” He frowned. “No. On second thought, Salamander may have Matthew and me watched for some time after the slaves are taken to ensure we don’t try to follow. I will have some rebels stationed nearby. Can you ride to them and tell them where the slaves are taken?”
I nodded, feeling incapable of more. Brydda stood and squeezed my shoulder. “Get some sleep,” he murmured.
“Ye should have let me do it,” Matthew said sullenly after Brydda had gone. “There would have been no risk.”
“There is risk in everything,” I said, thinking of Dragon. I stood up.
“Wait!” Kella protested. “You haven’t told us what happened with the gypsies.…”
Kella and Matthew both stared at me expectantly. I yawned and rubbed at my eyes. “I’m too tired to go into it all now, but I took her back.” I looked at Kella. “The gypsy healer said you were a good healer.”
She flushed with pleasure.
I stumbled down the hall and into my bedchamber, falling into the bedding fully clothed. Dimly, I wondered if it was possible that something was wrong with me. I felt incredibly fatigued, and this was not the first time. I had felt the same unnatural tiredness after the whipping. Perhaps this time it was because of the tattoo. Every time I was injured, my mind and body seemed to withdraw.
I flung my hand out, seeking the comfort of Maruman’s rough, warm fur, but the place where he slept by my head was cold and empty. With an ache, I wondered where he was and if he was safe.
“Sleep the shortsleep.…” I heard Gahltha’s voice in my mind. “I/Gahltha will guard the dreamtrails in place of Maruman/yelloweyes.”
And sleep claimed me again.