It took longer at Roundly's than other places for the first attempt at sampling Chinese meat. The aspiring rapist was a nineteen-year old machinist name of Kirk Workington.
He knew she parked out front of Roundly's, and turned up there after three a.m. He'd watched her undress in the back seat a couple of times. It'd got him real excited, mainly cause her body looked a lot like his younger brother's. His brother weren't having none of it, and he figured the chink would be more accommodating.
"Hell, she'd be grateful to a white boy for showing interest in her."
He lurked there in the shadows one morning and waited for her to be in her underwear before the attack. The only weapon he needed was his old fella. That should scare her enough. Show her he meant business. He got it poking out of his jeans like the figurehead on a Viking long boat before throwing open the back door of the Chevy and hurling himself inside.
He hadn't never seen a knife that long before. When he retold the tale later, he left out some parts, like how she took hold of his figurehead in her left hand and held the blade tight up against his balls with her right.
He was froze there, especially when she said, "You want 'em on or off?" You ain't never seen a figurehead sink so quick. He didn't dare move a muscle cause he really wanted 'em on, and he knew she wouldn't think twice about having 'em off. He could feel the cool steel against his sack and he was sure he'd be singing soprano in the church choir till he was sixty.
Kirk was one big old farm boy, but when you got a little China lady with a knife holding on to your cock, it really don't matter how big you is. If you could save your personal belongings, you'd take whatever chance you was given. She only give him one.
"Here's the deal," she said. "I imagine you wanna have children some day. If that's the case, I don't wanna ever see you around me, or around this car again, anytime." He nodded gently so as not to disturb the knife. "Wait, I ain't finished. If anyone else comes here and tries this, first I'm gonna slice theirs off, then I'm gonna come looking for you and slice yours off, cause I'll assume you recommended my tasty Chinese ass to someone else. You understand what I'm saying, you sorry looking redneck?" He nodded again.
As soon as she let his old fella be and lifted the knife, he was out of that car and halfway home before she could say, "Have a nice day." Old mamma Workington sure had her work cut out on wash day, getting the stain out the seat of his underpants. China didn't have no more trouble with the boys from Roundly's after that.