Chapter Eighteen

 

 

 

Shane

 

Few times in my life have I ever been speechless, but this is one of them. It’s impossible to form a coherent thought about this situation. Ryan, my father? There’s no way. No way in hell.

“Shane, I know you are going to have a hard time believing this—” Ryan begins, but I quickly cut him off. Is he kidding? I don’t believe this. I won’t.

“You think? My mother may have never told me who my dad was, but there is absolutely no possible way that it could be you!” I snap, putting my face in my hands.

Laura puts her hand on my back, trying her best to comfort me, but I don’t want any of it. I just want Ryan to shut up.

“Dad… There’s just no way… Wouldn’t I have known? Why? Dad, you can’t be serious,” Taeler says, her voice wavering.

“I’m sorry, but it’s true. Before I met Taeler’s mother, I dated a woman named Mariah,” Ryan begins.

Okay, so he knows my mom’s name. But if he’s the leader of the rebellion, that would be easy to find out, wouldn’t it? She was a rebel too. All he would have to do is look through our database to find out her name. Doesn’t mean a thing. I’m sure this is all just some twisted plot to keep me from leaving the rebels. I can’t be Ryan’s son. I can’t be.

“Is that the lady from that picture? The one you used to keep in your wallet after Mom left? She did have a baby boy in her arms…” Taeler says.

I watch her now, brown eyes widening in surprise. She’s starting to believe this nonsense. But she shouldn’t, because that’s all it is…nonsense.

“Yes, Taeler. That was her,” Ryan says solemnly.

“You can’t expect me to believe this. I have no real proof that you even knew my mother, let alone made a baby with her,” I say, crossing my arms. Ryan and my mother, together. That’s a repulsive thought.

“I think your existence is pretty good proof that I knew your mother. If I didn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” Ryan says.

“You know what I meant. There’s no proof that you’re my father,” I say, rolling my eyes. Of all the times to be joking, now is not one of them.

I don’t want to believe this because I’m afraid of what will happen if it’s true. If I am Ryan’s son, I’ll never escape the rebellion and neither will Lainey. That’s not something that I can accept.

I want a life, a future outside of this mess that I have been subjected to my entire life. Being stuck with Ryan as a father would only rid me of any hope that I have for the future. It’s not that he’s a bad guy. He isn’t. Ryan’s a great man. He risked so much to save me today, and I’ll always owe him for that. But I can’t be his son. I want to be free.

“I met your mother when I was your age. She was wild and crazy and dangerous and I liked that about her. After a while, we started dating, and it wasn’t long before I fell in love with her.

“But I was never your mother’s only love. She was in love with the idea of a rebellion as well. I never supported her in that. I was Peter’s best friend. He and I studied under the same tutor, and we’d practically grown up as brothers. Like I said earlier… Peter was a good man when he first took the throne. But Mariah didn’t care about that. She wanted to free Karkonia from the monarchy and start a new style of government.

“I never agreed, and when Peter appointed me to head of the guard, I broke up with her. I didn’t know at the time that she was pregnant with you. She didn’t tell me until after you were already born. But by then, I had met Taeler’s mother, Avery, and we were engaged. Mariah said she didn’t want to mess up my relationship and she took you away to raise you on her own. I should have followed her, should have tried to help care for you, but I didn’t. I’m sorry, Shane. I was stupid and selfish,” Ryan says, his voice somber.

My heart sinks, and a heavy sigh escapes me. I know now that he’s telling the truth, as much as I wish he wasn’t. But I don’t get it—don’t understand how he could leave me alone when he knew I had such a difficult life. Thinking of all the years I spent alone and afraid, anger swells in my chest.

“How could you just leave me alone after my mom died? I was thirteen and Lainey was left in my care and where were you? Living it up in the palace!” I shout, clenching my fists at my sides.

Other rebels helped me care for my sister, but I was still faced with more difficulties than a thirteen year old should have to dream of. Hungry, lonely and afraid, all I had wanted was someone to take us in and care for us unconditionally. Ryan, the man who claims to be my father, stood by and let it happen. How can I ever forgive him?

“I had Alicia make you stay with the rebellion. Your mother didn’t truly owe any debts to me or the rebellion, I just wanted to keep you and Lainey safe.”

“No you didn’t. You wanted to keep me as your puppet. You’ve been using me for my whole life, and my sister… My sister isn’t your child. She doesn’t deserve to be a slave to your stupid rebellion for her entire life!”

“Your sister is my child! I never stopped loving your mother and I continued to see her until she died, and we had Lainey.”

“You mean until she was killed because of you! If you loved my mother, you never would have let her go into that palace!” I shout, interrupting him, and Laura wraps her arms around my waist in an attempt to comfort me. It isn’t working. Nothing, not even being near to her, can fix this.

“I tried to stop her! I tried to tell her that you and Lainey needed her, but she wouldn’t listen! Shane, look, I know I’ve made a bunch of mistakes.”

“Yeah you have! You’ve taken my entire life away from me, and—” I begin, but Taeler’s infuriated shout cuts me off.

“Both of you shut up right now!” she screams, slamming her fists into the dashboard. “This is insane!”

I sigh. “You’re telling me—”

“Yeah, Shane, I am telling you. Because you know what? This affects me too. I’ve lived my entire life thinking I’m an only child and now all of a sudden I have a brother and a little sister,” she says, her voice quivering. My expression softens, and I reach forward and put a hand on her shoulder. She shrugs it off angrily.

I haven’t thought about how this could affect Taeler. This must be difficult for her too, knowing that her father kept this from her for so many years.

“I may love you and Lainey, but I never expected to be related to you. This is confusing and weird, and I’ve been lied to for my whole life too. So just shut up,” she cries, raising her hands in the air in exasperation.

“I’m sorry, Taeler. For what it’s worth, the only upside to this entire situation is gaining you as a sister,” I say softly, smiling.

“Well, yeah, except for the fact that we were once romantically involved. That’s slightly disturbing,” she says, laughter quickly coming back into her voice.

Taeler’s ability to crack jokes in any circumstance is both a blessing and a curse. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I’ve dated my new sister—and kissed her. Gross.

“Yeah, Ryan, you should’ve disclosed that information back then. I could’ve ended up marrying my own sister,” I say, irritation tainting my voice.

“If I had thought that your relationship could have lasted longer than a week, I would have,” Ryan says, shaking his head.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that Taeler is fickle, and you aren’t her type. She was probably just bored.”

“Dad. Not necessary,” Taeler says, her face turning red.

“The truth is always necessary, Taeler,” he says, grinning impishly. He could’ve thought of that nineteen years ago.

As Taeler and Ryan continue to bicker, I take Laura’s hand in my own. Both of us have endured a lot today, more than either of us could possibly endure alone.

The skyline of downtown Karkay is fast approaching, and in any minute, we’ll arrive at the rebel base. I don’t know what will happen next. Everything I’d thought I’d known has been tossed in the air. I don’t know where the pieces will fall, but I do know this. Whatever happens, Laura and I are in this together now.