JEM’S PHONE
Draft Folder
From: Jemma Dutton
To: Olivia Freeman
Subject: apocalypse now and then
When opossums sense danger, their nervous systems cause them to pass out and emit a foul odor.
Do you remember how hard we laughed at opossum farts?
I’m sitting here with laptop, thinking, I wish it was then right now. Or I wish it was last week, or yesterday right before I said yes.
It was really hot yesterday. And the farm was super busy. This guy Lucas was texting me. The one I told you about. The god. Annie calls him Mr Sex McManPants. He sort of invited himself over for a swim. Mom was going out, Dad was picking me up for an overnight at nine, so why not a quick dip? And I got nervous, like, was this a date? That would be weird and skeevy. He’s got to be, like, twenty-two? So I asked Annie along.
And then the weirdest thing happened. Meret and Saffy came to the farm stand and saw me talking to him and they were all, we’re best friends, right? They had already checked out his Instagram and they were totally on board. Like nothing had ever happened! And the next thing it was like, Hey, let’s all go and cool off.
So at first I’m all chill, because I think, ok, nothing to see here, we’re all just going to swim, and Meret has gotten over her thing, so everything will be normalish again.
So everybody is there, and Meret is just all over Lucas, I mean, rolling this cold water bottle around her chest, come on. I stay so far away from them I might as well have been in your backyard in whatever state you live in now. And Meret is kind of being a jerk (what do you mean, kind of? you are saying) and says things to Annie like “I like that suit, on you it works.” And I’m starting to think, This blows, why did I do this.
Meret says, So what’s the big house like, and I say, It’s nice, and she’s all, So, let’s see it. I say, We can’t, we have the pool house to pee or change or whatever and there’s a fridge and everything. And Lucas says, But there’s no beer. Annie says, I don’t think we should, and then it’s like me and Annie against them, and Meret makes it seem that way, so what could I do. Annie sees this is not ending well and takes off. Because she is not an idiot.
So I get the key. We go inside. We’d all put our clothes on after the swim, except for Lucas, but Meret is just wearing her bikini. Lucas drinks a beer, and Meret finds a bottle of wine and opens it. And you really have to wonder what he’s doing with high school kids, but nobody is thinking that, because he’s so beautiful and we’re all trying to act older.
I’m the one trailing after everyone and saying things like “We should really go” and “Be careful with that.” I don’t want to be that person, but I am. But hey, you know what, it feels like whenever I’m with Meret I don’t want to be the person I’m being.
Meret just keeps opening beers for Lucas, which was totally annoying. She pretends to get drunk. I know she’s not because I watch her. She’s always like this, she’ll say she’s dying for a cheeseburger and you go to the diner and order it and then watch her watch you eat yours while she eats a fry and says she’s so full. She doesn’t get drunk, she takes a few sips and the next day says, “OhmygodIwassodrunk.” And then tells you how everyone else humiliated themselves.
She says, I have to pee, and she goes upstairs, and Lucas says he wants to see the house and goes up and after a few minutes of them not coming back down I’m like, I’m going up there no matter what. They’re picking up stuff on Carole’s dresser and looking at it and talking. Meret is wearing one of Carole’s hats. I tell her to put it back and Meret calls me a prison guard and rolls her eyes, and Lucas laughs, and now I’m really, really not having a good time.
When we go downstairs again Meret starts a pillow fight with Saffy. So naturally they break a wineglass. And everybody laughs like crazy, that laugh that is all “Oh no, we’re so bad, isn’t it cool.”
So finally that does it, I finally grow a pair and kick everybody out. Even Lucas because I’m so pissed. Then I spend the next hour getting the stain out of the rug and finding the wineglass pieces and basically dusting and cleaning and scrubbing and then I have to ride all over town to find a garbage can to toss the wine bottle and the broken glass. It was the worst day of my life forever.
I don’t know, all this takes up so much space in my brain. Meanwhile my dad is so checked out. He’s in love, have I mentioned that? In loooooove. He says it doesn’t change a thing except now he’s really happy. It seems to me it changes everything.
Lucas texts me and says he’s sorry about the glass and it was fun to see me without a cash register in front of me. Wtf. The farm stand doesn’t even use cash registers.
I’m still mad so I text back whatever.
And he gets it. He texts back that he really meant the apology. He says: I hate emojis. But if I had to design one right now it would be an exploding star of sorry.
And so I forgive him, because it really was all Meret’s fault mostly. And because an exploding star of sorry is so cool. You know what, Ollie? He’s sorta sad. I know what that emoji means because I feel that way literally all the time. That star is in my pocket every day.
xojem