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All of her doubts melted away into a sea of longing Lana could no longer deny. Truthfully, she’d always known on some level she’d end up exactly where she was—in Sullivan’s arms. She’d never believed he’d come to love her; however, desire was a different thing entirely. Her heart beat in anticipation whenever he neared. Some days it seemed like she’d loved him forever—had ignored that feeling equally as long.
“Take me home,” she ordered Sullivan.
The dinner had gone well. They’d socialized, made nice, and made sure Dani had a wonderful evening. Their duty was done, at least until the actual wedding. The bride had left over an hour ago. An early night so she could get her beauty sleep. Somehow, she doubted Dani would do much sleeping. Ren and Dani weren’t a traditional couple. Ren hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off of her the entire evening. Their love for each other made a person—no, made her—want that too.
Sullivan lifted a brow. “Tired?”
“Exhausted,” she lied.
He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Then let’s say goodnight to my parents. Before you know it, we’ll have you tucked into bed and sleeping the night away.”
Lana had no intention of sleeping. She’d played hard to get and teased him long enough. She’d been on the brink of tumbling over the edge for a while now. It was time to fully leap over and find the happiness she’d been denying herself.
Sullivan led her over to his parents and stopped. “We’re heading out. We’ll see you in the morning at the church.”
“Don’t be late,” his mother said, fussing with his jacket. “I might need you to keep things running smoothly.”
“Nothing is going to go wrong,” Sullivan said. “You won’t miss your daughter’s wedding.”
Siobhan Brady’s lips tilted upward. “Never thought I would. Maybe I’ll even be lucky enough to attend my son’s one day too.”
As far as hints went, that one hadn’t been subtle in the least. Lana was ready to trust him with her heart, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to leap toward the altar. Baby steps... She’d taken a long time to open herself to the possibility Sullivan loved her. Trusting him to keep his promise to love her forever was a different thing altogether. He didn’t have the best track record to lean on. How could she believe he’d not tire of her? That was still her biggest contention in their relationship.
“I’m making no promises,” Sullivan said. “Why don’t you enjoy Dani’s nuptials for now before you start planning mine.”
Didn’t that response say it all? Yes, he cared for her, and maybe he even thought that he loved her. She wasn’t so sure it was a permanent thing and couldn’t see a way she would start believing it either. That was something to contemplate another day. She could enjoy their time together and tackle the unknown later. Tonight was magical, and she was desperate to capture it into a lifetime memory.
“Go before she tracks down the wedding planner,” Malachi Brady said then chuckled. “It was good seeing you, Lana. We’re glad you’re doing better.”
She smiled. They were like a second set of parents to her. The Bradys had always included her as much as possible. “Thank you, Mr. Brady.”
“Do you return to work soon?” he asked.
No one had bothered to ask her that. Now that she thought about it, she had to wonder why. Did they not expect she could handle her duties any longer? She was a damn good nurse and intended to work as long as her body allowed her. “I had an appointment with Preston a couple days ago. He gave me a clean bill of health. I expect to return to work in another week. He didn’t want me to rush back.”
“That’s wonderful,” Siobhan said. “What about your house?”
So much for a clean getaway...these questions hadn’t come up earlier. Probably because the Bradys had been so focused on making things run smoothly for Dani. The questions didn’t surprise her, but she’d wanted to go back to the apartment and have her wicked way with Sullivan. Thoughts like that were rather embarrassing while talking with his parents.
“That is a different matter entirely,” Lana said then sighed. “The fire marshal believes it was arson. That’s going to delay the insurance payout.”
She’d been rather pissed after his visit. Partly because of the tone he’d used with her. As if she’d set fire to her own house while she was inside of it. Did he think she had a death wish? She loved that house and some bastard had taken that away from her. She’d never get it back, and while she could rebuild, it would never be the same. That house had been the result of hard work and she’d put a lot of herself into it.
“If you need anything...”
“I don’t,” Lana interrupted Malachi Brady. They were generous with her and always had been. “Sullivan has already been charitable enough, helping me recover some of my losses. I couldn’t take any more.”
Sullivan crinkled his brow together and stared down at her. “Right,” he said. There was an edge to his tone she couldn’t quite identify. Had she said something that ticked him off? “With that, I bid you goodnight. Lana is tired, and while Preston gave her a clean bill of health, she’s still healing. We will both see you tomorrow morning.”
They nodded and Sullivan led her outside. He handed his ticket to the valet, who went to retrieve the car. They stood in silence forever, and it started to drive her crazy. Now she understood why her ignoring him for a couple days might have bothered him.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
“A whole lot,” he replied evasively.
The valet drove the car up and parked it in front of them, then hopped out and handed Sullivan the keys. Sullivan tipped him. “Thanks,” the valet said.
Sullivan opened the car door for her. She slid inside and buckled her seatbelt. Tiny sparks of excitement filled her. They would be back at the apartment soon. That was the part she’d been looking forward to all night. Sullivan got into the driver side, and before she had time to process it, they were on their way back. The drive wasn’t a long one. He parked the car in the garage and, always the gentleman, he helped her out of the car the same way he had assisted her into it.
Silence reigned supreme the entire time. It should’ve been a clue he was about to reach a boiling point on his well-honed control. When they stepped inside the apartment she expected the seduction to begin. Her disappointment gutted her when she realized that what she’d envisioned hadn’t been the same as what he had.
“Do you trust me at all?” he asked. His voice was rough, and he sounded—hurt. “Have you ever?”
“Of course I do,” she said automatically, but that wasn’t true. She had doubts, still did to a certain extend. Those doubts had nothing to do with his integrity or ability to be there for her. “You’ve always been someone I could turn to if I needed to.”
“Like a faithful dog,” he said. “Whistle and I’ll come running.”
“No,” she insisted. “Not like that. A friend—someone who I’ve known my whole life.”
“Friends,” Sullivan said slowly and then nodded. “I think I finally understand.”
That was good. She sure as hell didn’t. “Then please explain to me what I’m missing because I feel as if I entered some alternate reality. It’s been strange ever since I woke up in the hospital. I don’t think I understand what is going on with you and haven’t for a while.” She was even more confused now than she’d been a couple weeks ago. When she’d woken up, he’d kissed her lightly as if attempting to wake sleeping beauty. And didn’t that sound vain as hell...
“I thought we were heading somewhere. That you understood that I wanted this to be a real relationship.”
“Did I miss something?”
“Yes,” he said sadly. “You missed the part where I love you. That I hoped to one day ask you to marry me and have a family. You missed the part where two people who trust each other share important details of their lives. That there is more to a relationship than passion.”
What. The. Hell?
“That’s a bit rich coming from you,” she said. Now she was pissed as hell. “I didn’t jump from bed to bed for years scratching an invisible itch. How am I to believe that this...” She gestured between them. “...is something more than passion, as you put it?”
He yanked his tie loose and left it dangling around his neck, then ran his fingers through his hair. It was perfectly mussed, and Lana had an insane urge to mess it up more. “You’re right,” he grated out. “If I could change who I was I would, but I can’t. I hoped...” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what I hoped. I was wrong. I see that now.”
It gutted her to see him so self-depreciating. “So you’re ready to give up at the first sign of difficulty? Maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t do more than flirt the edge of something more.”
“What do you want from me?” he shouted. “I’ve done everything I could think of to make you see how I feel about you—that you matter. I don’t want to give up, but I’m clueless. You shut me out of your life for days. Didn’t say a fucking word. You had a doctor’s appointment, met with the fire marshal, found out you could go back to work...”
She had an epiphany. He really wanted to be a part of her life. Everything, even the most mundane of things... Maybe the answer to give him was a simple enough one. But first they had to get a few other things out of the way. Like the boiling passion that was between them. They could work through anything as long as they were both willing to fight for it. Perhaps she should remind him in the most guttural of ways what they had.
“You’re upset I called us friends, aren’t you?” She continued when he didn’t answer, “Friends share those things you mentioned above. They tell each other secrets, share the joys, the ups and downs of this thing we call life. It was a compliment, but you didn’t take it that way.” He remained silent and broody. At least he wasn’t disagreeing with her. “The funny thing is that once I heard you refer to me as a sister, and that had gutted me.”
“I—” He blinked several times with his mouth hanging open as if uncertain how to respond. He closed his mouth and the muscles in his cheek twitched.
“No,” she said. She had to get this all out to make him understand why she’d acted the way she had. “Let me finish. I was young and foolishly infatuated with you. That was when you were dating her.” She swallowed the distaste in her mouth. “Victoria was a right bitch, wasn’t she? Every time she saw me she made me feel like trash. I wasn’t good enough to be around you or your family. I was a nobody.”
She took a deep breath to help her gain courage to go on. “So I overreacted when I saw her here. All those emotions they came flooding back as if I was seventeen again and the target of her bullying. I thought I’d gotten past it, but some things are ingrained so deep inside you don’t realize they exist until they decimate you.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I wish you’d told me.”
“When?” she said bitterly. “Back then when you dated her? Would you have listened? Somehow, I don’t think you were dating her for her winning personality.”
She’d hated him so damn much for bringing Victoria around. That relationship had lasted far longer than she’d liked. It was one of the reasons she’d bolted as soon as she’d graduated high school. She couldn’t stomach the sight of Sullivan with Victoria. Not because she had stupidly fallen for him, but because he couldn’t see her for the rotten bitch she was.
“Yes,” he said. “I’d have...”
“Done nothing,” she said. “Oh, you’d have listened to me, but in the end, it would have all played out the way it did. At some point you would grow tired of her and move on. It’s what you do, Sully.”
“No,” he insisted. “You’ve always mattered. I may not have seen it right away, but I did notice—eventually.”
God. She wanted to believe him, truly she did. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over and done with.”
“Is it?” he asked. “Because it seems like I’m paying for that mistake today. The stupid decisions of my youth have driven a wedge between us so deep I don’t see a way to dig us free of it.”
“I refuse to let her ruin things between us. It was my mistake to let it go this far,” she insisted. “Don’t push me away when we can have so much.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s true anymore.”
She’d really messed up. Her heart was breaking into a million pieces and it wasn’t Sullivan’s fault at all. She’d been so worried he would hurt her, and he hadn’t. No, she’d been the one to take a sledgehammer to their fledgling romance, and she had to find a way to fix it. Maybe sex wasn’t the answer, but it could be a start. They’d come so close to falling into bed together several times. Something had always interrupted them.
She didn’t answer him or even try to convince him they had something. The time for talking was done. Now she had to act before it was too late. She brushed past him and went to the bedroom.
***
SULLIVAN WENT OVER to the bar and poured himself a glass of whisky. He downed the entire thing. It burned as it traveled down his throat and settled into his stomach. He’d need a lot more alcohol to get through the night. It wasn’t how he’d thought things would go. He had envisioned a forever with Lana. His past was mucking shit up. He’d stirred the pot, and now he had to live with the results. The fucked up thing was he’d still be sleeping on the damn couch. He was seriously starting to hate that damn thing, and as soon as Lana found another place to go, he’d exorcise it with fire.
He poured another glass and was about to down that one when a noise filled the room. He turned toward the bedroom and froze. Lana’s silhouette filled the doorway, and from the little he could see, she wasn’t wearing much. The urge to turn on every light in the apartment filled him. She sashayed forward, her hips swinging to a rhythm of her own making. It was a siren’s call, and it seduced him completely.
“Lana,” he said. It was a struggle to find his voice and the word came out far rougher than he’d wanted it to. The babydoll chemise she wore barely covered her breasts. It was black, sheer from the chest down and stopped at her hips. Her panties were visible through the transparent material.
“Lisanna,” she said. “You don’t call me Lana. Don’t start now.” She’d kept reminding him she was no longer that girl. When had she started to like that he’d called her by her real name? She stopped in front of him and brought her hands up to his chest. She trailed her fingers down the edge of the buttons holding his shirt together. “I’ve had this fantasy for a long time. I hope you don’t mind what I’m about to do.”
She looped her fingers through the edge of his shirt and yanked. Buttons flew as the seam ripped apart. Sullivan sucked in a breath and dropped his glass of whiskey to the floor. It splashed across the hardwood floor as the glass clanked against it, then shattered into several pieces. Sullivan yanked her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers. She continued to stroke her fingers over his bare chest, fueling him to deepen the kiss. He had enough presence of mind to lead them away from the broken shards and onto the soft carpet of the living room area. After that he had one focus—to finally find the pleasure he’d imagined with her.
There was no denying he wanted her. He’d always desired her, and nothing was going to change that. This wouldn’t solve their problems, but damned if he could prevent it from happening. He didn’t even want to. As soon as she walked out the bedroom in the sexy, barely-there outfit he’d been lost to the lust ruling his blood.
Reluctantly, he stopped kissing her and stared down at her. The ruddy line of a scar trailed downward through her cleavage. The stitches had been long ago removed and an angry red slash left in their place. It was a sign he’d almost lost her and a reminder he still could. Pushing her away would be a mistake. He bent down and kissed the edge of the scar until it hit the cloth barrier of her negligee. Her eyelids were shut and fluttered open. “It’s ugly, I know,” she whispered.
“You’re beautiful,” he insisted. “Nothing could change that. It’s a part of you, and while I wish it hadn’t happened, I can’t help but be glad for it in a fucked up way. It woke me up and kicked me in the gut. I’ve been walking half asleep through life. I won’t do it anymore.”
“It’s about time,” she told him. “I’ve waited so long.”
He had too, but he hadn’t realized it until now. This time with her almost didn’t seem real. They’d taken the long way around to where they belonged. What fools they’d both been. This was perfect—she was perfect. He couldn’t imagine being with anyone other than her. She was the one person he couldn’t live without and prayed he’d never have to.
She smiled softly at him and ran her fingertips over his cheek. He loved her so damn much his heart burst with it. Her lips were full and inviting and he had to kiss her again. Sullivan lowered one of his hands and pressed it to the edge of her hip below the hem of the negligee. He slid it upward and trailed his fingers along her panty line. She sucked a breath in as he slipped a finger inside to caress her wet folds. When he skimmed the pad of his finger over her sensitive clit, she moaned. He held his finger there for several seconds waiting for her to go crazy with need.
“Please,” she begged. “Don’t stop.”
“Not this time,” he agreed trailing kisses over her face, neck and down to her chest. He sucked a tight nipple into his mouth through the material as he slid his finger into her tight sheath. Her moans grew louder as he stroked her with his finger in rhythm with the swirl of his tongue over her breasts. He loved the sexy lingerie, but it had to go. He wanted her naked and writhing in his arms.
Sullivan let her go and stepped back, then shoved his shirt off and shrugged out of his pants. There was no time to waste. He feared if he did, someone or something would interrupt them again. He stalked forward, completely naked. She didn’t back down and met him halfway. Lifting her into his arms he carried her to the bedroom, set her down, and then stripped her of her clothing. She was finally, gloriously naked. Sullivan took a half-second to appreciate that before he leaned down to worship at her altar. She was so beautiful, and tonight at least, all his. He’d worry about their future later.
He lifted her onto the bed and pushed her thighs apart. The need to taste every part of her was one he would not ignore. He leaned between her thighs and licked her clit and then sucked it. She grabbed his hair and raked her nails over his head, making him suck harder until she moaned with pleasure. His heart beat heavily in his chest. The emotional overload ricocheted through him, giving him pleasure he’d never known before her. She brought out a side of him he hadn’t realized existed.
“More,” she ordered. “Yes, like that.” He chuckled lightly and did as she asked. He hadn’t realized how good it would feel to pleasure her. When her release hit, she screamed his name. It was music to his ears.
Sullivan yanked the drawer open from his bedside table and reached for a condom. He had to be inside her and fast. He ripped the wrapper open with an expertise he should be ashamed of, but wasn’t, then slid the condom down his hard, aching cock. He was going to fuck Lana the way he’d been imaging for weeks now, then he’d make slow love to her the way she deserved. He joined her on the bed and slid between her thighs, pressing his hardness against her wet heat.
The ache to be inside her was almost too much to bear. He pushed himself into her and moaned at the pleasure. He pulled out and then slid back in. Nothing he’d ever done had prepared him for this. He’d had plenty of sex, but none of those women held his heart. They weren’t his. He quickened his pace, and Lana wrapped her legs around his waist, meeting each thrust. He was mindless to the pleasure and blind with his own need. His orgasm hit him fast and hard. It devastated him and fried all of his circuits.
It took him several heartbeats to roll off of her and dispose of the condom. He returned to the bed. Sullivan lifted her and placed her on the other side, then joined her as he pulled the blankets over him. He wasn’t about to leave her for anything. They had a lot to work through, but he wouldn’t give up on her. He loved her too much to let her go easily. It had been foolish of him to think he ever could.
She curled against him and trailed her fingers across his chest. It was an innocent action, but it made him happy at the same time. He didn’t do this with other women. The bedroom had been for sex or sleeping—not post-coital cuddling. He never let anyone stay afterward. Truth be told, he didn’t bring them to his home. He’d always gone to their place and left afterward. With Lana, everything was different, would always be because he loved her.
With her lying next to him he could relax for the first time in a while. They still had a lot to work through; nevertheless, he believed it possible now. They were finally on the right path, and he refused to take any step backward. From that moment on they would continue to move forward—together.