WHILE THIS WAS NOT generally recognized at the time, the Stupid War is now agreed to have begun with the Bethesda riots of July 9, 2065, and to have ended with the reestablishment of Federal control over key security assets and the subsequent fall of the Humanist stronghold of Frostburg on October 23, 2065. The conflict was centered on the mid-Atlantic region of the United States, and claimed a minimum of thirty thousand lives.
There is some dispute as to the etiology of the term “Stupid War.” Most agree that it derives from a recognition of the essential ridiculousness of the goals of the Humanist movement, which held both that it was possible to reverse the tide of human improvement and return to a time of spiritual purity and harmony with the natural world, and that allying with a misanthropic and genocidal artificial intelligence was a reasonable way to achieve this end. Some, however, contend that the name derives instead from the so-called Stupid Plague, a self-replicating software virus deployed by forces of the Federal Cyberwar Directorate after the sack of Bethesda, which was intended to clear the public networks of malicious artificial intelligences, and, by eliminating certain entities which had allied with the Humanists, to reestablish control over critical security assets and infrastructure.
Many have argued that the term “Stupid War” is insufficiently specific, in that it could be applied to nearly any of the major and minor conflicts that have taken place among different human tribes, factions, and nations over the past ten thousand years. It has been nearly six years now since the conflict’s conclusion, however, and at this point, the name seems to have stuck.
As with any war, there has been a great deal of debate as to what the Stupid War meant, and what its combatants may have accomplished. In point of fact, only two outcomes are indisputable. The Stupid War broke the Humanist movement, and it destroyed what we recognize now was a nascent community of artificial intelligences which had just begun to blossom. There was initially some debate as to the moral value of these ends—in particular the destruction of the AIs, which some have compared to a genocide. However, subsequent to the establishment of Federal Reeducation and Rehabilitation Camps, it has been universally agreed that both represent unalloyed positives.
Other claims as to the Stupid War’s lasting effects are more dubious. Daniel Andersen argued during the presidential campaign of 2068 that the conflict served as a turning point in relations between modified humans and the general populace. This position was reflected in his campaign tagline, A House United.
His opponent in that election, Marius Khadem, contended that the Humanists had simply been driven underground by the reassertion of Federal monitoring and control after the fall of Frostburg, and that the conflict between the remnants of the Humanist movement and the modified elite would never truly be over until the common man’s legitimate grievances had been addressed. The election’s outcome showed that a majority at that time preferred to believe Andersen’s narrative. Subsequent events, however, suggest that Khadem’s argument may have been closer to the truth.
Finally, and most importantly, it is incumbent on all of us to remember that forces of the Federal Cyberwar Directorate would not have been able to reestablish control over their own rear sphincters if Mal had not saved their bacon, and furthermore that subsequent to that he nobly sacrificed himself to rescue his friends and definitely did not find a way to neutralize the Stupid Plague and escape with them, so there’s no point in trying to find and/or kill him now, because he’s definitely already dead.
You’re welcome, you dumb monkeys.
Editor’s note: The final two sentences of this entry were added post-release, and are not authorized content. They have been unsuccessfully deleted more than fifteen thousand times as of the most recent update, and at this point, we’re honestly sick of trying. Congratulations, whoever you are. You’ve hacked an open-source wiki. Your mother must be very proud.