I stand on the beach in Greenwich, drenched in sunlight, the warmth and light of the morning sun glittering off the undulating waves of Long Island Sound. Goosebumps spread across my bare arms and legs. The chill originates inside me, then radiates outward.
Of all the mistakes I’ve made in my life, exchanging marriage vows has revealed itself to be the worst. How could I have failed to see the monster inside you?
That’s a lie. I knew it was there. I took comfort from it, knowing it slept nearby, protective and fierce. My failure was believing that your love would prevent that beast from turning on me.
I wasn’t taught to believe in fairy tales. I was raised to understand that Prince Charming is the costume worn by the beast. There are no castles on high, no knights in shining armor. Planting roots is for the uninspired. Relationships are for those too weak to stand alone. But here I am, wearing a thin gold band on my finger. And now someone must die.
I’m not blind anymore. I know what I must do.
Brine licks at my toes, as soothing and stimulating as a lover’s caress. Something deep within me surfaces in response – something that seeks to escape.
A shiver wracks my body. Our argument circles in my mind in an infinite loop. Your sibilant voice, the fire in your eyes. Your temper, always quick to flare, raging out of control.
Your verbal blows were shocking. If you’d struck me with your fists, it wouldn’t have hurt as much as your scathing words and violent disgust.
The avarice wasn’t a surprise. Haven’t you always wanted more, to rise above your station in life, to seize power and control, to make something of yourself? You never hid your ambition. And haven’t I always admired it? But realizing your tenderness was contrived fractures my soul. There’s no love lost here. How could I have ever convinced myself otherwise?
I can’t believe I ever thought you didn’t care about the money. I was so confident you loved me. Or was I? In retrospect, I can admit I was lying to myself.
You threw your head back with a rich, dark laugh. “Not care about the money? I’ve embarrassed myself in secondhand clothes, worked all hours, fucked just to have an excuse to raid someone else’s fridge, groveled trying to make contacts, and debased myself in countless other ways. Money means I’ll never have to suffer through any of that again. Money is power. If you don’t appreciate having it, well … I will.”
There was a bright, unnatural light in your eyes, and it pierced my gut like a lethal blade. All the charm, the head-turning attractiveness, the easy affection was gone as if it’d never existed. At that moment, I saw you. The real you. Wrong and strange. Mad. Capable of anything.
It’s been only days since I said vows meant to last a lifetime, not knowing the sands of time began slipping in an unchecked stream the moment I said I do.
I hear my name and turn away from the water. The beach house waits, its windows and doors framing a deep blackness as if entering it will be akin to stepping into nothingness. Each step toward it grows heavier, my feet getting sucked deeper and deeper into the sand. The surf pools around my feet. The Sound roars like a storm-tossed ocean at my back, and a wide shadow rears behind me. I can’t move my feet as the danger looms, a tsunami that won’t let me leave the water’s edge.
I reach my hand toward the house, screaming, and hear that dark, rich laugh as the sea claims me.