TWENTY-SEVEN

March 26, 2013

2:01 p.m.

Lori-Anne and Mathieu sat in the car, holding hands. A bouquet of flowers lay across her lap. She turned to him, and smiled.

“You okay?” he said.

“I can do this.”

No one else was around. It was a weekday and people were at work. Mathieu stepped out of the car and Lori-Anne waited until he came around to the passenger side to help her out. She wore one of his Ottawa Senators’ toques over her hairless head. Now that the chemo was over, she hoped her hair would start to grow back. The bald look wasn’t really for her.

The day was overcast and the north wind had some winter bite left in it. A few birds chirped in the distance, the ones that had returned early to welcome back the new season. Spring, a time of renewed hope and possibilities. This year, it was truer than ever.

So much had happened over the last few months. She’d decided to have breast-conserving surgery and breast reconstruction done at the same time. The procedures happened on December 14, and chemo started a week later. Her last treatment was on March 15 and the radiation had started yesterday. Dr Galloway told her things looked really good.

Lori-Anne had been able to lean on Mathieu through the entire process. At night when she couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time, he cleaned up the mess she made. He held her when she needed it, and made her laugh when she couldn’t take another day of feeling like a train wreck. He loved her the way she remembered, and she’d drawn strength from his love. Just his presence was often enough to help her find that ounce of fight she didn’t think she had. Lori-Anne felt he was a big reason for how well things were going.

That, and Nadia. Not a day went by that Lori-Anne didn’t say a little prayer to her daughter.

They’d also found out that Samuel was in the early stages of dementia, the news draining Lori-Anne and making her regret cutting him out of her life. Her father wasn’t as indestructible as she believed him to be. No one was. She’d lost enough this past year, and forgiving him was easier than staying angry with him.

“Ready?” Mathieu said.

Lori-Anne felt weak and nauseous, but there was no way she wasn’t coming today. It was too important. She grabbed Mathieu’s arm and they walked through the ankle-deep snow to Nadia’s grave.

“How are you doing?” Mathieu said. “Tired?”

“A little.”

“We won’t be long.”

“I’ll be fine.” A beam of sunshine sliced through the dispersing clouds. “Feels like someone reaching out to us from heaven.”

“Small miracles.”

She turned to him. “Have I told you I love you?”

“That’s a miracle in itself,” he said, “one that I’ll never take for granted again. I love you too.”

Lori-Anne rested her head on Mathieu’s shoulder, and they stood in front of Nadia’s grave for a few minutes, saying nothing.

* * *

Mathieu bent down on one knee to put the flowers in front of Nadia’s headstone, and then took his place beside Lori-Anne again.

More sun broke through the steel grey clouds and reflected off the snow, making him squint. Spring, or maybe someone, was trying hard to show its presence. Maybe, just maybe, there was more to come after this life. He liked the idea of reuniting with the people he cherished.

“We miss you, honey,” he said. “But we’re doing okay, your mom and I.” He paused. “Do keep an eye on Mom. She could use your help to get better.”

He felt a very light squeeze on his arm.

“Even though you’re gone,” he said, “you’ve made our lives better. The hurt we felt losing you, well, that’s because of how much we love you. Maybe we didn’t always show it or say it, but you meant the world to us. You are our proudest moment.”

Mathieu heard Lori-Anne’s breath catch.

“You okay?”

“I miss her,” she said. “If only—”

Mathieu put a finger on her lips. “We promised we wouldn’t go there ever again.”

“I know, but—”

“No buts,” he said. “We had a beautiful daughter who was the best thing to happen to us. She’s gone only in body. In our memories and in our hearts, she will live with us forever.”

Lori-Anne nodded.

“Good,” he said. “We have each other. I’m not letting you go. I’ll always be there for you.”

“I know,” she said. “You’ve been my strength.”

“Actually, you’ve been my strength,” he said. “I owe everything I am to you. And Nadia.”

Lori-Anne reached up and kissed his cheek.

“Our baby girl is in good hands,” he said, looking over the family plot. “We shouldn’t worry about her.”

“She is with loved ones,” Lori-Anne said.

Mathieu put his arm around Lori-Anne. A year had passed since that horrible day. For a while he didn’t think he’d be able to go on. Maybe that’s what this past year taught him. When he was truly tested, he found out who he was and what mattered. When he really needed to, he found his love, his faith, and his will to survive.

And like his grandfather had said, if you share your life with that special person, it’s all worth it.

If nothing else, the past year reminded him that Lori-Anne is worth it.

In his wife’s eyes, he saw a sadness that he shared and understood, and if he could, he would take her pain away so she could find peace. Wasn’t that what truly loving someone was all about? Putting them before you?

“We’ll be fine,” he said. “I promise.”

Mathieu led Lori-Anne back to the car and helped her climb in. He turned and looked toward his family, the space around his broken heart finally feeling like it was becoming whole again.

He got in the car, kissed Lori-Anne on the lips, and took his wife home.