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With the last bell of the day, I make my way to the bus stop, only to be stopped in my tracks by the sight of Daisy and her crew gathering there. Before I have a chance to turn around and head in the opposite direction, she spots me.
“Look who’s here. If it’s not Miss Universe herself”, Daisy yells at me across the small lawn, separating us. Like vultures sensing their prey, the students around slow down to a stop in an anticipation of a bitch fight.
Once spotted, I don’t see how I can turn around and walk away. The humiliation of the retreat would be just as bad and right now, I won’t chance having my back unprotected to her.
I walk, ignoring her, hoping she might let it go but, as every pair of eyes in the yard are locked on me, I know it isn’t a situation which can be solved with denial.
“Oi, nutjob! I’m talking to you!” she yells at the top of her lungs.
Rage unfurls slowly inside me, stretching, yearning, waking up.
I swear to myself. Daisy won’t let me leave this patch of grass. And I need my bus.
I slow down to a stop, bracing for what’s about to come. I take mental stock of my options, wondering how far Daisy will be willing to push it. I don’t think Daisy has the balls to take it to a fight, she’s too much of a wimp for that. Public humiliation is what she’s after. But in saying that, no one’s ever stolen her boyfriend from her, so right now I’m in uncharted territory.
She comes at me swagger and all, crossing the yellow, balding patch of grass, flanked by her five girlfriends. She stops just a few feet away from me, blocking my way.
Her girlfriends snigger behind her, excited to be a part of a public put down. In their minds, they are already counting the popularity perks coming their way out of this.
“Nutjob? Or should I say Miss Nutso of the schizo house?” Daisy announces loudly in a sing a song voice. “I bet you run around naked every night while barking like a dog!”
Daisy scans the gathering crowd with a smile, like a showman warming up the audience, checking for impact. Encouraged by her girlfriends’ giggles and gawking of the crowd, she is pleased with herself.
“You would know, running like a dog after the guys yourself”, I rebuff, willing my voice to sound strong and clear.
A few students snigger behind my back and Daisy’s face turns punchy pink in an instant. Anger morphs her face into a grotesque mask of hate.
“At least I’m not as ugly as some. Look at yourself, an ugly, useless waste of space. Who’d ever want that bag of crappy nuts?” She seethes, taking a few steps towards me, her face now just a few inches away from mine. “You’d better remember your place, rat, and I’d better not see you near Sam again. Got it?” she hisses, hate contorting her features and, like birds in the forewarning of a storm, Daisy's girlfriends fall quiet behind her.
Who does she think she is? I think I might punch her.
My abandoned friend Rage is awake inside me. She helped me through my darkest times and never failed me once. She’s the one I can rely on to be there for me and she’s not about to fail me now.
“Get out of my face, Daisy”, I say. My voice is calm and now I can clearly see that as long as I’m here, Daisy will never forgive me for Sam’s attention.
“Or what?” She takes another step forward, closing the last inch between us. Her eyes are vicious slits. The side of her lip is drawn up like that of a rabid dog’s. She’s so worked up that only now do I see that a fight is exactly what she is after.
I take a small step back. If she tries to hit, I’ll need room to move, either for ducking or for swinging my arm. Either way, I need space.
“You really don’t want to go down there, Daisy”, I snap, keeping my gaze steady on her. “You really shouldn’t pick a fight with a crazy person, you never know what they might do”, I tut at her, slowly shaking my head, a little smile playing on my lips. She thinks I’m crazy? I’d better prove her right.
“Have you ever thought that if you would’ve been just a little nicer and chased boys a little less, more boys would actually be interested in you? Can’t you see how you’re embarrassing yourself all over a boy?” I shake my head. “Trust me, no boy is worth it”.
“What would a psycho like you know?” she fumes. Her hands ball into fists by her sides, slowly rising. I’m sure she is about to hit. I really don’t want to hit her, but I know that I’ll only ever allow her to hit me once. I release the backpack’s handle from my hand. It drops to the ground with a soft thud.
“Daisy, no need to be such a bitch, darling”, Sam’s calm voice interjects unexpectedly. All heads turn in his direction as if commanded by a puppet master.
He stands just outside the immediate spectators circle, observing the show, his arms folded over his chest. I don’t know how long he has been there. His crossed arms and relaxed posture don’t match his scowl, stone cut features and tightly pressed lips. He is pissed.
With a relaxed stride, he approaches the nucleus of the fight, strolling through the crowd of bystanders which parts for him like the waters of the Red Sea for Moses. He is in front of Daisy now and I can feel the excitement of the crowd spike up.
I take another step back and he takes my spot, facing her, while Daisy regards him with frightened eyes, confused about his plans, but still hopeful as she goes for her charming smile, which dies the moment Sam speaks.
“Listen, darling. You need to find pride in yourself somewhere”, he reprimands her as his clear voice cuts through the silence. “You can’t keep running after me like that. I told you before that I’m not interested but you are still here. Making a fool of yourself. Not cool”. He shakes his head, emphasising how disappointed he is.
Daisy’s jaw slacks. An incredulous look of disbelief spreads across her face. It’s for everyone to see that it’s not what she expected and hoped for from him, not at all.
“What are you talking about, Sam?” Daisy finds her voice, pleading with Sam with her words and her eyes. It’s embarrassing to watch someone’s public humiliation, and I never found any enjoyment in it. I find the old, cracked asphalt under my shoes more interesting at the moment.
“You said you liked me! We went out”, she cries out. “How could you possibly find anything interesting about her? Have you seen her?” Her voice raises an octave with every word spoken and she screeches the last words. I practically feel her finger pointing at me and every set of eyes turning my way, determining whether I am suitable for a job I hadn’t applied for.
I don’t want to listen to any of it anymore. It’s none of my business and I have participated more than enough in this freak show.
Without a word, I bend over, pick up my backpack and start for the bus stop. Around Sam, past Daisy, through the crowd, stepping carefully over bags and around rain puddles.
“How could you do this to me? Do you know how embarrassing this is?” Daisy’s high pitched screams ring behind me and I plead in my head for the bus to come so I can distance myself from all this drama.
“You are embarrassing yourself right now”, Sam’s calm voice chastises behind my back. “I told you before...” The rest of the sentence drifts away into the wind, as the distance grows between us.
I sneak a look over my shoulder, watching Sam approach Daisy, murmuring something in her ear, standing very close. His face is soft and kind and Daisy’s longing eyes are trapped on him.
He reaches to her face, holding it in his hands while cooing something to her. Eventually she nods. He bends down and places a light kiss on her cheek and starts towards the bus stop and before I turn away, her hurt and hateful eyes meet mine.
Oh boy. And now it has begun...
“Are you all right?” His voice is behind me, very close. His lips hover above the top of my head and I feel the heat of his body next to mine. His presence comforts and disturbs me at the same time, it sets me off balance. I want to push him away and curl up in the warmth of his embrace.
Taking a side step, I turn to glare at him. I’m annoyed at him, at Daisy and at everything that just happened, and at myself, for feeling so vulnerable and needy.
“Remember, how I told you I don’t want any drama?” I hiss. “How I don’t want any cliques, stolen boyfriend’ fights and other crap? And sure as hell, I don’t want a boyfriend, especially Daisy’s”, furiously, I spit out my last words, turning back to watch the road.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean for any of it. I didn’t think Daisy would take it out on you”, he says, his voice warm and sincere. “I tried to explain to her that you and I are just friends. Hearing it at the same time as I was telling her that she and I were only friends didn’t go as well as I’d hoped”.
Finally, the metal tin of a school bus arrives in a cloud of black diesel fumes. With the wheezing sound of an old man, the pneumatic doors open and I’m in, heading for my peaceful island at the back. But as I plant my butt on my usual spot, stretching my legs to block out the seats next to me, Sam struts down the aisle, heading towards me.
“What are you doing here?”
It’s not a pleasant surprise and I’m not even trying to hide it.
“I need to take the bus today. It’s a school bus, right? So move over. There aren’t that many seats left”, he lightly nudges my feet on the seat.
Reluctantly, I take my legs off the seats, aware of the heads turning in our direction with raised eyebrows and curious glances.
“Do me a favour. Don’t speak to me”, I snap. “I’m sick of this shit more than you can imagine”. I stick my ear buds in before he has a chance to respond and turn to the window to watch the floating landscape, unchanged since this morning or months before that. The bus takes its usual route, stopping now and again to eject rowdy pupils out of its rusty core.
Suddenly my ear bud leaves my ear and a warm breath caresses my earlobe, sending chills down my spine. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mermaid, and I’ll try to behave”, Sam whispers.
His lips are all but kissing my ear and I’m frozen to the spot with all my senses doing somersaults and vault jumps and, before I can think of anything to say, he strolls to the front of the bus and asks the driver to stop.