Open Doors to Open Our Hearts
How would you feel if there were a knock on the door and a friend turned up unexpectedly? Would the idea of someone seeing your house untidy and well lived-in make you feel inadequate? In earlier eras, it was less of an issue for people drop in for a quick hello, but nowadays, the idea of unannounced visitors brings many of us out in a cold sweat. We worry about the mess. This need not be the case; we should remind ourselves that having a perfectly tidy and clean home is not a reflection of our worth as human beings. The home is a space for connection, and we can begin to connect by looking at those we are closest to and inviting people in.
THE HOME AS A SOCIAL SPACE
The journey of mindfulness is about thinking what is important to you, choosing what you want to keep in life. For most people, seeing friends and family is high up on their list of what makes them feel good. With our busy lives and the rise of digital communication such as texting, video calls and email, we often physically see people less than we would like to – including talking face-to-face with those we live with. We can change this and make ourselves more comfortable with inviting people over even when the house is in a mess, simply to share some food and catch up; it’s time to let go of the need to have our house looking like a show home or having a gourmet meal on offer. Likewise, we can make more of an effort with those we are living with. When we communicate more with them, it will remind us to stay in touch with our wider circle. Nobody else’s home is perfect either, and if you can invite guests into a warm, friendly disorder, they’ll probably be glad to come.
INVITE FRIENDS IN
Start slowly by making new connections; try something you haven’t done in a while, like inviting a neighbour round or dropping in on a friend that you haven’t seen recently (assuming you can be fairly confident they’ll be glad to welcome you). This will allow them to do the same for you, and reminds us how good it feels to be around people. By visiting others, we will see that their lives are not perfect either, and this reduces anxiety if people come to our own homes.
Our homes give us the opportunity to learn how to be more tolerant, and teach us how to open up to new experiences. Keeping people out can make us feel lonely; inviting them in brings a chance to share laughter and joy.
Some have been asked on their deathbeds what has meant the most to them during their lives, and the most common answer is relationships, friends and shared moments. We are at risk of becoming increasingly disconnected from those immediately around us with the uptake in the use of social media. Humans crave physical companionship with other humans; we need it to stave off depression and loneliness. By all means use social media to connect with loved ones far away, but for those within travelling distance, don’t let it crowd out actual time together. Use it to arrange visits instead; make things real.
MAKE TIME FOR OTHERS
In the home, we can slip into habits without realising. As a parent, for instance, you might turn down the offer of a family movie to get on with jobs around the home; as a result your family might stop asking you to join them, even if you change your mind. We all have lots to do, but don’t forget to remain accessible – or, if you’re developing the reputation of ‘the person too busy to talk and play’, take some time to reach out.
We can aim to be truly present when spending time with those that we love. Stop the multi-tasking when friends come to visit; once the tea is made, leave the washing-up until the conversation is finished or your guest has gone. Sit and slow down with those around you. An essential ingredient of a mindful life is time. One of the most impactful things you can do to help yourself live more mindfully is to make time and space for the things you really value; connections with others are often at the heart of what makes people genuinely happy.