Fifteen

Magdalene kissed Chandler good-bye on New Year’s Eve morning. Another week of wedded bliss had passed. She loved this man with her whole heart and was beginning to believe he loved her, so why was he waiting? Some nights, she lay in bed praying he’d come to her—but he never did. She didn’t understand why.

Today, his parents had invited all their children and their families for a big dinner and get-together. Chandler went early to meet with his father. They’d been caught up in an ongoing game of chess for almost three weeks now, and both men hoped to play for a few hours this morning before the throngs of people arrived.

Magdalene went into Chandler’s office, looking for some postage stamps. She’d written to each of the five boys who had been adopted.

His desk was piled with several neatly stacked papers. A law book on one corner caught her eye, and she wondered what subject he was studying up on. He had the page marked with several pieces of paper. Opening the book, the heading Annulment laws jumped off the page. She felt faint. Grabbing the side of Chandler’s desk, she lowered herself into his chair. Skimming the page, she read the words Chandler had underlined. Annul. Different from divorce in that divorce ends a valid marriage. Annulment ends an invalid or illegal marriage.

Dear God, no! Please don’t let this be so. She struggled to breathe—to see. Lifting the papers, she read the top one first.

Dear Mr. Alexandre:

This letter is to inform you as of December 1, 1882, the estate of Warren Baxter will no longer contribute funds to the San Francisco Christian Home for Orphans and Foundlings.

Upon Mr. Baxter’s death, his nephew now controls the funds and has decided to support other charities. I’m certain you can appreciate his desire to use the money here in New York, rather than sending it out west. We do, however, wish you success in your venture.

Respectfully,

Winston Wallace Williams III,

Attorney at Law

This letter was the reason Chandler married her in the first place. All her old insecurities reared their ugly heads. He never loved me—never would have even considered me. . . . She turned to the second typewritten page.

Dear Mr. Alexandre:

This letter is to inform you as of January 1, 1883, the estate of Warren Baxter will again be contributing funds to the San Francisco Christian Home for Orphans and Foundlings. We will be donating the same amount as before, so you may continue the work so dear to Mr. Baxter’s heart.

She was no longer necessary in Chandler’s life. Queasiness assaulted her, and she covered her mouth with her hand. Tears sprang into her eyes, blurring her vision. She had to blink feverishly in order to finish the letter.

Upon reading Mr. Baxter’s journals, his nephew, who now controls the funds, discovered the orphanage was his uncle’s dearest loved endeavor and most important project. I’m certain you can appreciate his desire to use the money in ways most pleasing to his uncle. We do, however, wish to apologize for any minor problems the young Mr. Baxter may have caused during our brief lapse with the endowment.

Respectfully,

Winston Wallace Williams III,

Attorney at Law

Shaking, Magdalene placed the third letter at the top of the pile. Written shortly before Christmas, it came from a San Francisco attorney.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Alexandre:

I checked into the current California annulment laws as you requested. From what I discovered, the two of you most certainly do qualify to annul your unconsummated marriage.

She finally understood. Closing her eyes, she hoped to shut out the intense pain shredding her insides. She laid her head on Chandler’s desk. The reason he still slept on the sofa was explained here in black and white. If they truly became man and wife, he could no longer erase their marriage as though it never existed. Lifting her head and wiping her eyes, she finished reading the letter.

Since your relationship was built on a need that no longer exists and since the two of you are not man and wife in every sense, an annulment would be relatively simple. Just fill out the enclosed forms and return them to me with the fee marked on the fee schedule.

Sincerely,

Jasper Jones, Jr.,

Attorney at Law

Under the third letter lay the blank forms, just waiting to be filled out.

Magdalene put everything back just the way she’d found it. God, please get me through the rest of this day. Tonight she’d sign his forms and return home. She could no longer stay here at the orphanage.

Numbly, Magdalene dressed in her new red dress that Chandler requested she wear. She’d looked forward to having the opportunity to wear it, but now she hated the dress and the deceptive man who’d given it to her. How had he fooled so many people?

Mrs. Lindsay, bless her kind heart, must have sensed something had gone terribly wrong. Never one to ask questions or pry, she did what needed doing. By the time Magdalene finished dressing, that dear woman had all seven children ready to go.

❧

Chandler and his father had sat quietly for a couple of hours, both studying the chessboard, thinking and rethinking each move. Growing restless, Chandler paced while his father scrutinized the previous move.

“Father, can we take a break and talk?”

His father glanced up at him like he’d lost his mind. What sane man would choose conversation over chess?

“Why is it so important to you that I come and work for you? Every time I’m here you bring the subject up.”

His father’s discomfort showed. He paused a long time before answering. “You’ve branded me with the reputation of a man who cannot control his own son.”

“I meant no harm. I only chose to work at what I love. I have no interest in the shipping business.” Chandler returned to his seat across the chessboard from his father.

“You’ve made me a laughingstock among my friends by choosing to live as a pauper rather than work beside your own family.”

“I’m very sorry. I would never intentionally hurt you.”

“But you do so every day you continue running that place.” His father ran his thumb and forefinger over his mustache.

Chandler had never seen their disagreement from his father’s point of view before. “I honestly never intended to cause you pain. I love children and wanted to help them.”

“Why not help your own family? What of family loyalty?” When his father’s emotions rose, his French accent grew stronger, his English more broken. “Your only loyalty is to Mr. Baxter. He was not your father!” He shook his fist in the air. “I’m your father! The father you never loved or respected.”

Taken aback by his father’s outburst, Chandler suddenly realized how deeply he’d hurt him. “I did love you—still do love you.” He spoke calmly. “But you never loved me. I never measured up to your expectations of a man, was never tall enough, strong enough, or healthy enough.” Chandler rose and leaned across the game. “I didn’t choose to be sickly as a child.”

“I did not blame you. I blamed myself. I had failed to give you good health. With each glimpse at your pale face, I relived the pain of my failure.”

Chandler sat back down. His father suddenly looked very old—very old and very lost without Christ. Chandler closed his eyes. Lord, forgive me for being more of a stumbling block to my father finding You than a light to show him the way.

“If I come to work for you, you’ll forgive me, and we’ll start over?” Chandler doubted it, but a part of him hoped.

“If you come to work for me, I will forgive you everything—even the article. And we will start over as father and son. Let’s start the New Year on a new step.”

Chandler rubbed his forehead, overwhelmed by all that had transpired in his life in just over five weeks. Lord, what would You have me do?

“Can you give me time to think and pray and talk to Magdalene?”

He knew because of his father’s impatience, he asked a lot. “Little time, but not too much.”

“Would you be gracious to Magdalene and treat her as my wife deserves?” He knew he pushed his luck.

“I do not intend to treat her at all.”

“That’s exactly what I mean. You plan to ignore her, but she’s part of our family and worthy of your love and respect. Please, it’s most important to me.” For her sake, Chandler wasn’t above begging.

“I can’t understand your fascination with this woman.”

His father’s perplexed expression made Chandler smile. “She’s the most wonderful human being I’ve ever met. She makes me want to be more than I am. You and Mother will love her, too, if only you give her a chance.”

His father shrugged, clearly thinking only beautiful things were worthy of love. Why was it so hard for the rest of the world to see Magdalene’s beauty when Chandler saw it radiate from her?

“Father, there’s one more thing: If I come to work for you, I’ll still direct the orphanage and probably donate my salary to worthy causes.”

“Your news is no surprise.” His father moved toward the door. “I’ll expect your answer by the end of the week.” With those words, he tromped out.

Chandler finally understood his mother’s earlier reference, from a couple of weeks ago, to their bad habits; both stayed on the defensive, misreading the other’s comments and intentions.

He wondered what Magdalene would say because he felt compelled to take his father’s offer. To reach his father with the good news of Jesus, he’d have to enter his world.

❧

Magdalene and the children arrived at the Alexandre mansion precisely at three—just as she’d been told. Oddly enough, nobody was anywhere in sight. She couldn’t imagine where all the children were. They usually stayed outside and were as loud as banshees. Everything was uncharacteristically quiet—almost eerie.

Magdalene prayed all the way there, and God’s peace settled over her like a protective mantle. He’d get her through this day, and the next, and the next. . . .

Baldwin welcomed them and led the way to the banquet hall.

“Surprise!” Dozens of people shouted in unison. Shocked, Magdalene glanced around the room at faces she did and didn’t know.

Chandler was unexpectedly at her side, kissing her cheek. She forced herself not to flinch. “My mother is throwing a levee for us, Maggie!”

She tried to smile, but her gaping lips wouldn’t seem to bend in that direction. Tears pricked her eyes. A party to honor their marriage. What a farce.

Somehow Magdalene mechanically got through the next several hours. First she and Chandler opened gifts—everything a woman needed to run an efficient home. Then they ate dinner. Magdalene forced down the tasteless, cardboard meal, praying it would stay put.

“Now we’ll all go out on the back lawn and watch the fireworks display.” Mrs. Alexandre spoke the instructions in her polished voice. “I’ve had the staff set up chairs for everyone. Since we’re near the top of the hill, we have a splendid view of the New Year’s Eve activities.”

“I’m not feeling well,” Magdalene whispered to her mother-in-law. “Do you mind if I lie down somewhere?”

“I thought you looked peaked. Does this mean my wish for another grandchild might be coming true?” She was pleased as punch with the idea.

“Mother!” Chandler rebuked her. “Don’t embarrass my wife by discussing such personal matters.”

She lifted her eyebrows and shook her head. “Please show your lovely bride to the rose room, and Magdalene, I failed to mention how stunning you are in that dress.”

“Thank you for all your kindness.” Magdalene forced one more smile. “I so appreciate your gesture.” And she did. As they climbed the stairs, she considered how hard the woman was working to help her feel welcome and a part of this family. Given different circumstances, she felt certain they’d grow to be good friends.

Upon reaching the bedroom, Chandler closed the door behind them. “Are you all right?” He attempted to take her into his arms, but she pushed him away and walked to the other side of the room to put some distance between them.

“I needed some postage stamps, but guess what I found on your desk instead?”

He closed his eyes briefly. “Magdalene, it’s not what you think.”

“You wrote an attorney requesting information about an annulment, and it’s not what I think?” She was yelling, but she didn’t care.

“You were so unhappy. I didn’t know what else to do.” His eyes begged her to listen, to understand.

“I know you only married me because of the children, but don’t you dare pretend you checked into this annulment idea because you were doing me some huge favor. I’m not fooled.” Magdalene turned to storm out, but he grabbed her wrist, bringing her to a quick halt.

“What are you saying, Magdalene?” His clenched jaw testified of his growing anger.

“You’re the one who wants the annulment so you’re free to pursue Isabel. She’s the one you wanted to marry in the first place. I only won the honor by default.” Sarcasm laced each word.

“Not Isabel again. Are you crazy?”

She tried to pull her wrist free, but he only tightened his grip. “I know the truth, Chandler. I’ve known since the wedding. I let you talk me out of believing it for a short while, but it’s back and glaring me in the face.”

“What truth?” He’d never raised his voice at her before.

“You settled for me,” she whispered. Magdalene hung her head, hating herself for being unable to get through this confrontation without her tears betraying her deep emotions. Raising her chin, she looked him in the eye. “You loved her. Why didn’t you just say so? I gave you every opportunity. You’re free. I’ll sign the annulment papers tonight.”

“Why can’t you believe I’m not pining away for Isabel? I know she’s your sister, but she’s nothing more than a spoiled child. If there were no you, I still wouldn’t want to be with her. Please believe me!” His words were raspy.

“Well, there is no me, Chandler, because I’m leaving tonight.” She tugged her wrist again, and this time he let go but moved to stand in front of the door.

His eyes misted up slightly. “No matter what I do or say, I can’t win your trust. Who hurt you so badly that you let no one near your heart?”

Biting her bottom lip, she wondered if she had the strength to repeat the embarrassing story. She sucked in a large amount of air. “When I was sixteen, a young man named Richard pretended to feel affection for me. No boy had ever noticed me before, so I was quite taken with him. I even allowed him to kiss and caress me, hoping to keep his interest. Turned out, the only part of me he was truly interested in was Gabrielle.”

“Magdalene—” His voice carried as much pain as her own did.

“I know I’m not much to look at, but I’ve recently learned I’m God’s treasure.”

“And I want you to be my treasure. I’m sorry Richard used you, but I’m not Richard. Must I pay his debts?”

“You can deny you have feelings for Isabel, but I saw the two of you at Woodward’s Gardens.”

“Talking about your Christmas present!” He ran his hand through his hair in that familiar gesture she’d come to love.

She stood inches from him, hands on her hips. “I heard it with my own ears!”

“Heard who saying what?”

At least he’d quit denying it. “I overheard Isabel and Josephine—”

Pulling her behind him with a viselike hold on her forearm, Chandler towed her into his mother’s sitting room, where Isabel and Josephine giggled over cups of tea. He slammed the door. Both girls startled and gave each other a wary look.

“Isabel, how many times did we meet prior to my marriage to Magdalene?”

Wide-eyed, she answered, “Once.”

“When and where?” His clipped words made both girls squirm.

“Here, on Thanksgiving Day.” Isabel appeared frightened, and Magdalene felt mortified.

“Did I tell you I loved you or indicate any such emotion?”

Isabel lowered her gaze to her lap. “No.”

“Did I ask to call on you or hint at any desire to ever see you again?”

Isabel shook her head.

“Josephine, has anything I’ve said or done given you reason to believe I desired to court, marry, or love Isabel Fairchild?”

“No, Uncle Chandler.”

“Then why would either of you girls make my wife believe otherwise, especially on our wedding day?”

Both girls had the decency to look guilty but neither confessed.

“I’m waiting.” Chandler tapped his foot, indicating his patience wore thin.

Teary, Josephine looked up. “I repeated a conversation I’d overheard between my mother and Grandmother.”

“I’d like you to repeat it once again for me.”

Magdalene bit her lip, not wishing to hear the painful words for a second time.

“Grandmother said you planned to marry so you could claim your inheritance and save the orphanage. The marriage broke Isabel’s heart because she’d set her cap for you herself, so I told Isabel you didn’t actually love her sister.”

“Did you hear me or anyone say that, or did you just assume?”

Josephine hung her head. “I assumed.”

Magdalene couldn’t keep quiet any longer. “You said Chandler struggled to decide between the two of us, and he ultimately chose me because of my ability with the children.”

“I heard Grandmother say—”

“I considered Isabel for about five minutes because she flirted and made me feel like an attractive, interesting man.” His face reddened with his words. “Magdalene, on the other hand, kept me at a distance and I wasn’t even sure she liked me.”

Magdalene recognized the truth of his words and her mistake in treating him with such a detached manner. Her aloof attitude almost pushed him into her sister’s arms.

“I want you both to look at me and make no mistake about what I’m going to say.” When they did, he continued. “I’m in love with Magdalene—totally and completely. I’ve never had feelings for another woman, nor will I—ever.”

Magdalene’s heart reacted to his words by turning a flip in her chest—if only they were true. “Chandler, stop. We don’t have to keep up the pretense. I’m tired of all the lies.” Her tone was flat, lifeless.

He turned to face her. “I’m tired of pretending too, Magdalene. I’ve pretended for weeks that I wasn’t in love with you, but I am. I only wanted to save face since you don’t share my feelings.”

Struggling to believe what she heard, she asked, “Are you saying you love me?”

“I am. I do, and I always will.”

She smiled. “You love me? Not the kind of love you have for the orphans, but the way a man loves a woman?”

The door clicked shut, and only she and Chandler remained in the room.

“I love you.” His tender expression validated his proclamation. “I don’t want an annulment. I never have. Even if you don’t love me yet, I don’t want you to leave. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been working at changing your mind.”

“You don’t have to work at it. I already do love you, Chandler. I have for the past three years.”

He looked puzzled. “Then why—”

“Because I knew you’d never love someone like me—”

“Someone like you?”

“Plain.”

“You’re beautiful to me. A beautiful woman filled with hidden treasures.”

His lips found hers. The kiss was tender, reverent, grateful.

“Let’s pack up the kids and go home,” she whispered when their lips parted. “I want to be your wife before the New Year arrives.”

She got no argument from him—only a very happy smile.