Behavior of the couple

Ekapurushabhiyoga Prakarana

hen a girl begins to show her love by outward signs and motions, the lover should try to win her over entirely by various means.

Strengthening Affection

When engaged with her in any game, he should intentionally hold her hand. He should practice the various kinds of embraces, such as the touching embrace, rubbing and pressing, on her. He can also show her a pair of human beings cut out of the leaf of a tree and similar objects. If engaged in water sports, he should dive at a distance from her and come up near her.

He should describe to her the pangs he suffers on her account and the beautiful dream he has had with reference to other women. At parties and assemblies of his caste he should sit near her and touch her under some pretence, and having placed his foot upon her's, should slowly touch each of her toes, pressing the ends of her nails. If successful, he should hold her foot with his hand and repeat the same thing. He should also press her finger between his toes when she happens to be washing his feet; and whenever he gives or takes anything to and from her, he should show her how much he loves her by his manners and look.

When a girl begins to show her love by her signs and motions, the lover should try to win her over entirely by practicing various kinds of embraces. He should intentionally hold her hand and praise her beauteous charms.

Convincing Her

He should sprinkle on her the water brought for rinsing his mouth; and when alone with her in a secluded place, or in darkness, should make love to her and tell her the true state of his mind without distressing her in any way.

The lover should describe to her the pangs he suffers on her account and the beautiful dream he had of her. He should sit near her and touch her under some pretense.

He should slowly touch her toes, pressing the ends of her nails. All this and his mannerisms and his look will show her how much he loves her.

Whenever he sits with her on the same seat or bed he should say, "I have something to tell you in private", and when she comes to him in a quiet place, he should express his love for her more by manner and signs than words. When he comes to know of her feelings towards him, he should pretend to be ill, and thus make her come to his house to meet him. There he should intentionally hold her hand and place it on his eyes and forehead, and under the pretence of preparing some medicine, ask her to do it for him with the following words: "This must be done by you, and by nobody else". When she wants to leave he should let her go, with an earnest request to visit him again. This ruse of illness should be continued for three days and three nights. After this, when she begins coming to see him frequently, he should carry on long conversations with her, for says Ghotakamukha, "Though a man loves a girl ever so much, he never succeeds in winning her without a great deal of talking". Only when he discovers that he has completely won her over, he may then begin to enjoy her. The belief that women grow less timid during the evening and in darkness, and are desirous of congress themselves at those times, and should, therefore, be enjoyed at those hours, is only a fallacy.

When it is impossible for the man to carry on his endeavors alone, he should take the help of the nurse's daughter or a female friend in whom she confides, and arrange for the girl to be brought to him without making his designs known to her. Then he can woo her. Or, he may send his own female servant to live with the girl as her friend, with the intent of winning her over.

At last, when he knows the state of her feelings by her outward manner and conduct towards him at religious festivals, marriage ceremonies, fairs, theatres, public assemblies, and similar occasions, he should begin to enjoy her when she is alone, for Vatsyayana maintains that women, when resorted to at proper times and in proper places, do not turn away from their lovers.

Winning over a Male

When a girl possesses good qualities and is well bred, even though she is born in a humble family or does not have any wealth, and is, therefore, not desired by her equals; or is an orphan deprived of her parents, but observing the rules of her family and caste, wishes to get married when she comes of age, she should endeavor to win over a strong and good-looking young man, or a man whom she thinks will marry her on account of having a weak mind, even without the consent of his parents. She must achieve this by endearing herself to the young man, and meeting him frequently. Her mother may also arrange for them to meet often through her female friends and her nurse's daughter. The girl herself can try to be alone with her beloved in a quiet place, and give him flowers, betel nuts, betel leaves and perfumes. She should show him her skill in the arts of massaging, scratching and pressing with the nails. She should also talk to him on subjects he likes.

But the ancients say that however much a girl loves a man, she should not offer herself to him or make the first overtures, for she would lose her dignity and could be scorned and rejected. But when the man expresses his wish to enjoy her, she should be favorable to him, showing no change in her demeanor when he embraces her, and receive all the manifestations of his love as if she were ignorant of the state of his mind. But when he tries to kiss her she should oppose him; when he begs to have sexual intercourse with her, she should only let him touch her private parts, and that too with considerable difficulty; and though importuned by him, not yield to him as if of her own accord, but resist his attempts to have her. It is only when she is certain that she is truly loved and that her lover is indeed devoted to her and will not change his mind, that she should give herself up to him and persuade him to marry her quickly. After losing her virginity she should tell her confidantes about it.

A girl who is much sought after should marry the man that she likes, and who she thinks would be obedient to her, and capable of giving her pleasure. A husband who is obedient but master of himself, even though poor and not good looking, is better than one who is common to many women, even though he is handsome.

Some shlokas on the topic state:

A girl who is much sought after should marry the man that she likes, and who she thinks would be obedient to her, and capable of giving her pleasure. But when due to the desire of wealth, a girl is married by her parents to a rich man without taking into consideration the character or looks of the bridegroom; or when given to a man who has several wives, she never becomes attached to him, even though he may be endowed with good qualities, is obedient to her will, active, strong, healthy, and is anxious to please her in every way. A husband who is obedient but master of himself, even though poor and not good looking, is better than one who is common to many women, even though he is handsome and attractive. The wives of rich men who have several wives, are not generally attached to their husbands, and do not confide in them, and though they possess all the external enjoyments of life, they still take recourse to other men.

The divine couple, Shiva and Parvati, seated on Nandi bull.

A man who is of a low mind, who has fallen from his social position, an old man, or a man who is much given to traveling, does not deserve to be married; neither does one who has many wives and children, nor one who is devoted to sports and gambling, and who comes to his wife only when he likes. Of all the lovers of a girl he alone is her true husband who possesses the qualities that are liked by her, and only such a husband enjoys real superiority over her, because he is the husband of love.

The maids prepare the bride for her first night. The moment is filled with laughter and song as they apply henna, rouge, collyrium and perfume to the anxious girl.