Rounding a corner, the park came into view. We picked up our pace to keep up with the now frantic Juno, whose nose had caught wind of her favorite place in the whole world. “Right. Well, I think the things you’ve brought up are important, Tish. If Sebastian makes you feel insecure in any way about your music, your band, or yourself especially, then you really need to proceed with caution. Even if you just feel unsure about things because you have this major crush on him and you can’t tell if it’s reciprocated or not, mixing that kind of ambivalence with band stuff could be disastrous, too. Maybe you should wait until you sort some of this stuff out. You’re a big girl. Talk to Sebastian. Be frank with him about your concerns. I think you have some pretty valid ones where his mood swings are concerned, and you definitely can’t afford that kind of drama with how much time you spend with the guys.”
We crossed the parking lot and hurried down the path toward the sectioned off area already filled with happy dogs. “Time is the key word, though. Tom leaves in about a month. We really need to make a decision soon and get acclimated to new blood.” I did a shuffle-hop over Juno’s leash when she ran between us in her excitement, nearly tripping me. “And if it weren’t for my stupid feelings about him, if I didn’t get all discombobulated around him, I really wouldn’t care if he was moody and sullen. I heard him play. I heard some of the stuff he wrote. I’d be stupid to pass him up because I don’t know how he feels about me. So really, I’m the hang up, not him.”
“This whole thing does kinda remind me of someone else’s first few encounters,” Ani said, a smile on her lips.
“Right. Paulo was kind of a jerk, too, wasn’t he?” I knew what she was getting at. She’d badly misjudged him based on her first impressions of him.
“So maybe things aren’t exactly as they seem with your Sebastian, either. Maybe you’re reading too much into the way he looks at you, and you should just relax and let things happen naturally.”
“Uh-uh. No. He’s not my Sebastian.” I waited while Ani flipped up the latch of the iron gate to let us into the enclosed dog arena.
“Not yet, anyway.”
I ignored her teasing. “If I let him in, I’ll just make him agree to the same pact. That would take care of all this, and I wouldn’t have to wonder because it wouldn’t be an option.”
She unleashed Juno who took off at full throttle, barking out greetings to the animals and their humans who were already there. “What are you afraid of?” she asked, straightening up, her eyes never leaving her dog. “And he’s not Tom, so why would you handle your relationship with him the same way you handle your relationship with Tom?”
“That’s the point. I’m preventing a relationship.”
She rolled her eyes and smirked. “Right. Look how well it worked for poor Tom.”
I frowned at her. “Ani, cut it out.” She’d always rooted for Tom, thumbs-downing the no-dating agreement we had. “I don’t need any distractions when it comes to Marauders. You know that. The band is my whole world. If something happens to us, I don’t know what I’ll do. Sebastian is really amazing—his playing, his voice—and musically, I honestly believe he could take us to the next level. It’s just that Tom is an open book. I can read him so easily, even if I don’t like what I read. This guy, though? He feels like trouble to me, and I don’t want to even open the door to the possibility of… of trouble.” Once again, I heard him singing that stupid, amazing song in my head.
We headed toward the line of trees at the top of the slope on the other side of the dog arena. We had a favorite tree we sat beneath while Juno played. She always knew to find us there if we weren’t out with her, throwing sticks or balls or talking to other dog owners.
Foster and Pete sat under a California oak a couple of yards away and we waved. Foster nodded in greeting, and his dog wagged his tail a few times. We saw them almost every time we came, and had introduced ourselves long ago. We were pretty sure they were homeless, but Pete always looked happy and healthy, and Foster, although reserved, wasn’t at all hostile. He politely acknowledged us, but never asked us for anything, and when we shared Juno’s doggy treats with Pete, Foster thanked us politely. Juno got a kick out of Pete, too, and the two were buds.
After we got comfortable, Ani picked up where we’d left off. “You want to know what I think?” She continued without waiting for my answer. “You don’t get one without the other. I think if you want Sebastian’s mad skills, you have to take the tormented artist. If you don’t want the tormented artist, you don’t get the mad skills. So which sacrifice will you make? Tolerate the torment or miss out on the music?” She clapped her hands in delight. “Oooh! I like that. Tolerate the torment or miss out on the music.”
I lay back on the grass to avoid answering, crossing my arms over my chest. Grass always made me itch terribly so I took extra care not to expose any bare skin to it. I knew she was probably right, but I wasn’t ready to agree to either yet.
“Well?” she prodded, glancing at me over her shoulder.
“Actually, I think the real sacrifice is my happiness or the rest of the band’s happiness. If I want them to be happy, he’s in. If I want me to be happy, he’s not.” That wasn’t quite the answer she’d asked for, but it was the best I could give at the moment.
“You might be surprised, T-Bird. You might find he makes you happy, too.”
“I don’t need some guy to make me happy,” I snipped. “Besides, I’m already happy.”
Ani laughed and poked me in the ribs. “All I can say is that if this guy makes you this crazy, I can’t wait to see you two make music together.”