Chapter Twenty-Three

The weeks went by and life fell into a normal routine again. I continued painting the house, and waiting. I waited for Jim’s call every day to be sure he was still well and alive. I waited for another vision to tell me what was to happen, but there was nothing. I waited for Jeremy to walk in the door from school. I waited for anything…anything at all to happen and nothing did.

After a few weeks I felt lulled by the calm and as usual found myself wondering if all the bad stuff had happened at all. Each morning as I got up and padded around in my sunny kitchen I said a prayer that nothing terrible had happened the day or night before.

I wasn’t going to ask for trouble. It’d come soon enough.

The days grew longer and warmer and I gladly let some of the despair slip from my shoulders. I had the damaged front door fixed. A friend of Ben’s came out one morning and did it for a fair price.

Ben was around a lot. An unspoken agreement had grown between us. We were more than friends and yet we weren’t lovers. For now, that’s all I wanted and would allow. The police department had put their men on a twenty-four hour alert since the first murder. Ben was intimately involved with the case and spent most of his time hunting down leads and searching. Searching for what, no one seemed to know. Ben was working too hard and that’s what started the night visits.

He knew I stayed up late to read, draw or do crafts after Jeremy was tucked in bed. I’d sit on the floor in the front room and make my macramé hangers or draw as I watched television. I wasn’t lonely. I had Jeremy sleeping upstairs and I had my home, though I missed Jim.

One night very late I heard a soft knocking on my door and saw it was a tired-looking Ben on my doorstep. At first I was scared something awful had happened, my fears were dispelled when he smiled at me.

“May I come in for a while and talk?” he asked. “I’ve come off duty and, well, I thought you might like some company?”

I let him in and gave him leftovers from supper I’d saved on a covered plate in the refrigerator. It was as if I knew I’d be getting a hungry night visitor.

It wasn’t for only a while. We sat and talked for hours. That was how it began.

As the weeks went by he took to coming over one or two nights a week. We’d chat or I’d fix him something to eat or we’d watch television together like an old married couple. But unlike old married people, we were acutely aware of each other. Sometimes he’d put his arm around me. Sometimes he wouldn’t touch me the whole night. Our relationship was comfortable, and I was content. I grew happy hearing his late night knock, knowing he was there outside the door. I enjoyed having him close and sharing things.

I began to understand Ben, and as strange as it sounds, perhaps better than any other man I’d ever known, except Jim. I knew I understood him better than I’d understood Jonathan, who during the last few years of our marriage hadn’t wanted to talk much about anything, least of all us. Jonathan had always seemed distant, even to me. He wasn’t sensitive, as Ben was. Maybe our bond had something to do with his dream farm out there on the other side of town. I knew what it was like to love a place, a house, a home.

Ben didn’t push me and never made demands. One night he brought steak dinners for all of us because it was earlier than usual and he hoped Jeremy was still up to enjoy it. He’d gone to bed, but I called him down and he ate some of it before sleep reclaimed him, then Ben carried him up to bed. One night Ben brought donuts and another night he brought me flowers and candy. It began to be a game. He brought me little gifts and I’d try to guess what they were. I got it right ninety-five percent of the time.

He’d told me it’d been a while since he’d cared enough about someone to give things, and now he wanted to make up for lost time. The man had a generous heart.

I was getting in too deep, I thought, when he didn’t show up for three nights in a row and I found myself missing him. How had that happened? A few months ago I thought there’d never be another man for me. It would only be Jeremy and me forever, or as long as it took him to grow up. I couldn’t conceive loving anyone else. Couldn’t conceive trusting anyone else. But here I was missing Ben. Another cop. Crazy, is what I was. Crazy.

Time passed too quickly

It’d gotten warm at night. It was midsummer and the heat during the day suddenly became unbearable. For many years I hadn’t cared much for hot weather. I liked the cold. I was glad our home was one of those houses with high ceilings, and surrounded by lofty shade trees, that like a cave stayed cool most of the day.

At night, Jeremy and I would go and sit on the front porch as we had the first morning, which now seemed so long ago. We’d discuss the day and share time with each other until he went to bed. School was out for the year and some nights I let him stay up later than I should have.

One evening we were sitting on the porch watching the rain, a light, soft warming waterfall it was a joy to share with someone. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened in so long that the danger seemed far away. Unreal.

Everything felt so normal.

“Is there enough room here on this porch for a tired old cop?” Ben’s voice came from out of the dark, followed by his tall lanky figure.

“Sure, sit right down here by me.” Jeremy seemed pleased when he did.

I smiled at Ben in the dark and felt his hand touch mine. We didn’t need words.

It was sweet to lounge in the warm dark listening to Ben and Jeremy banter with the rain as a backdrop. I was happy, I realized at that moment, I was actually happy. I peered at Ben’s animated face in the shadows, even though I could hardly see him, and my heart was content. I wondered if Ben felt the same way when he was here with us.

Later, when Jeremy was in bed asleep, Ben asked about Jim.

“I think he’s all right, as far as I know. He calls me almost every day and yet,” I hesitated, trying to put my feelings into some sort of order. “I think he’s having a hard time up there.”

“Your brother wants to come home, and he can’t. Most men, once they make this kind of a decision, find it hard to wait.” Was he talking about Jim or himself? “It’s not easy to do something you have to do out of duty, when you’d rather be doing something else somewhere else. Any news about when he can come back?”

“None, so far. They keep trying out new guitarists but they haven’t found one that’s good enough or who’ll travel. Jim is kind of discouraged.” I felt Ben’s arm circle around me in the night. “But you don’t care, do you?” I teased him. “You like having me to yourself, don’t you?”

“I’d be a fool to say I didn’t. Look at us. We’re alone. Nice, isn’t it?”

“It is,” I replied and leaned my head on his shoulder. He was the reason I felt safe and he was the reason Jim was sure I was okay. Ben was keeping an eye on us. Jim couldn’t do any better.

“Look, a falling star!” I pointed towards the velvet sky to where it was slashed with a streak of white light.

“Make a wish,” Ben whispered in my ear and we both laughed. I listened as our laughter faded away on the wet air.

“It’s so pretty outside,” I said. Ben’s arms were strong and warm around me. I didn’t want the moment to end. I loved rainy nights like this. The rain made the world smell so fresh. Clean. On a night like this I felt like I owned the world. It was enjoyable to have someone special to share it with.

I wasn’t the only one who had a friend. I was sure Jeremy had one, too. He was secretive about who it was and didn’t want to talk about it. As long as he was home by dark and stayed away from the woods and the old ruins, I respected his privacy. He’d tell me about it when he was ready. He never spoke about his friend and there were times I wasn’t sure he really had one, but he seemed happier, so I didn’t pry. I’d catch him sneaking out of the house in the late afternoon with food packed away in his pockets or some of his match box cars or toys. I couldn’t help but think he was taking the food to someone.

“Don’t go too far,” I’d warn him as he ran outside.

He’d nod and wave as he banged out the door. At first I was afraid to let him go outside our yard, but as the weeks passed by uneventfully and some inner knowledge told me everything was safe, for now, I allowed him more freedom. He was a healthy, growing boy and I had no right to lock him in the house like a caged pet. I’d know when it was no longer safe. Then I’d decide what to do.

I always knew when the evil was sleeping.