Chapter Twenty-Five

 

 

 

Laura

 

“It’s been two hours and they still won’t let me see her. I don’t even know what happened,” Izzy says, pacing back and forth down the empty hallway. At three a.m., the doctors told us that Mira’s condition had turned for the worse and they were struggling to get her stabilized again. It’s five now, and we still haven’t heard anything. On top of that, Alicia is in a coma and the medics aren’t sure when she’ll wake up.

Izzy has been frantic since Mira and Alicia were taken to the medics’ floor, and I haven’t been much better. I keep my worry internal so as to not cause my sister’s boyfriend more pain. I just got Alicia back. I don’t want to lose her again. We have a lifetime of memories to make up for, and I want that chance. I want the chance to see how she’s changed and that she is the sister that she used to be.

And Mira. She’s only been alive for a year. I want her to be okay too, to grow up and live a full, happy life. She’s doing worse than Alicia is.

Shane has since fallen asleep, his head resting on my knees as I lean against the wall. He must be exhausted from getting Alicia and Mira out of that fire. I subconsciously run my fingers through his hair then catch myself.

I am not allowed to fall in love with this boy.

I don’t even know what love is.

“Isaac, why don’t you sit down and rest for a bit?” I say softly, putting my hand back down on Shane’s shoulder.

“I can’t just sleep while my girlfriend is comatose and my daughter is in another room dying. Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to have a problem with it, though.”

“Hey, you know, if not for Shane, Alicia and Mira wouldn’t even have a chance to survive. He could’ve died rescuing them, so back off,” I say defensively. “Also, he is not my boyfriend.”

“Whatever,” Isaac says, pounding his fists into the wall. “What the hell is taking them so long?”

“Isaac, just stay calm—” I begin, but am interrupted by a medic emerging from Mira’s room.

“Hello, everyone,” he says somberly, his face set into a frown.

“Hi. How is my daughter? Can I see her now?” Isaac says, attempting to maintain his composure. He’s not doing a good job. His expression is almost as frantic as his voice.

“Isaac, I’m sorry—”

“Why are you sorry? She’s fine, right? She has to be fine!” Izzy cries, tears welling in his eyes.

“We did everything we could, but there was just too much damage to her lungs. We couldn’t save her,” the medic says quietly, putting a hand on Isaac’s shoulder. For a moment, time freezes. Isaac’s mouth falls open, and he backs away, hands in the air. His face crumples, and overwhelming sadness fills the air.

Then suddenly, his sadness is replaced with rage. He lunges for the medic, and Ryan quickly grabs his arms, securing him until the medic is safely into another room.

“Get off of me!” Isaac shouts, pulling his arms free of Ryan’s grasp. Ryan holds his hands in the air, letting Isaac know that he won’t stop him now.

Instead of chasing after the medic, Isaac takes his frustration out on every inanimate object in sight. With tears flowing steadily down his face, he runs down the hallway, knocking over all the things unfortunate enough to be in his path. Metal carts full of medical supplies clatter as they fall to the tile floor, all the glass bottles shattering loudly. Isaac continues with his hysterics, throwing chairs and knocking over garbage cans until it looks like a tornado has blown through the hallway.

My reaction to the news of my niece’s death is quieter than Isaac’s. I don’t throw things or yell. Instead, tears fall down my cheeks, and I mourn for the time I wish I’d had with my sister’s daughter. She was so little and sweet, and although I only met her once, I know that she would have grown to be a beautiful person.

While I am thinking these things, Isaac turns the corner and disappears from our sight, and I nudge Shane to wake him up. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t work.

“I’m going after him,” Ryan says. “But, Laura, this has to end. We have to do something about your father.”

I nod, taking a deep breath as Ryan hurries after Isaac.

Ryan said we have to do something about my father. Ryan meant that we have to kill him.

This is more than I can bear alone, so I elbow Shane in the ribs to wake him up.

“What? What happened?” he says, looking around at the mess with a befuddled look on his face.

“Mira died. Isaac threw things,” I say, tears brimming in my eyes.

“I’m sorry, Laura,” Shane says, wrapping his arms around me.

“It’s not just that… I just… Can I just talk to you Shane? I just need to talk,” I say, resting my head on his shoulder as I cry.

“Of course. What else is going on?” Shane asks softly, wiping the tears from my eyes.

“Mira’s death was the last straw. Ryan wants to kill my father. He said we would have to do something about him and I don’t want us to do something about him. I just want all of this to go away. I’ve had enough, Shane. I’ve had enough,” I say, sobs shaking my whole body.

“That doesn’t necessarily mean we have to kill him,” Shane says, patting my back, “Maybe Ryan is just going to have someone cut his arm off or something. Surely that would halt his plans for war?”

“You’re really unhelpful sometimes.” I sigh, trying to pull myself together.

I’ve cried in front of Shane more than I’ve cared to. I can’t expose any more of my weaknesses. I’m not supposed to be weak, and I don’t want to be. But now, in the face of loss and uncertainty, I can’t help it.

I used to know where I belonged, what I was supposed to do. But now I don’t even know if tomorrow will come or if the earth will keep spinning—or even who I am. The only thing I know is that I don’t want to lose my father again. Not like this. I can’t.

“Seriously, though. What if Ryan just wants to put him in prison or something? Why is death the thing everyone around here always reverts back to?” Shane asks, and I shrug.

Death is what we’re known for. It’s what we’re good at. Life is what’s hard, and the tough choices that it brings.

“Because if he’s alive there’s a chance he could escape and screw everything up all over again. I’m not going to be naïve and pretend death doesn’t await my father. It does. And I’ll have to live with that,” I say, sighing. “I’m just so afraid I’ll be the one to do it. To kill him.”

“Oh, Laura, Ryan would never make you do that,” Shane says.

I suppose he’s right. Ryan would never ask me to do such a thing.

But I would ask it of myself. That’s what I’m most afraid of. But I don’t want to admit this to Shane. I can’t. What kind of a monster would he think that I am? Someone who plans to kill her own father.

What kind of monster does that make me? I’m not sure I want to know.

“I know he wouldn’t. Let’s just go back to our room. I’m tired,” I say, walking to the end of the medical hallway and into the elevator. I need to go back to my room, to think, to process this. I already know what I’m going to do. What I don’t know is how I’ll find the strength to do it.

“It’s going to be okay,” Shane says, arm around my shoulder.

He’s wrong.

After tonight, nothing will ever be okay again.