Chapter Nineteen

 

 

 

Laura

 

Ryan parks the Jeep behind a tall skyscraper centered in the chaos of downtown Karkay.

“Your base is in a business complex?” I say, suspiciously eyeing the computer software building that towers over us. Why would such a secretive organization have their base in such an open place, in the middle of the busiest area of our state? That seems stupid.

“Yes. The owner of the building supports the rebellion, and he’s given us the top fifteen floors to use for our headquarters here in Karkay. We have training rooms, planning rooms, our own offices and apartments.”

“Nice,” I say, exiting the Jeep. The five of us enter the building through the back door and ride an elevator to the twenty-fifth floor, where the rebel headquarters begin.

“Yes. Unfortunately, due to the fact that this base is located so close to the palace, you and Shane won’t be allowed to exit the building for a few days, and even after that, you’ll both need an escort to accompany you wherever you go. The Royal Guard will be searching for us high and low, and we’re going to have to keep you two hidden until everything dies down,” Ryan says.

“Of course,” I say, sighing.

I didn’t ask for this life, and I’m not sure that I want it. I just want to go home.

We step out of the elevator and into the bustle of the rebel base’s office floor. Everyone is dressed in business clothing, helping them blend in with the other floors of the corporate office. When people notice that Ryan is with us, their faces pale and eyes widen. They don’t realize that he is on their side.

“Everyone, stay calm,” Alicia begins, but a panicking rebel cuts her off.

“You’ve betrayed us! What are you thinking, bringing the head of the guard to our headquarters? Are you trying to get us all killed?” the woman, dressed in maroon, shouts angrily.

“Calm down. I didn’t betray you. Ryan isn’t against us. He’s on our side. In fact, he’s our leader. Just a few people have known this secret for several years in order to protect his life and his position with the Emperor. He has served as a spy and led us from the palace, through the seven leaders of the states,” Alicia says.

The woman in maroon seems to calm down, but her gray eyes are still narrowed, unbelieving. I don’t blame her. I’d be suspicious too.

“I am sorry that I did not announce my identity to all those serving the rebellion until now. I did not want to sacrifice my position as head of the guard, as it was very valuable to our mission. From the palace, I was able to delay wars and place our spies wherever we needed them. I also coerced the Emperor into believing that the rebellion has allied itself with Malibah. He fears us now, more so than he did when he believed we were acting of our own accord. This is how we’ve had the upper hand. I promise, I am on your side,” Ryan says.

“Then why did you leave? If we were gaining so much from your position, why did you risk it to come here?” the woman says.

“I’ve lost my position in the palace. I left it behind to save my son and Laura,” he says, putting a hand on both of our shoulders. Now, the attention of the rebels turns to me. They all eye me suspiciously, eyebrows furrowed. They know I’m not one of them.

“Who the hell is Laura?” a man says, tilting his head to the side. “She looks so much like the Emperor.”

“That’s because I’m his daughter,” I announce.

Collectively, those in the room gasp and I chuckle. What a fun surprise I’ve given them. “But don’t worry. I don’t plan on giving away your base or position. I’ve just betrayed him as well.”

“So you’re the princess we’ve had to keep quiet about. The little death machine that took down at least thirty of our soldiers.”

My eyebrows furrow. “You’ve known who I was all this time but kept my identity secret? Why?”

“Alicia’s orders.” The man shrugs. “I guess she wanted you safe.”

I turn to my sister, a small smile at the edges of my mouth. Ever since the attack, she’s ensured that whispers of me have stayed within the organization. She’s protected me.

“I did want her safe. Now if you’ll all excuse us, we’ve had an exhausting day and we all need to rest.” Alicia sighs, pushing herself through the crowd of people now assembled in the hallway. The rest of us follow suit, and at the end of the hallway we turn a corner to find a few of the building’s apartments.

“Laura, I’m going to have you and Shane room together for now. Ryan, you can stay with Taeler in her apartment. I don’t live at the base, or I’d invite someone to stay with me. If you don’t like your rooming situation, I’ll try to straighten it up later on. Taeler, take your father to your room. I’ll show Laura and Shane to theirs,” Alicia says.

“Got it.” Taeler nods, and skips off down the hallway, entering a room that’s about eight doors down from where we stand.

It only takes us a few more steps to arrive at our own room. Alicia opens the second door on our right and motions for Shane and me to follow her inside. This place is nothing like my room at the palace. It is small and cramped and the walls are painted an awful bright yellow that nearly blinds me when I look at it. There’s a full-sized bed with a dull gray comforter in the corner and an old reclining chair to match it. The closet is small, but I guess that really doesn’t matter because now the only clothes I own are what I’ve got on. This is my life now—not a life of plenty and splendor but a life where I have nothing at all, not even intangible things like comfort and peace.

“Why don’t we just stay in my apartment?” Shane asks, running his hands across the yellow walls. “I can go get Lainey and we can stay there together.”

“We had to give it to a new recruit and their family. It was the only one that was big enough. Besides, this place isn’t that bad. You’ve got a kitchen, a little living room and a bathroom down the hallway. Lainey can continue to live with Taeler until we find something more permanent for everyone.”

“Whatever. What did you do with all my stuff?” Shane asks, crossing his arms.

“It’s in Taeler’s apartment. I’ll have it sent over. For now, you two just rest. I’ll come back in a little while. There are a few things that I want to talk with Laura about,” Alicia says, then disappears through the doorway.

“What a day.” Shane sighs, burying his face in his hands as he sits down on the edge of the bed. “You doing all right?”

I’m not, but I don’t want to talk about it, so I just nod my head and sit down beside him.

“I know that’s a lie.” He smiles, putting his arm around my shoulder. I used to hate it when people touched me, but now I’ve grown accustomed to Shane’s frequent displays of affection. Instead of making me feel uncomfortable, he makes me feel safe.

“Yeah, I just don’t want to talk.” I sigh, leaning against him.

“That’s okay. I’m going to go check Taeler’s apartment for my stuff. I’ll see if she can lend you some clothes. That’ll give you some alone time,” Shane says, standing up and touching his lips to the top of my head. Immediately, my cheeks redden and my stare turns to the ground.

“Thanks,” I mumble bashfully as he leaves the room.

For some people, being left by themselves with their thoughts is terrifying. Alone, in the dark, you never know what horrors from the past might sneak into your mind from the untouched corners of your memories. But I find comfort when I’m all alone. That’s how I heal, how I deal with the pain that I hide when others are around. I can only allow myself to break when no one else is watching.

That’s what I do while I wait for Shane and Alicia to come back. I let myself crumble into pieces, and when I’m done, I put myself back together

 

* * * *

 

“Laura?” Alicia says.

With a start, I open my tired eyes to the sound of my sister’s voice. I must have fallen asleep. I didn’t even hear her come in the room.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m up.”

She smiles and sits down on the bed next to me. “It’s okay. I took a nap too.”

I nod then fold my hands on my lap. Even though Alicia has shown a lot of kindness to me over the past few days, I still feel sort of awkward around her. I wish I could wipe away all of the distance that has grown between us, but it isn’t that simple. I don’t know who she is anymore. I don’t know if I ever did.

“I just wanted to explain some things to you. Why I really betrayed Father.”

“Listen, Alicia. We don’t have to do this. The past is in the past, and we can just leave it there—” I begin, but Alicia shakes her head.

“No. Betraying our family was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I want you to know that I had a good reason. I was in the same situation that Ryan put you in a few days ago,” Alicia begins.

“What do you mean? Father was planning a war, and you knew that it would screw everything up?”

“Yeah, something like that. At the time, I was in Malibah for diplomatic reasons and I’d really grown to love it. The war that Father was planning could’ve destroyed both countries. At the same time, Izzy’s parents were planning to kill Malibah’s king and end the monarchy there. After much thought and consideration, Izzy and I attacked his home and murdered most of his family, anyone that had anything to do with the plot against Malibah’s king. We immediately came to Karkonia to assassinate Dad and stop the war,” Alicia says. Tears well in her eyes as she turns to look out of the window.

“Didn’t quite work out the way you’d planned, did it?” I say, unable to conceal the irritation from my voice. Even though I was prepared to go against my father’s commands to stop a war, I never once thought about killing him. He’s my father and I love him, regardless. Apparently, Alicia doesn’t share my compassion.

“No. We didn’t plan well, and you were well guarded. But we technically succeeded in delaying his war plans, and we stopped Izzy’s parents. We killed them. We would’ve stayed uninvolved, but we had someone we wanted to protect.”

“What are you talking about, Alicia?”

“Izzy and I have a daughter,” she says quickly, avoiding making eye contact with me.

My jaw drops, and I stare at my sister, eyebrows furrowed and confusion plastered on my face. “You have a what?”

“A daughter. Her name is Mirabelle. She’s one. That’s why I didn’t come visit much. I didn’t want Dad to find out because I wanted to protect her. And that’s why I want to stop this war. I want Mira to grow up in a country that’s at peace. And I want her to know her father. But now, neither of those things can happen—”

“Yes they can, Alicia. We’re going to stop the war, and we can rescue Isaac. The guard won’t know what to do without Ryan, and—”

“It’s no use, Laura. One of our spies informed me that he’s dead.”

“Oh my gosh, Alicia. I’m so sorry. The spy could be wrong. Dad never mentioned that he had Isaac killed…” I say, watching my sister as tears well in her eyes.

“I’m not telling you this because I want your sympathy. I’m asking for forgiveness. What I did was wrong. I shouldn’t have attacked our home. I should have tried to reason with Father. I should have tried anything else, but I didn’t. I hurt you and Eight and Dad, and I’m sorry,” she cries. “All of this is my fault.”

I have heard Alicia condemn our dad for being a poor ruler, and I have heard her call him a monster. I have heard her try time and time again to justify what she did.

But I have never heard her admit that she was wrong. I’ve never heard her apologize.

“Alicia, after everything you’ve done for me in the past few days, you certainly shouldn’t be apologizing to me. You helped me, even after I almost got you killed. You’ve made sure that I’m taken care of—let the past stay in the past.” I smile softly. “And we’ll get the truth about Isaac. I’ll find a way.”

Maybe it’s time to let go of the hate I felt for my sister.

Alicia doesn’t say anything but returns my smile.

Today I have lost much, but I think I may have gained even more.

I don’t have a home anymore and everything that I knew before has been ripped away from me. Even the future that I have been promised for years is uncertain. But I have my sister back. I have a niece, and Shane’s life has been saved. I’m finally at a place where I can stop my father from starting a war and protect my country from the devastation that such a battle would bring.

But the thing that I find most amazing is this new adventure. There are no more orders to follow, no long days of training, no sneaking around just for a taste of life outside the palace walls. Somehow, it feels that for the first time, I am finally alive, able to make my own decisions and my own future.

For the first time in my life, I am free.