After the second kiss, which is sweeter and better than the first—practice makes perfect with anything—I don’t know what to say next. We look into each other’s eyes. Peter runs his fingers through my hair (thank God it’s tangle-free, or else I’d be embarrassed). Other than the braces, I think I’m in good shape. I’m wearing an icy-blue satin shirt and navy-blue skirt with black boots. My hair isn’t frizzy since the weather has cooled off a bit. My breath has to be okay because of the super-strong strawberry lip balm I’m wearing. I have some shimmer on my eyes and cheeks. I’m having a pretty day.
“Peter—” I say.
“What?” he asks.
“Umm.” I’m tongue-tied. What am I supposed to say after this?
“Was it okay, what I just did?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
Peter smiles. Were we simultaneously worrying about whether we like each other or not? Sometimes I can’t figure people out. Both of us have been silently suffering for nothing.
“Peter,” I say.
“What?”
Am I going to say his name like an idiot over and over again? I simply don’t know how to talk to him after the kiss. Before, when we were lab partners, I could tell him whatever was on my mind (except for my crush on him), but now his kisses have stunned my brain. I should tell him that he’s a good kisser or that I like him too, but my mouth feels numb. Yet someone knows what to say.
The room becomes darker as a shadow steps over the threshold. Peter turns around and we’re both facing Lisa. She has tears falling across her cheeks, creating white trails against the blusher and bronzer she’s wearing. She’s trembling and falls to the side, leaning against the doorjamb. Her hands fumble against the wall as she balances herself upright. I want to grab her to steady her, but I know that at this point she won’t want me anywhere near her.
“How could you!” Lisa gasps.
“Lisa, it’s not what you think!” I say.
“You can’t even date him! Your parents don’t allow you to date! You can’t have him and you’re taking him anyway!”
“Lisa!” I yell, rushing toward her. But she’s faster than me and runs out of Mr. Gregory’s room. I see the hem of her pink skirt flutter away from me and then it disappears altogether.
Peter tags along behind me. “What’s going on?” he asks. I look at his frowning face. How can boys be so dense? Doesn’t he realize that for the past few weeks Lisa was throwing herself at him, wanting him just as badly as I wanted him?
“She likes you,” I say. “And I betrayed her.”
“But I don’t want Lisa,” he says. “I want you.”
I shake my head. He doesn’t understand that Lisa is my bestest friend ever and I just hurt her. As badly as I want Peter, I don’t think he’s worth losing Lisa over. “I have to go,” I say.
“But, but—wait.”
Something then dawns on me. “Hey, you were the one leaving all those stupid chocolates on my seat!” I say.
“Yes,” he admits. “You once told me that chocolate was your favorite food. So I put them on your seat or had a friend do it for me.”
“You almost made me cheat during my fast!”
“Almira, please, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to eat them now. You said you could eat after sunset, so I assumed you were holding them until then.”
“Don’t you know how tempting that was to me? If I ate one of those chocolates, it would have ruined everything! You obviously have never fasted before.”
“Fine! But you printed that picture for me! And you drew me. We were both thinking about each other!”
He’s right. We were both trying to impress each other, give little tokens of affection, throw around hints. But I don’t have time to argue or agree with him. I sprint through the school, trying to find Lisa, but she’s nowhere in sight. Mr. Gregory calls for me several times from outside his room. “Almira! Almira!” I don’t respond as I search through each hallway on every floor. It’s after school, and there are small groups of students who hang around for football practice, the dance club, and all the other activities we have. I go into the bathrooms to see if Lisa is hiding in a stall, crying her eyes out, but she’s not in any of them.
“Almira,” I hear. This time it’s Peter’s voice. Peter wants me romantically. Mr. Gregory wants me as a helper. Mom is thinking that I’ll be coming home soon. I feel like I’m being pulled in different directions, but the only direction I want to go in is toward Lisa.
I shake uncontrollably as I walk home. This has to be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t know if Lisa can ever understand that it’s Peter’s choice of who he likes and doesn’t like. If he doesn’t want her, then why can’t I have him? I’m not even sure if I should like him anymore, since he tried to ruin my fast by tempting me with chocolate, but that wasn’t his intention. He had found something I adored and decided to use it as a trail leading to his heart, but it was so wrong to leave it everywhere. Eat me, eat me, the chocolate beckoned, and I had to resist it. I also have to resist him if I want to keep Lisa as a best friend.
It’s still out of this world that things have happened so quickly, from an unexpected kiss to unexpectedly stabbing Lisa in the back. I place one foot in front of the other in a daze—from being hungry, from being kissed, from questioning the integrity of the kiss (did he feel my stupid braces?), from wondering if I’m bestfriendless. I rarely go home alone. Lisa usually walks with me or rides with me in Mom’s car. I even wish that Mom could be here so that I don’t feel so lonely. I would even tolerate her singing to drive out the loneliness.
I stop by Lisa’s house and her older cousin answers the door. Lisa came home, she says, but then she stepped out. She says to try the pizza place nearby. We live in a thick block of houses with parallel streets that look identical in quaint suburbia, but Lisa and I happen to live on the outskirts of the neighborhood, close to a few businesses. I sprint to the pizzeria. Breathlessly I look around, but I can’t find Lisa. The cashier gives me a dirty look. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about me. It only matters what Lisa thinks. I look at the busy street in front of me. There are restaurants, cellular stores, and drugstores spanning several blocks. Lisa could be in any one of those stores. She could be at the beauty supply store to buy hand cream or at the bookstore buying books on how to drop disloyal friends. I walk back and forth for a few more minutes and then go home.
Lisa’s line is busy, so I go on IM to search for her.
AlmiraRules: Lisa are you there?
Nothing.
AlmiraRules: Lisa, please talk to me.
There’s no answer. She probably has me on her block list, so that she’ll never hear from me again. Me on her block list? I never thought it would be possible, yet the day has come. What a stupid thing I’ve done! Yes, Peter is a dreamboat and the hottest guy who has ever paid any whit of attention to me, but he isn’t the world. Okay, maybe he is. But no, I can’t put him before my bestest friend, the one who I tell everything to, the one who holds me when I cry, the girl who makes me laugh because she thinks cheesecake is made from mozzarella rather than from cream cheese.
I wait for an hour with other computer windows open, checking my email and doing research for homework, but there’s still no message from Lisa in my IM box. I’m persona non grata to her. Then I see something. I rub my eyes behind my glasses, thinking it’s a mirage, but it is indeed GorgeLisa on my screen.
GorgeLisa: LEAVE ME ALONE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!
AlmiraRules: you don’t mean that. i’m sorry. the kiss meant nothing
GorgeLisa: BACKSTABBER
AlmiraRules: you know you’re my best friend and that i’d never intentionally hurt you
GorgeLisa: SNAKE IN THE GRASS
GorgeLisa: you can’t even date him because you’re muslim and he’s not. that’s the stupidest thing, wanting something you can’t have and you just had to stab me in the back for your own satisfaction
GorgeLisa: you know what your parents and grandfather will think, but you don’t care
GorgeLisa: YOU KISSED HIM FOR NO REASON BECAUSE YOU WON’T EVER HAVE HIM
AlmiraRules: stop saying these things, i know i can’t have him, but he kissed me
I burst into tears. My best friend hates my guts. She thinks I’m dirt. We’ll no longer talk, IM everyday, or go out shopping together. All because of Peter, who has never IM’ed me or even really asked me out. And Lisa is being so mean, reminding me of how different I am compared to other teenagers: good Muslim girls don’t date boys, especially if they’re infidels. All of a sudden I feel this wall come between me and the rest of my classmates, as if I’m an alien from outer space that has nothing in common with them.
AlmiraRules: Lisa, call me
GorgeLisa: kiss him if it makes you feel better, but you’ve lost me forever
AlmiraRules: this is unfair. you won’t even let me make things right
GorgeLisa: it can never be right
AlmiraRules: don’t say that!
GorgeLisa: I PUT YOU ON CALL BLOCK. BUH-BYE
I cry harder. Peter made me feel beautiful and wanted, and now I feel ugly and hated and weird and Muslim. Other than Shakira, who looks like a beauty queen, I’m the only one in my school who’s fasting and can’t date boys. I momentarily wonder if Shakira is allowed to date, but it doesn’t really matter. She can have any guy she wants. But I missed this one opportunity to have a boy I really like, who is interested in me as much as I am in him. The whole situation blew up in my face.
Later on that night Mom asks me what’s wrong because I look sad, but I tell her nothing is wrong. I don’t want to explain to her that a boy kissed me, because I don’t know if she’ll freak out or not. Mom doesn’t seem too traditional, especially after clashing with Grandpa, but many times she’s told me I’m too young for a boyfriend. Mom and Dad will find a husband for me if I want to be with someone after high school. How stupid. I find Peter, but loving him means losing Lisa and possibly angering my family. I’m in a bind with everyone.