Ember
Mary, a nurse aide, sits behind the marbled counter inside the nurse’s station. Light floods in from the skylights, highlighting the white streaking her braided chestnut-colored hair. Her skin is reddish-brown and spotted with numerous umber splotches.
I grab the black bag containing the solutions to my and Aiden’s intimacy dilemma off the counter. “Thank you for all of this. I really appreciate your help.”
“Of course.” The crow’s feet around Mary’s eyes deepen with her smile. “If you ever have any other questions, come back anytime.” She points at the bag. “Just remember to wait a week to have unprotected sex. The birth control won’t be effective until then, and we recommend using condoms as a preemptive measure.”
A faint heat fans my cheeks. “There’s a lot to this, isn’t there?”
“There can be.” Her gaze has a gentleness to it that I didn’t realize I needed. “Never be embarrassed to ask about these things. You’re taking the right steps to make sure you’re safe and to avoid pregnancy until you’re ready. If that’s something you ever want.”
“Thanks.” I sigh in relief. “You’ve made this a lot easier. I was originally going to come with my boyfriend, but… I don’t know. It just came over me to visit while I had the time.” She doesn’t need to know it’s because I can’t get last night with Aiden out of my mind. The way he moved above me, watching his pecs flex at my touch. How he held me in his strong grasp, planting kisses down my stomach and causing my temperature to rise with each pleasurable touch to—
“No. That’s good,” Mary says, snapping me from my slight trance. “You’re taking charge of your sexual health. Everyone should.”
“Yeah, definitely,” I say a little quickly. My internal temperature is a few degrees warmer than it was a minute ago. “I should get going. I think I got it from here.”
We exchange our goodbyes, and I exit out the green glass doors behind me onto campus. I take a deep breath, savoring the fresh air. The student center gleams in the sunlight not too far from me. I head in its direction for the cafeteria at the same moment my stomach growls, reminding me I haven’t had lunch yet. Hardly another soul passes me as I walk across campus. It’s one of those rare lulls between classes. I tighten my grip on the black bag, pondering about how Aiden will feel that I went to the nurse’s station without him. But if last night proved anything, it’s that we need to figure this sex stuff out.
I stop mid-step. As if my thoughts summoned him, Aiden exits the student center only a few feet from me.
Aiden freezes, matching my stare. His blue eyes are dull in comparison to their normal brightness. Shadows darken his face, making it harsher with its angular features.
“Aiden?” I ask, trying to mask my worry. “Why aren’t you in class?”
In two large strides, he captures me in his arms, burying his head in his neck.
“What happened?” I ask, failing to stifle my panic at his demeanor. “Are you okay?”
His hold tightens, threatening to crack my ribcage. “Depends on your definition of okay,” he mutters.
I pull back. “Did your honor’s program not get approved?”
He exhales loudly. “No, it was like Valentino figured it would be. Something else happened.”
My heart sinks into my stomach, fearing the worst with how things have been going. “What is it? Is Valentino working with villains too?”
“Oh, Guardians, no. It’s nothing like that.”
“Then what is it?”
Aiden sighs, rubbing his forehead. “I ran into Jomo.”
I’m not sure if his answer relieves or scares me more. “What happened?”
“Can we go to your dorm to talk?” Aiden looks around us. “I’d rather not risk someone overhearing all of this.”
I take his hand. “Sure. Let’s go.”
* * *
My jaw drops. “Billy hit you?” I watch Aiden pace in front of me as I sit on my bed.
“Yeah, but if he didn’t…” Aiden stops and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’d be a lot worse off than a little pain in my cheek right now. Billy did me a favor, so don’t be mad at him or anything.”
I swallow back the lump in my throat. “This situation between you and Jomo has been made so much worse because of this mentoring stuff.”
“It definitely has.” Aiden frowns, deepening the lines on his forehead.
“What happened after that?”
“Well, I reminded Jomo that he’s in the same position I’m in, and if Valentino finds out he’s using you against me, it could cost him his spot in the program. He took off after that.”
My shoulders slump, relief washing over me. “Probably because he knew you were right. Hopefully, that means he’ll leave you alone about this whole mentorship thing.”
“Hopefully.” Aiden sits next to me. My bed shifts under his weight, and my red sheets crinkle around him. “Let me know if he gives you any problems. I’ll go straight to Valentino. I won’t risk you getting stuck between whatever issues Jomo and I have.”
“Alright.” I tighten my hold around his long fingers. “I’m glad your training was approved. That’ll help keep you guys apart.”
“Yeah.” Aiden snorts. “An honor’s program created to keep me in line.” His tone is a bit angrier than I expected. “I should be in class with my peers. Not hiding because I can’t get a handle on what’s going on with me. Serum or not.”
“We’ll figure this out.” I tug his face toward mine, smiling at seeing his blue eyes are brighter. “We always do, right?”
He nods, but the gesture is faint. His eyes are trained on my lips.
I kiss him, letting his soft, thin lips overtake my own. He wraps his arms around me, and I run my hands through his hair, loosening his ponytail, and his white hair spills between my fingers.
Aiden nuzzles his forehead against mine and breathes deeply. “Let’s talk about something else. Like how I can’t stop thinking about last night.”
Happiness spreads across my face. “Me either.” I glance at the black bag on my desk. “I did something today.”
Aiden softly kisses my cheek, like a gentle breeze. “Oh?”
His delicious cinnamon scent overtakes my nose, encouraging me into his embrace. “I went to the nurse’s station.”
Excitement fills his blue eyes. “You did?”
I nod toward the bag. “Everything we need is in there. Tomorrow, I’m starting birth control, and after a week, we should be safe.”
My bed creaks as Aiden stands. He gets the bag, peeks inside it, and glances at me with an eyebrow raised. “Condoms, too?”
I smile and stand, relishing that I’m talking so freely with Aiden about this with hardly any embarrassment. “You know, to use until we feel comfortable enough with the birth control.”
“So”—Aiden’s eyes sparkle with a sudden mischievousness—“nothing is stopping us now?”
My heart feels like it grows five times its normal size, swelling inside my chest. I can’t help but behold Aiden—the way his black t-shirt hugs his athletic form and the definition of his strong arms. His white hair lays past his shoulders, framing his sharp jawline and his smoldering blue eyes. I linger on his lips, remembering the way they felt against my bare skin. A pleasurable tingle reignites my burning fire for him.
Our gazes lock, and his eyes reflect the same longing for me too.
“No,” I say, biting my lip. “Nothing is stopping us.”
Both of our smiles grow, and we step for each other.
BAM!
My hand flies to my chest. If I didn’t know better, I’d think someone hit my door with a battering ram. “What the hell was that?”
Aiden rushes to open my door and enters the hallway. He looks to each side. “There’s no one here.”
An envelope at his feet grabs my attention. “Aiden. Look down.”
He sees the small white envelope at his feet and picks it up. His frown deepens as he studies it. “It’s addressed to you.” He closes the door behind him.
I meet him halfway and take the envelope from him. EMBER is written across the front.
“Any idea who it could be from?” Aiden asks.
My stare meets his, reflecting the same confusion I feel. “No. I have no clue.”
He nods toward the questionable letter. “Better open it, then.”
I rip the seal and remove a piece of paper. My eyes widen at seeing the writing on the letter:
Congrats on getting into the program
Remember my warning.
-J.
The thermal energy within me spikes, causing my hands to glow.
Aiden takes the paper from me before it bursts into flames. “Johnny.” Aiden spits out the name like it’s poison. “That means he was here.” He drops the paper, heading for the door. His hand clenched at his sides. “I swear when I get a hold of him!”
I run in front of Aiden with extraordinary speed and put my hands on his chest. “No, Aiden! Don’t!”
His nostrils flare, and he gestures behind me. “You’re okay that this guy somehow made it on campus? Was here at your dorm? Just to remind you of the hell he’s put you through!”
“The hell he’s put us through, Aiden. And, of course not! But this was just a scare tactic by a pathetic wannabe villain.”
Aiden’s breathing doesn’t slow, and his veins glow blue.
“What do you think would happen if you went out there and actually found him?” I continue, knowing there’s no way I can risk Aiden going after Johnny. If he loses control of his anger, it’s hard to say what will happen. “Do you think that’ll solve anything? You’re not thinking!”
“I’m thinking just fine.” Aiden scowls and steps backward from me. “Wannabe or not, there’s a villain on campus. You don’t think something should be done about it?”
“And you think you’re in a position to do anything? Especially after everything you’ve gone through with Jomo?” I ask, my voice getting louder. “Your position here is barely hanging on by a thread. Plus, when we told someone about a villain on campus last semester, we were practically dismissed!”
“That’s because we told the dean, and we see what side he’s on!” Aiden heads to my desk and grips the back of my chair. He focuses on the pirate moose sitting next to a stack of legal books. “I know I can’t do anything,” he adds frustratedly. “That’s what bothers me the most. Just like on our first date. Johnny manipulated you then, and he did it right under my nose. Then worst of all…” He glances at me from the corner of his eyes. “You hid it from me.”
A strange sense of hurt and anger twists my thoughts. “Do you think I wanted to hide it from you? He threatened you!”
“I know that.” Aiden’s grip tightens, and I half expect the wood to split in his hands. “But that’s what I mean. How do I know he won’t do something that’ll scare you to hide something else from me? All because you want to keep me safe. He almost scared you into breaking up with me. Now he’s leaving notes at your door. What’s next?”
“Aiden,” I say, my disbelief evident. “We’ve come so far from all of that. We both hid things because we wanted to protect the other. Don’t be a hypocrite about this.”
“A hypocrite?” He bellows a sharp laugh. “You think that’s what I am?”
“You’re acting like one!”
He releases my chair and looks at me. Pain and fear reflect in his stare. “I’m scared, Ember. Everything is spiraling out of my control, and I feel so powerless. Just like I did the day your parents died.”
Everything becomes so clear. Aiden has dedicated his life to never being in a position where he feels helpless again. Between everything going on with Jomo, Johnny, and the threat of the serum in him, he’s losing that control, and he doesn’t know what to do. My memories of my parents dying swirl in my head, of how powerless I felt that day.
“We have that in common.” My lips quiver. “When I watched the live broadcast of Black Mold about to kill my mom, I tried to leave to help her.” A chuckle escapes me, though it’s weighed down with regret. “There was no way I would’ve gotten there in time, let alone actually helped her, but I so desperately wanted to do something. Even if it was all out of my control.”
Aiden stands still, his eyes grow heavier with a penetrating sadness.
My crying intensifies, remembering my mom’s violent thrashing inside the water sphere, her red hair floating all around her. Black Mold stood in front of her, providing an endless supply of water to the sphere from a nearby storm drain so she couldn’t boil it away with her fire abilities. The way she jerked in the final moments of her life, succumbing to the water in her lungs, going limp. Leaving this world. Leaving me.
“E–Eliza”—I force myself to breathe—“had to hold onto me so I didn’t take off. She tried to talk sense into me, but even after everything happened, I wondered for a while: could I have changed the outcome?” I sob. “Could I have made a difference and saved my parents?” I fervidly wipe away my tears, even if it feels like a black hole is ripping apart my heart. Grief is a strange thing, always lurking in the background, ready to swallow me whole at any moment. “That’s why I reacted so strongly when you told me you were there with my parents that day,” I continue, sniffing loudly and locking eyes with Aiden.
His face contorts with turmoil about what he should say or do.
“It poked an old wound full of guilt, but even if by a miracle I could’ve gotten to my parents in time, there’s no way I could’ve changed anything. I know that now. I wouldn’t have stood a chance against Black Mold or Iron Forge.”
“We were both kids,” Aiden says, a tear streaking his face. “Both kids who desperately wanted to change what was happening but couldn’t.”
“We were.” I reach for his hand, and he steps closer to take it. Our fingers weave together, and a spark twinkles around our touch. “Sometimes things are just out of our control, and there’s nothing we can do. And that can be a hard pill to swallow. Just like this right now. We can’t react to this stupid note. It’s what Johnny wants us to do.”
Johnny’s threat comes to mind—his reminder. A reason why I’ve been hesitant to do too much digging into my parents’ past. If I do too much, I could put a bigger target on Aiden’s back.
“If we tell anyone, even someone like Valentino, there’s a chance the villains could find out,” I continue. “I’m not saying Valentino is working with them or anything, but we don’t know for sure who is compromised. I think it’s better to just ignore this and to stay under the radar as much as possible.”
“You’re right.” Aiden sniffs loudly. “And I should know that you wouldn’t hide anything from me.”
Guilt prods me. I have been hiding something. “There’s something I do need to tell you. I wasn’t sure if I should since you have so much going on.”
Aiden tilts his head inquisitively.
“I’m going home this weekend to see Eliza. She has something else to tell me.”
“Any clue what it could be?”
“No.” Nerves crawl up my throat. “It can’t be anything worse than what she’s already told me though, right?”
Aiden chuckles nervously. “Let’s hope so.”
“But don’t feel like you need to come with me. If you need a day to yourself to take a break or relax, I understand.”
“A break isn’t possible anytime soon. I’ve missed so many classes already this week.” Aiden groans, closing his eyes. “I’m going to have to pull a couple of all-nighters if I don’t want to lose my top student standing.”
“So what if you do?”
Aiden’s eyes pop open. “What?”
“It’s okay if you’re not at the top of the class,” I say, trying to be reassuring. “Stop being so hard on yourself. You have nothing to prove.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t get it. If I drop in rank, it could risk my chance at the internship this summer, and making connections with more Guardians could only be beneficial for us. They may be the key to helping us understand more about what happened with your parents.”
I sigh. Even if I get his reasoning, I still don’t like it, especially since he’s right. The main reason I wanted to join the Defender program was to eventually get closer to more Guardians, but is digging into the past worth it if it causes me to lose my future with Aiden? I want answers about my parents, but I’m not sure what is right anymore. I know Aiden, though. He wants answers too, especially since their murders also affected his life so much.
“I’m not going to be able to change your mind about this, am I?” I ask.
A small smile teases his perfect pink lips. “This is the one thing I have some kind of control over, so no.”
“Take some time to think it over whether you want to come with me or not. Eliza’s sending a car for me, so you don’t have to let me know until the morning of.”
“I already know my answer.” Aiden caresses my cheek. “I’ll go.”
I smile, feeling relieved. “Thank you. It’ll be easier to handle whatever it is with you there.”
“Of course.” He kisses me, and our bodies relax against each other. “But you don’t need to thank me, beautiful.”
My stomach growls, sounding like a baby lion to remind me of its lack of substance.
Aiden chuckles. “Have you eaten lunch?”
“Not yet. I was on my way to, but that was when I ran into you.”
“Let’s go get you some food, then. I know you have your next class soon.”
I spy the little black bag on my desk. Disappointment washes over me. The note was definitely a mood killer, but secretly, a small part of me still hoped for a more enjoyable afternoon with my boyfriend.
Aiden glances over his shoulder and sees what I’m staring at. He looks back at me with a regretful smile. “We’ve waited this long, what’s a little longer, right?”
“I guess.” My voice fails to reciprocate the funny tone.
“We both deserve a break, don’t you think?” Aiden brings his cheek against mine. His breath teases my ear, and I close my eyes, getting lost in his presence. “Maybe after this weekend, we can figure out some quality time for ourselves and not worry about class, roommates, evil plotting deans, or badly dressed villains. What do you think?”
I tighten my hold around him. “That sounds wonderful to me.”