Next day, I’m marooned on Swoon Island. In Tutorial, I stare at Finn’s back like he might grow wings and fly off like an angel. At break, I’m as chatty as a tree stump. At lunch, I can’t eat any of the red brick that is Dad’s spicy chorizo pasta.
In Biology, Sienna invites me to go to the cinema this evening with her and Lauren.
“It’s not the most refined movie but Gabriel Grayson’s in it, and explosions,” she says, blowing eraser mulch on the floor. “Actually, it’s the antithesis of cultural highbrow. But you’re welcome to come.”
Every instinct wills me to go, and I almost let the “Yeah, sure” slip from my lips but, then… How could I forget? Carla’s Gym Class is in session at four.
Normally, I’d jump at the chance to get to know them better. But the pull of Finn totally trumps any doubts I have about turning them down. There’ll be other movies. But maybe not another chance to be alone with him.
“I can’t…” I pause. What can I say? I have a date to show Finn Masterson how to do a forward roll? “I have to do my Biology coursework. I’m really behind,” I lie, and feel instantly terrible.
“It’s not due for weeks, Carla. What’s the deal?”
I’ve never been good at lying. Once, Dad caught me siphoning vodka into an Evian bottle so it would look like water. I told him I needed it to clean hairspray off my mirror, which I thought was pretty ingenious, until he pointed out that I hadn’t worn hairspray since “The Great Fringe Singeing of 2010” when I had frazzled my locks with a sparkler on Bonfire Night.
“Fine, fine.” I give in. “I’m meeting Finn. I ran into him last night and he asked me to meet up again tonight.”
“I knew it,” Lauren says.
I bite the end of my biro.
“So is it a date?” Sienna asks.
“No idea. See what happens, I guess.”
I look to Lauren, who’s staring at me like I’ve grown a second head and turned purple: weird. “What?”
“But why do you like him?” she asks.
“Um, have you seen him?”
“Er, yes, but he’s not exactly Albert Einstein, is he?”
“You fancy Einstein?” Now it’s my turn to do the double-headed purple look.
“No, but let’s face it, you won’t see Finn’s head in a copy of The God Particle or On the Origin of Species or … Wuthering Heights.”
“Show me a gorgeous boy with a bookshelf like that and I’ll abandon this quest immediately.”
Lauren opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out.
“Didn’t think so,” I say. In my head I’m jumping to defend Finn, to say he’s not dumb, but I keep the words inside. Instead I ask, “Don’t you just want to try running in those circles with Georgia and Violet, to see what it’s like?”
“Not really. I mean, there’s more to life than glossy hair and a big ego. Like getting into uni and finding a career beyond plucking your eyebrows to perfection.”
“Can’t you be intelligent and popular?”
“I’m not saying you can’t, but that lot have yet to prove there’s more than hairspray and nail glue holding them together. I guess the difference between Violet and me is that I only want my friends to like me. I don’t care what everyone else thinks.”
Who am I? Why can’t I be satisfied with being a Brainy Plain Girl? I get what Lauren’s saying but… Is it just something you tell yourself to make yourself feel better? Or is it the truth? I guess I’ve never felt happy as I am: mid-range, mid-beige, mediocre. Maybe if I try to be friends with those girls, not just to get closer to Finn, but as a way to, I don’t know … unlock my potential, I won’t feel so down about myself. Maybe if I’m admired by the rest of the school, accepted by Violet, Georgia and Finn, then I’ll finally be popular with me.
Tillsman gives out this week’s test results. A+. Getting better. Intelligent and popular. It can be done, I’m sure of it.
In the corridor after class, I notice Finn standing with Georgia and Greg. He’s everywhere, a constant thought in my head, and all around the school, on the periphery of my vision. Like a sixth sense, I feel him near me all the time. He’s talking animatedly, but stops when he sees me. Smiles. Georgia catches the look, then kisses Greg and bounds up to Lauren, Sienna and me. She latches on to my arm and pulls me forwards, ignoring the others.
“Walk with me to Psych?” Georgia asks. I don’t think I have a choice.
“See you tomorrow,” I call to the girls as she drags me away. I feel bad for leaving them, but they have different classes now.
“Sit with me and Finn, OK?”
I feel a rush at this special treatment. Like finally I’m starting to be somebody.