Nila

MY WORLD WENT dark.

The blindfold secured around my head.

Kestrel’s fingers were soft and firm as he tied a knot, careful not to catch my hair. Once fastened, he ran his fingers over my diamond collar. “Relax, little Weaver. It will all be over soon.”

Cut chuckled. “Yes, soon you can go to sleep and pretend none of this happened.”

My ears strained for one other voice. The voice of the man who controlled my heart even if he’d thrown it back in my face. Please, come back, Jethro.

But only silence greeted me.

Daniel snickered, licking my cheek. “Time to pay, Weaver.” A moment later, he undid the gag from between my lips and massaged my cheeks to encourage the numbness to recede.

Cut clapped. “It’s time for the Third Debt. Take her, Kes.”

I prepared to spit and bite, but Kestrel suddenly picked me up, scooping my legs out from beneath me and toppling me into his arms as if I were a bride on her wedding night.

I might not be gagged by material anymore, but my terror kept me muted as Kes carried me a short distance and closed a door behind us. Another few strides and he placed me on my feet.

He didn’t speak and didn’t attempt to remove my blindfold.

The awful anticipation stung my very being. My ears ached for the barest of sounds. My wrists throbbed from the tight sash binding me.

Large hands landed on my shoulders.

I tore away from his touch. “Don’t!”

He sucked in a breath, letting me put distance between us. However, he stalked me, stepping in sync, chasing me through the darkness.

Something pressed against the back of my knees.

A bed.

I whimpered, hanging my head.

Kes came closer, his body heat so much warmer than Jethro’s. “Don’t fight me, Nila. Okay? Let me do this. Then it will be over and life can go on.”

Life can go on?

“For you, perhaps. Don’t you see this is the worst punishment for a woman? You’re not just taking what you want from my body. You’re invading my very soul.” Injecting a plea, even though I wanted to spit in his face, I murmured, “Please, Kes. Don’t do this to me. I know you’re a better man than they are. Please, prove me right.” A sob strangled my voice. “Please, don’t do this.”

His hands fumbled with the front of my cheesecloth blouse, swiftly undoing the eyelets and tearing the fabric down the front.

“Wait!” I bowed my head, trying to ward him off like a bull with no horns. He kept me trapped by the bed with no vision to run.

“It’s because I’m a better man that I’m doing this.” He dropped before me to yank the coarse wool from around my hips.

I cried out as cool air licked my itchy skin.

I’m naked.

Naked and shaved and bound for the wrong man.

If I didn’t hate Jethro enough, it was ten times worse now.

I sniffed back tears as Kes stood up and wrapped his arms around me. My breasts pressed against his chest.

His naked chest.

Goosebumps broke out all over.

My nipples are against his skin.

I moaned in despair as he cuddled me like any normal lover. “Don’t worry, Nila.”

I gasped, drowning all over again. “Please, Kestrel...please, don’t do this.”

Kes ran his hands through my hair, tugging on the elastic holding my bun in place. His touch was gentle but persistent. He managed to free the rope of hair, and, with tender fingers, fluffed out the thickness so it blanketed my shoulders and back.

I shivered, comforted somehow.

Ever since he’d secured the blindfold around my eyes, I’d been borderline catatonic. Every few seconds my heart threw in an extra beat, turning my internal balance into a gyroscope with no direction. But somehow, not seeing him kept my mind distanced.

I was free to float away—to leave my body and slip into the darkness of anonymity.

“Do everything I say and you’ll get through this.” His lips skated over my jaw. His touch was so different to Jethro’s—dominating and soft—but lacking sparkle, connection...love.

I arched my chin away from his mouth. “You’re asking me to obey you while you rape me?” A morbid laugh escaped.

Kes’s breath whispered over my exposed breasts. “Yes. It’s the only way.”

“Only way for what?”

My heartbeat boomed in my ears as he took my hand, guiding me from the pool of woollen trousers around the edge of the bed.

“Only way to make this work.”

I scowled behind my blindfold. Make what work?

The debts?

His twisted fantasy?

I hated moving around naked. I hated him seeing me.

My skin pinpricked with nervous sweat; I was lightheaded with panic. And that was just with Kestrel. He didn’t scare me nearly as much as Daniel or Cut.

If I couldn’t survive this, how would I survive the other two?

Another moan echoed in my chest. This couldn’t happen. It was the worst nightmare imaginable. Three men. Three rapes.

And Jethro. Where the hell was he? Why wasn’t he here to oversee what his family would do? What would he claim once everything had been taken from me?

My heart?

He lost that the moment he made me consent to this god-awful condemnation.

Kes kissed my cheek, pushing me so I fell onto the bed. The mattress sprung beneath me, cushioned and fresh. I winced as I bounced against my tied wrists.

“I’m going to place you in the centre.” His strong arms caught me, manhandling me until I was where he wanted. His every touch caused my skin to crawl. My stomach rolled as I kept my legs pinned together.

I lay in the middle of the mattress like a corpse riddled with rigor mortis.

Kissing my shoulder, Kes climbed beside me. The heat of his naked thigh brushed mine; something heavy and hard nudged my hip.

Oh, God!

“I’m going to place you on your stomach.” His voice was soothing; his words were definitely not.

I bucked as he tried to flip me over. “No! I can’t—not that!”

He stroked my side, his fingers way too close to my breast. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. Just roll over for me.” He pressed me harder.

“No!”

He wants to steal your anal virginity.

Horror possessed me. I kicked and wriggled. I was no longer an atrophied skeleton but a furious unwilling victim. My hands remained tethered behind my back, but it didn’t stop me from doing my damnedest to hurt him. “Don’t! Don’t touch me!”

“Shush.” He placed a harsh kiss on my shoulder blade. “Obey me. Do what I say, Nila. I’ll make it feel good, I promise.”

“I’ll never obey you. Never!” I fumbled with the sheets, wishing I could see. I wanted to bite him, knee him in the balls.

“Goddammit.” Grabbing my hip, he flipped me over with a burst of power.

I cried out as he jerked the pillow away from my mouth, pressing my cheek against the mattress. My breasts flattened and tears spurted from my eyes. “How can you do this to me?” My mind filled with his kindness teaching me how to tend to Moth. How could he be two totally different people?

“No more questions. Alright?” His voice was short with frustration. “Just—for once—let a man fucking control you.”

That was the last straw.

“What did you just say?” I arched off the bed. “Let a man control me?” Hysteria took hold. “I’ve been controlled all my life by every man I’ve ever met! How dare you say that? How dare you!” I couldn’t stop tears cascading down my face, drenching the bed below.

Kes grunted as I squirmed harder.

I couldn’t move beneath his weight. His heat warmed me like an unwanted sun. I hated him.

Fisting my hair, he pressed my face into the bed. “Listen to me and pay attention. Behave. Don’t fight me. Don’t make Cut believe I can’t control you or it’ll encourage him to fucking participate. Don’t make this worse for yourself.” Letting me breathe, he hissed, “Don’t believe in the evil of everyone you meet. You'd be surprised just how wrong you’d be.”

I froze.

Silence reigned while we both breathed hard.

Slowly, his grip on my hair loosened. “Now...will you be more reasonable?”

I laughed coldly, sucking in cotton from the sheets. “Reasonable? You’re asking the trussed-up girl if she’ll be more reasonable? You’re as insane as your damn brother.”

Turned out madness ran in the entire family tree. They all had to die.

“I’ll let that slide.” His fingers dug into my side. “But I need you to listen to me. Okay?”

Every instinct boycotted the idea but what he said before echoed in my ears. Don’t believe in the evil of everyone.

Could the man who taught me to ride still save me? Could I trust him enough to wait and see? Did I have the strength to hope?

Do I have a choice?

Haltingly, I relaxed.

The instant he felt me give in, he let me go. “Good girl.”

I hated that phrase.

All I could do was take whatever he gave and hope I survived.

I have no other option.

This wasn’t a physical debt—although parts of it would hurt and no doubt destroy me for life—it was more mental. The stripping of everything that made me female—of any right over my own body.

Rustling sounded as Kestrel grabbed the bedding and placed it over me. The warm comfort of cotton covered my nakedness.

He’s drawn the covers.

Why?

Kes’s naked body moulded along my side, his hand resting on the swell of my arse. My skin smarted with revolting dislike. “I’ve covered us. No one will see what we do. It will be our little secret.”

I frowned. Secret? Why would it be a secret? He was doing what he’d been told. The bed dipped a bit as he wrapped his arm around my waist, rolling me from my stomach to side.

I flinched as his warmth nestled behind mine in a loving embrace. His hand stayed on my belly. I was achingly aware of how close his fingers were to my pubic bone.

Questions formed: What will you do to me? How long am I yours before you hand me over? But I couldn’t voice them. I couldn’t ask, because I couldn’t stomach the replies.

Kes kissed my cheek, nuzzling his nose into my hair. “You’re so beautiful, Nila. So goddamn beautiful.” Dragging his fingers along my collar and down my spine, he whispered, “I’ve wanted you since the moment you arrived. I’d never wished to be firstborn before. I’m happy with my allotment within this family, but seeing you that night and knowing Jethro had full rights to you—well, it was the first time I was jealous of my brother.”

I gasped as his touch landed on my arse again. Every muscle clenched. My eyes squeezed and I panted faster, terrified of him invading my body—especially in a place I’d never been touched before.

“Just because you have me now, doesn’t mean this is right.” I kept my eyes closed behind my blindfold—a double layer of blackness.

“I know.” His fingers suddenly latched around my jaw, angling my neck.

His lips landed on mine.

All sensation ceased to exist.

The switch inside me flipped. I shut down completely. I didn’t feel the heat of his lips or taste the flavour of his mouth.

Everything was chalk and beige and nothingness.

His lips coaxed mine, but I clamped them closed—remaining forbidding and not softening in any way.

Pulling back, he ran gentle fingertips over my chin. “I’m not going to make this worse for you by dragging it on.” Kes shifted his weight, rolling me closer. Gathering me against his naked form, I tried to ignore the heat of his erection against the crack of my arse.

“Kes, please...” I begged as his hand disappeared down my front and found my clit. His fingers didn’t venture lower—just stayed on the outside of my pussy. I flinched but had nowhere to run.

His hips rocked, pressing himself into me. “My father expects me to hurt you. That sex isn’t sex unless you’re screaming and bruised.” He imprisoned my face again, sealing his lips over mine.

I tried to angle away, but his mouth locked against me with swift finality.

He didn’t force me to kiss him back, just kept his mouth on mine and his fingers rubbing my clit. His hips rocked harder and a moan swelled despite my horror.

Tearing himself from my mouth, he nibbled on my earlobe. “I’m supposed to rape you, Nila. Take from you what you don’t want to give and break apart your mind piece by piece.”

My unwilling moan turned into a sob. “You don’t have to. You could just let me go.”

He chuckled. “No, I can’t. That’s the thing. No one can leave. Not you, Jet, myself. We’re all locked in this game until the very end.” He trailed kisses along my cheek. “There can be no victors if there are no players.”

Fury prickled my skin. I snarled, “If that’s the case, just do it then! Destroy me—seeing as Daddy told you to.” My mind wouldn’t shut up; my lips wouldn’t censor. “What is it with you and Jethro? You are men. You know right and wrong. You could end this by stopping him. Why don’t you grow some balls and do it!”

Kes stiffened. His cock twitched against my lower back. Instead of anger, he laughed quietly. “So black and white to you.” Cupping my throat, he thrust once. “Nothing is ever black and white, Nila. You should know that by now. It’s all how you survive the grey.”

His fingers fluttered over my clit—reminding me he had me at my most vulnerable. His touch wasn’t cruel or hurtful—not the way Cut had commanded. My heart scampered in hope.

“What happens next has to be authentic. Do you understand?” His fingers moved faster, teasing my body, forcing nerve endings to respond despite my mind screaming with loathing.

His breathing turned harsh. “You need to relax and let me do what needs to be done.”

“What—” My mouth parted as he strummed my clit harder. “What do you mean?”

With a soft grunt, he buried his face in my hair. “I’m going to make you come—to ensure you play your part. But I won’t violate you, and I won’t take advantage of you any more than I am right now.” He angled my face and kissed me again. “You have my word.”

My eyes flew open behind my blindfold. I didn’t understand.

What does he mean?

He pressed his cock against my arse, rocking seductively. He whispered, “Pretend I’m hurting you. Cry out. Scream.”

What?

“Do it,” he hissed.

What the hell is going on? My body wound tight, growing wet against my wishes. My eyes were blinded, wrists tied, and my mind a mess with confusion.

“Cry, Nila. Otherwise, I’ll have to make you cry for real.” He pinched my clit, throbbing the bundle of nerves.

I jerked in his arms. More tears escaped. It wasn’t hard to cry. It was a relief to complain—to verbalize how much I wanted this to end.

“Stop!”

If he wanted me to beg like a rape victim, I would. He’d given me permission to fight back, even if it was only vocal.

I’ll make your eardrums bleed.

I thrashed, rubbing our bodies together and drawing a ragged groan from him. “Fuck you!”

He grunted as I tried to kick his kneecaps. “Get off me, you arsehole.”

“Not anger, goddammit. Pain!” He fisted my hair, yanking my head back. “Be in pain, begging. Forget about fighting.”

That was asking the impossible. I could hate and curse and scream. But plead? It was blasphemy.

“If you want to get through tonight without being fucked in every hole you own, then do it!”

Images of Cut pounding into me, of Daniel strangling me, and the horrific violation of being a Hawk plaything gave me enough obedience to give up my courage and beseech. “Please! No, you’re hurting me!”

“Good.” He bit my ear, pinning me harder against him. “Again, louder this time.”

“Noooo!” I gave into the sobs waiting just beneath my ribcage. “Don’t. I’ll do whatever you want. Just, don’t—no!”

He groaned, rocking harder against me. “Shit, that’s too good. Now I’m hard as fuck.”

He rolled his hips, rubbing his erection, making the bed rock.

“Again.” He thrust, groaning theatrically. “More. Pretend I’ve entered you and it hurts.”

I couldn’t speak through my tears.

His fingers stroked me faster, making my body twitch and tense. His hips worked harder, bruising my back. His voice licked my ear. “I’m not going to fuck you, Nila. But it needs to look like I am.”

Suddenly—it all made sense.

That’s why he put the cover over us. That’s why he wanted me to move and squirm and scream, so our movements would look like he fucked me.

Oh, my God.

The sheer relief made me cry harder. And with relief came the performance of a lifetime. My fingers stretched behind me, rubbing his chiselled belly in acknowledgement. The trust that’d tried to grow in the past sprouted into a beautiful flower. I gave myself over to this second-born Hawk, who was a true ally and friend.

“No!” I bellowed. “God, no!”

I arched my back, deliberately pressing into his cock.

He growled, his hands latching around my hips, half to hold me in place and half to drag me back to meet him thrust for thrust.

We lost ourselves as we became what others would see.

“Fuck, you feel good, little bitch!” he yelled, his volume way louder than required.

Cameras. Microphones. Recording devices that would capture this degrading act. It was all for the people watching.

My heart burned. Is Jethro watching?

The anger I felt toward him only spurred me on.

Kes wrapped his hand around my nape, holding me away from him while his other hand found my clit again. “Fuck, yes. Take it. Fuck, you’re tight.”

He paused, waiting like any good actor for his fellow screen star to read her script.

“Ahh! No more. Please, no more!”

“You’ll take it until I say fucking otherwise, bitch.”

We both groaned as he thrust so hard the boundary between faking and reality became blurred. 

My legs scissored as he rolled me from my side to halfway on my belly. His next thrust slipped, sliding between my legs and pressing against my clit.

We both jolted.

“Fuck me,” he hissed. His muscles trembled.

I froze.

We were so close to breaking every rule between loyalty and decency.

He bit my ear. “Don’t stop. Pretend, I’m ripping you in two. Scream harder. Just—don’t stop making them believe.”

My body hummed, growing wetter and heavier. I didn’t know if it was the pantomime or relief, but my nipples tingled and sensation came back with full force. “Stop! No. It’s too much. Nooooo!”

He pressed his forehead against my skull. “You’re driving me insane, Nila.” Louder, he growled, “Little bitch. I’ll teach you a lesson about your place. I’ll show you what tonight is all about.”

I let go of dignity and bawled. My cheeks rivered with tears; the blindfold was drenched. I stopped trying to talk in sentences and settled for monosyllables instead. “No!”

Thrust.

“Stop.”

Rock.

“I’m begging—”

He groaned, bending my body until I slotted perfectly in his strong embrace.

I couldn’t ignore his hardness or the way his muscles vibrated with need. In that moment, he was a saint. A man with a tied-up woman rubbing against his body and not using her. My trust layered with respect. He was good. He was kind. He was true.

We both panted as we turned frantic. There was no rhythm anymore—only debasing fake-fucking, rustling sheets, and creaking springs. As much as I despised what tonight represented, I couldn’t help the tiny flutter of desire unfurling thanks to his never-ending coaxing fingers.

Unfounded hurt crept over me.

Jethro hadn’t tried to stop this. He’d run.

But Kestrel had stepped up to protect me. He put his own life on the line.

That’s more than Jethro’s ever done.

My heart twisted in a resentful agonising braid. I didn’t want to sleep with Kes. But in a way...I was almost offended that he had the self-restraint to keep me safe even from him.

I was baffled.

I was endlessly grateful.

He was turned on. He’d admitted he’d wanted me since setting eyes on me...yet he made no move to dip his fingers inside me or try to work his cock anywhere but between my thighs. 

The bed rocked with every thrust. My back arched as his fingers turned harder and demanding. For non-sex, it gave the ultimate impression of being ridden and used.

Sickness rolled inside to think of Jethro watching this.

But then anger slapped the nausea away. 

He should’ve been the one to stop this. If only he’d given up trying to fit in and realised that he would never be the man his father wanted. If only he could see the truth.

Now, it’s too late.

“Scream,” Kes whispered.

“Fucking, ride my dick, bitch,” he yelled.

“Stop. Oh, my God. Stop!”

My body rocked backward, seeking a release against all rationality. Kes panted in my ear, his cock throbbing and hot between my thighs. I pressed my legs together, giving him friction to rub against.

“Goddammit, don’t do that.” He pulled away, pressing himself against the small of my back. “You’re fucking beautiful.” His fingers worked me harder. “Shit, I wish I could climb inside you for real.”

His words clenched my core. An orgasm I never expected brewed into being.

I moaned as my wrists hurt, being squashed every time Kes thrust.

“I’m losing it,” he muttered. “I need this to end before we both get into trouble.”

His gruff voice attacked my nervous system, sending me into quakes. My body took over; my toes curled with building pleasure.

Kes grasped my wrists, tugging on the sash, arching my back.

He nipped at my throat, running his warm tongue down the top of my spine. His fingers quickened, along with his hips. My thoughts disintegrated as his touch slipped on my clit and found wetness.

“Fuuuuck.” His thrusts turned erratic and savage. His fingers lost uniformity.

I moaned.

I couldn’t help it.

It felt good.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to embrace it.

I wanted to die for who I’d become.

The covers shifted and clung, no doubt making it seem as if Kes took me with nothing barred. My mouth opened to breathe faster. Kes surprised me by sealing his lips completely over mine.

I stiffened.

I didn’t know what to do.

A kiss was somehow even more intimate than the fake-fucking we indulged in. Then his fingers tickled from my clit to entrance. I moaned. I couldn’t decide if it was a beg to stop or permission to keep going.

The fear that any minute he might stop being a gentleman trying to save me and fuck me against my will added the element of danger.

He shuddered as he slipped a fingertip barely inside me.

The taboo. The forbiddenness. The wrongness of what we were doing consumed me.

I couldn’t stop the detonating bliss just like I couldn’t stop my blood from flowing.

I came.

The second my body exploded around his finger, his tongue entered my mouth and I didn’t fight it.

I welcomed it.

For one delicious spiralling moment, I let go of right and wrong. I forgot about Jethro and ignored the messy aftermath.

I gave into pleasure.

Kes pulled me back against him, pleasure and need rumbling in his chest.

My fear completely subsided.

I trusted him.

All this time he’d been there guiding me. Looking after me.

His hand clutched my hip, forcing me to rock against his fingers. His cock branded my back as my core contracted again and again, heaven shooting through my system.

He spooned me harder, his legs entwining with mine. “Shit.”

I let out a cry of ecstasy as my orgasm took me high, high, higher before snipping me free and hurtling me back to earth.

My ears rang. My heartbeat was a noisy jackhammer.

His lips sought mine again and I kissed him back. Our tongues tangled and I catalogued the difference between brothers. Jethro was fierce and controlling. A dominant, mysterious man through and through. Kestrel was eager and ferocious, taking everything with boyish charm. “Fuck, I don’t want to come. I promised myself I. Would. Not. Come.”

I believed him. I understood his decency and I couldn’t thank him enough.

But there was one thing I could do to show him my gratitude.

It was a gift I could give on my own accord.

I forced my hips back, crushing his cock against his stomach. His mouth opened wide; his body jerked as he poured curses down my throat. “Fuck, don’t do that. I’m going—”

“It’s okay,” I breathed. “It’s okay.”

A guttural grunt tore from his lungs as he lost all reason and rode my back.

His body bucked, his arm wrapped tight around me. The sheets glued to our mutual sweat as heat enveloped us. Remembering the performance, I cried loudly, “Stop. Please stop!”

He grabbed my wrists, locking them at the base of my spine.

For a split second, pain blared in my back.

“Shit, I can’t. I can’t fucking stop.” The bed creaked and his hand rose to cup my breast. He tweaked my nipple, gasping as my body bowed into him. “Fuck, he’s gonna kill me for this.” Then a hot wet spurt stuck us together as his legs twitched around mine.

Every tiny tremor vibrated his body.

His orgasm went on for a while, each jerk of his hips gluing me further to him. Our heartbeats raced, and the outside world ceased to exist. In that second, we cemented a deeper bond. Not of lust or love or even erotic connection—but a trust that would be forever lifelong.

We hadn’t had sex, but something had happened between us.

Something no one could take away.

He’d gone against his family. He’d saved me in the only way he could.

I owed him.

A lot.

And I would never ever forget it.