Courting a maid

Balopakramana Prakarana

f a man is poor but possessed of good qualities; born of a low family possessed of mediocre qualities; is a neighbor possessed of wealth; or is one under the control of his father, mother or brothers, he should only marry a girl if he has endeavored to win her love and respect from her childhood itself. A boy separated from his parents and living in his maternal uncle's house, should try to win over his daughter, or some other girl, even though she may have been previously betrothed to another. This way of winning over a girl, says Ghotakamukha, is unexceptional, because dharma can be accomplished by this as well as by any other way of marriage.

Under a bower of mango fruits, the nayika curves seductively – an alluring sight for any youthful lover.

The Wooing Game

When a boy begins to woo the girl he loves, he should spend time with her, amusing her with pastimes fit for their age and acquaintanceship, such as picking and collecting flowers, making garlands with them, role-playing as members of a fictitious family, cooking food, playing dice or cards, games of odds and evens, finding the middle finger, six pebbles, and other games as may be prevalent in the region and agreeable to the girl's disposition. He can also suggest amusing group games such as hide and seek, playing with seeds, hiding things in small heaps of wheat and finding them, blind man's buff, gymnastic exercises, and games which can be played with her friends and female attendants. He should also show great kindness to any woman whom the girl trusts and make new acquaintances. Above all he should befriend the daughter of the girl's nurse with kindness and little services, for if she is won over, she will not cause any obstruction even though she knows of his design. In fact sometimes she may even be able to effect a union between him and the girl. And though she may be aware of his weaknesses, she will then always extol his many excellent qualities to the girl's parents and relations, even though she may not have been asked to do so.

Baths in rivers, festivals, celebrations and social gatherings provide enough opportunities for young adolescent girls to seek out handsome lovers.

Presenting Her with Gifts

In these ways the man should do whatever the girl takes most delight in, and should procure for her whatever she may wish to possess, including playthings as may be hardly known to other girls. He should get her a ball dyed with various colors, and other similar curiosities; dolls made of cloth, wood, buffalo-horn, ivory, wax, flour, or earth; utensils for cooking; wooden figures such as those of a standing man and woman, a pair of rams, goats, or sheep; temples made of earth, bamboo, or wood, dedicated to various goddesses; cages for parrots, cuckoos, starlings, quails, cocks and partridges; water-vessels of different sorts and elegant forms, machines for throwing water about; lyres; stands for displaying images, stools; lac; red arsenic, yellow ointment, vermilion and collyrium, as well as sandalwood, saffron, betel nut and betel leaves. He should present these to her at different times whenever he gets to meet her: some of them should be given in private, some in public, according to circumstances. In short, he should make every effort to make her look upon him as one who would do anything that she wants.

The bride's maids accompany and lead the young shy virgin bride to her husband's chamber on the nuptial night.

In the next phase he should get her to meet him privately, explaining that the reason for giving her presents in secret was his fear of their parents' displeasure. He can add that his gifts had been much desired by other girls. When her love shows signs of increasing he should tell her agreeable stories if she is interested in them. If she enjoys legerdemain, he should amaze her by performing tricks of jugglery; if she is curious to see a performance of the arts, he should show his own skill in them; and if she likes singing he should entertain her with music. Whenever they visit moonlight fairs and festivals, or on her return after an absence from home, he should present her with bouquets of flowers, chaplets for the head, ear ornaments and rings.

The attractive nayika examines her magnetism as she prepares for a rendezvous with her paramour.

He should also teach the daughter of the girl's nurse all the sixty-four means of pleasure practiced by men, and under this pretext inform her of his great skill in the art of sexual enjoyment. He should always dress well and look good, for young women love that in their men. It is not correct to say that though women may fall in love, they make no effort themselves to win over the man of their affections.

For the first few days of marriage the couple should abstain from sexual pleasures. Gradually the man should commence gentle love play and only when her bride is totally relaxed and unafraid, should he commence the actual act.

Responding with Love

A girl always shows her love through signs and actions when her lover is nearby. She never looks directly at him, becoming abashed when he looks at her; she shows her limbs to him under some pretext; looks secretly at him even when he is no longer by her side; hangs down her head when she is asked a question by him, answering indistinctly in unfinished sentences; delights being in his company for a long time; speaks to her attendants in a peculiar tone, hoping to attract his attention when he is far away; does not wish to leave the place where he is; makes him look at different things under some pretext; narrates tales to him slowly so that she may continue conversing with him for a long time; kisses and embraces a child sitting in her lap in front of him; draws ornamental marks on her female servants' foreheads; performs sportive and graceful movements when her attendants speak jestingly to her in her lover's presence; confides in her lover's friends, and respects and obeys them; shows kindness to his servants, converses with them, gives them tasks to do as if she were their mistress, and listens attentively when they relate stories about her lover to somebody else; enters his house when induced to do so by her nurse's daughter, and with her assistance manages to converse and play with him; avoids being seen by her lover when she is not well dressed and adorned; sends him her ear ornaments, a ring or garland of flowers that he may have asked for through her friend; always wears whatever he has presented her with; and becomes dejected if another prospective bridegroom is mentioned by her parents, refusing to mix with anyone from his group or with anyone who encourages his proposal.

Some shlokas state:

A man who has seen and perceived the feelings of the girl towards him, and who has noticed the outward signs and movements by which those feelings are expressed, should do everything in his power to effect a union with her. He should win over a young girl by childlike sports, a damsel come of age by his skill in the arts, and a young girl who loves him by recoursing to persons in whom she confides.