Chapter Twenty

 

 

 

Shane

 

“Hi…uh…Ryan,” I say nervously. The two of us sit across from one another in Taeler’s living room.

“Hi, Shane,” Ryan says, shaking his head at me. His arms are folded as he leans back in the light blue reclining chair that sits in the corner of the room. I’m sitting on a couch of the same color, a blanket wrapped around my bruised shoulders with a cup of warm tea in my hands.

“I just wanted to say some things,” I say awkwardly.

“Go ahead,” Ryan replies, still kind, even after the outburst I had at him earlier.

I didn’t mean to be such a brat, but I was too shocked to handle the situation with any sort of composure. To be quite honest, I’m still taken aback by all of this.

I have a father. We’re sitting in the same room together. I have so many questions, but I don’t know how to ask them all. I don’t know what to think.

“Well, first of all, I’m sorry. You gave up a lot to save me, and I returned your kindness with a lot of yelling.”

“It’s all right, Shane. Your reaction was warranted. I should’ve told you sooner.” He sighs, picking up his own cup of tea from the nightstand beside him.

“Yeah, I won’t argue with you there. I wish I had known a lot sooner—like nineteen years sooner—but I guess it was difficult for you too… To know that you have this whole family that doesn’t know you.”

“It was.” He nods. “I’d like to get to know you, though, Shane—you and Lainey. I’ve been watching you both from the sidelines, but I don’t truly know anything about you—likes, dislikes, favorite colors. Nothing at all.”

“Well, to be fair, neither of us really knows anything about you either. Lainey doesn’t even know you’re our father. Still haven’t figured out how I’m going to tell her,” I say, looking over my shoulder toward my sister’s bedroom. She was asleep when we finally got here, and I didn’t have the heart to wake her.

“You’ll find a way. I’ll help.”

“Thanks.” I sigh.

The room is filled with an awkward quiet. Ryan frowns into his cup of tea, and I look at the ceiling before I sigh and begin speaking, “My name is Shane. I’m nineteen years old. My favorite color is green. I like to sleep in late, watch the clouds and drive my motorcycle. I dislike Fernando and climbing trees.”

Ryan looks up at me and smiles. “I’m Ryan. I’m thirty-eight. I like causing a lot of trouble. Generally, I dislike the consequences. I don’t like Fernando either—never did.”

“I see where Taeler gets her adventurous side from, then,” I say with a laugh.

“Yes, that’s certainly from me. What did you get from me, I wonder? Obviously, your eyes. Mostly, you look like your mother, though. And you love like she did,” he says. “I see the way you look at Laura. You care very deeply, just like Mariah did.”

“Yeah, she taught me that well,” I whisper, rubbing my fingers around the edge of my empty teacup. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, anything.”

“You know the attack on the palace? The one that my mom was killed in?”

“Yes, I remember it well. It was a sad, horrible day.”

“I know that Laura was involved in fighting the rebels. I’ve been thinking about this for a really long time now… I know it’s stupid, but I just can’t get it out of my head. Do you think she’s the one that killed my mom?” I ask, speaking almost too quickly for Ryan to hear.

Ryan is taken aback by my question. “I…can’t honestly say that I know the answer to that question, Shane. That day was very chaotic. I don’t even think Laura would know the answer if you asked her.”

I sigh. “Oh. Well, thanks—”

“This is really bothering you, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. A lot.”

“I don’t think that Laura is the one who killed your mother. Even if she did, it wasn’t the Laura that you know now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Imagine the attack from Laura’s point of view. You’re eleven years old and for the first time in your life, you are unsafe. You wake up to screams and when you leave your room, there are bodies scattered all over the floor. All you want to do is find your father and get to safety. You’re afraid. You’re confused, and all you want to do is protect the people you love.”

“You think she was scared?”

“Of course I think she was scared! She was just a child and she had never seen anything like that. I mean, by that age she’d learned to use weapons, but she’d never used them on anyone. That day was the first day she ever took a life. Have you ever killed anyone, Shane?”

“Well, no—”

“She was devastated for weeks after the attack happened. She killed people trying to protect her family, but that didn’t take away the guilt she felt. She was traumatized by a lot of things that day, and she’s carried that weight on her shoulders ever since. But still, the Laura you know today isn’t a frightened little girl. She’s allowed the tragedy she’s seen to let her grow. She’s strong and brave and caring—an entirely different person.”

“I’m sensing that you think I should just forget all of this and move on.”

“No, you don’t have to forget it, but moving on would be a good idea. It’s very unlikely that you’ll ever know the real answer to your question. You can resent Laura for her past, or you can love her in spite of it. That, however, is up to you,” Ryan says, then stands and disappears through the doorway without another word.

Before I go back to my new apartment, I stop by Lainey’s room. She’s still asleep, wrapped up in a rose-pink comforter in the corner of her bed.

Was this what Laura was like before the attack on her home? Sweet and innocent and naïve? That Laura is not the Laura I know now, the one that is afraid only of failure. I won’t let her past get in the way anymore. Ryan’s right. I can’t hold something against her that may have never happened in the first place.

“I love you, Lainey,” I say, kissing her on the cheek before I wander back to my own apartment.

When I open the door, Laura is sitting in the reclining chair and gazing out of the window, a thin white blanket wrapped around her pale shoulders. There’s a bit of color peeking out from underneath the blanket, lines of purple and red inked onto her skin.

“Do you have a tattoo?” I ask, a bit shocked. She jumps a little at the sound of my voice, and I feel bad for startling her. Maybe I should have knocked.

“Hi, Shane. Yeah, I have a tattoo,” she sighs, curling back up into a ball.

“Of what?” I ask. I’ve never noticed the colors peeking out of the back of her shirt before. I guess I’m not very attentive.

“The knife symbol that’s on the Karkonian flag, with the snakes and the roses. It’s all the way down my spine. Got it when I was sixteen,” she says.

“I bet that hurt,” I say, subconsciously rubbing the back of my neck. I like tattoos, but I wouldn’t get one if you paid me. I am not a fan of needles or pain.

“It did, but it was worth it. I just wanted to carry a piece of Karkonia with me everywhere, I guess. To remind me that no matter where I am, I always have to fight to protect my country,” she says with a sad smile. “I’m really grateful for it now. This is the hardest fight I’ve ever been in.”

“Laura,” I say, putting a hand on her shoulder, “I’m sorry I got you into this mess—”

“Don’t even start that nonsense. I’m not mad at you. I’m very thankful that you’re alive. And besides, I needed to be here. I needed to realize that my father is wrong. You helped me, like you always do.”

“Glad I could be of assistance.” I smile. “And I’m happy that you’re alive too. Do you want to explain that little stunt you pulled back at the palace now? The one where you put a gun to your head instead of mine?”

“I was going to give you a chance to escape. I’ve lived my whole life taking the lives of other people… I didn’t think it would be so bad to sacrifice myself to save one for a change.”

Instead of saying anything, I just hug her for a long time, wishing that she knew how valuable she was to me, to the people who love her, to the people of Karkonia. She’s so selfless, so willing to give up everything just to protect the people that she cares about. For some reason, she thinks that she is full of hatred and evil, but underneath the lies she hides behind is a heart of gold. I wish she could see how good she is.

“I’m really tired,” she says, yawning as I let go of her. “I think I’m going to go to bed now. It’s been a rather exhausting day.”

“Indeed it has,” I say. “I’ll take the reclining chair.”

“Oh. Um, you don’t have to. We can share the bed as long as you don’t cuddle with me or anything,” she says, cheeks reddening.

“Okay, I promise. No cuddling.” I smile. “I’m gonna stay up for a little while longer, though. Goodnight,” I say.

“Night,” she says, lying down in the corner of the bed and closing her eyes. She’s asleep within seconds.

Before I go into the kitchen to eat a midnight snack and think about the day, I pull the comforter over her shoulders. If this day was difficult for me, I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for Laura. She lost so much to protect me when it was my job to protect her. But she won’t lose anything else. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure of that.