Chapter 28

 

 

“Have you lost your mind?”

Seyn almost flinched from the anger in the Queen’s face, even though that ire wasn’t directed at him.

Ksar met his mother’s gaze unflinchingly, his face absolutely inscrutable. If he weren’t still wearing the same clothes that he’d worn to the ball, Seyn wouldn’t have believed that this proud, arrogant man was capable of kneeling for someone.

The mere memory of it made him want to smile, which would hardly be appropriate in this situation.

Queen Tamirs was furious. Leylen had been just as furious, but she hadn’t returned with them to the Second Royal Palace, leaving the ball with her parents after the scandal had hit. 

Unlike his wife, the King-Consort seemed to be torn between shock and confusion. Harry and Adam hadn’t been invited to take part in the conversation after they all returned from the ball. Seyn would envy them that, except he didn’t really feel like being separated from Ksar. He was embarrassed by how clingy he felt, but despite Ksar’s words, there was still a part of him that was sure Ksar would change his mind after talking to Queen Tamirs.

“I’m in full possession of my mental faculties,” Ksar said. 

“So you’re saying that those rumors aren’t true and you weren’t caught kissing your former bondmate?” Queen Tamirs said.

“Being caught implies that we were attempting to hide something,” Ksar said, his tone very mild. “It certainly wasn’t the case.”

Seyn hid a smile.

Queen Tamirs’s violet eyes narrowed. “Are you saying you got our House mired in another scandal on purpose?”

Ksar looked at her steadily. “I’m saying that there was no point in trying to hide it when everyone would have found out anyway. I’m not marrying Lady Leylen’shni’gul.”

“But Ksar,” his father cut in, frowning. “The wedding is in four days. You can’t do that. The scandal aside, the poor girl would be humiliated.”

“That poor girl has only herself to blame,” Ksar said coldly. “She shouldn’t have spread the rumors of our imminent marriage without my permission. She cornered me into marrying her. I don’t owe her anything.”

“To be fair, you did promise to marry her in exchange for her breaking her bond to Harry,” Seyn said with an eye roll. Ksar had a very selective memory when it suited him. 

“I keep my promises only to people I care about,” Ksar said, meeting his gaze, his eyes softening for a moment before hardening again as he returned his gaze to his father. “Leylen and her family will be compensated handsomely for their trouble. She’ll hardly be heartbroken. She has no fondness for me.”

The King-Consort sighed. “I suppose so. But she isn’t the main problem.”

“Indeed,” the Queen said, glaring at Ksar. “The problem is that you are supposed to act like a responsible heir to the throne instead of indulging your selfish whims. You seem to have forgotten what being the Crown Prince entails. You have duties to your clan and to your House, and one of them is to keep your House’s reputation unblemished by scandal. I thought I raised you better than this.”

Seyn winced on the inside. He didn’t know how Ksar managed to look so unbothered by his mother’s words. 

“Raised better than this?” Ksar repeated with barely any inflection in his voice. “You misspoke, Mother. Borg’gorn has more claim to raising me than you do. You should have said ‘I thought I created you better than that.’ Perhaps you should have removed my ability to want things for myself when you genetically engineered your perfect heir. I’m sorry, Your Majesty, if I don’t behave to your exact specifications.”

The Queen paled. The King-Consort turned away, his shoulders slumped.

Seyn bit the inside of his cheek, suppressing the urge to hug Ksar. He knew Ksar wouldn’t welcome it, not in front of his parents. Ksar would never show weakness in front of his parents.

What a sad thing this family was. The Queen and the King-Consort weren’t inherently bad people. But they weren’t good parents, either.

“I told you, Tamirs,” the King-Consort said hoarsely. “I told you.”

Seyn didn’t know what he meant, though he could make a guess from the straight, stiff way the Queen held herself. This clearly had been a subject of contention between the royal couple. 

“You should be grateful for what I did,” the Queen said tightly. “You were blessed with high intelligence, aesthetically pleasing appearance, exceptional physical strength, leadership qualities—”

“You have no trouble loving Harht for just being him,” Ksar said in a very wry tone that about broke Seyn’s heart. “Harry can be forgiven for wanting something for himself, for falling in love with a member of a pre-TNIT civilization, someone of no royal blood, but Heaven forbid if I overstep a little. But then again, Harht is the son, not the heir. He deserves happiness.”

The Queen looked vaguely sick now. And guilty, as she should be. The double standards were really staggering. Seyn couldn’t understand how it was possible to favor one child over the others and treat them so differently. Sure, he knew Harry was the only naturally born child in the family, but it was hardly an excuse. Seyn’s mothers loved him unconditionally despite not giving birth to him.

“I would have understood if it was just me, Mother,” Ksar said in a mocking undertone. “But you barely treated Sanyash any better than me. She used to ask me when we were little why you never hugged her like you hugged Harht. We would have likely hated Harht if he weren’t such a disgustingly kind, naive kid who loved everyone.” A sardonic smile touched Ksar’s lips. “No thanks to you.”

“Son,” the King-Consort said, but Ksar cut him off.

“I’m not interested in your apologies,” he said, still looking at his mother. “I need neither your pity nor your love. Just let me have what I want. I’m not asking for anything more.”

There was a long silence.

And then, the Queen nodded, looking weary beyond her years. “If there are problems, you will have my support in the Council,” she said tonelessly.

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Ksar said, his voice all business. “We will take our leave now. Good night.”

Seyn followed him out of the Queen’s office.

They didn’t speak until after they reached Ksar’s rooms. 

“I used her guilt to get what I want,” Ksar said without looking at him, loosening his cravat with jerky, angry movements of his fingers. 

“Okay,” Seyn said softly.

“Stop pitying me.”

“I don’t pity you,” Seyn said, knocking Ksar’s hands away and untying his cravat. “Compassion isn’t pity.” He met Ksar’s eyes. “You can look into my mind, you know. I don’t mind.”

Ksar looked at him intently, his gaze searching, but he didn’t delve into his mind. He must have seen everything he needed on Seyn’s face, because his shoulders were no longer quite as stiff and his face wasn’t a blank mask anymore. 

Seyn unfastened Ksar’s jacket and pulled it off. Ksar’s shirt followed suit, leaving him just in his dark pants.

Slipping out of his own jacket, Seyn took Ksar’s hand and pulled him toward the bed. Ksar let him, watching him with the same weird, intense expression that wasn’t quite desire. 

Ksar didn’t resist when Seyn pushed him to lie on his back, but he did tense a little when Seyn laid his head on his shoulder and slung an arm around his middle. 

“I thought we were going to have sex,” Ksar said dryly.

“We will,” Seyn said, pressing his lips against Ksar’s bare shoulder and breathing in his scent. Fuck, he’d missed him. It had been a long month. While he hadn’t exactly been wasting away, he’d felt…anchorless, as if he’d been suddenly thrown into a strange, deep sea he had no clue how to navigate. He’d hated it. “But I’m in need of a cuddle first. Indulge me.”

“I don’t need a cuddle.”

“Is there something wrong with your hearing? I said I needed a cuddle, not you. If this relationship is going to work, you’ll have to put up with it from time to time.”

Ksar sighed, but he seemed amused rather than annoyed. “You’re entirely transparent.”

“Good,” Seyn said, tightening his arm around Ksar and nearly moaning in contentment; it felt so good. Why hadn’t they done this before? It felt almost as good as sex. Physical touch was really underrated. “I’m all for transparency and honesty in a relationship.”

“Is that a warning?” Ksar murmured against his ear.

Smiling crookedly, Seyn looked at him. “If you need one.”

Ksar gazed at him in silence, their faces so close Seyn could feel Ksar’s every breath on his cheek.

“No,” Ksar said at last. “I don’t need such a warning.”

Seyn’s smile softened. “Good,” he said again, burying a hand in Ksar’s hair and pulling him down for a shallow kiss. It wasn’t meant to be passionate, but it was so satisfying on so many levels that Seyn found himself breathless and eager for more.

When they finally pulled apart, Ksar’s gaze was a little unfocused, soft around the edges but endlessly hungry. “Are we done cuddling?”

Seyn gave a sly grin. “Why, is there something else that you want?”

“I have a few ideas,” Ksar said, his hand slipping between their bodies to cup Seyn’s hard cock.

Much later, as they lay tangled in the sheets and in each other, naked, tired, and sexually sated—for now—Seyn murmured into Ksar’s bare chest, “I’m staying the night.”

“I wasn’t planning to throw you out,” Ksar said, his voice already heavy with sleep, his arms tightening around him.

Seyn grinned into Ksar’s chest. Embarrassed by his own sappiness, he said, “It’s not that I’m feeling needy or something like that.” Though, if he were being entirely honest with himself, he did feel needy. Just a tad. It had just been too long, and he didn’t really feel like being away from Ksar even for a few hours. “I don’t particularly want to go home and face my mothers. And Jamil.” Seyn groaned, imagining his brother’s reaction. “Ugh. This is going to be horrible, isn’t it? I can only imagine what people are saying right now. Everyone will stare and say all kinds of nasty stuff about us, and it’ll be a total shit show—”

“So…nothing you aren’t used to,” Ksar said, very dryly.

Seyn lifted his head and grinned, meeting Ksar’s eyes. “But this time there won’t be a certain top-lofty ass to drive crazy with my improper behavior, so that takes half the fun out of it.”

“I always knew that everything you did was for my attention,” Ksar murmured with an infuriating smirk.

Seyn gave him a telepathic smack. “Arrogance isn’t attractive, you ass.”

“Liar,” Ksar said. “We’ve already established that you like it.”

Seyn looked at him—at his sex-tousled hair, sleepy eyes and the arrogant set of his jaw—and thought,

I love you so much.

Although sudden, the thought didn’t surprise him all that much.

Deep down, he knew it had always been Ksar, one way or another. Ksar was the person he’d always been the most passionate about, be it hatred or love. Even if he’d fallen in love with someone else, he would have never felt as strongly for them. Seyn was glad he hadn’t fallen in love with someone else. He’d hate to love someone but not have them as the person that mattered the most.

“What?” Ksar said, probably reading something on his face.

Seyn looked at him for a long moment, hesitating. A small part of him, the one that didn’t want to get hurt, didn’t want to make himself vulnerable. But he knew that honesty would be the best course of action if he wanted their relationship to work. Ksar’s issues with love were deeper than his. A person who’d never been loved would never recognize love and vocalize it. 

So Seyn looked Ksar in the eye and said quietly, “I love you.” 

Ksar’s mouth twitched, as if he wasn’t sure what to say or how to react to that. But he didn’t need to say anything for Seyn to feel the almost violent rush of foreign happiness and elation mixed with bewilderment and possessiveness.

At last, Ksar said hoarsely, “Let’s sleep. It’s getting late, and it’ll be a long day tomorrow.” His arms felt like iron bands around Seyn, holding him so tightly it almost hurt.

Seyn didn’t mind.

He felt an odd sort of peace, as if finally admitting his feelings made the war of emotions inside him end. He didn’t even mind that Ksar didn’t say the words back. He didn’t expect him to, not at this point, not before he was ready to say them.

But someday, he would be.

And Seyn would be there.