Thirteen

Magdalene grew more bitter and angry as the days passed. Two weeks had elapsed since their wedding day, and she avoided Chandler whenever possible, often disliking him with as much intensity as she loved him. Why did he have to care more for Isabel? With each trip he made into town, she wondered if they had a secret rendezvous and laughed at her supposed stupidity.

He’d taken to sleeping in his office, so they no longer saw much of each other—just at mealtime. She found excuses not to join them for his Bible teaching anymore. The hardest part was, she sensed God’s displeasure, and He felt very far away.

The whole marriage plan had backfired. She now knew they’d made a huge mistake, but there was no way out. They’d lost Frankie ten days ago and four other boys since. Somehow, Chandler had managed to keep Bobby and Sarah, but she wondered for how much longer. Christmas lurked only five days away, and she must start making preparations.

Today she’d convinced Mrs. Lindsay to let her and the children have the kitchen. They’d bake and decorate gingerbread men. She hoped Chandler planned to get a tree soon. No matter what their feelings were for one another, they needed to make the holidays special for the children, especially since no one knew how long any of them would be there.

Magdalene rounded up the seven children. She got out bowls and ingredients. She assigned each child a duty to help complete the process. They measured, mixed, rolled, cut, and baked. Flour covered the kitchen from one end to the other. As soon as the cookies came out of the oven, Bobby punched a hole in the top of each cookie so it could be hung from string to decorate the tree.

“Smells like heaven in here.” Chandler entered the kitchen just as they finished their cookies. “I have a surprise—come see.”

All the children rushed out the door, and Magdalene went to the window to peek at what all the fuss was about. “The tree! He got the tree.”

Chandler dragged the Christmas tree into the parlor, the children on his heels.

Feeling restless and not wanting to spend the afternoon with him, Magdalene formed a plan. Once the tree stood straight and tall in the corner, she approached him. “Would you mind if I went to the city?”

He glanced from the tree to her, his expression startled. “Why—if you don’t mind my asking?”

“Since Christmas is so close, I wish to shop for a few gifts for the children.”

“We could decorate this afternoon—all of us together, and I could take you to town tomorrow.”

The way a happy family would do things. “I was hoping you’d allow me to take the buggy myself, so I could spend time with my family.” Magdalene focused on the window, avoiding his disappointed look. “I miss them very much. I’ll return by late tomorrow afternoon.”

Chandler sighed. “If that’s what you want. Shall the children and I wait until you get back to trim the tree?”

“That’s not necessary. They’d be disappointed if you asked them to wait.”

Chandler studied the excited children and nodded. “I’ll prepare the buggy for your departure.”

❧

Chandler left the house with an ache the size of California in his heart. “Why, Lord? Why can’t I reach her?” With each day, Magdalene slipped farther away.

Entering the barn, he groomed the two horses, harnessed them, and hitched them to the buggy. He thought over the past two weeks. If any marriage was doomed, theirs appeared to be. He led the horses to the front of the orphanage where Magdalene impatiently waited. He wondered if she’d ever come back.

She patted Stubby’s neck. “Thank you for getting them ready.”

He nodded. “Will your dad or Nathaniel be available to help you with them tonight and tomorrow?”

“Believe it or not, I can hitch up a wagon all by myself.” The way she looked at him—almost a glare—caused him to realize how intensely she disliked him.

“Magdalene—don’t leave like this.” He placed a restraining hand on her arm, but she jerked away.

“Like what?”

“Why are you so angry? Why do you hate me?”

“I’m not angry, Chandler—just resigned.” She bowed her head.

“Resigned to what? Making us both miserable?” He ran a frustrated hand over the stubble of whiskers on his jaw.

She climbed up into the two-seater buggy. “Resigned to the misery of being your wife.” Taking the reins, she flicked them across the horses’ hindquarters and the buggy lurched forward.

Sorrow nearly choked him. She was miserable, and he knew what he had to do—the very thing he’d avoided the past ten days. While the children were having dinner inside with Mrs. Lindsay, he went into his office, quietly closing the door behind him. Pulling the correct law book off the shelf, he found the law he’d put off reading for over a week.

Annul. Different from divorce in that divorce ends a valid marriage. Annulment ends an invalid or illegal marriage.

Chandler would never consider divorce—not ever. God frowned on such an action, but perhaps an annulment would be okay. After all, they’d never consummated their relationship. Though theirs wasn’t an illegal marriage, it certainly seemed invalid. He’d have to check into that avenue.

He laid his head on his desk. “Lord, this isn’t my choice, but maybe You restored the funding so I could release her. She hates me. I’ve tried to reach her, but she shuts me out. Please show me the right thing.”

After a knock on his office door, Mrs. Lindsay entered carrying a bowl of beef stew and some fresh bread. “You don’t need to be missing meals. You’ll be needin’ your strength to decorate this old house for the holidays.”

She placed the food on his desk in front of him, and he knew her observant eyes didn’t miss the fact he’d been crying.

“I been prayin’ for you and the missus.”

“Thank you.”

She nodded and left him alone.

After forcing himself to eat, Chandler rounded up the children. They spent the rest of the day stringing popcorn, hanging fresh pine boughs, and decorating with gingerbread men. By nightfall, the place looked pretty good. He hoped Magdalene would be pleased.

Thoughts of her were always followed by a heaviness in his heart. What had happened? Somehow, he’d failed her and failed God.

The only bright spot in his life these days were the tiny improvements in his relationship with his father. He’d been going home three days a week to spend time with him and seek his advice on business wisdom with the orphanage. His father enjoyed being needed and sought out. Chandler hoped one day soon they could move their conversations into more personal realms.

❧

Magdalene’s heart felt like a chunk of stone in her chest. So much hate, anger, and bitterness resided inside her. She wished for the release of tears, but just as feeling had become impossible for her, so had crying.

She directed the buggy straight to Gabrielle’s, having no energy to shop for the children. Perhaps after some time with her older sister and a good night’s rest, she’d be ready to face the prospect of gift buying tomorrow.

Magdalene tied the horses to the hitching rail and trudged the rest of the way up the hill. A tired but smiling Gabrielle greeted her from the rocker on the porch.

“Magdalene! What a nice surprise. I just laid the children down for a nap and thought I’d enjoy some fresh air and tea.” She set her cup down and rose to hug her sister.

Magdalene fell into Gabby’s arms, and the tears she’d wished for suddenly flowed like a raging river. Gabrielle embraced her, letting her cry. Finally she directed her to the porch swing, and Magdalene continued to sob on Gabrielle’s shoulder.

Spent, Magdalene lifted her head. “Thank you. I just needed someone to hold me.”

“What about Chandler?”

“He’s in love with Isabel, not me.”

“What?” Gabrielle’s eyes grew large and doubt-filled.

Magdalene nodded and whispered, “It’s true.”

“Start at the beginning and tell me everything,” Gabrielle said, pushing Magdalene’s hair back out of her face. “I find this really hard to believe.”

In a flat, quiet tone, Magdalene said, “I overheard Isabel and Chandler’s niece, Josephine, at our wedding. She said something to the effect that Chandler struggled to decide between the two of us but ended up choosing me because of the children. He’s selfless, so it makes perfect sense he’d settle on who’s best for them over what his heart desired.”

“Magdalene, for whatever reason, he did choose you. You’re his wife.” Gabrielle’s words held compassion, yet a certain firmness.

“Not really.” Only by law, but not in any other way.

“Yes, you really are. I was there, remember? I witnessed it happening.”

Dare she tell the most intimate details of their relationship? Magdalene wandered across the porch and returned to stand before Gabrielle. “We’ve never. . .”

Gabrielle’s mouth fell open. “Not once?”

Magdalene shook her head. Embarrassed, she turned to face the bay. “He wanted to that first night. . . .”

“You denied your own husband?” Gabrielle sounded astounded.

Magdalene turned back to face her sister. “I wasn’t prepared for it to happen. In all honesty, the idea barely occurred to me. I didn’t think he’d want to—I mean, at least not with me. He’s not attracted to me or in love me, so why would he want to. . . you know?”

“You, my dear sister, have a lot to learn about men.”

“I’m sure you’re right. After much prayer and thought, I offered myself to him a couple of nights later—” Her voice cracked with a sob. “He—didn’t—want me.”

Gabrielle stood and wrapped Magdalene in another hug. “Did he say that?”

“No.” She sniffed. “He said he wanted to wait until I was more sure of my feelings. He didn’t want me to come to him out of obligation.”

Gabrielle pulled back to look into Magdalene’s eyes. “Now that sounds like Chandler. He’s an honorable man.”

“I know, but I think he regrets yoking himself to me. We saw Isabel at Woodward’s Gardens, and he excused himself and rushed to her side. They stood huddled together, sharing intimate conversation, while her beau came over to speak to me. Why, she never even spoke to me—only waved from afar, and do you know why?”

Gabrielle shook her head.

“Guilt. How does one face her sister when she’s pursuing her sister’s husband?”

“Magdalene, you’re basing all this on supposition, not fact. Isabel is sparking with that newspaper fellow.” Gabrielle’s voice had grown slightly impatient.

“I know, but it’s Chandler she really wants. I heard her say so to his niece. She’s set her cap for him, have no doubt about that. And now all of a sudden, he’s been making trips to town every couple of days. He’s never done that before in all the three years I’ve known him. Seems to me, he’s meeting someone—and that someone is Isabel.”

Gabrielle’s face went white, and she shook her head.

“What?” Magdalene demanded, sensing Gabrielle had information she withheld. “You know something. Tell me!”

“I’m sure there’s an explanation.” Gabrielle rubbed her forehead between her eyes as if she’d suddenly developed a headache.

“Explanation for what?”

Gabrielle sighed. “I saw Chandler and Isabel together a couple of weeks ago. I thought nothing of it, just as I’d think nothing of you being in town with Nathaniel.”

Magdalene felt as if she’d been punched in the gut. She grabbed hold of the balcony railing to steady herself. “When? Where?” She didn’t desire to know, yet had to know at the same time.

“A few days after your wedding. They were walking together down Market Street. Nathaniel waved, but they didn’t see us.”

Probably too wrapped up in each other. “Were they close—touching?” Her stomach clenched with the pain of certainty. It was one thing to suspect, but quite another to know for sure.

“Of course not! Magdalene, your mind is running away with you.” Concern lined Gabrielle’s face.

“Tell me exactly what you saw—everything.”

“Nathaniel and I left the children with Mother, so we could talk about our Christmas plans for this year. We were in the buggy, returning home, when he pointed them out. They were on the opposite side of the street, and though we waved and called to them, neither heard or saw us.”

“What were they doing?”

“Laughing and walking. Chandler carried several packages, so I figured he asked Isabel to help him pick out a Christmas gift for you.”

It sounded plausible, and she so wanted to believe Gabrielle’s explanation. She dropped down into the rocker. “Is that what you really think?”

“Yes, yes it is. Chandler Alexandre is a man of integrity, and I don’t believe he’d dishonor your wedding vows. You two must talk and resolve some of these issues. There are too many questions. Ask him!”

“I’m afraid. What if his answer is what I suspect?” She gripped the arms on the rocker, wondering if not knowing was easier.

“Then God will give you the grace you need. You can’t fight a war unless you know where the enemy is, but I think the battleground is in your mind. You’ve allowed your imagination to run away with you. Take captive your thoughts, Magdalene. Don’t think about things that aren’t absolutely one hundred percent truth.”

“So you think I should give him the benefit of the doubt and go home and ask?”

“Yes. Love believes, hopes, and trusts.”

Magdalene had never felt so confused. She could convince herself to believe either way. She did need to talk this out with Chandler, because their problems were taking a great toll on her relationship with God.

“If you want, we can go ask Isabel.”

Just hearing her name brought a stab of jealousy to Magdalene’s heart. “No, I’d rather ask Chandler.” At least he won’t gloat.

“And Magdalene. . .” Settling back into the porch swing, Gabrielle sounded unsure whether she should continue or not.

“What?”

“The apostle Paul says it’s not a good idea for a wife to leave her husband’s physical needs unmet and vice versa. You leave him vulnerable to temptation.”

“So, if he is seeing Isabel, it’s my fault?”

“No, and don’t be so defensive. I’m just saying you not only need to talk, you need to. . .become his wife.” A baby cried from inside the house. “One of the girls is awake.”

Gabrielle left her alone on the porch. “I tried,” Magdalene whispered. “He doesn’t want me.”