We approached slowly, but when Jordan lifted a hand in acknowledgment, and the other two just glared at us, I grabbed Ani’s arm and began tugging her toward the street. “We’re going to your place until they get this sorted.”
“Wait.” Ani stopped on the curb, making me pull up short. “Stop, Tish. This feels like high school all over again.”
I felt the childish urge to stomp my feet and demand her to do as I wanted, but instead, I dropped to the curb and sat, refusing to go another step closer.
“Tish, come on.”
“You heard him,” I said, not looking at her. “What he thinks of me.”
“Who? Which one?” Frustration made her voice a little shrill.
“Both of them.”
“You want to know what I heard?” she asked, sitting on the curb beside me. “I heard that they both like you, that’s what I heard. And they’re trying to figure out which of them is going to be the lucky guy who gets you.” She bumped me with her shoulder. “And poor Tom just realized he let the competition in the back door himself.”
I rolled my eyes. “Great. Now I’m an object to fight over.”
“That’s not what I said, T-Bird.”
“Maybe not in those words, but apparently that’s what they’re doing.” I waved a hand in the direction of the three guys facing off in my driveway. “And what about me? Don’t I have a say in this?”
I sighed deeply when Ani didn’t respond, the bubble of anger inside me deflating a little. “Besides, Sebastian’s right. Tom shouldn’t have acted that way with Belinda, regardless of how he and I feel about each other. And he’s also right about it not really bothering me, Ani. But not for the reason Sebastian thinks. Not because I’m a weak-minded girlfriend. It didn’t really bother me because I’m not in love with Tom.” I clenched my jaw tightly and then added, “The worst thing about all of this is that even though I’m not in love with him, I do love him. He’s my friend, and it should bother me, for Tom’s sake if not mine. He totally demoralized himself last night by agreeing to demoralize Belinda.” I picked up a pebble from the gutter and chucked it hard across the street. “Sebastian is right, Ani. All the way around, he’s right.”
Ani spoke softly. “Why can’t you just say that to him? By not saying anything, you’re basically letting him believe the worst of you.”
I leaned forward and retied a shoelace that had loosened during my angry walk the last few blocks. I stayed bent over my legs, my forearms crossed on my knees, resting my chin on them. “There seems to be a lot of assuming going on today. Sebastian assuming he needed to defend my honor against Tom, or whatever that was supposed to be. And Tom assuming it was his place to interrogate Sebastian on my behalf, because I’m assuming—yes, assuming—that’s what he planned to do.” I suddenly straightened and looked at her sharply. “Wait a minute. You knew Tom was going to drill him, didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me? You could have at least warned me.”
Ani sighed again, this time a little louder, a little longer. “I’m sorry, Tish. I should have realized sooner that you didn’t know what was going on.” She plucked a stem of grass and rolled it between her thumb and fingers, releasing a tangy scent into the air. She frowned a little and said, “I guess Tom had Jordan look up Sebastian in the Mid-U database, and—”
“That wasn’t Tom,” I interrupted. “When I told Jordan about Sebastian, he offered to look him up and I told him he could if he wanted to.”
“Well, then he did just that. But Sebastian isn’t in the system anywhere, T-Bird, and he wasn’t on the roster for Mr. Hyde’s class, either.”
“What? That’s not possible. Jordan probably just got his name wrong. He’s not as smart as he thinks he is.” I doubted Mr. Hyde just opened the class up to anyone who felt like taking it. I didn’t think the school would allow it, even if he did. “And why didn’t Jordan tell me this?”
Ani sighed. Again.
“Stop doing that. Stop sighing like it’s the end of the world,” I muttered.
“Sorry. I’m just bummed that you didn’t hear it from Jordan, too. I assumed when Tom called me that you were aware of at least that much.”
“It’s got to be a mistake.” I was ticked at Jordan for holding out on me, especially since he talked to Tom about it first, but I was more hung up on what Sebastian was doing in the class if he wasn’t a student.
“It isn’t. That’s why Tom decided to do the coffee talk. He wanted it to be a whole casual conversation thing in a normal setting. He even thought having me along might make Sebastian feel more at ease, too. The whole friends thing, yada-yada-yada.” She took a deep breath in and I glared at her, silently daring her to let out another long-suffering sigh. She turned away and blew it out in a gust, making me chuckle.
“You guys could have told me,” I said, silently making plans to get Jordan back.
“I assumed you knew.”
“And when you assume….”
“Right. And like you said, there’s been a lot of assuming going on today. I assumed right along with everyone else, didn’t I?” She reached over and poked me in the thigh. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you first.”
“You didn’t know.” Now I was defending her. I ventured a glance past her and was surprised to find the three guys moving toward the front door, their postures much less aggressive than they’d been only moments before. “I don’t know if I can handle being around them right now. I’m embarrassed for all of us.”
“Meh.” Ani made a dismissive sound. “They’ve clearly come to some kind of an understanding. You can, too. Let’s go. I need to use the bathroom anyway.”
It was my turn to sigh. “I do, too.” We stood, brushed off our backsides in the synchronized movements of long-time friends comfortable in each other’s presence, and headed for the house.
***
Jordan, Tom, and Sebastian sat around the kitchen island with generous amounts of space between them. Maybe all was not quite well in the testosterone universe, after all. Perhaps the level-headed Jordan had simply been able to talk the other two down enough to herd them inside to brawl.
Ani and I walked through slowly, but did not give any indication that we had plans to stop as we made our way toward the stairs that led up to my sanctuary. If they wanted us to join them, they’d have to ask. Before we hit the stairs.
“Squeak?” I ignored Jordan’s use of my nickname and kept walking. Ani, best friend extraordinaire, ignored him, too. He changed tactics. “Tish?”
I halted, turning around slowly, my eyes going straight to my brother’s face, avoiding the other two the best I could. “Yes?”
“You might want to hear this. We’re talking about you.”
“Funny thing, that,” I snipped, the anger welling up a little again. I wished I could actually shoot daggers from my eyes. Not long ones, and not hard enough to do any permanent damage, but a little superficial maiming would suit my fancy right about now. “Isn’t that what you and Tom were doing before you launched Operation Coffee House? Didn’t see fit to invite me in on that little tête-à-tête, did you?”
Sebastian made a sound that could have been a laugh or a growl, but I still wouldn’t look at him. Right or not, I wasn’t taking sides with him. Not yet. If he really didn’t attend Mid-U, then he’d withheld some pretty important information from his interview. And if he didn’t want to be in a band with a sullied reputation, then maybe it was for the best that I withhold a few things myself. Like my growing appreciation for his ability to see things the way they really were. Like the way his long fingers wrapped around the Sienna Café paper coffee cup he still had with him. Like the bulge of his forearms braced on the counter in front of him. The curve of his shoulders beneath the fabric of his shirt. The corded muscles of his neck, the half smile—
I looked away before my gaze drifted all the way up to meet his eyes.
Tom got up and crossed the room to stand in front of me, effectively blocking me from view of the other two guys so I’d have to give him my full attention. “Tish, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you two that way. I don’t know why I got so hot under the collar like that.”
I shrugged one shoulder, not yet willing to be okay with the way things had happened. It wasn’t about forgiveness, though. I wasn’t holding anything against Tom. Or Sebastian, for that matter. Not really. It was more about what I was supposed to do with the revelation about my character I’d been handed. With the things Sebastian’s comments had revealed about him.
Tom took a step closer and hunkered down a little so he could look me in the face, his hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans, his shoulders up around his ears. He looked like a contrite little boy with his wide, hopeful smile that showed too many teeth, but I was having a hard time meeting his gaze. “I’m sorry,” he said again, this time in a whisper.
I nodded before he felt obligated to apologize again. Glancing over his shoulder, I saw Sebastian watching us, an indifferent look on his face, not even a furrowed brow. I needed to make this right, even if it was only the first step. Reaching out, I touched Tom’s arm, and then slipped around him and moved to the kitchen island.
“I’m not going to hang around and hash this out with you guys, but let me set the record straight before I leave.” I pressed both hands flat on the counter, and although I was too short to make it look impressive, like those businessmen leaning over their conference tables demanding things get done right or else, it grounded me and gave me a small measure of confidence. “This band, Marauders, is one of the most important things in my life. I don’t care what the shrinks say, music is my identity.” I met Sebastian’s eyes now, forcing courage to flow through my veins. “So just to make this very, very clear. You, Mr. New Guy, as incredible a musician as you might be, are not going to come into this,” I lifted a hand and waved it around in a tight circle like I was stirring a big pot with my fingers, “thing we have and undo what we’ve worked so hard to create. If you’re even planning on staying, that is,” I amended quickly.
I met Tom’s eyes, noting the smug gleam as he drew up to stand beside me. “And you, Thomas Robert Campbell, are not going to undo what we’ve worked so hard to create by leaving a mess in the wake of your grand exodus.” I held up a hand to stop his response and did my best to ignore the hurt in his eyes. I took a deep breath and smiled brightly, continuing my impromptu exposition with a little light-hearted sarcasm thrown in to ease the telling.
“That being said, Sebastian, I don’t know who you are or where you came from, but I think you’d be wise to divulge said information to my doting brother who, as a member of the elite Mid-U educational staff, happens to have access to their registration system, a system from which your name is glaringly absent. And you should seriously consider including Tom in on that conversation.” I saw Tom’s smugness return—that man was an open book to me—and I expounded so he wouldn’t get too possessive. “Tom cares about this band as much as I do, and he isn’t going to let some scoundrel sail in under an enemy flag and sink our ship without a fight. But you can explain yourself after I’ve left the room.”
I paused, gathering my thoughts. I’d already said way more than I’d intended. I needed to wrap this up. I looked first at Sebastian, but reached out to smooth my fingers over Tom’s left bicep. “In the meantime, you were right. I’m a crappy friend to Tom for standing by and letting him hawk his admittedly delightful wares for extra tips.” And then I turned to Tom. “Tom, I’m sorry. You’re better than that. You shouldn’t have to be anyone’s stripper pole, no matter how badly we could use the bonus. In fact, I’m giving you my share of last night’s tip because it’s dirty money—in every sense of the word—now that I’ve seen the light, thanks to Sebastian. You deserve it all for having to lower yourself to debauchery for the sake of the band.”
Jordan guffawed coarsely and elbowed Tom. “Hated every minute of it, didn’t you, Campbell?”
Tom chuckled, but Sebastian kept his eyes on me, his face still expressionless.
“Hold up, Tom. Don’t gloat yet. If I have to take the heat, I’m not letting you off the hook so easily. Sebastian was also right about you. You were a crappy friend to act that way in front of me. And you’re a crappy guy in general if you think it’s okay to treat women the way you treated Belinda, even if they ask for it.” Now I was quoting Sebastian almost verbatim, but the look on his face seemed encouraging now, no longer mocking. “And admittedly, she did ask for it. Sure, you might have made Belinda’s night, but she had to get up and look at herself in the mirror this morning and I bet that wasn’t as easy as getting her freak on with you last night was. As a woman, first and foremost, I should never have encouraged you. Or her. My… unwillingness to take a stand put the reputation of all of us in jeopardy, including Belinda, who probably doesn’t need any help in that department.” I focused on Ani, because for some reason, I needed her support the most right now, but I gestured at Sebastian. “And it totally, totally rots that he had to be the one to make me realize that.”
Ani nodded, her face glowing with pride as she beamed at me like a little mother.
“So Tom? Sebastian?” I looked from one to the other. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I hope you can forgive me. And now I’m leaving before I make an even bigger fool of myself than I have already. Ani?”
My friend looped her arm through mine and drew me away, up the stairs to my hideaway, where I actually broke down and cried without really understanding why.
I felt like such a child in a world where growing up seemed a necessary evil, making the same childish mistakes over and over, never quite catching up with everyone else. Tom, Ani and Paulo, the other guys in my band, my brothers…. Okay, Jordan still seemed to have a few things to figure out, but he had a real job at least. And Sebastian? The fact that he could see right through the veneer to the true state of things? That alone ranked him far and above me on the maturity scale.
***
There was a knock on my door and Jordan stuck his head in a moment later, not bothering to wait for permission. “What you said down there?” He came in the rest of the way and came over to sit on the edge of the bed beside me. “You made me proud, Squeak.”
He put his arm around me and I lay my head against his shoulder, a tissue held tightly to my dripping nose. When pale people cried, well, things just got ugly real quick. “Were there any casualties? Are they gone?” I asked.
“Nope, and no. Both still alive. Both still downstairs.”
“So did you learn what you needed to from Sebastian? Is he staying?”
“Yep, and yes. Information downloaded and available if you want it, and from what I gather, he’s still in the band.”
“Is there anything I need to know about him? Serial killer? Eats onions? Zombie porn?”
“I say ask him yourself, Squeak. You know how second-hand information can get a little sideways. It all seemed to line up to me.” Jordan squeezed my shoulders comfortingly. “Although I didn’t think to ask about Zombie porn. I’ll do that when I go back down. But Tom wanted me to make sure you’re okay before he texts you to ask if you want to practice since tonight’s show canceled.”
I pulled away a bit, the tissue still in place. “Wait. Does he want to know if I’m okay? Or if I want to practice? And who canceled the show?”
Jordan stood, evidently satisfied that I was going to be all right. “He wants me to make sure you’re okay. If you are, then he will text you and ask if you want to practice. I’m not supposed to ask you that.” He shot Ani a conspiratorial grin as he pulled open the door. “And I have no clue who canceled the gig. You’ll have to ask him.”
I snorted and shooed him out the door. “You can tell Tom I may or may not read any text he sends me.”
Jordan paused and ducked his head back inside. “What about texts from the smoldering Sebastian?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Squeak, the way that guy looks at you? No wonder Tom—”
“Get out,” I demanded, pointing at the door. He got out.
“It is pretty intense,” Ani said after he was gone. “Hungry is a good word for it.”
“But why?” I didn’t get it. It wasn’t because I had any hang ups about my looks. I knew what features to play up, and guys flirted with me all the time. It kind of came with the territory with the band. But Sebastian seemed to be drawn to me in a different way altogether. When he looked at me, it was like he was trying to peel back the outside to see what was underneath. In a way, it made his interest seem more genuine, like he really wanted to know who I was, not just what I looked like. But it also made me feel disoriented, like standing under a spotlight on stage without being prepared for the performance.
“Why not, T-Bird?” Ani countered. “There are a million reasons for him to be drawn to you. Besides, I like him. Yeah, he’s a bit of a mystery, but I’m kind of impressed with his notions of how men should treat women and vice versa. Maybe it’s time to entertain the idea of having a real relationship with a guy.”
“I don’t think I have time for that.” Too busy trying to figure out this growing up thing at the moment.
My phone buzzed.
TomCatStrumBoy: Will you come play with us?
Talk about childish.