TERRIBLE LOVE

KEVIN PRUFER

Wish the lights would go back on, wish it was spring already.

Wish the bees would fly back home from my living room.

Hear them singing and horsing around in there? Rattle, rattle

against the porcelain, fire screen, window panes, their unfeeble buzz

rising to racket-level till one by one the portraits fall from the walls.

They enjoy the glow the space heater provides.

When we moved in here—my young wife and I—the place was merely

tumble-down: chips in the walls, blackened floors, and leaves spreading,

fan-like,

from the cracks beneath the doors. We unloaded the bed first.

I said, “We’ll consummate things here—and here, and here,” pointing

first to that bed, and then to the leafswept places. She stood in the kitchen

unloading the flatware. One by one, her forks tumbled to the floor.

I was terribly in love, but it wasn’t long

before she shuddered at my breath on her neck. She is a woman

of great distractions and hairpins. I swept the leaves from the doorways

and her laughs came as blackish clouds, her words snowdots or beetles,

depending.

Sometimes I wouldn’t see her all day, so busy was she

singing to herself in the gardens behind the house. I swept and swept,

cleaned the pipes, caulked the walls as best I could.

Then it was November and the ice thickened

in invisible leaks in the bricks. When the winds came, the trees shook

their twig-tips until the windows cracked. The bees arrived later,

sensing, somehow, the house an escape from the cold.

Wish they were gone. Wish I had something to clot the walls.

My wife, in her bedrobe, drew an invisible line

at the foot of the stairs. “Here is for you,” she told me, sweeping

the downstairs with her hand. Now she lives in the master chamber

at the top of the stairs. All day, behind the bees, I hear

ice cracking in those leaky veins. The bricks fall, startlingly,

into the yard. Sometimes I hear her slippers skipping over my head.

She sings to herself and moves the bed around. Is she tying

a great escape from the bed sheets? Does she scale

the rose trellises at night? And for whom? My poor skin

is brailled over with stings. I wish the spring storms would come.

Wish the gardens would bloom, thorn over the path to the road.

Wish there was something I could say.