Chapter 21

Zack

A chill slid through me, starting at the tips of my hair and flowing slowly to my gut. I wanted her to tell me. So why was I scared now to hear what she might say?

I shook the fear off, as best I could, and tried to focus. She was struggling to sit, so I reached an arm behind her back to try to help. I wasn't sure upright was the best way to go for her, but I didn't say anything. Couldn't say anything. I moved the pillow behind her, then went to get the one from the other bed. Then I knelt on the floor beside her.

I thought about my mom. She must have wondered what the hell was going on, but I was grateful to her for giving us our privacy. For trusting me to handle this. I only hoped I could.

Zoe's color was better and she seemed calmer. Almost eerily so.

"Do you want a drink?"

She nodded, and I handed her the cup from the desk. I was surprised her hands weren't shaking. Now she had resolved to tell me about whatever happened to her, she seemed to have found clarity and strength in that. After a couple of sips, she put the cup back on the desk herself.

She was looking at her hands, folded in her lap. I covered them with one of mine and gave her a squeeze.

"After dinner, he took me to a park."

And that was how her story began.

"He stopped the car. I started feeling something wasn't right." She looked off to the side. "He... put a hand on my leg."

I wanted the details, but it made it all too real.

Oh, God. I have to hold it together myself so she can get through this.

I swallowed.

"I told him I wanted to go home. He said we'd go home when he was finished."

I clenched my fists. I didn't know if I could do this.

"No one was around. No one to hear me. He planned it that way. At one point I kicked the horn, hoping someone would come, but no one did, and he knew they wouldn't."

Her words had a physical effect on me. She must have been terrified and alone, and I felt that, too. I could taste her fear and anger, betrayal and humiliation. She'd trusted him, and he had planned to hurt her all along. The intentionality of it made things so much worse.

"Uhh... he grabbed my hair, and when I fought him, he jerked my head back and it hit the window." Her words were choked. She was being so brave. But she seemed lost for a second. Tears tracked down her face and she kept pressing her hands along her jeans.

I tried to help her. "That's how you... got the bump?" I asked hesitantly.

She nodded rapidly. She looked at me with wide, wild eyes. "I tried to fight him. I did. But I couldn't move. I couldn't move at all. He was too big."

I was a coward. I couldn't look at her. I dropped my head, nodding. "I know. I know." Images of her dwarfed by... what do you even call a person who does that?

"He..." She closed her eyes. "...did things, to me."

She couldn't bring herself to say them, and I no longer wanted to know. I fought my head up. She'd opened her eyes and her gaze tracked back and forth over the bed. But I could tell she was back there, not in my bedroom. She tilted her head.

"I didn't want to see what he was doing, or hear him, or feel him on my skin."

I blinked back tears.

"I had to figure out a way to escape. To turn the tables and regain some sort of control." She gestured with her hands and I could get a glimpse of that fire she had inside. Her words were coming out clear and strong now. "He was angry, and he ripped my sweater... but I got his keys. He..." She blinked and swallowed, dropping her head for a second. "He ch-changed positions..." Her hand drifted to her neck and she brushed a finger over the scar, probably under two inches long, but so white it was almost silver. That small gesture, which had become a habit, that alone was enough to tear me up inside. How could he do this to her?

Her breathing quickened.

"Zoe. You don't have to tell me any more."

She turned to look at me, staring blankly for a second as if not recognizing me. Then she put her palm against my face.

"You're crying."

I put my hand on the other side of her hand and turned into it for a second, squeezing my eyes shut. I took a deep breath and kissed her palm, facing her again. "It's okay, Zo. It'll be okay." She laid her forehead on mine, and I almost lost it.

"I have to finish. There's not much more." She leaned back to look at me. "Are you okay?"

She was concerned about me? I nodded jerkily.

She was more in control now, her breathing steadier. "Okay. When... he changed positions, I opened the door. We fell out, and I almost got away, but he grabbed my legs and I fell. I hit my chin and busted my lips, and he dragged me across the gravel. That's how my chest got scratched." She waved her hand over the area. "He laughed, but he let down his guard," she looked right at me, "and I kicked him in the face." She took a breath. "I only got a few feet before he grabbed me and slammed me against the car, but when he went to punch me I dove into him and threw him off balance and ran off. He said, 'You can't outrun a car, you whore.' And started looking for his keys. I called to him and held them up so he could watch me throw them into the woods. He ran after me, but I lost him in the trees. I made it to a gas station, but I had no idea where I was, so I called an Uber and he took me home. I was scared to get in the car with the driver, but no female drivers were out and I needed to get home. I just kept telling myself I'd be home soon."

"And your dad was at the hospital with Dani when you got home?"

"No. He was home, but I snuck in the back and went straight up and climbed in the tub."

"So, you didn't tell him."

"I needed a minute, but then the whole Dani thing happened...."

I took her hand and brushed my lips over it. "And you haven't told him yet?"

She shook her head. "I've only told you."

"We have to tell him, Zoe."

"No." She stood and crossed to stand at the end of the bed. Bending to grasp the footboard, she said, "There's more."

I went from kneeling to falling back on my butt. "More? How can there be more?"

She stared at me. "He has pictures."

"H-what? He was running a frigging camera in the car?"

She shuddered and released her hands from the bed frame. "No. But he has nudes of me, Zack. Full frontal nudes."

"Shit."

"I don't know how he got them. Some I can tell are from the girls' locker room at school, which was creepy enough—"

"You mean, you didn't take them?"

I knew the second the words came out of my mouth I'd made a mistake. She became as still as a buffering movie and bore holes through me.

"Of course, you didn't."

"What kind of a girl—"

I winced. "Some girls do it. I didn't know."

"What do you mean you didn't know? You've known me since I was in diapers." She shook her head and exhaled. "I can't even believe you said that."

"Zoe. I'm sorry. This is all so shocking. I wasn't thinking."

She continued to silently glare at me, and I knew she was taking some sort of mental assessment of my worthiness to breathe.

"Can we get back to the subject?" I asked hesitantly. She still didn't respond, so I plowed ahead. "How do you think he got them?"

She waited one more second, but must not have been able to bear staying quiet about what Ben did, now that she had begun. "I have no idea. And the worst ones were taken at my house. In my bedroom."

"A high-power camera through the window?"

"That's what I thought at first, but the angles are all wrong on some of them."

We sat and thought about it. She paced a path between the ends of the beds. "The first one was hanging in my locker at school, so he somehow got into that. I slammed my locker shut, but before I could even turn around, he was there telling me if I spoke to anybody about what happened in the car, he would make those pictures public."

"Does anyone else have the combination to your lock?"

She shook her head. "No one. You don't even know it."

"Do you have any of the pictures?"

"Are you kidding? I destroyed that first one. Since then, he likes to text them to me, or have them pop up at random on my laptop."

How can he—He hacked her computer.

"Would you have your locker combination on your computer, by any chance?"

She nodded. "I'm pretty sure I recorded it so I wouldn't forget it over the summer."

He hacked her computer and has access to everything. Her photos, her files....

"I know how he got those pictures. He hacked into your webcam."

She paled. "Oh, my God. I never thought about that." She paused. "You're right. I think you're right." She kept pacing, outlining her scar with each pass. "That means... he's been watching me all the time." She came and sat on the bed. "Oh, my God!" She covered her face with her hands.

I rubbed her back. "It's okay. We'll fix it. We can tape over the lens."

"That'll stop him from spying on me, and getting more pictures, but he'll still have the ones he's already taken."

I got to my feet. "Then I'll go over to his place and make him give them to me. And beat the shit out of him while I'm at it." I scooped my jacket off the floor where I'd dropped it. The second it took me was enough time for her to catapult herself off the bed and into the doorway.

"Move, Zoe."

"Zack, you can't."

"What do you mean I can't? I bloody well can. He hurts you, Zo, I hurt him. Bad."

"While I appreciate the sentiment, you can't. He told me once he wrote a program that, if he doesn't enter a code every couple of hours, it will automatically send the pictures to everyone on my address list. My schoolmates, my dad, my grandparents. And the final step is the program posts it to the Internet."

I dropped my head and rubbed my brow. "I had no idea he was this smart."

Think, think, think! We've got to be able to outsmart him.

Then it hit me. "I know what we can do. We'll beat him at his own game."

"What do you mean?"

"We get Scottie to hack him." Her younger brother Scottie was a genius with computers. "And he can erase the pictures from his hard drive."

"Do you think he can do that?"

"If anyone can, he can."

She smiled for the first time. "Let's hope he's smart enough to do it."

* * *

Zoe

"Of course I'm smart enough to do it." Scott leaned back in his chair, all junior high swagger and Cheetos.

"Told ya," Zack gloated.

"Oh. I could kiss you, you little rug rat!" I did kiss the top of his head, which he promptly wiped off with a frown. "I'm starting to feel bad for all the times I've treated you crappy."

We turned to go.

"May I ask why you want this guy's photos wiped in the first place?"

Zack and I looked at each other and spun around.

"You may not. And you can't tell Dad."

"What's in it for me?"

I cocked a hip. "How about I don't tell Dad it was you who broke his camera last year."

"Ehh. Not good enough. I feel the statute of limitations is up on that."

I glanced at Zack. He opened his mouth.

"Don't."

"We don't have a choice, Zoe."

I turned my back on them. I didn't want my brother to be anywhere close to this mess, but I needed him.

"This guy has pictures of Zoe."

"What kinds of pictures?"

I whirled around, but before I could say anything Zack explained it to him.

"This guy hacked into her webcam and took... very personal pictures of her."

Scott glanced at me and I looked away.

He hesitated. "Zo. I'm sorry... but this will take a while. Hacking a hacker isn't easy."

"But you can do it?"

He spun around to his computer and started typing with the information we gave him. "Yeah," he said grimly. "I can do it."

Zack held out his hand and I put mine in it. We left and closed the door quietly behind us.

"Can we talk on the porch before I go?"

"Sure."

We went out to sit on the swing. I still had a slight unease about my secret being out, but it was far outweighed by my relief in not being alone anymore. Even though nothing really changed about my situation, it was good to know Zack—and Scott—had my back. Zack got the swing going off at an easy pace.

"Are you chilly?"

"A little bit."

He put his arm around me.

I smiled. "That's better."

He rubbed my arm, and we swung in silence for a while.

"How are you feeling?"

His question startled me. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's been a pretty dramatic day, and you about passed out earlier. You scared me, Zoe. Have you eaten anything today?"

"Yes and no."

"Explain."

I looked across at the flag fluttering on the Issaacs' pole. Was he really forcing another confession from me? "Yes. I've been making myself eat, because I know I need to. But... I'm gonna be honest here, it's freaking me out how my body is taking control. A half-hour after I ate my sandwich, I threw it up. It's like I'm rejecting nourishment."

He nodded. "I really think you should talk to your dad."

"No, Zack."

"He could get you the help you need, both medically and legally. I'm sure the police could talk to Ben."

"We have no proof. It's his word against mine."

"He's been sitting out here." He nodded in the direction of the street. "And outside Zesto's, right?"

"Yes."

"We tell the cops, they arrest him for stalking."

"Okay. Let's say he does get arrested. He'd get maybe... thirty days, at best. And what do you think he'd do when that time was up?"

"He wouldn't be stupid enough to leak a picture then. They'd trace it back to him."

"Maybe. But he's probably smart enough to dodge that."

He was quiet for a second. "In thirty days, Scott would have his computer wiped clean."

I nodded. "Maybe. Let's give Scott some time." I looked at Zack. "It was hard enough telling you. I don't think I could go through it again so soon. Especially with my dad. I promise I'll tell him soon."

He squinted into the darkness. "I'm not comfortable with this. What if you told Dani?"

"She'd tell Dad."

"Your Aunt Sam."

"She'd tell Dani, who would tell Dad."

"Your Uncle Kyle?"

I thought about this. Kyle could keep a secret. "Maybe. They're coming this weekend." I took a breath. "I'll tell him then."

"I still wish you'd tell your dad... but I'll take it. For now." He stood, then bent to peer in the windows. Dani and Dad were on the couch. He took my shoulders and moved me a few feet farther, into a spot between the windows. "Can I kiss you good night?"

I smiled. "I wish you would."

He laid on me the most tender, most earth-shattering kiss the world has ever known, affecting me to the cellular level.

"Wow! If this is what I'm in for being in a relationship with you, I'm all in." I squeezed him. He held me close, with a hand on the side of my head and we stood quietly for some time. It was an incredible feeling after all of the anxiety, angst, jealousy, and even confusion over the last several months. It was like that moment when, after a working a puzzle for days, one turns the puzzle piece the right way and snaps it into place. Only a million times better.

"Zo," he said after a bit, "I'm a little worried."

I tilted my head back without letting go of him. "Why?"

"Because...." He exhaled, looking off somewhere over my head. "If I run into Ben at school on Monday... I'm not sure what I'll do."

"You know, beating him up won't change what he did to me."

His eyes turned wet. "Believe me, I know that." He swallowed. "But here's the thing, Zoe." He let me go, and paced off, a hand over his mouth. "Guys can't multitask."

I scoffed. "Don't I know it."

He smiled, then started again. "We can only handle one emotion at a time. We can't feel hate," he moved both his arms to the right, "and compassion," he swept them to the left, "at the same time. We can't loathe someone," back to the right, "and sympathize with their sorry asses." He paced off again with his hands on his hips, then came back to stand in front of me. "And another thing... when we do feel emotion, we are driven to a corresponding action. We're hungry, we eat. We desire a girl, we seduce her. We despise someone, we make sure each and every breath they take is painful and short of sufficient."

I tilted my head, and put my hands on his hips. "Za-ack," I wheedled. "I happen to know you're not quite as caveman as you'd like to think you are." I looked down, running my hand across his toned abs. "And it won't make things better. In fact, it will make me feel worse."

He worked his jaw for a second, again looking off before saying, "It'll make me feel better."

I smiled. "Maybe momentarily." I trailed my hands up to trace his massive shoulders. "I want to be free of him. No guilt, no regret, no fear, no connection with him whatsoever. I want to wipe him from my mind in the same way Scott will be wiping those pictures from his hard drive."

I returned my cheek to his chest, listening to the steadiness of his heartbeat, despite the tension in his muscles and tight breathing. After a moment, he rested his head on top of mine. Without changing position, I murmured against his body, "You'll know what to do." His arms tightened, then he sighed and seemed to release his anxiety with his breath. I leaned back and put my hands on either side of his face. "Just keep your eye on the prize, mister."

He laughed quietly, shaking his head. "You are the only prize I could do this for." He lowered his lips to mine again, softly. He immediately took the kiss so deep it pulled me totally into him, filling my veins with a shimmery warmth. It was all thrillingly new, but yet familiar somehow. Lifting his lips from mine a fraction at a time he ended it perfectly, his eyes dark and hooded as he peered into my face. He dropped his head to mine. "Oh, man. I need to go before I can't go." He stole another kiss. "See you tomorrow?"

I nodded.

"Okay." His voice got husky. "Good night, Zoe."

"Good night." He let me go and moved toward the porch stairs, but I held onto his hand until the last second. I stared after him dreamily until he got inside. I turned to go in myself, and my phone vibrated in my pocket. I bit my lip, eager to read what Zack sent.

It was a random local number. I knew who it was from. I wouldn't open it, but couldn't help but read the preview.

NICE SHOW. SERIOUSLY HOT. GOT OFF ON IT. THANKS FOR...

The rest of whatever disgusting message he sent was out of sight. I whirled around and searched the street. A car engine started at the opening of our street. How could he even see from that far away? I brushed the chill from my arms as I rushed inside and locked the door behind me.